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REINVENT

change (something) so much that it appears to be entirely new.

take up a very different job or way of life.

I have always reinvented myself in one way or another. I cut my hair off, grow it out again, change my style, take up a new interest, speak up for those who can’t, go vegan and then go paleo.

In short, I cannot be categorized, unless of course you would sum me up as free spirited. I like being free spirited, but the world doesn’t take too kindly to my sort, so they like to call us other things.

Rebel! Crazy! Volatile! Nuts! Psycho! Unstable! Wishy washy! Flakey! And the list goes on. All of these words have a negative connotation to them and they are given to others simply because people feel the need to categorize that which they do not understand. Or that which threatens them on some level.

People have to label things. I don’t know why. Perhaps in their pea sized brains they feel the need to control just about everything and everyone and if they can’t control you, then you are the one with the problem.

But I have a problem with that. I would rather change my looks, my opinions, my views (which I challenge you to do and welcome it), then be the same person I was 10 years ago, with the same views and opinions I had back then. If I’m still that person, then that means I am not evolving as a human being. Which is why I am always reinventing myself.

Reinvention is all about rediscovering yourself. Not the person you were told to be or the one that had expectations put on them by others, but the one who takes themselves out of their comfort zone and dares to explore new paths, new passions and new ways of being and thinking.

It doesn’t matter how many dreams you explore or how many don’t work out the way you had planned. There is no such thing as failure, unless you do nothing about your dreams at all.

How long have you worn your hair that way? Done the same exercise? Eaten the same foods? Done the same routine? Worked at the same job?

Is there a voice inside you that is yearning to be heard that you keep muffling out? Maybe it wants to take an art class. Maybe there’s a writer in you that you haven’t explored.

Did I think I would be learning to barber in my 50’s? I mean seriously! But yesterday I went and visited two schools just in case I don’t get the apprenticeship at the barber shop I’m trying out for.

Did I think I would be unloading dogs today that have spent their entire lives caged so that they can produce litter after litter of puppies for some piece of shit who makes money off of them? No! But I’m doing it!

Did I think I would be standing in my living room self taping myself with one device while I hear my voice on another one, so that I can submit myself for movies and television projects? Nope! But I do it and just got booked for a job.

I am being called to reinvent myself on a regular basis. And I answer it. I cannot wait for tomorrow to start living. There are no guarantees as to how long we have here. People who think there is always tomorrow are wrong. There is only today. Ever. And today is a great day to reinvent yourself.

Do something different today!

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Messenger

a person who carries a message or is employed to carry messages.
Have you ever met a person that delivers a much needed message to you, without them even knowing it?
Every now and then the powers that be, spirit, God, whatever you want to call her does this and if you are really attuned to it, you listen, because even though you already know on some level what this person said to you, hearing it with such clarity from a total stranger is priceless.
You could be at the grocery store and someone might say something. Out to eat. In a salon where I happened to be, when this lovely gentleman said, “Whatever you do, do it with passion. Listen to your heart.”
I was meeting him to assist him at his salon so that I could return to the hair business after a very long hiatus.  I cannot be taking cutting classes without an end result and to me it seemed like the next logical step was to assist someone in order to do hair. But is doing hair what I really want?
As I sat there talking to him, it occurred to me that I had no focus on what I really wanted. Was it being in a salon? Assisting? Cutting hair? Coloring it? Barbering? My thoughts flitted back and forth like a bee to a flower.
“Can you blow dry hair like her?” He asked me. “I could learn.” I said, as I watched her blow out a woman’s long hair and then take the curling iron to it. As I watched her pick up strands of hair and the woman watching her do it in the mirror, I knew it wasn’t fucking that. I hate doing women’s hair! It’s fun on a mannequin head for a short time, but could I see myself doing that for hours on end?
The more we spoke and he shared his life with me, the more I realized he was just reiterating to me what I already knew. As I thought back on the cutting classes I had taken, I realized I had had the most fun the day we did men’s cuts. I had actually come up with this brilliant concept for men as I cut the mannequin head and could hardly wait to implement it.
But as the weeks slipped away from me and life took over, I had forgotten about how passionate I had been. The logical mind took over and decided I should work in a salon to get my confidence back and just do what I once did before.
But the logical mind is not the one that is connected to our hearts and the inner knowing of what we really want.
I already knew this on some level, but hearing it from a complete stranger so freely and without any attachment, allowed me the space and clarity to sit with his words and ask myself, “What do I really want?”
A friend invited me to lunch the net day and she started talking about going into business for herself but couldn’t decide what to do. I thought about my messenger and decided I would be hers. I asked her what she wanted. What she would do for free because that is where your passions lie.
And then finally I remembered the teachings I had studied. Something I had forgotten to ask myself.
“What is your end result?” I asked her. This is something we all forget to do, because if we stayed focused on our end result, we wouldn’t need messengers.
“I don’t know.”  She said. “Well if you don’t know your end result, then it is impossible to take any action towards reaching it.” I told her. Often times when we are speaking to someone else, we are really speaking to ourselves. I heard the message loud and clear!
Knowing our end result, no matter how vague to start, is the key to reaching any goal.
What was my end result? I thought about it in a big picture way and knew I wanted to have an awesome salon in a village. East or West, matters not to me. I want it to have a cool vibe to it where people like to hang out there, play darts, pool and have a drink. I work with two people I really like that have different talents than I do. We play great music, laugh a lot and turn out great work. I still do my acting and help dogs in need and when pot becomes legal in New York, people smoke it here.  Yeah! It’s that kind of hip place.
And now that I know what my end result is, I can take action to make it happen. I already foster dogs, but continue to do more with various organizations. I have been self taping auditions consistently and Monday and Tuesday I’m back at Tigi taking men’s cutting classes.  Wednesday I have an interview with a barber shop. If all goes well I’ll make it into their apprenticeship program and in 12 weeks give or take, I’ll be on my way to my end result.
Now you know why they say, “Don’t shoot the messenger!” Listen very carefully to him/her and then reflect. What is your end result? What do you want? Once you know that, take action and go about getting it.

Unconditional Love

is known as affection without any limitations, or love without conditions. This term is sometimes associated with other terms such as true altruism or complete love.

But how many of us love this way? Without conditions?

For most, loving your children is without conditions. I know personally, if I had to throw myself in front of a semi to protect one of my boys, I would do it in a second. They also know to throw me in front of one or the M72 when I get too old to look after myself.

Love without conditions. Can you imagine it? I can! I love myself without conditions. I’m quirky, have my faults, am certainly not perfect and yet I have learned to love every little thing about myself.

I had no choice. This is what this journey is about. And I know if you have found my blog, then you are on this journey, too.

I do not share my blog with anyone. I don’t post it on Facebook or tell friends I have one. Okay, maybe one friend knows, but I have known her since high school and she digs all this Universal stuff as much as I do. But aside from her and a few others, there are very few people I let into my inner circle.

And while I have learned to love myself unconditionally, I love others without conditions as well. No matter what they say, what they do or how they may have perceived that they have wronged me on some level or I at one time felt that way about them,  I love them.

This Journey is all about getting to a place of complete surrender. Once you reach this point, loving others without conditions and accepting them for who they are is all you will ever know, be, or show them.

Love without expectations. Love without words. Love of another that transcends all rhyme or reason.

Love for those you once found intolerable because you have reached a state of complete clarity and you finally realize that not loving others is not fully loving and accepting a part of yourself they are merely mirroring back to you begging to be healed.

This is unconditional love.

Is it so hard to love this way? It must be, because so many of us struggle with it. We demand from people, we try and control them, we are co-dependent, we have limitations, expectations and everything in-between, all under the guise of love. This is not love, it’s what we have been conditioned to believe it is.

Real love is the one that makes your heart skip a beat, puts a smile on your face for no apparent reason and gifts you with an inner knowing that no matter what you do, it’s not going anywhere.

Real love is all that matters. And if real love is all that matters, then loving without conditions should be all that matters too.

Fear

an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

I personally find fear to be the most horrid of emotions. It is essentially the one element that keeps us locked in “potential”.

We have all heard someone or something being described as having potential. We hear men and women talk about someone they are interested in, “She/ He has potential.” We say it about someone’s success. “He has potential.” But have you ever noticed that when you say it about someone, it’s always followed with a but?

That but is usually fear. Sure, they might have potential, but are they willing to do anything about it?

Fear is a crippler. We are essentially saying that someone could be so much more or do so much more, if they would only get over their fear. Fear of what? Failing perhaps. This person might have all of the tools yet somehow fear keeps them from moving forward and going after the life of their dreams.

But what most people don’t realize is that failing is nothing more than a perception. You cannot ever fail at anything. Even a test you didn’t study for. You might get the ‘F” but I bet you learn something from it. There is no such thing as a failed relationship either. There is always something that you took away from it.

The only failure there ever is, is the failure to honor ourselves. When we don’t allow ourselves to reach our potential, to break barriers of fear and step out of the walls of comfort and go for what we want, we are telling ourselves we are not worthy of what we really want.

We all know people like this. Perhaps some of us are like this ourselves. I know that I have been a victim of fear. One second I am certain of what to do, like some alter ego steps in and then the next thing you know I am being called in for an audition and I freak out. Like the real me steps back in and says, “What have you done? I’m not ready for this!”

But is it the real me that asks that or the fearful one? Maybe the real me is the one with the confidence, the one who know what she wants and how to go about getting it, but there is still a part of me that hinders her progress. Something to ponder, cause we all do this.

Think about something you are afraid of. What is the worst thing that could happen if you were to face that fear? The absolute worst! Would you die? Cause that’s the worst thing that could happen to you.

I send in self tapes all the time. I have no fear when it comes to this. First off I don’t know what they are saying about me because I’m not there to hear them. Second of all, I get to explore characters inside me that are yearning to come out and third of all, it’s fun.

But I am afraid of standing behind a chair and cutting someone’s hair. What am I afraid of? Screwing up. So, in order to combat this fear, I take classes. I will take classes until I feel confident enough to stand behind that chair and know how to part the damn hair. it has nothing to do with cutting it, it’s all about knowing the why.

I have always been amazed by people who seem to have all the confidence while I sit back and question mine.  Over the past month I took classes and in both of them there were people who owned salons, learning to cut hair properly. I was astonished by this.

How is it they could stand behind a chair everyday and pretend to know what they were doing? How did they have the confidence to take someone’s money, pretending to be an expert, when they didn’t even know why they were doing what they were doing?

The “fake it till you make it” mentality that I have never bought into had served them enough to own businesses and  make profits off of people who don’t know any better. But I cannot fake skills I do not have, nor would I want to. And although I know I would never intentionally screw up someone’s haircut, the possibility is strong that it could happen and I wouldn’t feel good about that.

But eventually, you do need to put yourself out there and go for what you want. Lack of confidence debilitates many of us to a crippling point and despite all of our good ideas, we wind up locked in the “potential” prison.  It doesn’t matter how many people tell you your idea is good or that you are talented and worthy, only you have the key to get out.

True confidence comes from within and in order to get confidence you have to believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are worthy of what it is you want.

If you want to be a chef, cook a lot. For everyone. Take classes. Apprentice. Burn things over and over again until you don’t burn them anymore.

If you want to cut hair, take classes. Buy mannequins. Watch videos. Offer to cut people’s hair for free.

Want to be a writer? Start a blog. Clothes designer? Draw pictures. Learn to sew. Yoga Instructor? Go to yoga. Find a studio who will let you do teacher training while you work there.

To me, confidence is all about studying/learning. The only way to get confident about anything is to know it. And if you find studying and learning about something too droll, then you probably aren’t that interested in it.

We call people experts because they are skilled and have a comprehensive knowledge of a particular area. Why can’t we all strive to be experts in an area of our lives where we lack confidence?

Don’t be a person with potential. Be a rockstar! They have more fun.

 

Spiritual Manifesting

is the theory that through regular meditation and positive, constructive thought, you can make your dreams and desires become reality.  It revolves around the New Age concept of the Law of Attraction.

I have been working on the principle of manifesting for several years now without really understanding how it is done. I was focused beyond belief on what I wanted (or at least I thought I was) and yet it was nowhere in sight.

How could it not be working? I was reading all the books, following the steps and still, not one sign of anything I wanted. In fact, if I looked at my life, it was showing me everything I didn’t want and I couldn’t understand why.

Fast forward to now and I can tell you exactly how to manifest whatever it is you want. The principle is very simple, but understanding how to achieve your desires is key to seeing manifestations in your reality.

If you are fantasizing about it, imagining yourself with it and even making vision boards of your dream life and it still hasn’t manifested, then you’re probably getting annoyed. You may even be saying, “It’s not here.” “No matter what I do, I don’t get what I want.” “It’s not happening.” “In fact, it’s never going to happen.” “I want this thing so much but I don’t see how it can happen.”

Here’s how this translates to the Universe:  “No matter what she does she doesn’t get what she wants, so let me make sure that happens.”  So guess what you get? More of the same. Despite all of your efforts, if you are focused on the lack of it in your life, you will only attract more lack.

You are so focused on why it hasn’t showed up, that the Universe keeps sending you more of the not showing up because it thinks that is what you want. And if you don’t believe in the Universe mumbo jumbo, just know that your every thought creates your reality.

Whatever you focused your attention on last week has probably manifested this week and so on and so on. Don’t like what you are seeing this week? Then change your thoughts on what you want to see, so that next week you can manifest it into your reality.

And while that one component can help you tremendously, it’s not the magic spell to manifesting.  It is really about two other things that are key components to having what you envision. YOUR DESIRES MUST MATCH YOUR BELIEFS.

That’s it! You can make all the vision boards you want of the life of your dreams, but if you have some underlying belief that you don’t deserve it, then it’s never going to happen. How can it? You are not a vibrational match for it.

If you desire a new job where you are honored, respected and like the people you work with but think working sucks, you can’t stand people and you don’t think a job like that can possibly exist, well, you’re going to manifest exactly what you believe and exactly where you are vibing. More shitty jobs and more shitty co-workers who just reiterate your beliefs, will surface over and over again until you get this concept.

If you desire a relationship but you think on some level that all women are gold diggers or all men are cheaters, then well, you’re probably going to manifest people in your life that fit the bill. You can tell yourself you want to meet the love of your life all you want, but do you really believe that? Or is there some part of you that thinks it will never happen? If you think the man or woman of your dreams is out of your league, then they are always going to stay there.

Pause for a second. Look at your life. Look at the people you spend your time with. Look at your job and the people you work with. Look at your friends. Your significant other if you have one.

Do you like who you see? Because if you don’t, understand that you have manifested them into your day to day for a reason. Everyone is a mirror for you. If you don’t like someone, get out a pen and paper and write the qualities about them that turn you off.

We all know someone who is too full of themselves. It’s nothing more than a mask for deep seated insecurity, only you don’t know that if you are insecure yourself. All you do is feel bad about yourself every time you are around them, so you probably dislike them greatly.  But what you really dislike is the way it brings this up inside of you. Life is a giant mirror! What they are reflecting back to you is a part of you begging to be healed and people like this will show up in your reality until you heal it.

Once you own this in yourself and understand where this belief got its roots, whether its through therapy, self reflection or childhood regression, this person will no longer affect you. As a matter of fact, they won’t even cross your path unless of course you’re related to them. If that’s the case then you’ll probably need to put up some healthy boundaries, but it won’t be hard.

And if you want to manifest really good stuff, then try not to think about people who bother you at all, cause they’ll just keep showing up in your reality until you look within and figure out it is merely a part of yourself that is begging to be healed.

Think about people you like. People you admire. People that have qualities you want more of in your life. When you do that, all of a sudden when you look around, your life will have those types of people in it. The other terds won’t even gravitate towards you because you have not only changed your beliefs, you have changed your vibration. This is where the good stuff happens.

Manifesting 101:

1)Think about what you want and focus on that. Not what you don’t want. Don’t even give it a thought. If something negative comes up, press the delete button.

2)Your beliefs must match your desires. Repeat it. I desire…and I believe I can have it.

Do you believe you are worthy of your desires? Because if you don’t, then you will not manifest them.

I manifest all the time. Sometimes I manifest things I don’t want. When this happens I look at my thoughts. What am I thinking about? What am I bringing into my life? Do I want it? Our thoughts create our reality. And wherever your focus goes, so does your energy.

For the past several weeks I have been manifesting hair cutting jobs. I totally took my focus off of acting. I have not had one phone call or email about auditions. Not one. It’s okay, I needed to focus on hair. I have a cosmetology license and I do nothing with it. I have a vision for how I will use it, but I know I am rusty in the skill department so I signed up for classes. I have enjoyed learning but cutting hair is not my true passion. Acting is.

I finished a cutting class on Monday. Tuesday I went to work on my acting. I focused all day on it. I emailed my agents, looked at casting calls and into classes. Today I was told I am on hold for a television hosting job and another person reached out to me for a casting. The minute I changed my focus the Universe responded.

Take a moment and really think about what you want. Write it down. After you have done that, take one step towards making it happen. No matter how small. Think about this desire as often as you can without any expectations of how it will come to you. Just believe that it will.

If you don’t see results, no matter how small, then look within and ask yourself why you don’t believe it can happen. Because if you aren’t seeing results, then your desire and your belief that it can happen don’t match.

We are all powerful creators. We lose our power for many reasons. Usually it’s because other people are afraid of our power. The most effective way to disempower someone is by knocking them down.

If you have a belief that something will never happen that you truly want, then you have been disempowered by someone. Probably someone very close to you. Chances are it wasn’t intentional. The most effective way in getting your power back, is by knowing it’s missing and the only way you can know that, is to see if you are manifesting the life you dream about.

P.S. It no longer has to be a dream. Believe it!

 

 

 

Fun

something that provides amusement.

Yesterday I had loads of it!

I promised myself that I would learn how to cut hair better this year and so in keeping with this goal, I signed up for a four-day class at Tigi in New York City. No one in the class was from New York so I won’t be making any forever friends, but they are nice people to spend a day with.

We started by doing a bob. It’s always been my favorite cut and I have never known how to cut one. Now I do! I’m not saying I’m ready to get behind the chair at John Barrett and charge 200, but I could probably start somewhere off the grid and be fine.

And while this may not sound fun to you, I found it exhilarating to get to play all day, especially with a doll! Now when is the last time I got to do that? I even bought a few brushes to style her hair with (an early birthday present to myself).

I like having fun! I think there are a few parts to the equation to having fun. First it has to be something you want to do or something you have been thinking about learning. If you go into it with no expectations you’ll be fine.

I went in with none. I honestly had no idea what to expect. I assumed the obvious-I would learn something, even if it was to wash a mannequin head with cold water not hot so she wouldn’t tangle in the sink.

But I learned so much more! The technicality of the whole cutting thing has always thrown me and while sometimes our minds can overcomplicate the simplest of things, there really is a method to doing it right.

Somehow I knew this deep inside, which is why I have never cut professionally. I believe that people should get what they came for, especially when paying and I wouldn’t feel good about charging for my non-expertise. But so many of us seem to be fine with it.

People pretend a lot to be something they aren’t. To lie their way through things. Act like they know more than they do. And wear a mask of deceit, every time they go to work. “I’m all that!” Is their game but underneath all of the fluff is probably the most insecure person you have ever met. They usually come across as ultra nice but if you pay attention, there is a quality that lurks right beneath the surface that isn’t so friendly.

Jealousy and envy are two ugly birds and not qualities anyone wants to be known for. Of course they are derived from a deep seeded insecurity, which is why people who have these traits are generally people who rub you the wrong way and probably never have fun cause they are too worried about what others will think of them.

Personally, I like when someone admits they don’t know it all and isn’t afraid to show who they really are. I find it charming. Even if they are boisterous and good crazy, at least they are something and they have owned it!

I never pretend to know it all. Why would I?  I clearly don’t. I am a work in progress and always will be. Those who claim to know more than I do probably do. For me it’s not about the knowing anyway. It’s about the feeling. How do I feel when I am doing what I am doing? How do I feel when I am around this person or that one? How do I feel when I take this action or that one?

Am I having fun? There’s the question we should all be asking.

Today I am going to have more fun! I get to do two more haircuts, chat it up with a bunch of artistic people who aren’t afraid to show who they really are, be in Soho and grab a salad from Gourmet Garage. Maybe I’ll even stop in Aveda and say hi to the gang.

Whatever is on your agenda today, make sure to have some fun!  And stop worrying so much about what everyone else thinks of you. It only matters what you think of you.

 

 

Love

an intense feeling of deep affection. LOVE

How is it that something we all want so desperately seems to elude us? We crave it, want it and it’s been proven that you live a much longer and healthier life with love in it.

So if we can all agree on how wonderful love is, why is it so many of us can’t get it? It’s an interesting question for sure and I am not going to claim to have the answer. I could tell you that you probably aren’t loving yourself enough but that would sound trite and no one wants to hear that when all they want is love.

Is the problem with us or with someone else? And is it a problem at all? In all of my struggles with love I can finally say that I feel love every single day. It starts with me. I can finally say that I have reached a place of complete acceptance for who I am and what I bring to the table.

Does that mean my table is jam packed with people clamoring to sit next to me? There are a few for which I am grateful. My steadies. But the table is getting bigger. The more love I bring into this world, the more the world loves me back.

In the past week I have had four stellar auditions. Like life changers in the world of acting. I’m super excited about where they lead but at the same time I knew they were coming. It was inevitable. With all of the work I have done on myself there was going to be a reward.

Trust in the process. But first trust in yourself and what you want. Do not waver from it. Believe that all things are possible because they are.

Just love! Love, Love, Love! Fall madly in love with yourself.

There is a song by Kendrick Lamar that is absolutely beautiful, aptly called, “Love.” He said he wrote the song based on the line, “Give me a run for my money.”

We all want that! Someone who gives us a run for our money. So if that is what we want, then we must become that first. A person so confident, so sure of who they are, one who does not waver in their commitment of it, one who gives love so freely that it returns tenfold.

Kendrick said it best when describing his song:

“It’s really about confidence, like give me a run for my money, and it’s about loving yourself in that way. And when I say things like, ‘Just love me, just love me,’ it just had to do with people who used to be my friends who started acting different for stupid reasons, and it’s just me telling them, ‘Just love me. Love yourself. I love myself. I love you. Just love me.'”

How beautiful is that? We are all attracted to confidence because it is what we all strive to be. We all want to be loved and accepted for who we really are and have someone in our lives who meets us at our level. We want someone who will give us a run for our money. We want the whole package. And we want to be loved for all that we are, including our wounds, scars, tears, quirkiness, greatness, our good days and our bad.

But the only way we can ever receive love and all of its glory on this level, is if we accept ourselves for who we are. When this happens the stars align and magic happens. LOVE