The Right Profile

Funny how all along I have been saying I want a starring role in a show, but was happy to settle to be a background player, just so I could be on set.

I had this epiphany about stars and background players and how they are similar to dating profiles. You can see pretty quickly how there are men who want to be the star of the production (meaning relationship) and you can certainly see the background players too. But I’m looking for neither.

I’ve had it with background players! They never know what they want, never have your back and never stand for anything whatsoever. Some might even harbor feelings for you and never tell you, while others want you to stay in the background with them. They are not supportive of your dreams because they don’t know how to go after their own and are quite content to play small, which means you have to as well.

The star is a person whose world revolves around them. 24/7 it’s all them! They might act like they care about you, but they don’t. In fact, the star only cares when you are doting on them. The minute the fan base starts to wane, they quickly pull out a new act to make you think like they are engaged, but what they really are, is hungry for more attention. And any attention from anyone will do. You never feel like you mean anything to them because they act as though you can be replaced. And they will try to replace you but they can’t. And even though they can’t, they don’t care, because all they need is a warm body next to them.

It’s taken me years and being in relationships with both background players and stars to realize neither of them have the right profile when it comes to long term relationships, which is the only reason things never worked out with them.

The right profile is the co-star. This of course is the person who shares everything with you. They are content in doing so, never feel threatened if you get more lines then they do either because they understand that everyone gets their turn to speak. They enjoy seeing you get everything you deserve and never once feel threatened by your success. This is because the feelings of admiration and support are mutual.

I think it’s ironic how similar acting and dating are. I was once attracted to the star and had my share of background players, too. So if you can relate to what I am saying, just know there is no need to ever settle for those types again. There are hundreds of profiles on dating apps and if yours reflects the real you, it’s amazing how many quality people you attract.

When you change your inner world, your outer world inevitably reflects that back to you. And right now, I’m liking what I see. Pleasantly surprised actually. I guess it just reaffirms that once you know your worth, others do too and the background players and stars of the relationship world get the inevitable “Thank you, next!”

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gretchenlynnallison

I am an actress, model, writer and creator of inspirational card decks I sell on Amazon. I also love animals and spend a great deal of time working as a volunteer with several organizations.

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