What is it about unconditional love that is so scary to us? It’s something we say we want; the happily every after of fairy tales, but then when it shows up, we run the other way.
And where is it we run? To REAL scary love. I’m talking about the toxic kind.
If you’ve never been in a toxic relationship then most likely you aren’t a person who has issues around love. Pat yourself on the back. You’re the 1%.
Having issues isn’t a horrible thing. I once saw this t-shirt that said, “I have more issues than Vogue.” It made me laugh. How can you not have some kind of issue? Look at your parents for Pete’s sake! My youngest just told me that he learned in his psychology class today that a study found that our personalities are based on 70% genetics and 30% environment. I’m not sure how he wanted me to respond, but I said, “Well, I guess you’re screwed!” He laughed.
But if you have issues around love, then you have probably had the misfortune of being in a toxic relationship, which is just the most painful thing you can ever endure. It’s like going through a wood chopper and coming out the other side. Or being punched by Mike Tyson repeatedly. Honestly, you probably don’t even know how you are still standing at this point, but something keeps you going. That something for me, is love.
It’s astonishing isn’t it? That I would still want love in my life after enduring what I have. But I do. I want it, because I have never known it. Never felt it. Never been on the receiving end of it. Not like I give. What I have felt in all of my relationships, is pain.
It wasn’t until I finally realized that these painful relationships had been sent to me in order for me to learn to love myself, that I realized how much I didn’t. Talk about scary! I mean, how could I have attracted such awful people disguised as nice ones, if I did? If you read my blog regularly than you know I am an actor, but wow, it is utterly sickening what actors people can be, when they are trying to woo someone they want to control.
It’s an aha moment for sure, when you make the frightening discovery that the person you’ve been loving on and thinking has been loving on you back, doesn’t even know what love is. What they do know, is manipulation. And you thought you had issues!
I don’t believe most people who do this are consciously aware of it, otherwise they would be a psychopath. What I do believe, is that they have deep seeded wounds that you can’t heal no matter how much you try to love them and let’s be honest…it’s not your job.
If you have had the misfortune of dealing with someone like this, then please know you are not at fault nor is there anything wrong with you. When the relationship is over you will be scratching your head trying to make sense of it all, but there isn’t any. The hardest part is realizing it was all a facade.
Emotional abuse is not talked about a lot, but it is something that should be. Just because there aren’t signs of abuse physically, doesn’t mean there aren’t ones emotionally.
The wounds an emotional abuser leaves can be so debilitating, that some people might never trust another again. How incredibly sad is that? A person who didn’t know how to love took so much from someone who did, that they don’t have the gumption to try anymore.
When you feel you heal. And once you do, you understand that part of your healing from all of that bad stuff, is trusting in the Universe, God, Spirit, whatever you believe, that the good stuff will appear. But in order to get to that place, you have to do the real scary thing and open your heart again.
My heart is wide open right now, which is why I have been manifesting so much work lately. I literally just go to jobs knowing I am going to meet really terrific people because I have worked so hard on myself that I know I only align with people who vibe where I do.
If you are still in a relationship that is toxic, I’m here to tell you that it will crumble. Anything built on a faulty foundation cannot last. That weak foundation can come in the form of lies, deception, narcissism and cheating. If you really needed to learn the lesson of self-worth, you might hit the jackpot and get all of that garbage.
Real love is not scary, it is something to embrace with both arms. If you have been through REAL scary non-love, then you know what I mean.
May we never lower ourselves ever again, to those who have nothing to bring to the table but their Tupperware, to load up on more of what we have to offer and give absolutely nothing in return.
We’ve waited long enough for the real stuff people! It’s time to start sharing our lives with someone who can meet us where we are. Someone who brings the love we so rightfully deserve. Someone who has our back instead of a knife in it. Someone who knows what it means to be honest and integral. Someone who simply loves us, flaws and all and kisses our hand at the end of the day and says, “I’m here for you. You never have to worry again.”