Judgement

an act or instance of judging.

the forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion, as from circumstances presented to the mind.

You can tell when you are feeling judged because there is an uneasy feeling you get deep in your gut. Maybe your face turns red, you sweat a little bit, talk like your tongue is tied because no matter what you say you will be saying the wrong thing, or maybe you don’t say anything at all! You dim your light so others can shine theirs and in doing so you become Tinkerbell before Peter saves her.

I spent time with family last week and when we are together family issues come up. Or should I say unresolved family issues. My family is not perfect and I don’t know one that is, but coming from divorced parents who remarried people comes with its own set of judgement.

If I recounted story after story of how I felt passed over, disregarded and abandoned by those I trusted most in the world, then I would’t be able to get out of bed every day. There was a time in my twenties when I didn’t because I was so depressed, but bills had to be paid so it didn’t last long. And I had a great friend named Sue who wouldn’t let me wallow in my misery.

At that time and for many years afterwards, I fell into situations where I felt judged. My hair was the wrong color, I had the wrong profession, I wasn’t smart enough to get a real job, so I did hair, I wasn’t college educated, I had been married, I had been divorced, the list went on and on.

The person who judged me the hardest was me. After awhile I believed so little in myself that no one even had to say a word because I came up with reasons to be judged all on my own so consequently the people I met only perpetuated them. No matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough so I determined that I wasn’t good enough.

I carried this belief with me well into my thirties and even into my forties. The person who writes this blog with these words is not the same person who felt judged. I consciously choose to not judge others because I no longer care to be judged myself.

When we judge someone we are condemning them. We are in fact saying that what we are doing is right and what they are doing is wrong and thus, we are better than they are.

When we judge someone, we put them on the defense. How can they not be? You are essentially saying I don’t trust your opinion or your views and I think you make bad decisions and choices.

We have all felt this from someone in our lives. It may have gotten so bad that we avoid the person or people at all cost. We may have avoided them so long that the relationship is not only fractured, that damn thing is never going to mend no matter what kind of cast you put on it. And that’s okay. You cannot mend relationships with people who are too busy judging you.

Learn to love and value yourself above anything else and you will no longer feel the need to judge. You can release the anger, release the need for punishment and release all of the garbage that no longer serves you. It’s done it’s job. Be free!Be happy! And enjoy where you are at right now. It’s all you ever have.

 

 

 

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Published by

Gretchen Allison

Actress/Model, supporter of Dogs In Danger, National Mill Dog Rescue and a Fellow Barber in training. I love the ocean, people with integrity, deep house music, travel, learning new skills and margaritas. Not necessarily in that order. I wrote a chick-lit book called Oh Shiksa! which is a great beach read. You can purchase it on Amazonhttps://www.amazon.com/Oh-Shiksa-Line-Wealthy-Always-ebook/dp/B005CI7DC8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1530100995&sr=8-1&keywords=oh+shiksa

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