In “The Art of War”, Sun-Tzu says there are five essentials for victory. The first, is know when to fight and when not to fight.
The ego wants to fight because it wants to be validated, heard, understood. It is why we will engage with others and try and force our opinions on them.
When we are in the trenches, we want to go in full on battle mode, engage our sword (which in this case is our tongue) and lash out at them. We want them to hear our side, feel what we feel, have remorse, even regret, and on top of it all, we want them to say they are sorry for what they did to us and mean it.
The problem with this, is that it takes accountability. Without it, there will never be an apology or any reflection whatsoever and to think that there will be is what keeps your ego fighting for one.
We can only ever be accountable for what we do and how our actions may hurt others. People aren’t always going to agree with us. There are so many reasons for this, and most of them have nothing to do with us at all.
There is exceptional power in knowing when to fight and when not to. This is a person who has mastered the art of war, because they have mastered themselves. They understand that most wars are really within themselves. Our minds do far more damage to us then anyone else ever could.
If you feel the need to engage with someone remember this; What we carry within us shows up in our outer world. Read that again. If you carry wounds of self loathing, self doubt or low self esteem, the Universe has a remarkable way of bringing every character into your play that has those same exact qualities.
You see, what we fight will continue to fight us back, until we decide the fight is futile and give our energy to something else. That something else is you.
It may not be easy to fight the battle within, but is a far more worthy battle then trying to fight others who carry the same wounds. With enough warrior spirit you will eventually change your inner story and will never feel the need to fight anyone else again.
This is called Pranidhana (Surrender).