We are living in a constant state of change now, so if you are a person who does not like change, you are having a rough time. I like change. I sort of embrace it because it means I am always growing and evolving. If you are aren’t growing and evolving you are stagnant and will get outgrown.
When you refuse to change, you are not ever reflecting. If you are not reflecting, then there is no accountability in anything you do. There may be those who vibe with you at this level, and then there will be those who don’t. When a person refuses to continue with such a lackluster engagement there won’t be any remorse on their end, but what there will be, if you are the person who does not reflect and is being left behind, is a whole lot of gossip from yours.
When an adult gossips or spreads rumors about others, I sort of equate them to a petty high school girl on steroids. An adult should know better, but if they are carrying an unhealed childhood wound of rejection, it will be the first thing they do.
People who talk about others and spread rumors and gossip are not only malicious, they are jealous and vengeful and have this core need to undermine others to feel better about themselves. People who are bored with their own lives love a story and a rumor spreader loves to tell them one.
The town I currently live in is filled with gossip. A few years back a man moved in up the street from me and the rumors were rampant. I was told his wife had cheated on him with the landscaper. Talk about ruthless! While people swooned over him because he was quite dashing, I found his honor more attractive. He never once said an unkind word about his soon to be ex-wife, and I think if anyone would have been just in doing so, it would have been him. It had a profound effect on me because all I had ever known before meeting him, were people who did the exact opposite.
My step mother was notorious for telling stories about her ex. She constantly trash talked him, even though she was with my father. Through the years she proved more often than not, that she was incapable of moving on from anything and her story of how she was so wronged lost an audience with me.
Then came my husband’s mother. When his father left her she was a puddle. I had so much sympathy for her because I was only hearing her side of things. She trash talked his father so much, I think he managed to maintain one friendship out of the thirty something couples they knew together after she finished with him. She showed her true colors many times after that and she not only lost me as an audience, she lost my children too.
Then came the friend of my husbands I used to invite to brunch. When he began the process of divorcing his wife every other word out of his mouth was the c word when he referred to her. When a woman had someone’s children, left her career to do so and spent over 15 years of her life with them and then gets trashed talked by their own husband, it doesn’t take a scholar to figure out she deserves better. But I guess that’s why his marriage crumbled; she figured this out too.
Revenge, jealousy, spite; they all make for a prime time tv series, but not when horrible things are being said about someone you had a relationship with. In a word, it’s shameful.
I don’t feel the need to tell my story to a few people in this town so that they can tell it to a few others. I have always strived for a far bigger audience. Marriages end all the time. You do what you have to do to see it through and you make sacrifices when needed, especially when it comes to your children. Like having your ex move in the basement because you realize if he continued to stay in an apartment a mile away, you wouldn’t be able to afford to send your youngest son to his school.
Situations are temporary, much like gossip. The story is only good until someone else’s life implodes and people take pleasure in trying to figure out what really went on. I can tell you this for certain; whatever went on is never being accurately told. What is being told however, is one person’s story from a wounded place and if they are the ones trash talking someone else, then you better believe that story is full of lies, but they will have you believing they are the victim.
But who is the real victim when it comes to rumors and gossip? Self image and social status is the name of the game for a gossiper, so if they are spreading their victim story they are simply seeking validation, but if you are being their audience, please know that you are not getting the truth.
I don’t listen to gossip or rumors because I listen to my intuition instead. I have no control over who says this or that about me either. What I do have control over always, is how I respond. And when it comes to trash talking, rumors and gossip, I simply don’t.