The Shadow

Remember this scene in Peter Pan? He couldn’t live without his shadow and was willing to risk being seen by others in order to get it back. He even sewed it on he loved it so much!

When most of us think of our shadow, we think about that silhouette we see when there is a contrast between light and dark. But our shadow self is really the side of our personality that contains all of those unappealing parts of ourselves that we don’t want to admit to having and certainly don’t want anyone to see.

Most of us may not even give our shadow side a second thought and it will therefore remain unconscious. When life starts to serve up the same bs to you over and over again or you are forced, jarred or otherwise catapulted from your la di da existence, then you become what is called self-aware and just like magic, your shadow self appears. It whispers in your ear in a creepy little voice, “Hello there stranger. I think it’s time we got acquainted.”

Your shadow self wants you to acknowledge it! It is tired of being hidden away like a secret lover or a family member you’re ashamed of. It begs you to look at it, honor it and give it light.

Why is it we think our shadow selves are so heinous? We tell ourselves that these characteristics we have are too unsightly for others to see, so we hide them away (in the shadows if you will) and pretend we are someone else. We may go so far as to invent a new persona altogether.

We become very leery of who we share our “dark” side with. We may even have a whole different set of friends and we never let the two groups meet. We may carry on as though our world is perfect, when we might be one bottle away from drinking ourselves to death. We may smile at everyone and then go home and cry ourselves to sleep.

What is it about the perfect facade that draws so many of us to it? Well, I can only tell you from experience that when someone presents themselves as perfect and you take the bait, it’s because you’ve got some shadow work to do yourself.

Perfect=highly dysfunctional. When people try too hard or never share their thoughts, they have got some baggage, and I’m not talking a carry-on here. They’ve got the whole set of luggage and bought two more because they were on sale!

I think the so-called ugly side of people is their most attractive quality. I call it being real. It seems to be a rare quality these days, which is why I personally find it so alluring.

What is your shadow side? What do you think is so wretched about yourself that you can’t share it? Show it? Embrace it?

Maybe today is the day you take a note out of Peter Pan’s story and embrace your shadow. Allow yourself to be free of the facade. Imagine how much lighter you would feel. Who knows! Maybe with a little pixie dust you might even fly!

Going Home

What does home conjure up for you? Is it warm and welcoming or the exact opposite?

Home for me is being with people I love. It doesn’t necessarily mean home, as in where I grew up. That was nice too, but it all changed when I was a teenager and it was never home for me again.

But I have found my home many times throughout the years with people who supported me.

It’s no joke when they say “Home is where the heart is,” So I wonder…where is yours?

Is it with work? Family? Friends? Are you nurturing your heart or starving it to death?

Love. Love is where the heart is. What do you love? What are you so passionate about that you cannot even imagine living another day without it?

This is your home.

You don’t have to put a mask on or armor yourself with guns to go about getting it, you just need to follow your heart to what feels like home and speak your truth.

Promises


Are you keeping promises? The ones you made to yourself?

The one where you said, I won’t give my heart to anyone who doesn’t give their heart in return?

The one that says, I won’t commit to anything unless it resonates 100 % with who I am?

How about the promise to your younger self that said I won’t do what my parents did, because it didn’t do a whole a hell of a lot for me?

And what of the promise that said, I will do better this time, because I care about the people in my life too much, than to do less than what they deserve?

Are you keeping your promises?

Because if you aren’t, then you are simply repeating a pattern and a program that was given to you by your parents and you haven’t really learned a thing.

Do better! Be better! Keep your promise to those you say you care about, or be the person who is brave enough to acknowledge that you can’t, and walk away.

Me and Mr Jones

I loooove Amy Winehouse! This song is so fantastic, especially the first part about fuckery. I mean, come on! Who hasn’t wanted to call somebody about on theirs? 

But that’s not OUR job, is it? We might think it is, especially when we start to see things in a new light and have a keen awareness that some of the people in our lives are actually pretty shady.   

When you become more conscious and see a clear distinction between what you want and the agenda others have (probably more of out a tower moment or disaster), you start to see the many ways in which you have settled for less than what you deserve. 

You start to hear people differently and wonder if they talked this way to you all along. It’s as though you had ear plugs in or a huge wax build up, but all of a sudden your ears are attuned to everything, like a wild animal in the jungle.

Oh boy! And the things you see!  Once those blinders come off, there’s no putting them  back on. You may notice the way people treat others like you are viewing their interactions for the first time. You might be caught so off guard, that you want to crawl under a table or run in the opposite direction so that no one sees you with them. 

You also become aware of the not so subtle nuances of how they take you for granted, take advantage of your good heart and worst of all, do it with a smile. They pretend to have your back when they don’t and will throw you under the bus, any bus, the minute they can. 

Fuckery for sure, but let’s be honest here. We have to be accountable for this treatment, don’t we? I mean, as much as it’s easier to blame someone else for our pain, we have to ask those really hard questions that most of us don’t even know exist.

How did I attract this in the first place? What was it in me that invited this into my life? Where am I unhealed? What is it I need to love more about myself, so that I don’t ever have to attract this pain and misery into my life again?

Yeah! Those are some pretty tough questions, but if there are people in your life that make you feel bad, then chances are you already don’t feel good about who you are because you wouldn’t have attracted them in the first place.

Life is all about learning and growing. Often times it takes painful situations in order for us to learn a lesson. It doesn’t have to be this way, but we are stubborn. We look past all of the warning signs that were probably there from the get go, and eventually those little red flags become landmines and we find ourselves literally walking on eggshells to avoid any conflict. 

But it still happens. It is all by design. And if you don’t learn to love the parts of you that you think need to be hidden away, then you will continue to attract people who do the same. Talk about skeletons in the closet! Some people are pretty fucking scary and they are very savvy at keeping that shit hidden. 

In this song, as much as she calls out her guy on his fuckery, she still loves him and knows that in the end, he is only playing himself.

You see, the moral here, is that it’s better to be authentic. Simply put, that means being your crazy ass self. It is far better to attract people who really get you, than people who only get the surface one.

Like attracts like. Remember that!