an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

I personally find fear to be the most horrid of emotions. It is essentially the one element that keeps us locked in “potential”.

We have all heard someone or something being described as having potential. We hear men and women talk about someone they are interested in, “She/ He has potential.” We say it about someone’s success. “He has potential.” But have you ever noticed that when you say it about someone, it’s always followed with a but?

That but is usually fear. Sure, they might have potential, but are they willing to do anything about it?

Fear is a crippler. We are essentially saying that someone could be so much more or do so much more, if they would only get over their fear. Fear of what? Failing perhaps. This person might have all of the tools yet somehow fear keeps them from moving forward and going after the life of their dreams.

But what most people don’t realize is that failing is nothing more than a perception. You cannot ever fail at anything. Even a test you didn’t study for. You might get the ‘F” but I bet you learn something from it. There is no such thing as a failed relationship either. There is always something that you took away from it.

The only failure there ever is, is the failure to honor ourselves. When we don’t allow ourselves to reach our potential, to break barriers of fear and step out of the walls of comfort and go for what we want, we are telling ourselves we are not worthy of what we really want.

We all know people like this. Perhaps some of us are like this ourselves. I know that I have been a victim of fear. One second I am certain of what to do, like some alter ego steps in and then the next thing you know I am being called in for an audition and I freak out. Like the real me steps back in and says, “What have you done? I’m not ready for this!”

But is it the real me that asks that or the fearful one? Maybe the real me is the one with the confidence, the one who know what she wants and how to go about getting it, but there is still a part of me that hinders her progress. Something to ponder, cause we all do this.

Think about something you are afraid of. What is the worst thing that could happen if you were to face that fear? The absolute worst! Would you die? Cause that’s the worst thing that could happen to you.

I send in self tapes all the time. I have no fear when it comes to this. First off I don’t know what they are saying about me because I’m not there to hear them. Second of all, I get to explore characters inside me that are yearning to come out and third of all, it’s fun.

But I am afraid of standing behind a chair and cutting someone’s hair. What am I afraid of? Screwing up. So, in order to combat this fear, I take classes. I will take classes until I feel confident enough to stand behind that chair and know how to part the damn hair. it has nothing to do with cutting it, it’s all about knowing the why.

I have always been amazed by people who seem to have all the confidence while I sit back and question mine.  Over the past month I took classes and in both of them there were people who owned salons, learning to cut hair properly. I was astonished by this.

How is it they could stand behind a chair everyday and pretend to know what they were doing? How did they have the confidence to take someone’s money, pretending to be an expert, when they didn’t even know why they were doing what they were doing?

The “fake it till you make it” mentality that I have never bought into had served them enough to own businesses and  make profits off of people who don’t know any better. But I cannot fake skills I do not have, nor would I want to. And although I know I would never intentionally screw up someone’s haircut, the possibility is strong that it could happen and I wouldn’t feel good about that.

But eventually, you do need to put yourself out there and go for what you want. Lack of confidence debilitates many of us to a crippling point and despite all of our good ideas, we wind up locked in the “potential” prison.  It doesn’t matter how many people tell you your idea is good or that you are talented and worthy, only you have the key to get out.

True confidence comes from within and in order to get confidence you have to believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are worthy of what it is you want.

If you want to be a chef, cook a lot. For everyone. Take classes. Apprentice. Burn things over and over again until you don’t burn them anymore.

If you want to cut hair, take classes. Buy mannequins. Watch videos. Offer to cut people’s hair for free.

Want to be a writer? Start a blog. Clothes designer? Draw pictures. Learn to sew. Yoga Instructor? Go to yoga. Find a studio who will let you do teacher training while you work there.

To me, confidence is all about studying/learning. The only way to get confident about anything is to know it. And if you find studying and learning about something too droll, then you probably aren’t that interested in it.

We call people experts because they are skilled and have a comprehensive knowledge of a particular area. Why can’t we all strive to be experts in an area of our lives where we lack confidence?

Don’t be a person with potential. Be a rockstar! They have more fun.



Published by

Gretchen Allison

Actress/Model, supporter of Dogs In Danger, National Mill Dog Rescue and a Fellow Barber in training. I love the ocean, people with integrity, deep house music, travel, learning new skills and margaritas. Not necessarily in that order. I wrote a chick-lit book called Oh Shiksa! which is a great beach read. You can purchase it on Amazonhttps://www.amazon.com/Oh-Shiksa-Line-Wealthy-Always-ebook/dp/B005CI7DC8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1530100995&sr=8-1&keywords=oh+shiksa

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