BLOG POSTS

Namaste

I bow to the divine in you.

The place I go for yoga, Yoga Life often says, “The divine in me bows to the divine in you.” I like ending the class this way. What I don’t like is when the word is thrown around elsewhere, without people grasping what it really means.

Outside of yoga I don’t know where you would hear this term, unless you’re like me and you watch Curb Your Enthusiasm. In one episode Larry David refused to say it to a yoga teacher.  It was very fitting because he certainly says what he means and he didn’t feel like saying it. You either love him or dislike him for it. I happen to like him.

Namaste: I bow to the divinity in you. What does that even mean? Well, it’s not the candy. My mother makes them and they are quite good and I’m hoping she sends them in her cookie box which is late by the way, but this is a different kind of divinity.

Divinity is pretty obvious in some people. They are generally polite and giving and always seem happy or joyous. The light inside of them radiates like a golden sun and if you’re having a bad day and they smile at you, you might call them a weirdo, wondering what the hell is wrong with them.

And then there are those that it’s not so easy to see the divinity in. As a matter of fact you may even go on a deep excavation trying to dig for that gold and come up empty. But it’s there. It’s always there.  But it’s not as genuine when you find it. A little more satisfying when you do perhaps because none of us like to be wrong, but having to search for divinity that hard is hardly worth the search at all.

The divine in a person should always be ever present. It is our ultimate goal. To be fully engaged at all times, no matter what we are doing or who we are doing it with. To feel blessed for all that we have, even if we don’t yet have what we truly want. To be grateful and thankful for everything we can possibly think of, because it begets more of the same. To love ourselves unconditionally first, because in doing so we become the light and love we wish to see in others and then can only attract the same.

Be open to seeing the divine in others. If it’s not there at first glance then maybe just maybe your kindness will be the first wrecking ball to penetrate the wall they have created around themselves to keep others away.

As mentioned, a smile is an easy way to offer your divinity. And while some people might think you’re on drugs if they aren’t drinking the divinity kool aid, they do respond to them. It’s an effortless acknowledgement of another human being and is very contagious. Even if the person thinks you’re nuts, they will still be thinking about you after your brief encounter. Why? Because you are essentially recognizing the soul in another person. Their uniqueness, their light, their divinity. And it feels good to be acknowledged for who we really are.

But remember…a person cannot see the divinity in others without seeing it in themselves first. Honor the self, love the self and then doing so to others seems to come almost effortlessly. Your patience enhances, your heart gets bigger and you learn to see that which is divine in others much quicker than that which is not.

Namaste.

 

Letting Go

How hard is it for you to let go? For many of us it’s next to impossible.

Letting go comes up quite a bit in my life. It used to be when I went to an audition I would attach to the particular role I was going for and then when I didn’t book the job, I was upset. I had done everything I was supposed to do. Or at least I thought I had. I would lament for days about it. When I did this it was hard to bounce back from the disappointment.

And then I learned to not attach to the auditions. I go on a bunch. Half the time I can’t even tell you what they are for.  Some people might say this is the opposite thing to do if I want to manifest one of the jobs. But it’s not.

If I give it my all, become the part and leave it in the room, I still have a chance of not booking it because it is all contingent upon what others think. Maybe I look too young, too old, not grey, too thin, not thin enough, who the F^&K knows what they think when I leave the room. I only get attached, when I book it.

It took me a long time to let go of the way I was attaching to a certain outcome. The tighter I held, the harder it was to release it. We do this an awful lot to people. They are usually people who don’t serve us for the greatest good, unless of course you are into torturing yourself by learning the lesson of self worth ad nauseam.

Why is it so easy to put things that no longer serve us out on the curb for pick up, but giving up something with a soul is like pulling your nails out. Why do people lament so much over letting someone go? And is it really letting them go or maybe just maybe finally loving yourself enough to say you have had enough of the way they make you feel?

When do you draw the line and let go? At what point? What has to happen to you in order for you to honor yourself first, instead of gifting that away to someone who isn’t even honoring themselves? How could they be? If you love you, then that is what you eminnate. There’s no time for anything else because all that matters is being happy.

If someone wants to be in your life, they are there. It doesn’t matter what others think, it only matters what you do, of them. If someone wants to talk to you, they do. If someone is interested in what you have to say, they listen. If someone loves you, they honor and respect you and would never do anything consciously to hurt you. All of these qualities make a person happy. It’s the only thing that matters. Letting go becomes much easier when you remember this.

Because when we don’t let go, we harbor feelings that can eat away at us like pain, resentment, anger and frustration, which all lead to a complete feeling of disempowerment. If you are vibrating on this level, than chances are you have given all of your power away to someone or something else, allowing them to decide whether you feel good or not.

Why would you want to give your power away? Think of all of the great things you could do if you started putting yourself ahead of someone who isn’t doing the same for you.

Sometimes it hurts to let go, but we have to honor ourselves enough to know that the best outcome is one where we live from our heart, knowing we did the best we could.  If  someone cannot give you back what you gave to them, just know they are not in the same place.

Today I had to let go of a little blind kitten I had been fostering. I absolutely loved her! I was so torn about letting her go. A part of me felt sad that she will be back in a cage until she is adopted. I had asked that she be adopted out of my home but they declined. I try and be the voice for the animals I help, but there are others who have a voice as well and I must honor what they think is best and not force my will.

Fostering a blind kitten had its challenges. I had to keep her in one of my sons’ bedrooms away from the other animals and she kept him up some nights climbing his bed. I was very conscious of being away because I knew she was all alone, so I would cut things short. She required many feedings and medications and lots of litter changes, too. Her hearing was amazing and I felt so bad every time she heard one of the dogs bark, because it visibly freaked her out. I have the claw marks to prove it. Did I mention I am highly allergic to cats and am now trying to heal from a horrible chest cold?

While I would have loved to keep her, I knew that letting go was a better option for both of us. She deserves a home where she can run free without an 80 pound dog chasing her and I deserve to breathe. I know in letting go of Poppy she will be found by someone special because that is all she knows. She radiates joy and goodness and the person who discovers her will do the same.

So if I can let go of Poppy, knowing it is what is best for us both, who or what can you let go of?

If it doesn’t feel good to you, then it’s not good for you. There’s your gauge for letting go.

 

 

 

 

Drama

A play for theater, radio, or television.
And then there’s this kind of drama: an exciting, emotional, or unexpected series of events or set of circumstances.
Some of us are drawn to the second type of drama. Perhaps it’s a part of ourselves that never got to play roles in a drama club, so we create them in real time. Maybe we think our  lives are boring by comparison, so we feel the need to do something, anything, to feel a jolt of excitement.
The problem with creating drama is that others get hurt. They are often unaware of your deep seeded need to feel excitement. But let’s be real. If you are seeking drama, what you are really yearning for is attention. It’s why actors do plays or any job for that matter. But when you seek attention outside of the entertainment industry, others pay the price with their heart.
Think about it.  How many times have you created drama that didn’t involve other people? People unaware of your own insecurities which are usually masked pretty astutely by some type of character you play. As a matter of fact, you play the part so well, you can’t even come out of character anymore.
When faced with real feelings you might be the person who isn’t available. When faced with a challenge you become the character who runs away. Or when things don’t go your way you become embroiled in bitterness and start to plan your revenge. Maybe you refuse to accept what is, so you lash out at others, instead of battling the demons inside of yourself.
The first thing to do when realizing you are drawn to drama, is realize you are drawn to drama. Own it. It’s okay. We all have our shit. Accept this part of yourself that needs attention and then ask it why and wait for an answer. What is it you are seeking from others that you cannot give to yourself? It probably has something to do with love.
Lack of love can do a real number on us. It can create unhealthy patterns in our lives that are doomed to be repeated until we take a look within. We can be afraid to stand up for ourselves, even when we know what is being asked of us is not something we want to do. It can hinder our ability to go after our dreams because we don’t believe we are worthy of them coming true. Perhaps the most ironic thing about lack of love for ourselves, can be our inability to accept love from others, so we create drama to keep people away.
Understand this about drama. On film, in the theatre or in books it has its purpose.  Playing it out in your day to day life can only hurt others and ultimately hurt yourself.

Attachment

Attachment is the condition of being attached to something or someone in particular. If you live your life attaching to certain people, hows and details, then you have probably set yourself up for many disappointments. I’m guilty of it myself.

In our pea brains we think we know the best way to get from A to Z and don’t care what anybody else has to say about it; consequently our ego is in the driver’s seat and when that happens we don’t allow for life’s magic to help us out.

When we become our own GPS we attach too much to who and how.  This person will do this for me, I am going to work for that company,  he’s the guy for me, she’s the gal for me, I am going to live in that house on that street, I am going to make this amount of money, it can never happen that way because it has to happen this way and that role is the one I am going to play.

If you insist on certain people, how its going to happen and all of the tiny details that you have conjured up in your mind in order for your dream of happiness to come true, then you will be very unhappy when none of these things happen.

What if the way to make your fortune hasn’t even been discovered by you yet, but you are insisting it go a certain way. Maybe you’re a writer, a potter, a wine enthusiast and your means of money is in one of those ways? What if the guy or gal you think is your perfect mate is really awful for you and by holding onto the belief that that person is going to make you happy it is essentially keeping you from meeting a more suited partner?

Chances are, if you have attached to a certain person, place or thing in order to be happy, then you might never be. No one can meet our expectations nor should they be expected to.

When we attach to a particular outcome in order to make ourselves happy and it doesn’t come to fruition, we become depressed. We just don’t get it! We were so certain it was going to work. Maybe even all the sign were there. Maybe you put in all the work. There is no logical reason in your mind why it didn’t happen.

But there is a reason, you just didn’t know about it. You attached to an outcome that required specific people, how it was going to happen and put in way too many details. In short, your happiness relied on others and certain circumstances in order to come true.

As an actor I have attached a lot to outcomes. i used to leave every auditioned attached to the outcome.  This was my big break. This job was it. This casting director was it. This role was the one.

Not the case. The jobs I did book seemed to come out of nowhere. Calls here and there, people finding me. Nothing I had attached to was going anywhere, except to a deeper place of depression of feeling not good enough, not worthy, etc. I just didn’t get it.

That’s when I realized I needed to do some more work. I took a course by Mike Dooley who explains this pretty well. So many people talk about the law of attraction but no one gets to the point like he does. It’s all about end results and happiness should be it.

Detaching from the outcome and just doing what makes me happy has been a game changer for me. “If not this something better.” Is my new mantra because I know it’s true.

Two weeks ago I said it would be fun to do voiceover, like a part in a show. I thought it would be cool to be heard, have a recognizable voice. The Universe, God, Spirit, whatever you want to call it heeded the call and I was sent a part for an animated series by my favorite agent, Sandy this morning. Could I have ever imagined reading a part for a woman sergeant on some kid’s show? Hell no! But not being attached to how, who or any details about it certainly worked.

Life is meant to be easy. We make it hard by trying to control the outcome and attaching to people, places and things thinking they are the only way by which our happiness can find it’s way to us.

Think of your end result (Being Happy). Detach from how it will happen, who will be a part of it and any details because they just don’t matter and allow the magic to happen.

Detach!

 

 

 

 

Focus

I have a new camera that I have barely taken out of the box. I have big dreams of taking photos that are seen by thousands but yet I can’t even figure out how to work the thing. It’s a fault of mine. I get impatient and quite honestly, don’t want to read the booklet. I just want to start shooting like a pro.
I personally think the best way to learn something is hands on, so I asked Dorothy Shi, the woman who takes my photos, if I could hang with her. She said yes, so if I’m not away next week on a shoot, I’m going to help her with hers.
I set new goals for myself all the time. Well, not exactly goals but aspirations. I like to dream. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, but often times I dream about many things and then nothing gets done. In a word, I lack focus.
I have to ask myself, what do I really want? What do any of us really want? Do you even know what you want? If a magic Genie were to walk up behind you and tap you on the back and say, “Dude-what do you want? Ask and it’s yours.” What would you say?
 Most of us would probably blurt out the first thing that came to our minds, not even thinking about the consequences. A million dollars. But maybe the million dollars comes to me in a way I wouldn’t want. What about a tricked out apartment in Manhattan. If I’m not specific enough I might wind with an amazing apartment next to horrible neighbors. Of course! A starring role in a show. Nah! I might get an unpaid gig and that wouldn’t make me happy at all.
So if I am asking for what I want, them I am going to ask for more happiness. Simple yet profound. Nothing much else matters. If I’m happy then that means everything else has fallen into place. Making money is nice, travel is too and so are friends and family, but if I’m not happy, then none of those things will matter. There are a lot of unhappy people with money.
If you’re happy, everything is better. Even life’s little annoyances become more tolerable because you can prioritize better. Focus on the good instead of the bad in someone and you will see more of it.  Focus on the bad and that will follow suit. Look for reasons to be happy. Look around you. If you can see that’s something to be pretty darn happy about.
 Where is your focus? If you are focusing on something that is not yet in your life, then you are really focusing on the lack of it. Focus on having it. Act as if. Your entire vibration will change.
Finding fault with someone? Focus on their good points. They must have one. If you can find one chances are you can find another. Don’t look for the bad-you won’t be disappointed cause you will always find it.
 Having difficulty at work? Instead of focusing on what you don’t like, who pisses you off or the long hours you put in, be grateful you have a job.
Don’t like the way you look? Change the way you see yourself. We all have characteristics we don’t like. Focus on the ones you do.
 Laugh more! Complain less. Send out kindness to everyone. Give just for the sake of giving. Last week I saw a homeless man in my town and gave him ten dollars. Yesterday I saw a woman in a store I have seen walking everywhere and helped her look for a pair of shoes. While this may sound small, I was pressed for time but knew she needed my help. What I was doing could wait. I left the store and wished I would have paid for them.
There are a million ways to give back. Talk to people. Listen to what they have to say. You have so much to give and your time and attention are worth more than you could ever know.
You always have two choices. Be happy or don’t. Today I choose to be happy because in doing so I know that everything I am yearning to manifest will magically find its way to me.
Be happy!

Continue reading Focus

Weeds

I like the wild and how nature is allowed to express itself unapologetically. But weeds, however, can often be a bit of a nuisance. I like to pull them. There is something really cathartic about doing it. It is one thing that gives me immediate gratification for all of the hard work I have put in. In our day to day lives it can often take months or years to see the fruits of our labors, so I really appreciate this simple task.

And while I like to pull weeds, there are several that are beautiful and worth keeping.  They actually provide several benefits, as long as they aren’t over-taking your garden.  In a way, we often treat people the way we treat weeds; ignoring their beauty because we are so blinded by their appearance or resume.

We disregard them, cast them aside, never let them reach their potential, ignore them all together and never give them a chance, simply because we have pre-conceived notions about them that probably aren’t even true. We make snap judgements and convince ourselves they are nothing more than an inconvenience on our path to wherever it is we think we are headed.

Weeds, like people, serve a purpose, no matter how stubborn, obnoxious, annoying or useless you think they might be. Everyone comes into your life for a reason. We learn about ourselves from every encounter, and if we listen, we learn about others as well. Often times the most difficult and frustrating encounters teach us the most. We learn to love ourselves more and never allow any of the bad weeds to poison our garden again.

When you start to get this concept you become keenly aware of people who are authentic. The more awakened you become to this, the more you attract like-minded individuals. But what do you do about the weeds that cling to your garden, threatening all of the beautiful blooms you are trying to create? You step into your power, speak your truth and then allow others to be where they are on their journey instead of forcing them to meet you on yours, understanding there is no right or wrong place to be.

You would think that the circles I run in are filled with a bunch of phonies, but they’re not. There is a nice thing that happens when you become more conscious of who you are and what matters most. You start to appreciate people for what they have to offer, rather than holding them to some unrealistic expectation. You let go of perfect and just allow what is, even if it means letting go.

On a weekly basis I literally see the same faces, vying for the same jobs.  And while this is a known, we all support one another, respect who we are as individuals and understand that if we are not chosen for a particular job it has nothing to do with us as a person, it was simply the client’s vision and nothing more than that.

The vision usually involves weeds; the bad kind. Personally speaking, the kind I would like to kick to the curb once and for all. Ad agencies who cast commercials are filled with girls in their twenties. They have this idea that women over 50 all have gray hair and take pills. So not true! They categorize us by what they think the “norm” is, but most actresses and print models are not the norm.

I’m not your typical woman and neither are the women I audition with. If you want typical, hire your own mother, not me. I keep wondering when the world is going to wake up and stop categorizing women as weeds that should be discarded, once they reach a certain age. It’s so yesterday! Even my agent falls prey to this because he wants to make money-it’s his job. After my last photo shoot he called the photographer and yelled at her, saying I looked too glamorous.  She was distraught. She loved the photos and so did I.

I’m not going to apologize for who I am, how I look or be the kind of weed you discard. I may not be the rose in the garden or even the lavender, but I’m still fucking awesome. I hate commercials. I’m an actress. I live for the theatre, love to play characters and yearn to be seen and heard for who I am, not what you think I should be.

We’re all actors! We yearn to be seen and heard for who we are. To be loved or at least liked…a lot.  No matter how hard we climb, how hard we pretend and how hard we try to avoid what seems to be the inevitable, what we all really want is to be recognized and honored for you we really are.

As simple as it is, it’s true. No matter who you are, what you do, or how much you make, you just want to feel special.

 

 

 

Acceptance

What is acceptance?  1)It is the action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered. 2)The action or process of being received as adequate or suitable.

The holidays are all about acceptance, right?

We give money to strangers ringing bells, donate clothing, buy unwrapped gifts for charities and have a drink with people from the office that we wouldn’t otherwise bring water to, even if they were dying of thirst.

And we go home and visit family and extended ones, for an elaborate meal.

We all seem to like what these holidays represent or are supposed to but for many of us, the contract we have with family members give us stress, tension and fills us with trepidation. Movie companies have made millions on this topic.

The memory is an interesting character and a very convenient one. While we may only remember the good about a meal, someone else might only remember the bad, which can make coming together nearly impossible. Most people have a hard time forgetting and will cling to the bad like velcro.

I don’t know why edibles aren’t a staple the minute you walk in the door at family gatherings. They would break the ice, cut the tension, release all inhibitions, probably provide more than a few necessary moments of laughter and maybe even allow people to be their real selves and speak some much needed truth. Starting with your strong dislike of where they put you to sit.

Like being in a dentist’s chair, you’re a captive audience to the person sitting next to you. Your conversation for the evening could either be about The Little Mermaid, their new hip or dead silence while they sneak text their friends. There is a lot of noise at the table but generally no conversations. The latest movie might be mentioned, the weather, a book they downloaded on their kindle or their next vacation.

Hours later, after checking your watch to make sure it hadn’t stopped, you finally head towards the door to leave. You have never felt so alive or so happy to see all these people…fade from the distance as you back out of the driveway, swearing you will never do this again.

We leave the meal with a list of grievances, starting with the one we have with ourselves for putting up  with ill mannered treatment and off handed comments from people who say they love us, because they magically get away with treatment we would never put up with from anyone else. Why is that?

These contracts we have with our loved ones allow us to accept the unacceptable. We tell ourselves, “They didn’t really mean it.” “That’s just the way they are.” “It’s only once a year.” They seem to get a pass for being rude, dismissive, condescending and just plain mean. Which makes me wonder why we accept unacceptable conditions, when it comes to love?

Isn’t love supposed to be supportive? Generous? Kind? Sweet? Loving? I think so, but some people are in such pain, they cannot express anything other than regret, anger and fear, which often comes across as control. If you know this then their words cannot hurt you. Most people are not intentionally trying to hurt you.  They are usually triggered by some deep seeded pain which has nothing to do with you at all.

And while their words are like weapons and might sting a bit, remembering it is their pain and not yours, allows you to accept their otherwise unacceptable behavior towards you, even if it’s from the people who say they love you most.

And if you can’t handle their pain, and you simply cannot accept what you feel is unacceptable behavior, then you can choose not to spend a holiday with them or any time at all for that matter.  After all,  when you break it down, your time is the absolute most precious gift you can give someone.  Give is to those who give it back.