How Lucky Are You?

I love Frank Sinatra! Since it’s Thursday (it is Thursday, right?) I thought I would do a little throwback from this oldie but goodie.

I wonder if you think you’re lucky or if you even believe in luck at all. A lot of people have different ways of hoping or asking for luck which I find fascinating.

One of my favorites is the waving cat, the Maneki-neko. While it is a Japanese figurine, you have probably seen it in a Chinese restaurant you frequent. It’s that tacky gold thing that sits by the cashier and waves an arm at you.

Then there is the Lucky Bamboo plant. It’s a Feng Shui thing. It is supposed to bring more luck, health and positive energy to your home, but you will also find them in a lot of restaurants or nail salons.

I go to a place that has the cat and the plants and a lot of fountains they don’t want you to touch. I love all of it because I love traditions, but I guess they aren’t for everybody.

Then we have the four leaf clover, the horseshoe and the rabbits foot. While a bit off-putting, I guess you are pretty lucky if you can find a four leaf clover or catch a horse or a rabbit because they are so fast.

Then there are fish. I can tell you all about them because my oldest has had tanks full of them in his room since he was 12. A black fish in a tank absorbs negativity within the house that may have been meant for its owner. If he dies you have to get a new one. We’ve had a few. I’m not sure if that says anything about the energy of our house, or the fact that the tank might not get cleaned as often as it should.

Koi fish are really special and we tried to build a pond for them a few years ago but wound up getting goldfish for it instead. They now live at my sisters house in her pond and have grown exponentially.

Some people like crystals. They think they bring them luck and also positive energy. I do like crystals and have a few, but I like them because they are colorful and sparkly and I’m pretty sure they haven’t done much for me in the luck department. Most girls like sparkly things so I don’t think I’m too weird for having some.

Luck. Is it that simple? Do we need to just buy a few items and place them in our home or under our pillow or wherever we see fit in order to have the magic happen?

Or is luck something totally different? If you look up the actual meaning, it says, happening by chance as in fortuitous. But in order for something to happen by chance, don’t you have to take them?

Which is what makes me wonder if luck is really a thing. Maybe what we perceive as luck is merely listening to our hearts and going for things we want. Taking that leap of faith, going out on a limb, run the risk, stick one’s neck out, take a shot in the dark, throw caution to the wind.

There are a myriad of ways to describe going for that which makes us happy, but I don’t think luck has anything to do with it at all. Luck is merely a perception. If something goes well, we assume we are lucky. If it does not, we might say, “damn the luck!” like luck had anything to do with it at all.

We are our luck. We are the ones who get to make our choices, the ones who get to take those chances and the ones who get to decide if after all is said and done, if it was worth it or not.

So…how lucky are you? On a scale from 1-10, I’d say I’m an 11. I don’t believe any of the inspiration that comes to me to create things has anything at all to do with luck. I think it has everything to do with me honoring the thoughts as they come and then knowing without a doubt, which ones to act on and not being afraid to do so.

I have no regrets, because I’ve pretty much acted on all of my inner promptings. Some may not have worked out the way I had hoped, but in the end, I do see that they worked out for the best.

Is this luck? Nah, I think it’s just called living. In order to live we have to experience and in order to experience, we have to follow our hearts, no matter how scary.

So, how lucky are you?

Sailing

Friday I leave for a sailing excursion with my sister and her family. It is a vacation of mixed blessings because while I am so honored to have been asked to accompany her and her family, mine will not be with me.

But I am so looking forward to time away. To be with the wind, the sun, the ocean, the stars, and my sister.

Sailing is a true adventure. There is always something that can go wrong and often does. You are in the middle of the ocean, have to rely on the weather and those who are accompanying you on your trip, to keep you safe.

But nothing can compare to the freedom that you feel when you look around and see nature, beauty, and nothing but water forever.

We were originally going to take this excursion a few months back and go to the British Virgin Islands, but this whole pandemic took over and we had to cancel. The BVI’s are still not letting tourists in, so they decided to charter in the US Virgin Islands and asked if I still wanted to come.

I am lucky and I know this. I am beyond excited to go and have some adventures. To be able to spend time with my sister and her family and bask in the sun on the deck of a tricked out boat. But I am also truly thankful that I have a family who supports this.

I hope they miss me. I hope they see how much I bring to their lives, just as much as I see how much they bring to mine. Sometimes time away from those you love does a whole lot for your connection to them.

If you ever have the opportunity to hop aboard a boat and sail for a week I highly recommend it. Nothing but blue skies, turqouise waters and see spray await you.

And maybe a few sea turtles and sharks if you’re lucky!

Learn to Discern

Discernment: the ability to judge well.

Then there’s the opposite: being an idiot. You gotta wonder what some people are thinking when they repeat stuff that has no business being repeated.

The other day a friend of my husband’s was at my house helping him with an appliance. Spoiler alert: we ordered a new one, but not after the kitchen was baptized.

To be honest, my husband was doing a fine job before his idiot friend got here. And I do mean idiot of the biggest kind. I used to like him, but that was before I heard him talking about his wife.

He clearly wasn’t there when he was here. His body may have been, but his hand was shaking, he was visibly angry and he was talking nonsense. His whole affect just reeked of bitterness.

When he said, “I can’t remember the last time my wife had sex with me” as though he had bought her at a market and it was part of her due diligence to give him sex, I couldn’t believe it.

One: I do not want a mental picture of that…especially where I eat.

Two: I do not want to hear about his sex life or lack of.

Three: I do not want to hear a man disparage his wife like that.

I didn’t appreciate the comment, nor the fact that he was talking about his wife behind her back to anyone who happened to be in ear shot.

So I let him know this.

“A woman isn’t going to be interested in sex unless there is something going on mentally. So if you want sex, you should probably talk to her more.”

He grumbled, “I know, I know.” Then threw up a dismissive hand at me. A real charmer, right?

I think the reason most relationships don’t work out is due to lack of talking. Not nonsense “how was your day” as you walk out of the room, or “the roof needs fixing” talking, but real talk, like “You seem upset. Is there something on your mind?” Kind of stuff. And then listen to your partner as they talk.

Well, come to find out he did talk to her. Well, sort of. He butt dialed her as he was drinking with the guys and she heard him disparage her to them. I guess that’s telling your partner how you feel, but doesn’t fair well on a marriage.

She moved to the basement. For the second time.

Honest to God! Does he really think he is ever going to get sex again with her? Not only did he disparage her to his friends which pissed her off, he obviously didn’t learn his lesson because he came to my house and disparaged her more.

The cheek of that guy! He doesn’t even understand the basics of what makes a relationship work. Respect, Trust and Communication. If you have those three things with a person I think you are on pretty solid ground. If not, well, you’re probably like this guy who is headed for divorce.

Discernment is a sign of a person who is mature. A person who is confident with themselves and respectful of others as well. Most people do not understand how valuable it is to learn to discern, which is why they go blabbing away to anyone who will listen.

The person who really looks like the bad guy here, when smearing someone like that and trying to have others question their character, is not the person being talked about. It’s the person doing the talking!

When I heard this song today it reminded me of him, so I couldn’t help but use it. I hope his wife learns to love herself enough to never put up with him again. Because in my opinion, a guy like that doesn’t deserve a third chance no matter how many years they have been together.

What is Sexy?

According to Merriam-Webster, sexy is attractive or interesting. I agree with the latter part; interesting, because people who are interesting, are pretty damn sexy.

Sexy to me means confidence as well. Not the false bravado type, which is merely a mask for a whole boat load of insecurities, but the kind that is understated, like Tyrion from Game of Thrones.

Sexy can be in any shape or form, too, depending on where you are at in your life and what you have experienced thus far. At one time you may have found people who looked really good sexy, but maybe now you’re at a point where you want something more than a little arm candy on your side that can’t articulate a thought.

If you are evolving as a person, then you get to a point where you understand that a look is just a look and nothing more. Some people make money off of their looks and occasionally those are the people with the most insecurities. Go figure!

And then there are people who others might call unattractive and dismiss them altogether, simply because they aren’t camera ready, aka looking like they walked out of a page of Vogue.

Sexy; it’s a very unique concept and the older I get, the more I find myself focusing on what sexy is not.

Sexy is not a falsity of any kind. It’s not validation, manipulation or frustration either. It’s certainly not drama, or flakey or controlling. It’s not dismissive, indecisive or destructive at all. It’s not lying, giving excuses or making things up. It’s not one way to you and another to someone else, depending on who is in the room.

Sexy is sexy because it’s an inside job and one that exudes with the radiance of a thousand suns if you possess it. It’s like a beacon to everyone who comes in contact with you. They see you and they want to have what you have, but most people aren’t willing to do the work to get it.

Sexy isn’t lazy. It is a knowing that something cannot be obtained out there somewhere, but that you need to go within to get it. You have to heal the parts of yourself that are still searching out there for someone to make you feel sexy, which isn’t sexy at all.

Sexy is a place of complete and utter calm within ones self. It’s a knowing that no matter what is going on around you, you can’t be jarred. You know without a doubt that you are on a certain path and cannot be wavered from it, no matter what challenges present itself to you.

Sexy is being unapologetic about who and what you are. It doesn’t care if someone likes the way you dress, the way you talk or the way you expresses yourself. Sexy in essence, is freedom. Freedom from everything and everyone that has ever tried to keep you small. And that, in short, is what makes a person so damn sexy.

Are you expressing yourself fully or continuing to play a role for someone else, limiting the real you from coming forward? Are you staying small for others so that they can feel good about themselves? Are you still trying to manipulate and control people because you hurt so badly, it makes you feel better to hurt others?

Or, are you sexy? And do you know it? Do you own it? Or are you still having trouble with that one?

It takes a lot of confidence to dance around in a mankini, but I’d say this guy nailed it. The fro is pretty cool too. Just sayin!

Be you! Do you! That’s sexy!

Ever Feel Like an Alien?

If someone were to have shown you a photo of our world today, compared to what was going on four months ago, you might think you were watching a movie about a dystopian society from the show Black Mirror. I know that’s how I feel.

I remember my middle guy having me watch one episode in particular that keeps coming to mind. It was about a group of military personnel hunting down groups of people they perceived as monsters, but in reality they were actually good people hiding from them because if they didn’t, they would be killed. The militants had had a chip inserted in them that made them think the people they were hunting were bad, instead of well, just people trying to get by.

I think about this episode a lot because I feel the similarities are rather eerie. We see people as a threat now. They are merely another means of contracting this thing, instead of people just trying to live their lives the best way they can, in the most unpredictable and unprecedented of circumstances.

And the protests! People demanding justice that should be rightfully theirs, without having to endure such hardships and pain to get it. In short, it breaks my heart and while I want to look away from so much inequality, I don’t, because ignoring things won’t make them go away, but facing them will.

And then there was this moment two days ago. A woman trying to buy cherries asked me if I would put them in my cart because she didn’t have 25.00 in hers to use the coupon. She could barely speak English, but I saw the coupon and the cherries and the money in her hand, so I agreed to help her. As she stepped in front of me and the cherries were rung up, they didn’t take the coupon off so she was asked for 20.00. I don’t eat cherries but I thought that was a ridiculous price. No wonder she had a coupon!

But…the checkout person didn’t put her order with mine. He rang it separately. This became quite the raucous in the store. She was trying to explain in broken English what she wanted and a security guard and two managers weren’t having it. She turned to me and said, “I sorry. Thank you!” And left the store without the cherries.

I stood there thinking, where the hell am I? What just happened? Was she that threatening? She looked like an old Grandma to me, but I guess to the store she looked like a nuisance, a problem, an alien even, not abiding by the rules. It was cherries! She didn’t need 25.00 worth of food, but I did. A simple gesture of kindness and trying to help someone out is met with that kind of a fuss. Is this really where we have come in our society?

We have forgotten the basics. How to treat others with compassion. To expect the best instead of the worst. We go right to the most horrendous of circumstances and see everyone as a threat to us and our family’s well being now.

I guess, like this song, you can start to feel like an alien amongst everyone now, if you refuse to play by the new paradigm. But I’m okay with that. I will always help people and animals in need because that is my nature. If it lands me in trouble, that’s the price I am willing to pay, because me doing nothing is a price I cannot afford, for it takes away from my very nature.

What do we really have to fear? We don’t even know. Fear is futile, an illusion that is so much worse in our minds than could ever be in reality. The fear of the unknown, the fear of rejections, the fear of perceptions and one of the biggest, the fear of what others think, are all ways in which we thwart any and all progress towards a life we truly want and deserve.

Live in fear or don’t, it’s a choice. We may not understand why all of this has happened and perhaps we don’t even need to. But what we do need to really get, is that we are clearly seeing the vast difference between people who feel like they are aliens amongst their neighbors for wanting change for humanity as whole, and those who are willing to keep up the facade that if it isn’t happening in their backyard, that they need not worry.

By the way, doing nothing, is actually doing something and speaks volumes to anyone and anything you say you care about.

Can’t Touch This

Yesterday I took a stroll down the aisles of Barnes and Noble for the first time in months. I was so excited to have the opportunity to peruse the store, even though I detest wearing a mask. I was happy to though, just so I could be around all those books.

When I entered I was greeted by a man who was keeping count of the people coming in which seems to be commonplace now. It’s so bizarre and I think if we would have all seen a mini movie of this, we wouldn’t have believed it, but it is what it is, so we go along with it.

I went up the stairs to try and find a good read for my boat trip that is coming up and then I was immediately disappointed by something I hadn’t expected. Signs reading, “Do not touch a book unless you plan on purchasing it” were everywhere.

What? How the hell can I buy a book, if I don’t pick it up and read the back cover? Am I supposed to just take a stab at one like I do with wine, by looking at the label/cover? I felt deflated. All of that excitement of getting in the store was gone.

I love books! I love holding them, which is why I don’t like the Kindle. I have one, but never use it. I think it was a gift. I can’t highlight anything, dog ear the pages or take notes in a page if I want to. Plus it runs out of charge. Paper books don’t run out of charge, they just exist forever and always until you give them away or the pages tear from the binding.

I ended up picking a book from an author I have read before, but wasn’t very excited about my purchase. I like to find treasures and the only way to find them, is to go searching for them. But you can’t very well make new discoveries unless you can dig, and in order to dig, you have to use your hands.

I am always finding the humor in things, but this new way of living has me stumped because I’m finding things that were completely off the wall, acceptable now.

Like banks. I took my youngest to the bank to open him a high school account and laughed at the irony of being in a bank with a mask on. Everyone in there had one on. I mean, come on! That’s funny! Can you imagine ever thinking that would be a thing? And one that was insisted upon? Like you can’t even enter a bank now without one!

While I want to find the humor in not being able to touch books, I just couldn’t. I don’t know about you, but I am a person who feels. I have to feel, I need to feel, I exist to feel. And now I can’t. I’m covering my mouth, which is one of my most attractive qualities and well as yours, because we smile that way. Often times all you have to do is smile at someone and it transforms our day as well as theirs. But there isn’t any of that anymore.

Just eyes. We’re only seeing eyes now. Eyes that Judge one another or roll when a simple act of sneezing is done.

So if I can’t touch books, then I will continue to find things that touch my heart, cause nobody has control over that but me.

Me and Mr Jones

I loooove Amy Winehouse! This song is so fantastic, especially the first part about fuckery. I mean, come on! Who hasn’t wanted to call somebody about on theirs? 

But that’s not OUR job, is it? We might think it is, especially when we start to see things in a new light and have a keen awareness that some of the people in our lives are actually pretty shady.   

When you become more conscious and see a clear distinction between what you want and the agenda others have (probably more of out a tower moment or disaster), you start to see the many ways in which you have settled for less than what you deserve. 

You start to hear people differently and wonder if they talked this way to you all along. It’s as though you had ear plugs in or a huge wax build up, but all of a sudden your ears are attuned to everything, like a wild animal in the jungle.

Oh boy! And the things you see!  Once those blinders come off, there’s no putting them  back on. You may notice the way people treat others like you are viewing their interactions for the first time. You might be caught so off guard, that you want to crawl under a table or run in the opposite direction so that no one sees you with them. 

You also become aware of the not so subtle nuances of how they take you for granted, take advantage of your good heart and worst of all, do it with a smile. They pretend to have your back when they don’t and will throw you under the bus, any bus, the minute they can. 

Fuckery for sure, but let’s be honest here. We have to be accountable for this treatment, don’t we? I mean, as much as it’s easier to blame someone else for our pain, we have to ask those really hard questions that most of us don’t even know exist.

How did I attract this in the first place? What was it in me that invited this into my life? Where am I unhealed? What is it I need to love more about myself, so that I don’t ever have to attract this pain and misery into my life again?

Yeah! Those are some pretty tough questions, but if there are people in your life that make you feel bad, then chances are you already don’t feel good about who you are because you wouldn’t have attracted them in the first place.

Life is all about learning and growing. Often times it takes painful situations in order for us to learn a lesson. It doesn’t have to be this way, but we are stubborn. We look past all of the warning signs that were probably there from the get go, and eventually those little red flags become landmines and we find ourselves literally walking on eggshells to avoid any conflict. 

But it still happens. It is all by design. And if you don’t learn to love the parts of you that you think need to be hidden away, then you will continue to attract people who do the same. Talk about skeletons in the closet! Some people are pretty fucking scary and they are very savvy at keeping that shit hidden. 

In this song, as much as she calls out her guy on his fuckery, she still loves him and knows that in the end, he is only playing himself.

You see, the moral here, is that it’s better to be authentic. Simply put, that means being your crazy ass self. It is far better to attract people who really get you, than people who only get the surface one.

Like attracts like. Remember that!

 

Morning Walk

I usually wake every morning around 5am. It’s not by choice. I have a cat named Milo who stares at me until I do. He wants to be fed. Sometimes he wakes me much earlier but I push him off the bed and he goes to his bed on the floor until I feel his eyes glaring at me again. 

Since I’m up and he’s fed, I put on my sneakers and go for a walk. Surprisingly, there are usually a few early birds like myself out there. I always say hello to everyone and quite often people don’t say anything back. I know we are still living in a pandemic world, but people didn’t say hello before it, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that they can’t even make eye contact now. 

But somehow I am. It really disturbs me because every day I wake up in a good mood, but when I leave my house, I see so much anger, fear and rudeness, I just want to stay inside.

Yesterday I took my middle son to the dentist and a man honked at me because I didn’t accelerate fast enough at the light. Me, who drinks at least 4 cups of coffee every morning not moving fast enough!

Why are people in such a hurry? Where are they going that is so important, that it trumps being polite? 

Last week I was at the grocery store, which is now likened to being a mouse in a maze with all of the lines on the floor telling you which way to go, that I can’t stand being there anymore. Just when I figured out where everything was in the place, they go and put tape on the floor and I have to walk up two aisles to get to the one I want.

Not such a problem as problems go, right? But when you have to wait to be called now to check out, the line gets pretty long and your grocery time is now doubled. Some people don’t like this. Personally I could care less! My life as an actress is diminishing by the day due to this fucking covid, so I’ve got nothing but time on my hands now.

There was one woman though, who wasn’t having any of it. She had a handful of items and didn’t want to wait like the rest of us; actually refused to. 

“You don’t mind if I go in front of you, do you?” She said, as she placed herself right in front of me and the five people waiting behind.  

Me, a person who has let three people go ahead of me in line before, probably would have offered her the courtesy, but she didn’t even allow for it. I was astonished at her audacity. So I let her know.

Sometimes, no matter how spiritual you are, no matter how much you tap, no matter how much of your time you give to others for free, no matter how many dogs you save, how many birds you feed, no matter how many children you help that come to your door asking for money, no matter how many things you give away to charities, you gotta express how you feel about someone like that and I think it’s perfectly fine. 

I’m not a perfect person, but I’m about as close to an earth angel that you’re gonna find. So I let her know how I felt about her cutting the line. 

“Of course I don’t mind! You are far more important than I am.” I said, big smile with teeth. 

She didn’t quite know what to do with that.  She looked around confused, like she had just smelled something bad and then turned to me and said, “That’s not what I think.”

“But of course you do! It’s fine! Go ahead!” Big smile again. 

And of course…she did! She kept trying to thank me as she bagged her items but I didn’t even look at her. I chose to ignore her on purpose. My thought is, if you’e going to be an asshole, own it. 

So while a lot of the world is choosing to be rude, taking a me-first attitude and ignoring someone simply saying hello, I choose kindness, beauty and love. And if I’m ever having a hard time staying committed to that path, I put on this piece of music and am taken to a place of hope. 

Music speaks to me always. I hope it speaks to you in some way as well. May the posts you read here combined with music bring about laughter, inspiration, a few tears (only a few) and the sheer belief that anything is possible.