Have you ever been to a restaurant you were excited to eat at and it totally disappointed you? Sometimes we go to places that others recommend and as they hand you the menu, you don’t see anything you want to choose. You feel obliged to choose something and then when the order comes, you are disappointed.
You stare at this plate of food and it looks like a shoemaker (novice chef)made it. You basically settled for the thing you found somewhat appealing and now it’s sitting in front of you and you wish you could get up and leave. Two Boots might be around the corner or even a bowl of cereal seems more appealing.
But you stay and partake of the meal, even though you have no desire to. You feel obligated to. Not only that, you spent a good amount of money on it. You feel cheated by the whole experience and even though you do, you still stay there.
I love equating life to food. Bad egg, eye candy, couch potato; we can all conjure up an image of someone as we say those terms. Here’s how interesting the food analogy is to relationships.
You’ve picked a restaurant (a person) and you don’t quite know what the experience is going to be like until you’ve had drinks. Sometimes drinks lead to appetizers and if going well, maybe a 4-course meal.
The duration of the relationship lasts as long as you want it to. Some relationships should only be an appetizer and people drag them out like an Italian Christmas feast. Other people are far more discerning and see right away that their taste buds are off and will bail early.
And then there’s people who don’t understand that they get to choose. Even though they may have picked a particular restaurant, they don’t love themselves to realize they don’t have to stay there. You can get up and leave. There are lots of restaurants and ones with a far more appealing menu, so why stay in one that is dying on the pass (getting cold).
Sure, maybe in the beginning there was the waxing a table (giving special treatment) towards one another, but now there’s a whole lot of cupcaking (flirting) going on with people outside of the relationship. There may even be a SOS (sauce on the side) and yet people will still choose to stay in this toxic environment like they don’t have a choice.
It’s not hard to make choices. The only reason choices become difficult is because we don’t value ourselves. I mean, you wouldn’t drink a glass of milk that was sour, so why would you spend time with someone who is? And you wouldn’t keep dining at expensive restaurants if the food was diner quality either. So why on earth would you choose to stay in a relationship that makes you feel as though you are a table of one instead of a deuce?
There are way too many restaurants that want to welcome you with open arms, so why do you continue to frequent one, who doesn’t? You’ve got to 86 (reject, discard, cancel) that lack mentality and start choosing you.
A few restaurant terms and how they relate to relationships:
al dente- pasta cooked to the bite. No good when this comes to people. The last thing you want is someone who is biting with their words. Unless you’re a vampire, then you might like all that biting.
bain marie- a warm bath that is great for custards and also for intimate time with your significant other.
chit-orders received in a kitchen. This is equivalent to the honey-do list on weekends. Consider yourself lucky if you have one of those.
covers-the amount of entrees served during any given meal service. A good thing to be under with your honey.
expo- aka expeditor; needed in a busy kitchen. Certainly not needed in a relationship. Nobody likes to be told what to do or be monitored.
flambe-adding alcohol to create a burst of flames. Not what you want in a relationship, unless of course you thrive on drama. If you do, then you are either always causing fires or the person you are with is.
flash-when a dish has gotten cold, the chef will throw it on the flames quickly. A flash of anything related to relationships is a recipe for disaster. Jumping in too quick with someone you barely know can lead to your worst nightmare.
ort-a scrap or morsel left over. If someone is giving you ort, this isn’t someone worth keeping.
staling-chemical and physical process in which foods become hard, musty, or dry. When this happens in a relationship, it’s over.
So if you currently find yourself in the weeds ( feeling overwhelmed and in over your head) it’s because your thoughts are not mise en place (in order). Fear not! All you have to do is choose. Nobody else gets to do that for you. How amazing is that? Choose what makes you happy!