Mirror Mirror

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Man In The Mirror

I’m a sucker for Disney movies! I watched Snow White this week and as the evil step mother looks into the mirror and asks, “Who is the fairest of them all?” I had a revelation.

I used to hear the word “mirroring” all the time when I was forced on this spiritual journey. You know what I mean by that because, well, you don’t really have a choice. Once you start seeing things differently there’s no not seeing them, so you have to just keep going.

I digress.

I would hear spiritual teachers say, “You don’t like that person because they are mirroring something back to you.” What did that even mean? The more I thought about it, the more confused I got.

I mean, there were some women in my life with a resting bitch face that could be sold on Halloween. And the men? Equally as ugly. They disregarded me, treated me as though I were beneath them or tried to control me, just to make their disempowered selves feel  more powerful. Was I them? As hard as I tried to see it, I just didn’t, because I knew I was nice, so I couldn’t grasp how I attracted so many meanies into my life.

Well, it took me a very long time to get this one, so I am going to share it with you just in case you are wondering what the people (we’ll call them mirrors) you are looking into are really reflecting back to you. (You should get excited now..this is a game changer!)

They are mirroring YOUR unhealed wounds. Things that happened to you in your childhood. You see, at some point in your childhood, someone either made you feel less than, disregarded, abandoned, unsafe, bullied, controlled, disempowered, unloved, and plain old not good enough. All of the big ones!

And because no one cared what your feelings were, you were just a child after all and what kind of a voice were you allowed to have…you learned to stuff it all inside. And now, years later, you’re wondering why you keep attracting the same boss, the same men, the same women. Blah blah ad nauseam.

This little kid, now a grown ass adult, has been trying to get your attention for a long time. But you keep shoving it down, ignoring its pleas and outright dismissing any wrong doing to it, much like the adults in your life did to you. But now the little kid has had it, so all of that pain is surfacing, begging to be healed once for all, by way of the asshole standing in front of you, making you feel horrible.

This is mirroring. You are not, nor have you ever been this horrible person who is making you feel bad. This person who puts you down, embarrasses you, makes nasty comments, tries to control you, takes advantage of you, lies to you or maybe even dismisses you altogether, is someone from your childhood.

Your response in your body is a telltale sign that you are being triggered by them and is an opportunity for you to finally listen to that little kid who was shut down. The way you feel when you are around this person, their tone of voice or something they say, the way they look at you or even roll their eyes when you talk, are all clues that this mirroring is happening to you.

Your unhealed traumas from childhood show up in random people as a gift. I know that sounds ridiculous, but once you see these people for who they are, you will no longer be controlled by them. You can look at each of them as a door that is opening, until finally that little kid is set free.

Who were when you came into this world, before the adults in your life gave THEIR shit to you? I’ll tell you…amazing, limitless, lovable, strong, talented, brilliant, beautiful and innocent.  Take that back! You have the key, but as long as you keep holding onto the stories that were given to you, instead of making your own, you will attract the same people who disempower you, until you do.

The step mother in Snow White saw this purity in her step daughter and she was jealous of it. People who put you down, treat you poorly and judge you are really jealous of you because they see all of these qualities in you but do not know how to give it to themselves, so they take yours instead.

We all possess beauty, inner beauty. There is no need to disparage someone else to have it. If someone is doing this to you, then it is because you have unhealed childhood wounds that are needing attention.

There is no need to look at people who don’t love you unconditionally anymore. We’re done with that! Lesson learned! And if you haven’t yet gotten it, then ask yourself what it is they are showing you that needs to be healed. Do you love yourself enough to finally get this?

See all of those people as alerts: “Danger Will Robinson!” your inner child is saying, begging you to look at it, hear it, help it.  We only ever attract people into our lives who mirror how we feel about ourselves on the inside. Does that make sense? I hope so!

Stop looking for mirrors, unless you’re doing your makeup or hair. Look within! That is where all of your answers are and your freedom too.

Becoming You

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This is me! The real Gretchen! The one who always smiles, believes that anything is possible, loves unconditionally and shines so bright, others cannot help but be drawn to her light because it is genuine and contagious. I lost this part of me for a long time, but she is finally back.

I have been on a quest for a long time, but oddly enough, I was not aware of the destination. I know that sounds peculiar, but it’s the best way I can explain what has happened to me.

People call it an “awakening” when you start seeing things in your life a certain way and feel as though you have no tolerance for it any longer. It’s literally like you wake up one day and the pieces that fit so perfectly together now have to be forced into place.

Well, when you force anything it’s never a good idea, so the best thing to do is to take a step back and assess your life and the players that are in it. I’m not sitting here telling you I have never forced anything, I’m telling you I have, and it has not worked out.

When you react to situations instead of responding to them, the results usually lead to struggle. When you respond, it’s as though life works itself out for you seamlessly. We just have to learn to read the signs, which are ever-present always.

The answers are always right in front of you. It’s our mind that complicates them. The only reason we question the guidance that is being given so freely to us, is because we have been conditioned to act certain ways for so long, we really aren’t being who we authentically are.

This is why I think the whole awakening thing is really about becoming you. The real you! To discern between the voices that are those of others (parents, etc.) and the voice that is ours and become the person we are born to be. Cue Lady Gaga!

 

Why?

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Have you ever asked yourself why?

Why didn’t I do this? Why didn’t I do that? Why do I always act this way?

It’s a really bad question and one that will lead you down a dark path of regret.

But the answer to your why is actually pretty simple. You didn’t. You just plain didn’t.

That’s it! Once you realize this, you understand that your entire life is of your making. You are and have always been in the drivers seat and to think otherwise is completely disempowering. So if you don’t like how your life looks, you have to change your programming.

If you are still asking why you didn’t take that job you were offered and wound up taking something else that you hate, you clearly aren’t living in the present or realizing that everything and everyone around you is a mere  reflection of how you feel about yourself. So this job or that job really won’t make a difference, until you fix the shit inside of you that keeps attracting the same shitty jobs.

If you keep asking yourself why you turned down one person to date another and are now sitting alone or across from the person you thought would bring you happiness, then the person you turned down is blessed to be without you. This is because you are still looking outside of yourself for someone else to fill the gaping whole inside of you and no one should be tasked with that job. No matter who you date, it will always be the same person, different face, until you work on yourself.

If  you are still asking why you didn’t speak up or tell your truth when you were given the opportunity, then you are still living a life with restrictions and are under the control of someone else. You are still thinking that it matters more about what others think than what you do. Grow a set!

If you are still asking why about anything at this point, then you haven’t looked within. All answers are there, you just have to be willing to stop blaming others for your pain and understand we can only ever attract into our lives how we feel about ourselves internally.

Leave the why for kids-they deserve to ask it. And when they do, I hope you have a better answer than, “I’m the parent, that’s why.”