My Heart

When I hear the song Yellow I think of my oldest son who I love and adore more than anything in this world (except for his two younger brothers). He is my heart, my soul, my everything. We share many things in common; both good and bad.
He grounds me when I’m feeling uncertain and I do the same for him. He supports me when I question my acting career and helps me find my way again. I do the same for him when he is questioning a role that is being asked of him or anything else in life, reminding him to always ask himself “Does this feel like love or something else?”.
He loves with passion and all of his heart and I do the same, so it’s important that he understands who and what he is giving these incredible gifts to.
He falls and wallows in the pain and then goes and writes about it and if you are reading this blog, well… then… you kind of see we are very much alike.
He goes for the dream and never stops. He acknowledges his heart along the way and checks in to make sure it feels right. This is something I taught him because I didn’t have anyone to teach me and I think it is a most valuable attribute.
He is talented beyond belief and was accepted into two colleges for a BFA in acting. There were only 10 spots at one college and 12 at the other. While it delayed his college process more than others, he was determined to take this route, so we took him to auditions miles away.
He accepted an offer at one school after singing none other than a Bare Naked Ladies song, which pretty much tells you how unique and special he is. In the week he was scheduled to be at school he told me he wasn’t happy about being in a drama program, so I encouraged him to leave it. He called the school, left the program and is now taking writing classes and marine biology.
Most people probably would have made him continue with the BFA but we don’t roll like that. We listen to our hearts. And when you listen to your heart, it has a lot to say. It’s a gut feeling that tells you something isn’t right and if you ignore it, you wind up living a life of deep sadness and regret; something I will not allow any of my children to do.
 The house is quiet and while most people would probably appreciate that or at least not having to pick up after him, I don’t have my buddy to talk to anymore. In short, my heart is in a million pieces.
I know it’s a good thing that he’s not calling home every day and just reiterates that I did a pretty okay job in teaching him to be self-sufficient, but life doesn’t prepare you too well for this.
One day they are drinking from a bottle and the next day they are drinking from a keg, going to parties, hanging with friends and learning to rely on themselves for support instead of you.
I do have two other boys who I love the same way, so I think instead of encouraging them to travel the world and follow their dreams, I’ll make sure I tell them to keep it local.
Of course I’m kidding. What kind of mother would I be if I did that? This is what kids are supposed to do. Chase the stars, follow their dreams and know that they always have your support.
But in the meantime I am missing my little boy with big blue eyes, who seemed to grow into six feet two of man in too little of time.
Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And everything you do
Yeah they were all yellow
I came along
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called “Yellow”
So then I took my turn
Oh what a thing to have done
And it was all yellow
Your skin
Oh yeah, your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
You know, you know I love you so
You know I love you so
I swam across
I jumped across for you
Oh what a thing to do
‘Cause you were all yellow
I drew a line
I drew a line for you
Oh what a thing to do
And it was all yellow
Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
And you know
For you I’d bleed myself dry
For you I’d bleed myself dry
It’s true
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine
Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And all the things that you do
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Published by

Gretchen Allison

I'm literally a person who is a Jack of all trades, master of none. To date there has been barbering, cinematography, writing, fung shui and pretty much anything spiritual in nature. Next year I am going to learn how to ride a motorcycle! When I'm not trying new things I'm going to auditions, which I never tire of. I am blessed to have representation from some very wonderful agents and to be given the opportunity to do what I absolutely love. I am also a huge supporter of animals in need. I have fostered many cats and dogs through the years and still help out various rescues from time to time. I am also a new volunteer for WIN, NYC.

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