This is a very powerful piece of music and an amazing monologue.
“Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail, never to try again. The fall breaks them. And some given a chance to climb, they refuse. They cling to the realm, or the gods, or love, the illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.”
Are you ready to go deep with this one? Let’s talk about chaos and the thing that creates it; lies.
Let’s think about a lie. Why do people feel the need to tell them? Some people do it unconsciously like breathing, while others do it to hide who and what they really are or how they really feel.
Who are we without the lies? It’s an interesting question isn’t it? Pretending to be something we’re not is one form of a lie. Saying things that are not true to make yourself feel better is another. Showing one face to the world and looking in the mirror and seeing another is also a lie. Disparaging someone else to make yourself look better is probably the worst.
You can look around your neighborhood, family, close friends, and see that there are people who seem to be going through the motions, pretending everything is okay, but if asked in private to a trusting sort, they might spill the beans about how miserable they really are. They are in fact living a lie on a daily basis and make a hundred excuses as why they do it.
I have friends who do this. They tell me they don’t like their spouse but would lose too much money if they divorced and are fearful of what life will look like without them, so instead of trying to climb the ladder of chaos, they stay in a miserable marriage, living a lie. I have a neighbor up the street who had the police called to the house a few weeks ago (by one of their own children), but when they arrived they acted as though nothing was wrong. I have even lived a lie myself. I’ve been told to shut up, that I’ll have to get a “real” job when my marriage is over, as if being a mother wasn’t one, for the past 22 years. I’ve been laughed at, judged and made fun of and told I have no friends, all by someone who said they loved me. I put on a smiley face to the world and then cried myself to sleep when no one was looking.
It never ceases to amaze me how we will act as if everything is perfect when it is anything but. We convince ourselves that things aren’t that bad and that our partner didn’t mean the horrible things they have said to us or the horrible things they have done, so we can continue to live in a pit of despair. Anything, but take that first step towards the ladder of chaos which is simply the unknown and a way out.
We cling to these lies because often times the truth is too unbearable to accept. And because we are clinging so hard to the illusion of what we wish was going on instead of what really is, instead of climbing the ladder of perceived chaos, we choose to stay in a world of deception and ironically chaos ensues.
To climb the ladder of chaos is the heroic approach of course and not one for the faint of heart. Few of us are brave enough to do it. We would rather stay where we are and live a life of lies and deal with the chaos we have now created because of our refusal to accept the truth, rather than taking steps on the ladder of perceived chaos that will lead us out of it.
The meaning of chaos is complete disorder and confusion and behavior that is unpredictable and random. So you can either choose to continue to live a life like that every day of your life, or climb a ladder that will have its moments, but will eventually get you free of it.
I choose the ladder, because no matter how scary, daunting or chaotic it might seem at first, it is far less scarier than remaining in constant chaos and accepting the unacceptable. And I know that each step I climb brings me closer to the light and further and further away from chaos that was created out of my refusal to see the lie that I was living.
Don’t be afraid to climb the ladder. Eventually you will reach the top, throw the ladder to the side and never look back.