I find it interesting that people will say they want change but continue to do the exact opposite. You can tell they don’t mean it because they repeat the same patterns and programs like they have a thousand times before and wonder why the same shit keeps happening to them. It’s a vicious cycle and one that ultimately gets them nowhere.
You see, in order to have change, there needs to be a new narrative. You can’t expect change if you hang out with the same people, are doing the same stupid shit you always have and are sharing the same narrative. Like attracts like, so it’s redundant and counter productive if you want change. Because if you want change, then you have to make it.
But making changes for some people is so difficult, instead of cutting off what no longer serves them, they would rather cut off things and people they value most (or at least they say they do), instead. It’s unfathomable but it happens all the time.
The ego is tricky. It convinces them that they are never at fault. But let’s be honest; the blame game is so 2020! I mean, come on! At some point you have to be accountable for YOUR LIFE.
You might hate your current situation, lack of relationships or whatever your story is, but what you really hate is feeling powerless. You feel like you have no control over it and that’s just another lie you tell yourself. You have all the power!
The single biggest predictor for your future success in a relationship or job or anything for that matter, is not the facts of your situation, but the story you tell about it.
If you want to change your life, you gotta change your narrative. You can’t keep repeating the same cycle and expect different results. Here are some really debilitating narratives: Ever since I turned …age, my life sucks. I wish I hadn’t made that investment. I wish I could go back in time. I wish I would have listened. I wish I would have had that drink with them. I wish I would have answered their call. I wish I wouldn’t have wasted so much time. I wish I would have gotten their back. I wish I would have taken that job. I wish I would have spoken up. If only I would have. If only this would happen.
These narratives have become a part of you. They are just as much a part of you as your organs. It’s who you are now. You have penned this story. You are the author. That’s right, you are the author! Which means, if you don’t like the story, you can change it.
If you continue to tell the same story to the same people who listen to it, you only perpetuate that story and not the one you really long to tell. What you long to tell, like all of us, is a love story, a story of success, a story of happily every after. But the real key to this conundrum comes down to who you are sharing your stories with. And more importantly, what is the story you are telling?
Is it a tall tale? A work of fiction? A horror story? Unrequited love? Trials and Tribulations? A trashy romance novel? One of revenge? Ooh…maybe its a gossip novel. You know, like a beach read for chicks.
Not too many people tell a non-fiction story. They rarely tell you how they really feel or what is going on in their lives. And they rarely confess! They don’t tell you the shitty shit they’ve done to other people.
Instead, they brag, boast and bullshit so much you would think their life is stellar, but yet they somehow seem to be in the same place emotionally, mentally, financially, physically and of course spiritually (most people who do this scoff at spirituality).
I wish someone would invent a bullshit detector app that went off when someone told anything other than a non-fiction story. How refreshing would that be! To hear the truth, the whole truth and nothing but it! Well, actually you already have a bullshit detector; it’s called your intuition and it never lies. So if you are feeling like something isn’t right, it probably isn’t.
Here is the narrative I could tell myself: If I have to shuffle down the hallway like the Dunkin Donuts guy one more time, saying, “Time to make another meal!” I’m going to take a sledge hammer to my oven!
If I don’t book an acting job in the next week I’m quitting!
If I can’t travel over seas in the next year I am going to lose my mind! If I can’t have somebody bump into me on the subway or the streets of Manhattan and have them say “What the fuck” I’m going to go to a grocery store where I live and bump into everyone until someone does!
If I continue with this particular narrative I am going to feel even more disempowered, so I need to change my narrative from a lack state to a more abundant one, because the two narratives are very different.
I think I am going to go with this narrative instead:
Ooh another sale on Etsy! I can hardly wait to sell more cards! I think I’ll try a few new restaurants this week…maybe some seafood. I know! A trip to Miami is in order. My middle son has been asking me to come, so I think I will. I think I’ll go this Thursday. Hmmm, let me ask my beautiful sister, my best friend, if she wants to join me. Jackpot! Her amazing husband wants to come too! What’s that? You want to pay for the room? The tower suite at the Biltmore Hotel for 4 nights? (not exactly Galeta, Pisa or Eiffel, but a tower none the less, so I’ll take it) You guys are the best!!! Oh gosh! The only thing that will make my little getaway complete is if somebody tells me to get the fuck out of their way in Miami International!
I like that narrative! What’s yours?