The Devil Made Me Do It

Have you ever wondered what makes people do certain things? I know I have! Some people might think a person is under the influence of the devil when they do something bold, but I think it’s perfectly human!

I know people believe in God and angels, because they pray to them all the time, even if they don’t believe in the devil, so it makes me wonder. Is there really a character that taps into our dark side called the devil?

What is a dark side anyway? A side we keep hidden? A part of ourselves that we explore when no one is looking? Is it a darkness within us that we are afraid others might see and head for the hills?

Honestly, I don’t know. I think we all have an angel and devil within us. Whatever the situation calls for, we either bring forward the angel within us, or the devil that wants to unleash its wrath.

To be real, Lucifer was an angel to start with.

I think we are all angels, just like Lucifer was. Until someone does us wrong or does us dirty. The devil inside might rear its ugly head and the other person wishes he/she never crossed our path at all.

But is it really an ugly head? I mean, if you watch the show, Lucifer, he’s pretty darn handsome! Why is it we think of our wants, desires or needs as ugly? Aren’t they perfectly natural?

I’m watching my oldest son’s dog now. He’s cute as can be; angelic almost. A pound dog that he rescued ( I taught him well), who was brought from a dumpster in Mississippi to a shelter in Connecticut where the good soul known as my son, adopted him.

Having this little angel here has been enlightening. I’ve realized I’ve moved far beyond the baby phase in my life and only want peace and quiet. I like a clean house, things where I left them and in one piece (not chewed to bits all over my kitchen). I like a yard without dog poop or my plants being chewed. I like my carpets clean, not smelling like urine. Oh! And I also cherish my sleep, yoga and early morning walks, which are completely non-existent at this point.

Since this little angel arrived, our house is no longer ours. It’s his. And while I do enjoy buying him toys, treats, beds and coats (I bought the cutest pea coat today!), I’m ready for the little arshole to leave!

Today he chewed a box of tissues, bit through a conditioner bottle and pissed on my carpet after he was outside for 20 minutes frolicking in my yard. In short, he’s el diablo.

Around 7 pm tonight he will get rowdy, restless and crash on a chair next to me and look like heaven just sent him to us. I’ll put him to bed and he will sleep until he gets up and does this all over again.

The moral of this story is, we are all devils. It’s fun being one! The angel? Sure, they’re sweet and all, but come on! Who has the most fun? Mark Twain said it best: “Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company.”

I don’t know about you, but I prefer company, which is getting harder and harder to come by these days. I have a certain criteria that seems to be non-existent. Where did all the fun, intelligent, and authentic people go?

Come to think of it, it’s probably why me and this little guy get along so well!

Invite your devil out to play! The angel is boring. Just don’t chew tissues, plants or pee on someone’s carpet!

The Shadow

Remember this scene in Peter Pan? He couldn’t live without his shadow and was willing to risk being seen by others in order to get it back. He even sewed it on he loved it so much!

When most of us think of our shadow, we think about that silhouette we see when there is a contrast between light and dark. But our shadow self is really the side of our personality that contains all of those unappealing parts of ourselves that we don’t want to admit to having and certainly don’t want anyone to see.

Most of us may not even give our shadow side a second thought and it will therefore remain unconscious. When life starts to serve up the same bs to you over and over again or you are forced, jarred or otherwise catapulted from your la di da existence, then you become what is called self-aware and just like magic, your shadow self appears. It whispers in your ear in a creepy little voice, “Hello there stranger. I think it’s time we got acquainted.”

Your shadow self wants you to acknowledge it! It is tired of being hidden away like a secret lover or a family member you’re ashamed of. It begs you to look at it, honor it and give it light.

Why is it we think our shadow selves are so heinous? We tell ourselves that these characteristics we have are too unsightly for others to see, so we hide them away (in the shadows if you will) and pretend we are someone else. We may go so far as to invent a new persona altogether.

We become very leery of who we share our “dark” side with. We may even have a whole different set of friends and we never let the two groups meet. We may carry on as though our world is perfect, when we might be one bottle away from drinking ourselves to death. We may smile at everyone and then go home and cry ourselves to sleep.

What is it about the perfect facade that draws so many of us to it? Well, I can only tell you from experience that when someone presents themselves as perfect and you take the bait, it’s because you’ve got some shadow work to do yourself.

Perfect=highly dysfunctional. When people try too hard or never share their thoughts, they have got some baggage, and I’m not talking a carry-on here. They’ve got the whole set of luggage and bought two more because they were on sale!

I think the so-called ugly side of people is their most attractive quality. I call it being real. It seems to be a rare quality these days, which is why I personally find it so alluring.

What is your shadow side? What do you think is so wretched about yourself that you can’t share it? Show it? Embrace it?

Maybe today is the day you take a note out of Peter Pan’s story and embrace your shadow. Allow yourself to be free of the facade. Imagine how much lighter you would feel. Who knows! Maybe with a little pixie dust you might even fly!

Going Home

What does home conjure up for you? Is it warm and welcoming or the exact opposite?

Home for me is being with people I love. It doesn’t necessarily mean home, as in where I grew up. That was nice too, but it all changed when I was a teenager and it was never home for me again.

But I have found my home many times throughout the years with people who supported me.

It’s no joke when they say “Home is where the heart is,” So I wonder…where is yours?

Is it with work? Family? Friends? Are you nurturing your heart or starving it to death?

Love. Love is where the heart is. What do you love? What are you so passionate about that you cannot even imagine living another day without it?

This is your home.

You don’t have to put a mask on or armor yourself with guns to go about getting it, you just need to follow your heart to what feels like home and speak your truth.

Need You To Be You 100%

I’m sure you have heard the term “reinvent yourself”

But what if we don’t really reinvent ourselves at all? What if we just become who we were meant to be?

We all grow up in different environments with people who are running programs from the way they were raised. If you’re lucky, you had a parent like I did who wanted to do better.

My mother was never given a voice as a child and so she decided to raise my brother and sister and I with one. She listened to everything we said. And still does! My father just did what she said because he loved her and worked all the time.

This worked for awhile and when I tell you I had no problems as a kid, I mean it. The problems started when my parents divorced and married other people who brought their own programs into the dynamic.

My Eutaptics coach, Ilka is baffled by this. Most people have trauma early on, but not me. My troubles didn’t start until I lived with people who had deep wounds. I didn’t know they did, I was just a kid trying to navigate her way through a divorce from two people who seemed to love one another and found herself having to deal with two adults who were threatened by me and my very existence.

Sometimes I can’t believe I lived through it. I suffered emotional and mental abuse and consequently feelings of deep abandonment because neither parent put me first. I was put to the backseat while their new partners were given the front.

Every day of my high school years I was in survival mode. I drank and smoked pot while driving, gained 20 pounds to get attention because I learned that when I shined others felt their shine was diminished. I stopped being me, but found that I could still get my father’s attention by being fat. He made jokes all the time to his skinny new wife and her kid at my expense.

Consequently, I looked for love from anyone who would give it to me in my twenties and thirties. I made horrible choices in relationships and always attracted the same type of guy. You know the one! Seems to have it all together but doesn’t even know how to love themselves, so they can’t possibly love you.

It was’t until I was well into adulthood that I started to see what all of the damage had done to me. All of the garbage that I had been fed for three years by people who didn’t know how to love themselves, let alone a teenage girl who was nothing more than a nuisance and a threat to their new beginnings with someone else.

Sadly, their limiting beliefs had become my own. I realize this now due to the inner work I’ve done, which is why I have no hatred or hard feelings towards anyone. it just is what it is and that’s okay.

Which makes me wonder, who are we without other people’s shit? I think we are who we were meant to be.

My message for you today is this: You need to be 100%! All the time and every minute of the damn day! If you are anything less, than you are settling for all of the garbage that was fed to you, too.

Reinvent or rebirth? I say neither. Just do you! You’ve done what everyone else has wanted thus far. How’s that working for you?

Give yourself and the world 100% and see where that takes you!

Me and Mr Jones

I loooove Amy Winehouse! This song is so fantastic, especially the first part about fuckery. I mean, come on! Who hasn’t wanted to call somebody about on theirs? 

But that’s not OUR job, is it? We might think it is, especially when we start to see things in a new light and have a keen awareness that some of the people in our lives are actually pretty shady.   

When you become more conscious and see a clear distinction between what you want and the agenda others have (probably more of out a tower moment or disaster), you start to see the many ways in which you have settled for less than what you deserve. 

You start to hear people differently and wonder if they talked this way to you all along. It’s as though you had ear plugs in or a huge wax build up, but all of a sudden your ears are attuned to everything, like a wild animal in the jungle.

Oh boy! And the things you see!  Once those blinders come off, there’s no putting them  back on. You may notice the way people treat others like you are viewing their interactions for the first time. You might be caught so off guard, that you want to crawl under a table or run in the opposite direction so that no one sees you with them. 

You also become aware of the not so subtle nuances of how they take you for granted, take advantage of your good heart and worst of all, do it with a smile. They pretend to have your back when they don’t and will throw you under the bus, any bus, the minute they can. 

Fuckery for sure, but let’s be honest here. We have to be accountable for this treatment, don’t we? I mean, as much as it’s easier to blame someone else for our pain, we have to ask those really hard questions that most of us don’t even know exist.

How did I attract this in the first place? What was it in me that invited this into my life? Where am I unhealed? What is it I need to love more about myself, so that I don’t ever have to attract this pain and misery into my life again?

Yeah! Those are some pretty tough questions, but if there are people in your life that make you feel bad, then chances are you already don’t feel good about who you are because you wouldn’t have attracted them in the first place.

Life is all about learning and growing. Often times it takes painful situations in order for us to learn a lesson. It doesn’t have to be this way, but we are stubborn. We look past all of the warning signs that were probably there from the get go, and eventually those little red flags become landmines and we find ourselves literally walking on eggshells to avoid any conflict. 

But it still happens. It is all by design. And if you don’t learn to love the parts of you that you think need to be hidden away, then you will continue to attract people who do the same. Talk about skeletons in the closet! Some people are pretty fucking scary and they are very savvy at keeping that shit hidden. 

In this song, as much as she calls out her guy on his fuckery, she still loves him and knows that in the end, he is only playing himself.

You see, the moral here, is that it’s better to be authentic. Simply put, that means being your crazy ass self. It is far better to attract people who really get you, than people who only get the surface one.

Like attracts like. Remember that!