Somewhere Over The Rainbow

One of my favorite movies of all time! We used to go to my Nanny and Gramp’s house to watch this on their color television because we only had a black and white one. Wow! I’m definitely not young, but fully embrace with grace and gratitude the age that I am. These are nice qualities to see in anyone at any age.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of watching my youngest son play football. He switched schools this year. He’s 16 and it is his 8th school. And while some people might scowl at that, I could care less. Every school has brought him on a journey that he saw somewhere over the rainbow and managed to conquer each one with passion, pride, strength and commitment. It wasn’t easy for him, but the person he is today has everything to do with chasing that rainbow.

All of my children have switched schools throughout the years because of this rainbow. I have been their biggest champion and catalyst in doing so. This is because I don’t believe in one size fits all and when I had a hard time one year in school, my father moved me. I get it! I always have! All you need is one person in your life to believe in you and you can achieve anything.

We seem to search a lot for this rainbow that we think is out there, somewhere beyond our grasp, when all we have to do is realize it’s right in front of us, we just choose to ignore it or run from it and make our journey back to ourselves so much harder than it need be.

And sometimes that journey is circuitous, but it doesn’t matter; sometimes we need that detour to show us a lesson in order to put us back on track.

As I watched him play for over 2 and a 1/2 hours, never being taken out of the game once, I felt this incredible pride and elation. I could see he was tired, but he never stopped. He pushed forward, playing the O line and Linebacker, hit his helmet a few times with his hands and powered through like a true champion. I had to give him Advil when he came home when i saw the bruises on his arms.

All he wanted to do was play football and now he does. He’s also quite brilliant and incredibly handsome and super amazingly nice. He’s the kid who I had to give dollar bills to when he commuted through New York City every day so he could give money to the homeless. Many times he gave his own lunch so that they could have food. In short, he has all the cards. I use this analogy a lot with my kids, because well, I make cards and it’s a good analogy.

They understand that not everyone has cards and that they are fortunate. They are missing a few, which has played a large part in their understanding of rainbows and how often times you wish certain people had your back, but actually don’t and therefore whatever it is you are striving for, must be done on your own volition.

The rainbow you think is elusive is merely a lie you tell yourself from taking action. When you commit to a journey and understand that it might take you out of your comfort zone for awhile but will eventually bring you to exactly where you need to be in order to fulfill your dreams, there is nothing to fear.

So you can either wait for a house to fall on an evil green witch or you can take one step today towards that future you perceive to be out there, somewhere over the rainbow, when the rainbow you are seeking, is right their in your heart and knows exactly which way to go.

Pretty Hurts

We shine the light on whatever’s worst, tryna fix something. But you can’t fix what you can’t see. It’s the soul that needs a surgery.

When we try to be perfect, it’s because we are always seeking approval. This stems from childhood and a parental figure who never gave it to you. This made you feel rejected. Deep rejection. And because you were a child, you learned to become whatever it was they needed you to be, in order to get their attention. But you’re not that child anymore. Unless of course you haven’t healed this core wound.

This need for attention and approval will show up in one of two ways.

You can see it when you go out. And while you may initially get irked by the behaviors of others, once you see it for what it is, you will never be bothered again by someone else’s energy.

There are those who will throw a tantrum at a restaurant if their order isn’t right. They get impatient waiting in line. They feel rejected and ignored if someone doesn’t recognize them when they need help, like a waiter or host at a restaurant. People honk their horns at you when they think you cut them off in traffic. It’s laughable really, but when you know the real meaning behind it, you see so clearly how they are adults acting like children, wanting to be seen and heard.

But most people don’t know that. Most people will view those who act like this as arrogant and react. When you react you only perpetuate this negative energy instead of transmuting it.

The other side of this deep wounding of rejection and abandonment, is the person who wears a mask of perfection. They care too much about the way they look, the way others perceive them and will do anything to present themselves as anything other than who and what they truly are. A shapeshifter of sorts and you know from fairy tales how scary they can be. Eventually that mask comes off and when you see what has been hiding under it, M Night Shyamalan has never told the horror story that you will experience.

No one is perfect. No one. In fact, the more a person seems to be perfect, the more telling their dysfunction is. Don’t bother yourself with these type of people. Focus on you and doing you and nothing else; this is empowerment.

If you’re a person who pretends to be perfect, the only way you break this pattern is by looking at yourself and asking the hard questions that you have been avoiding. You can’t change the past and you can’t keep blaming those who hurt you, but you can take yourself off of the exhausting hamster wheel of seeking approval outside of yourself at any time and give it to yourself instead.

There is no way to genuinely, powerfully, truly love yourself while crafting a mask of perfection. – Vironika Tugaleva

You Don’t Need a Hero, But Sometimes it Feels Good to be One for Someone Else

I love all things Universe! Messages, number sequence; it’s ways in which something outside of ourselves that we cannot explain, speaks to us. Like a constant barrage of information being thrown at you that you either choose to listen to or ignore.

I chose to ignore the signs, whatever you want to call them for a long time. And then finally, when they got to be too much, I was forced to answer them.

This morning the Universe sent me a big one. I had just picked up food from Starbucks for my youngest son. There are no cooking utensils in our house at this juncture and we are a day or two away from leaving it- God willing! It’s just easier and since I usually make his breakfast, Starbucks did it for me today.

As I was waiting to turn and make my way home, a homeless man who lives in our town passed in front of my car. I have seen him numerous times before. He has skin that looks as though it has seen a lot of sun and longer hair. I often wonder if he would like me to cut it but have never asked him. He is generally hunched over as he pushes all of his belongings up hills and around town.

I looked at him as he passed in front of me and tapped on my horn and then motioned to the side of the road. I got out of my car, waved to the person behind me to let them know I was getting out and gave the man ten dollars. “Have breakfast on me today” I said, and then got back in my car and left.

I am not a hero. But I do understand the value of people and those heros who have been mine. My sons, for who I am forever grateful, have been there for me whenever I need them and even when I think I don’t. My cat, Milo and every dog I have ever rescued, who in actuality, rescued me. And of course, my sister and her husband who have been there for me more times than I can count. My mother too, since she always is there to listen, even when I harp on about the same old thing.

I am grateful for these people in my life and that’s why I understand how a simple gesture and an acknowledgement of someone in need and doing what you can to help them make their day just a little better, is so important.

I do believe in heros because I know many. And because I have been so blessed by them, it is effortless for me to bless others. I also trust in the Universe and it’s divine guidance and therefore I know, I will always be financially abundant.

Money is just energy but so many people become trapped by the illusion of it. In the end it is simply an exchange for services rendered and nothing more. And sometimes that service you are receiving, is the incredible feeling you get, by giving to someone in need.

I hope the person behind me saw what I did and went on their day and did an act of kindness to someone else. I believe in the good in people when they are seemingly at their worst. We don’t know what drives a person to do what they do, we only know what drives us.

Let your driver be a hero. The world is in great of need of them.

Are You Willing to Gamble?

I don’t play cards to gamble, but I do make them. I don’t actually print them, but I do create the content for them.

I was recently at my sister’s home and she had a deck I had made in her kitchen. She likes to pull one and while I was there she did. I can’t remember the card she got but I like that she has them.

Most of the decks I make are inspirational or have specific messages on them. I have never made a tarot deck but have thought about it because I have collected them for awhile. I find it fascinating that people can throw cards on a table and give you a reading. I see pretty pictures and scary ones, but I don’t see the story. I could make one up; I’m pretty good at that, but most people don’t want you to do that. I don’t think anyway. I know little of the cards together, but I do have a little knowledge about what they mean separately and I find their order to be quite intertesting.

The major arcana starts with the fool. It is literally a quest that one takes in life and than it works through to the world card. The world pretty much says it all. It is when things turn in our favor, but in order to have the world to that, we have to be willing to take the fools journey, which begins with one step, or showing one card of the deck you keep so tightly guarded.

There is one card called the Queen of Cups. She is associated with love and all good things, but if you push her or challenge her in any way, she will become the Queen of Swords and cut you out. Not sure why someone would want to do that when they are being offered a cup, but some people get off on challenging others or putting them through hoops to test their loyalty and then that nice energy matches the one that is being offered and they get severed.

The tower card is a scary one. No one likes to get that one! It’s an image of people jumping out of a burning building. This tower card usually shows up when a person has let a situation go on too long and the powers that be take over and end it. It’s quite unpleasant because you essentially gave your power away and let others make choices for you. It is meant to wake you up from being asleep or unconscious.

The devil card is pretty heinous too. It generally shows up when you are dealing with some nefarious person who only has their best interest in mind. Often times it can be someone meddling in affairs where they don’t belong, like relationships between two people. There is literally a couple on the card being bound by the devil.

The strength card usually has a woman with a lion she is petting on it. She also has the infinity symbol above her head which signifies unity and the concept of limitlessness. I guess it takes a lot of strength to get to that place. I would have thought they would use a man lifting weights, but…that’s why I haven’t made a tarot deck.

One of my favorite cards is the 10 of cups. It usually shows a rainbow and a happy couple looking out over their land. This is the card of love, happy family life and prosperity. Basically having it all. But you don’t just get the 10 of cups in life, you have to start with one step in that direction. There are challenges along the way of course, which are depicted in the cards leading up to this one. The four of cups shows a person dissatisfied with everything which takes you to the five of cups where things have not gone your way or as expected. This is what happens when we try and control everything and don’t allow life to unfold naturally.

A tarot spread can change with each passing day because we all have free will and our energy changes all the time, as does our perception, wants and needs. I would go out on a limb and say gambling probably happens in the same way. If you are feeling low you are probably coming from a place of desperation and that won’t bode well for YOU in a casino or any bet you are placing.

And while analyzing tarot cards is interesting, what I find fascinating is why people don’t gamble on love more. It doesn’t cost anything to get started, but for some people, the gamble is too great. They would rather hold their cards so tight, they not only don’t show one, they show nothing at all and let opportunities for love pass them by.

I think it’s fine to hold your cards until another person proves they are worthy of your time, attention, vulnerability and trust, but at some point you gotta show a card if you want love. You have to be willing to be the fool and take that first step if you want the world to turn in your favor and have that 10 of cups.

Because if you aren’t willing to do that, you not only miss out on a chance at love and happiness, you miss out on the opportunity to share your life with someone; a person who has your back, loves you when you wake up and when you fall asleep, when you have stuff in your teeth, have a bad day, have a good one, accepts all of your quirks and mishegas and still thinks you are the cat’s pajamas!

Hold the cards or don’t…I know what I’m doing.

Love is needed now more than ever

You can’t hear this song and not feel happy. The message is pretty clear. We don’t need more money or more stuff and we certainly don’t need more problems, but what we do need, is more love. I know that sounds like something out of rainbow land, but it’s true. Love heals everything! Start with yourself and it won’t be long before you’re spending your afternoon in a museum looking at art, the one you love and maybe dancing a little. Okay, maybe not dancing, but holding hands for sure!

We done a lot of living
We working overtime
Don’t need another million
You got that goldmine
I love the way you’re livin’
‘Cause you so genuine
You got that something special
Didn’t you know?
I just need you, you, you

Met you when I was a lil’ nappy head boy
And I never put down my alto saxophone, yeah
Buckjumpin’ down on the boulevard
I couldn’t wait to blow my own horn (woo!)
It ain’t wrong for you to play along
Playing this song ’til you die, come on, come on

In this world with a lot of problems
All we need is a little loving
Thank you, thank you, oh, you make me
Thank you, thank you for your loveWe done a lot of living
We working overtime
Don’t need another million
You got that goldmine
I love the way you’re livin’ (hey)
‘Cause you’re so genuine (genuine)
You got that something special
Didn’t you know?
I just need you, you, you (come on, now!)

Met you when I was a lil’ country boy
And I never put down that pork chop and salt
Then we fell in love on the boulevard
If you was Jenny, I guess I was Forrest (run!)
Nah, it ain’t wrong for you to sing along
Singing this song ’til you die

In this world with a lot of problems
All we need is a little loving
Thank you, thank you, oh, you make me
Thank you, thank you for your love

We done a lot of living (whole lotta)
We working overtime (overtime)
Don’t need another million
You got that goldmine (goldmine)
I love the way you’re livin’
‘Cause you’re so genuine (genuine)
You got that something special
Didn’t you know?
I just need you, you, you I need you, you, you, you, you, you, you

Do You Care Too Much What Others Think of You?

I love David Goggins! If you don’t know who he is, look him up. I follow him on Instagram because I find him so motivational.

This speech right here is pretty spot on. If you are living a life where you are trying so hard to impress others, you will never be happy because you won’t be free. What you will be however, is inauthentic and a prisoner of your own making, where you are so busy trying to impress others, you lose yourself.

I’m an actor, but choose to be one because it’s fun and the up side is I get paid to do so. But I can’t imagine being one every single day of my life because I am too afraid people won’t like the real me. Spoiler alert: I don’t care who likes me or who doesn’t and it works.

I cannot even imagine how exhausting it must be to pretend to be something you aren’t all the time. How do you even keep track of all of those personalities?

Life is meant to be lived but in order to live, you have to be willing to be authentic and for some people, that seems impossible because it requires them to do the work.

My advice for if you care too much, is to stop caring a little less and start living. It’s never too late to be the real you! And who knows…you might even be more likable.

Good Days

We’ve all been heartbroken when it comes to love relationships. When I think about the heartache I have endured, I can tell you in all honesty that I have never truly felt loved in any of mine. I always felt very lonely.

The reason for this is of no fault of the people I was with. The fault was within me. I didn’t love myself enough, therefore I always put their needs ahead of mine. When you do this, you set yourself up for a whole lot of disappointment.

I now know what real love feels like, because I learned to give it to myself. I had to. It was out of survival. The heartache of realizing that someone you are with didn’t ever really ever love you, they only loved the role you played in their life, completely breaks you down and the only thing you can do is build yourself up again.

This song talks of good days and believing in those, no matter what has happened to you in love. Just because you learn to love yourself doesn’t mean you don’t want love from someone else. It simply means you don’t need it to fulfill you and the right person will feel the same way.

I believe in good days in love. They are far more common when you connect with someone who feels the same way you do, then the bad ones. No matter what has happened between two people, if the connection and pull towards one another is there, you can overcome anything and I mean anything.

Forgiveness is a wonderful thing and sometimes it isn’t even necessary. What is necessary though, is taking a leap of faith towards love again so that you can heal. People heal one another in love. You can do all the work you want, but when all is said and done, the true test to your healing is the ability to love again.

Focus on the good days, not the bad or sad ones. It’s what I’m doing, and I can hardly wait to be with the person that the Universe is sending me for doing so.

The Spins (lyrics may be a bit inappropriate but this song has a killer uplifting beat)

The spins is an adverse reaction of intoxication that causes a state of vertigo and nausea, causing one to feel as if “spinning out of control”, especially when lying down. It is most commonly associated with drunkenness or mixing alcohol with other psychoactive drugs such as cannabis.

But what of the type of spins that have nothing to do with alcohol at all? We have all felt like we are spinning out of control at some point in our lives. Why do you suppose we feel this way? Completely out of control, like our lives wait in the wings for someone else to tell us what to do or how to move forward.

I’ll tell you why. When you involve people who only have their best interest in mind and not yours, you will most definitely feel out of control. This is because you essentially gave your power over to them.

Sadly this happens more than we are aware of. If you are unconscious, meaning you still look for approval outside of yourself instead of looking within, then you most definitely feel as though you are spinning out of control in some area of your life.

We all have this incredible innate power within us, but few of us use it. We still continue to seek acceptance from those we think have more value then we do. We listen to their opinions because they make money, have a degree or whatever it is you are impressed by, instead of trusting our own judgement to make the proper decisions necessary in order for you to stay in a constant state of flow.

When you hand your power over, jump up and down, run through hoops and do anything you can to gain the attention and approval from others, you are coming from a place of complete and utter desperation. Desperate people attract desperate people and situations into their lives. People who look for approval attract people who will never give it to them. And people who blame others and take no accountability, well they are probably the worst, because they are self serving and you are just merely a pawn in their game to win at all costs.

At any given moment you have the power to stop spinning out of control. You do this by learning to love yourself so much, you never allow anyone to have control or power over you again. But you have to do the work. You have to be willing to really take a good look at yourself and ask the questions you have been avoiding. You have to stop blaming others for where you are at in life and take full accountability for the choices you have made because those choices brought you to this present moment.

You get to choose! You are incredibly powerful, so if you are still on the merry go round and don’t want to be there, get off. Life is easy. If it is hard for you, it’s because you are operating from a place of desperation.

Whatever vibration you are currently emitting, your life is reflecting back to you. If you like what you see, then keep vibing there. If you don’t, then do the work. It really is that simple.

Everyone in your life you are currently dealing with has been brought to you because of your vibration. You attracted them. It is not personal, it is simply vibrational.

What is it You Don’t want to Know?

We all know what we know, and while we may not be able to express it in the most perfect terms if we were to speak it, our inner compass cannot deny the truth. It is a niggling feeling that we are not being recognized for who we are or what we stand for. Not only that, we are not being heard, nor are we being respected.

The body always knows when something is off. We might feel it in our gut; a pit that grows within us until we can no longer deny it. It might come with a tenseness in the shoulders that we can no longer shrug off. Our face might get flush with heat because we feel like we are under attack. The body is always trying to alert us to when we are not honoring ourselves, but we continue to ignore it. We would rather wait until the most horrible things happen, before we acknowledge the truth of what is going on.

We would rather mistrust ourselves and our bodies and continue to serve others and their needs, than to accept the truth that they really don’t care about us and what we think, they only care about what themselves.

The reason for this, is that we don’t want to know because the truth hurts, so we stay in denial. People live lies every single day. They pretend they are happy, that they are in good relationships, that all is well in the world. Some will even pretend to be good people; self-righteous even, yet will condemn you and play the victim, if you go against them.

When those who are closest to you are the ones who deceive you, this is when you really don’t want to know, because it is a painful moment when you realize who has always been in your corner, and who has not.

Most of us will carry on and accept the unacceptable because we would rather turn a blind eye to how uncomfortable we feel, than to be alone. What is it about being alone that frightens people so much? You can be in a room with a hundred people and feel incredibly alone and you can sit with yourself and your stuff and your kids or your animals and feel like you are among an audience of a thousand. It’s all about acceptance. Who accepts you, for you?

I used to play the game. Keep the peace at all costs. It completely depleted me of everything that I was. I essentially became someone else; a shadow of others and what they wanted. My laughter, my smile, the effervescence was still there, but it lost a bit of its bubbly-ness every time I sat back and allowed others to trample over me so that they could feel better about themselves.

I don’t do this anymore. And while others might find my dismissal of people who still try to do this harsh, it is necessary in order for me to move on and be what I came here to be. I am love. I have always been love. I give love unconditionally and sometimes when you do that, you attract people who take it and give nothing in return. They are the ones who are most upset, when you know the truth.

So while you may not want to know, sometimes you really need to, in order to step into your power and live the life you were meant to, not the one someone expected of you.

Know everything! When you do, you heal yourself and you finally step into your truth.

What’s your truth? You have always been divine in nature.; perfect as you are. You just let others convince you that you weren’t.

Where the Heart is

The longer I live, the more I realize just how simple life is. And the more I come to this realization, the more I attract people who feel the same way.

Let me explain. When you let go and allow, the Universe provides. If you don’t like that lingo, then how about, when you lose the control you desperately cling to and let life lead you where it is trying to, instead of where your ego thinks it should be, life gets easier.

I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self this. I cannot even imagine how different my life would have been. I try and tell my kids this now, because I see how many young people are struggling these days with their day to day lives and their futures.

Where the heart is, is all that ever matters. And while that may sound simple or cheesy, it really is true. When you get to this place of understanding that your heart has always been trying to guide you to bliss, you allow it.

But so many of us fight it. We continue on a path of programs and conditioning and what we think we are supposed to do. We give value to things that don’t matter. We respect people because of their position in our lives instead of respecting them for what really counts.

The more I let go of things and people that have never appreciated, valued or loved me, the more I manifest. This is what honoring yourself and your choices does for you. And while letting go is not easy, it is essential, in order for you to become who you were meant to be.

People try to keep you small. I don’t believe it is intentional, but I do believe it needs to change. You might be the change maker in your family. And if you are, be thankful.

You didn’t come here to play by the rules or play small. You came here to be heard, seen and loved for who you are. And until people understand that your words, actions and emotions are coming from where the heart is, you might feel very alienated and alone, but that’s only because you haven’t met people who vibe where you do…yet.

It’s not easy to do this and you will be tested…time and time again. The Universe will ask, “How much do you value yourself?” And you have to respond.

The response is not easy, but essential. You have to be willing to let go of people who have not been kind to you. It doesn’t matter who it is, because your well being cannot be compromised. One time of dismissal is one time too many, but sometimes it takes us a few of those painful moments to understand we never meant much to a person in the first place.

This is where the healing begins. When you feel, you heal. And when you heal, this marvelous thing happens. It’s as if the Universe rewards you ten fold. You want what? Of course you can have it! How about three? I’m not kidding! People are sent to you, opportunities are sent to you, and acceptance is there as well.

It’s almost as if you climbed out of some cocoon and the world is seeing you for the first time. And perhaps it is. You… the real you. How gorgeous is that?

Embrace you heart! It is where all of life’s magic is.