Feelings

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an emotional state or reaction.

Do You Love What You Feel

We all have feelings, but some of us don’t quite know how to express them. This is really hard for people who feel everything, to understand. It requires patience when dealing with someone who does not share. But patience is a virtue, which is why so many of us aren’t virtuous.

A person who has a hard time with their feelings will tell you that you need to have patience with them. How much patience are we talking about? Well, I don’t know about you, but I don’t have patience because I see patience as an excuse for someone who doesn’t like change.

What is it about change that frightens so many people? The unknown, if you will. I love it! I live it! I breathe it! If I’m not changing, I’m stagnant and crippled with anxiety, worrying about a future that has yet to happen. Or I’m still living in the past, basing all of the decisions and actions I take, based on what happened there.

I didn’t coin it, but it’s true. “The only thing that is constant is change,” so why not embrace it?

Part of changing, is acknowledging our feelings. Maybe even about change. When we trap our feelings inside and don’t share them, they fester until eventually (who knows when and where) they erupt. Usually people will look at you like you’re some kind of a lunatic, because they have no clue how long you have been holding all that stuff in.

I don’t know why people still hold feelings in, especially when we live in a time that is completely unpredictable and seems to be no rhyme or reason as why you would want to. You can only blame your upbringing for so long on this one.

I was told to keep the peace for years, but honestly, I stopped doing that a long time ago. The only people that served, were the people who asked it of me and I don’t answer to them anymore.

I would rather be around people who yell and show passion then people who storm off, say nothing, act like nothing is wrong when you know it is, or don’t talk to you at all. This behavior is a complete and utter breakdown in communication and makes the people in your life feel like you don’t give a crap what they think.

Passion. It is the key to everything. It’s what drives us to want things. It ignites a fire inside of us that spurns us on. It builds character, makes us act spontaneous and is fully accountable as the catalyst to go after our dreams.

People without passion…I just don’t get em. How do you live without it? How do you not allow yourself to feel this fire?

I guess it all goes back to that ugly word, control. When we don’t share our feelings with someone, we are trying a situation or them. But this is an illusion. Control is an illusion. You cannot control anyone, so why would you want to control yourself from feeling passion?

Feelings equals vulnerability and if you aren’t brave enough, passionate enough or confident enough to share them, than it’s probably best that you go live in a cave somewhere, so people who feel, don’t mistake you for someone who does.

People who feel understand that taking chances, going for their dreams and sharing their feelings is what they came here to do. It’s what we all came her for. To be who we are without all of the programs and control.

All that is required to do this, is to be authentic. To accept that you are a person who is worthy of love, understanding and kindness, but in order to have those things, you have to feel. You have to let people in.

Feel something! Anything! What’s the worst that can happen, if you do?

 

Apology

a regretful acknowledgment of an offense or failure.

It’s Too Late To Apologize

Is it ever too late to apologize? I’ll leave that answer up to you.

The other day I got released from a really big job. My manager (the most amazing woman ever) apologized to me. It was completely unnecessary because that’s just the nature of the business, but she knows how hard I work and understood what it meant to me. She followed it up with a “I  believe in you.” It was truly heartfelt and I appreciated her acknowledgement of me as a person and an artist and the struggles that we go through.

But sometimes people apologize and don’t mean it. If you’re one of those, you should know that an apology without meaning is really manipulation. Have you ever had someone say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” This is the worst apology of all because it really isn’t one. What it is, is a passive aggressive way of saying I’ll let you think I am acknowledging your feelings, when really I don’t give a crap about them at all.

I have had a few turdy people do some pretty shitty things to me in my life and I have never expected an apology from any of them nor do I want one. An empty person can only beget an empty apology which leaves you feeling emptier, and I don’t know about you, but I would rather be at a table with those who bring something to it, in lieu of those who only know how to take.

Here are my thoughts on an apology.:

1)An apology is not a confession. If you’re confessing, you’re only thinking of yourself and not the person you are apologizing to.

2)An apology should not be done with an expectation either. This is called an agenda and an agenda is all about you.

3)An apology is not some magic pill that you think is going to make you feel better once you do it. You’re swimming back in the me waters again. Save that shit for the confessional!

4)An apology should not be done because you think it will make things better in a situation, like a family thing. This is called acting. A person in touch with another person’s feelings will know when they need to say they are sorry, it won’t be scripted.

5)An apology is not something that requires the right time or the right circumstance. If you think this way, then you live in denial, because there is no much thing.

In it’s simplest form, an apology is the acknowledgement of another person’s feelings and how you may have trampled all over them. In order to know this, you have to have empathy. You have to have the ability to understand the feelings of someone else and be able to share those feelings openly and honestly. If you can’t do that, then don’t bother with an apology because it won’t be taken as one. (See 1-5 for where you are coming from).

But there are those times when we think we might need to apologize to someone, when it isn’t necessary at all. I think these apologies are from our own guilt because we know we did something that may have upset someone else, but it wasn’t intentional. An apology with an energy of fear or trepidation around it might be some program you’re running which has absolutely nothing at all to do with the person you think you need to apologize to, and you might want to look further into that.

My gauge for apologizing is simple. If I can see, hear or sense that I have upset someone in my life that I care about, then I do not hesitate. The relationships I have are far more important to me than my ego, so I acknowledge my part in someone else’s sadness, anger or frustration because my heart becomes lighter when I do so. A heavy heart is a burdened one; let that shit go.

Relationships that matter to us aren’t always easy. Sometimes things are said or weren’t said, and we wish we could go back and do things differently. But living in the past doesn’t work for anyone because it’s over. It is the present that counts.

Our time, our energy, our attention lets the people we care about know that we hear them, see them and understand them and that no matter what is going on in our world, we honor them by noticing what is going on in theirs as well.

And at the end of the day, that’s all any of us really want, isn’t it? To be honored, seen, appreciated and loved for who we are, by those we care for most.

 

 

Kintsugi

pottery

Is a Japanese art form in which breaks and repairs are treated as part of the object’s history. Broken ceramics are carefully mended by artisans with a lacquer resin mixed with powdered gold, silver or platinum. The repairs are visible — yet somehow beautiful.

We are all Kintsugi, aren’t we? Beautiful, broken human beings from heartache, pain, suffering and life in general. Through all of the trials and tribulations we have managed to pull ourselves together and rise above the constant barrage of garbage that was thrown our way.

We are walking stories; histories filled with suffering, rejections and abandonments. Our wounds are our gold, much like the cracks that are fixed in the Japanese art form. So why do we not bring attention to them instead of hiding them away?

As we ascend and look further into ourselves, instead of into others for answers, we are forced to ask, “Who am I without all of the masks I wear, trying to impress others? Why am I afraid to share who I really am? Why do I pretend to be something I am not? And Why do I accept less than what I know I deserve?

Why do we struggle so much with these questions, when it really doesn’t have to be so complicated. Why don’t we embrace the parts of us that we perceive as broken, because in actuality they aren’t really broken at all. They are simply kintsugi.

Our history should be embraced whole heartedly, because it has made us who we are, which is nothing more than perfect.

May you look at your flaws as a piece of art, instead of hiding them away, and let those who are willing to see you for who you truly are, into your heart.

 

 

 

 

 

Freedom

freedom

the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved.

Freedom

Freedom is power. But how do we gain it? Especially if we feel completely and utterly powerless?

Feeling powerless is a prison of our own making because of our inability to love ourselves unconditionally. We literally hand over our power to people who are far worse off then we are, because of low self worth.

The world is full of charlatans who will act as though they are better than you, just so they can tear you down. But when you have had enough of phoney people treating you like you are beneath them, the real magic begins to happen. You understand that you are in a prison of your own making and you have had the keys all along.

We may be in shitty situations with the most shittiest of people, but ultimately, we have the ability at any given time to feel free.

When we understand that our freedom comes from within, all of our struggles disappear. This freedom is a mental state, an inner state, a being. It is a knowing that no matter what is going on outside of you, that no matter what someone does to you, no matter what they say or no matter how they try to tear you down, you know who you truly are and that their words and their actions are merely a reflection of how they do not love themselves. 

The real joke here, is that people like that saw how special you were, they just didn’t want you to notice. So they took your shine and gave it to themselves. Take back your shine, which is really your power.

Embrace the beauty of who you are! This means all of your short comings, mishegas and perceived problems. When you own all of you, you become so powerful, so free and limitless. 

See yourself as the amazing person you know you are. See yourself as gifted…you have so many, maybe explore a few. See yourself as unique…because you are. Once you see yourself in the highest form of love, so will others, and your outer life will reflect that back to you.

I promise!

 

Becoming You

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This is me! The real Gretchen! The one who always smiles, believes that anything is possible, loves unconditionally and shines so bright, others cannot help but be drawn to her light because it is genuine and contagious. I lost this part of me for a long time, but she is finally back.

I have been on a quest for a long time, but oddly enough, I was not aware of the destination. I know that sounds peculiar, but it’s the best way I can explain what has happened to me.

People call it an “awakening” when you start seeing things in your life a certain way and feel as though you have no tolerance for it any longer. It’s literally like you wake up one day and the pieces that fit so perfectly together now have to be forced into place.

Well, when you force anything it’s never a good idea, so the best thing to do is to take a step back and assess your life and the players that are in it. I’m not sitting here telling you I have never forced anything, I’m telling you I have, and it has not worked out.

When you react to situations instead of responding to them, the results usually lead to struggle. When you respond, it’s as though life works itself out for you seamlessly. We just have to learn to read the signs, which are ever-present always.

The answers are always right in front of you. It’s our mind that complicates them. The only reason we question the guidance that is being given so freely to us, is because we have been conditioned to act certain ways for so long, we really aren’t being who we authentically are.

This is why I think the whole awakening thing is really about becoming you. The real you! To discern between the voices that are those of others (parents, etc.) and the voice that is ours and become the person we are born to be. Cue Lady Gaga!

 

The Eyes Have It

 

eyes

“The eyes have it”; meaning that with the observation obtained from the use of the eyes, one can see and understand the object being observed and the nature and purpose of the object.

I fully disagree with this statement. You cannot assume you know a person because you look at them, nor can you have the audacity to think you understand someone just because you read their blog. It’s like watching a movie or television show and thinking you have a clue as to what that actor is really like as a person.

Writing is a form of expression. Words that may inspire others, help them in some way, entertain them or allow them a moment to share a journey with someone that they may be on as well.

It is a privilege and an honor to have someone share their life with you, which is why you should be very discerning about who your audience is.

There are people (I call them balloon poppers) who will always try and bring you down. They do not know how to love and support you because they do not love and support themselves, but they will mask this by putting you down. They can’t stand to see you happy, because their self esteem is derived from lowering yours.

In order to understand how they entered an all access pass to your life in the first place, you need to go within. You need to figure out where it was in your life that you accepted less than what you deserved (probably childhood) and heal it.

Before you go about cutting people out of your life who you feel don’t support you, understand that if you get rid of a person you perceive as a problem and don’t work on yourself, then you really don’t get rid of the problem.

You have to heal yourself and the wound that keeps re-surfacing time and time again. It might be in the form of a boss, a new beau, a new friend, a co-worker. Until you heal the wound, the person will appear in a different form.

It’s a pretty miraculous discovery once you realize this and it might even make you chuckle when it becomes so apparent. Your life and its challenges will completely make sense and hopefully inspire you to make changes within.

Do not expect other people to change. Life gets a whole lot easier and you become so much more empowered, when you change yourself. Remember…people can only ever meet you where they currently are. Don’t lower yourself to fit into their life, stay where you are (if you have done the work) or get to working on your stuff and see who arrives.

May this new year give you the strength to know the difference between those who have your back and those who do not and then have love enough for yourself to do something about it.

 

 

Audience

the assembled spectators or listeners at a public event, such as a play, movie, concert, or meeting.

While I do my best to live as a dot, which simply means I make no plans and observe a whole hell of a lot, I also have a commitment to three children to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be.

I am often their audience; but acutely aware to when it is required of me to listen and when it is of the utmost importance to act.

To the rest of the world I am never the audience. I do not sit by and watch people act inappropriately, be mean, judgmental or beg for money. I take action when called to do so.

But at one time I was the audience to many heartless people. Their actions were cruel. So many times things were said, gestures were made and judgements were cast on my family and I did nothing about it.

I didn’t know I was playing out a program from when I was a teenager, I only knew it hurt like hell and that my children deserved better. And for that one reason alone, I knew it had to end.

If you cannot find the words, the grit or the heart to speak up for yourself, then you have to find it for your children. As a parent, it is our job to do better.

I didn’t have the tools when this happened to us, but I do now. And by virtue of me getting the tools, my boys now have them too.

It takes a lot of work to do the work, and by that I mean looking at yourself, dissecting the parts you don’t like, going within for answers and really uncovering some ugly shit.

Mostly, the way you have been allowing others to mistreat you, because you don’t love yourself enough to believe you deserve better.

Once I became aware that a program was running, it became my mission to stop it. In doing this, I do not allow my children to run programs that do not serve them either. I am here, just as you are, to be an active participant in the production of my life, not an audience member.

Sitting by and putting your head in the sand is being the audience. It’s saying, “I don’t value myself enough to have an opinion.” This is a program that was given to you by a parent. Their parent gave it to them and so on and so on.

I’ll say it again. Your opinion matters! And it should matter to them, too. If it doesn’t, then you might want to ask yourself a question.

Who is in the freaking drivers seat of your life? You, your mother or your father?

You can tell yourself they did’t really mean it, it’s just the way it is, they don’t know better or not fight the establishment, but that’s being passive and passivity gets you more of the same.

Nobody likes these conversations, but that’s all they are; a talk between two or more people about an issue. If you see it as a confrontation then that should be a real red flag for you. Better to lose people who are not honoring you then to continue to be an audience to them, no matter who they are.

Stop being the audience and start being the creator of your reality. These programs you are running are archaic bullshit and need to be squashed once and for all.

Set yourself free! Write a new program! How about “I create my own reality, because I love and honor myself… plus I’m freaking awesome!”