Mirror Mirror

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Man In The Mirror

I’m a sucker for Disney movies! I watched Snow White this week and as the evil step mother looks into the mirror and asks, “Who is the fairest of them all?” I had a revelation.

I used to hear the word “mirroring” all the time when I was forced on this spiritual journey. You know what I mean by that because, well, you don’t really have a choice. Once you start seeing things differently there’s no not seeing them, so you have to just keep going.

I digress.

I would hear spiritual teachers say, “You don’t like that person because they are mirroring something back to you.” What did that even mean? The more I thought about it, the more confused I got.

I mean, there were some women in my life with a resting bitch face that could be sold on Halloween. And the men? Equally as ugly. They disregarded me, treated me as though I were beneath them or tried to control me, just to make their disempowered selves feel  more powerful. Was I them? As hard as I tried to see it, I just didn’t, because I knew I was nice, so I couldn’t grasp how I attracted so many meanies into my life.

Well, it took me a very long time to get this one, so I am going to share it with you just in case you are wondering what the people (we’ll call them mirrors) you are looking into are really reflecting back to you. (You should get excited now..this is a game changer!)

They are mirroring YOUR unhealed wounds. Things that happened to you in your childhood. You see, at some point in your childhood, someone either made you feel less than, disregarded, abandoned, unsafe, bullied, controlled, disempowered, unloved, and plain old not good enough. All of the big ones!

And because no one cared what your feelings were, you were just a child after all and what kind of a voice were you allowed to have…you learned to stuff it all inside. And now, years later, you’re wondering why you keep attracting the same boss, the same men, the same women. Blah blah ad nauseam.

This little kid, now a grown ass adult, has been trying to get your attention for a long time. But you keep shoving it down, ignoring its pleas and outright dismissing any wrong doing to it, much like the adults in your life did to you. But now the little kid has had it, so all of that pain is surfacing, begging to be healed once for all, by way of the asshole standing in front of you, making you feel horrible.

This is mirroring. You are not, nor have you ever been this horrible person who is making you feel bad. This person who puts you down, embarrasses you, makes nasty comments, tries to control you, takes advantage of you, lies to you or maybe even dismisses you altogether, is someone from your childhood.

Your response in your body is a telltale sign that you are being triggered by them and is an opportunity for you to finally listen to that little kid who was shut down. The way you feel when you are around this person, their tone of voice or something they say, the way they look at you or even roll their eyes when you talk, are all clues that this mirroring is happening to you.

Your unhealed traumas from childhood show up in random people as a gift. I know that sounds ridiculous, but once you see these people for who they are, you will no longer be controlled by them. You can look at each of them as a door that is opening, until finally that little kid is set free.

Who were when you came into this world, before the adults in your life gave THEIR shit to you? I’ll tell you…amazing, limitless, lovable, strong, talented, brilliant, beautiful and innocent.  Take that back! You have the key, but as long as you keep holding onto the stories that were given to you, instead of making your own, you will attract the same people who disempower you, until you do.

The step mother in Snow White saw this purity in her step daughter and she was jealous of it. People who put you down, treat you poorly and judge you are really jealous of you because they see all of these qualities in you but do not know how to give it to themselves, so they take yours instead.

We all possess beauty, inner beauty. There is no need to disparage someone else to have it. If someone is doing this to you, then it is because you have unhealed childhood wounds that are needing attention.

There is no need to look at people who don’t love you unconditionally anymore. We’re done with that! Lesson learned! And if you haven’t yet gotten it, then ask yourself what it is they are showing you that needs to be healed. Do you love yourself enough to finally get this?

See all of those people as alerts: “Danger Will Robinson!” your inner child is saying, begging you to look at it, hear it, help it.  We only ever attract people into our lives who mirror how we feel about ourselves on the inside. Does that make sense? I hope so!

Stop looking for mirrors, unless you’re doing your makeup or hair. Look within! That is where all of your answers are and your freedom too.

Attachments

an extra part or extension that is or can be attached to something to perform a particular function.

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While an attachment such as a paper clip might be a necessity to keep something together, attachments in relationships are detrimental.

At first you may not even notice there are attachments to your new love interest’s affection, the friend you make at work or a family member, but once you awaken, you start to realize that when they do something for you, you are expected to do something in return.

Any form of attachment or clause, isn’t authentic. At it’s core, it is a relationship with conditions that are based on control. A vicious cycle of tit for tat that has absolutely no end, until you realize what is going on and call it quits.

People who have relationships based on attachments live in a world of fear. A scarcity mindset. They are so afraid of showing any type of emotion, that they keep you at bay by making you feel bad for having any at all.

Have you ever tried to express your feelings to someone who has attachments to their attention?  It’s like you are speaking different languages altogether. The more you express the more their eyes glaze over and pretty soon you are consumed with frustration, wondering why  you even broached the subject at all.

Actually, what was the subject? You’ve forgotten now because they bamboozled you into thinking your rational expectation of having real feelings be exchanged was made out to be an unrealistic one.

Relationships built on trust, mutual respect and integrity  have no conditions, except for trust, mutual respect and integrity. It is based on the premise that  I do for you because I want to, not because I expect something in return. I do for you simply because it feels good and I want to help you. I buy something for you because I see it, know you would like it and I remember you telling me how much you wanted it.

Relationships with attachments are the exact opposite. These dysfunctional behaviors are taught to us as children. If we do not work on these inner wounds, we will attract people into our lives who have attachments similar to the ones we grew up with.

It’s absolutely maddening, since you swore you would never ever live with the shit you hated as a child.

I see this so clearly now. Since the age of 12 I lived with conditions around love. Up until then I never questioned love or the price people make you pay for it. But when divorce hit my home and my parents remarried, love came with a hefty price.

While I hated what was being asked of me, by people who were supposed to love me unconditionally, keep me safe and protect me, I went along. They were my parents. I knew it was wrong, but as a child, we feel powerless and therefore we succumb to the unacceptable.

Attachments to love abounded. ‘Keep the peace” “Just say you’re sorry, even if you don’t mean it” “Make things easy on me, just get along with everyone” “Don’t you love me? If you loved me, you would do this for me” These were the messages that I absorbed about love, at the most influential age.

I am older now and have done extensive inner work to heal the past. The people who have been in my life since that time were merely a reflection of the program I carried about love and my belief of it.

These patterns continue throughout our lives until we say enough. Enough already! Do you really want to continue to attract a relationship with conditions? No! You want love! The good shit!

So…ask yourself where in your life you are accepting less than what you really want and know you deserve.

The only way to make effective change in your life is to change yourself. You will never, ever change a person who loves with attachments. Ever! They are incapable of love on your level.

Save your energy and love yourself with the same devotion and level of commitment you have given someone who does not deserve it. You are worthy of it.

 

Holding On

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Holding On

There is actually a song called this and very fitting to trying to hold onto things that no longer serve us. If you have found this blog, then you are probably a spiritual person or someone who is at least dipping their toe in the pool. Get ready…pretty soon you will be pushed in it, because you won’t have a choice.

This 1111 journey, spiritual awakening and one label which makes you think its about some Romeo and Juliet type of love, gets ugly pretty quick. Especially when you realize it is most definitely not about another person, even though they might be the catalyst who awakens you.

But it is hardly an awakening, is it? It’s more like someone blowing a trumpet in your ear. And no matter what you do to stop it, it is relentless.

It finds you in signs and synchronicities (meaningful coincidences) and never stops. It’s like a rabid dog with really big teeth that guards the old door you keep trying to hide behind. You can try to return there when you think Cujo isn’t looking, but it always finds you.

The longer you try and hold onto your old life and your old ways of thinking, the more it seems to persist. You might even think you are going nuts. You’re making it all up. But eventually you are brought to the brink and you have to act on what you are feeling. It could be trying to express your truth to someone, reaching out to someone, standing up for yourself, generally it is something way out of your comfort zone.

The feeling will be so overwhelming, you feel you have no other choice but to act on it. Of course you will be faced with rejection because rejection is really redirection and this journey is not about another person, it is about you. People have been strategically placed in your life to “awaken” you to well…you.

A cruel joke for sure! And anyone who says you signed on for this is full of shit. Who the hell would sign up for it? It’s not like it involves a seaside villa. It would be nice if it did, cause you just go drown yourself in the water to escape it. It really is that awful!

I thought my life was just fine before I started seeing the lousy number, but boy was I wrong. Destruction, devastation, extreme self-loathing, judgements, expectations, I did it all. I have apologized to the people in my life that it effected but an apology is no good without reform, so that is all I have focused on. To anyone else my lack of self worth may have effected in a negative way, I apologize.

I now understand why certain people came into my life.  Same person, different look (which is what throws you off) but always the same. Unhealed shit in me just begging to be healed. Every single person a reflection of my old belief that I don’t come first. It was never about what they did to me, it was what I allowed, because I did not love myself enough.

The gift (there is one) from this journey is finally figuring out why you have created the same shit ad nauseam even though you didn’t like it. You can’t figure out why you keep attracting the same people, the same jobs, the same situations, and no matter how much you try to do the think positive thing, nothing ever changes.

We attach our shit to other people every single day. Once you start to go within, you realize it was never about other people-it was always about you. These people are merely a reminder that we are still carrying programs (beliefs) that do not serve us and the universe is a savvy mother f-er who will keep sending them your way until you let that crap go.

You swore you would never marry your mother and well, you did! You swore you would never date your dad and you’ve divorced him three times. Your mother shows up every day when you go to work and your boss gives you “that look” you hate. Consequently you hate your boss. Your dad shows up at a restaurant when you hear the waiter say, “you didn’t finish your dinner, was something wrong with the food?” The waiter gets a bad tip, even though he gave great service.

Every single person and situation is in your life by design-the design you created by your thoughts. Our thoughts, beliefs and perceptions are merely memories we carry inside of us from our childhood. Once you clear the bad memories, you no longer carry this belief and your outer world will reflect the change inside of you. I use: Faster EFT  and work with a woman who lives in New Zealand. 

I do not believe in traditional therapy because most therapists have not worked through their own shit enough to help anyone else. I have never liked any therapist-not one. And I have never seen a person go to therapy who has changed. People do change! The key to becoming the best version of you, is recognizing you don’t like the way things are.

I’ll give you an example of a program I was running: I never come first. That was an unconscious belief I had, therefore, my outside world reflected it. This program (or belief) has showed up over and over in my life. Men cheated on me, chose work over me, their mothers, their families…you name it, I was never first. My perception was that my own father did this to me and so did mother. My little kid brain took on the belief that there was always someone more deserving of attention then I was. Of course this wasn’t true, but when you are little you don’t know anything about what is going on with other people, you only know how you feel.

But now I know I deserve to be first and the way I do this, so that my outer world reflects that, is by me putting me first. It took me a long time to get this. I met a lot of people, including casting agents, agents, in-laws, directors and people I worked with, who reiterated my belief that I did not deserve to come first, to be a priority.

But once you change your beliefs and perceptions and stop running programs that do not serve you, you no longer attract the people and situations you once did, because you love yourself completely. Your energy is different, your vibration has been raised and you no longer lower it to meet others, you know that people who are meant to be in your life will raise theirs to meet you.

If you are on an 1111 journey I feel sorry for you. I mean, I really do. I would not wish it on anyone. It sucks! But if you are, there isn’t any going back, so you might as well stop holding on to your past and learn to let go.

Once you resign to the journey and I  mean completely, you get to a place of calm. An inner knowing that no matter what happens in the outside world, inside you are just fine.

The 1111 journey is one to the self. The true self. Release the memories that do not serve you and replace them with good ones that do, and watch your life explode. For the better of course.

Humor

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the quality of being amusing or comic, especially as expressed in literature or speech.

God, do I love humor! I honestly cannot live without it. While most people might not find things funny, I often find them hilarious. I especially love that my children all have terrific senses of humor.

I was at an audition yesterday and a woman sat down next to me that was rather… well I’ll just say, snappy (this word comes to mind because I deal with dogs in shelters every day). I would much rather deal with a snappy dog though in lieu of a snappy woman or man, especially one in a purple jumpsuit.

I was texting my oldest (who calls most days while walking the campus) and I burst into laughter. He has this quick witted stream of consciousness humor and often tells me frat stories. I was never a fan of him joining one, especially after the torture he endured to get in. I just didn’t get it. He said the new pledges had it easy and then went on to tell me he sent a pledge to class for him and had another build a futon and I burst into laughter. Wonderful news! (read with sarcasm) We are paying out of state tuition for him to learn to be more savvy. I think I may have snorted I laughed so hard. People looked over at me like I had said something profane and all I did was laugh.

People don’t laugh anymore and if they do it’s usually just a little chuckle. They are so worried about what others think of them if they let go, they walk around stiff all day. I don’t know about you, but I always laughed as a kid. Most kids do. Have most of us forgotten that little kid inside of us and what is wants? I think so.

My little kid likes candy, stomping her feet sometimes when she doesn’t get her way, singing out loud to music, asking for what she wants, getting presents, people to listen to her and dogs. She also likes to play. She likes it when I just take a day and do nothing. She likes to walk barefoot, too, especially at the beach. Although I can’t really appease her now since it’s cold outside, I will wear flip flops around the house.

It’s important that we listen to that kid inside of us. He/She has all the answers you could ever want. I know this because I have done a tonnnnn of inner work. Every time I have a tapping session ( you have to have a sense of humor to tap!) I lose years of garbage. Somewhere in the rubble is generally that little kid trying to crawl her way out. She knew all along what she wanted and how valuable she was, but people around her had their beliefs and programs, therefore she took those on. This is what happens to all of us. The key to healing is listening to that little kid.

The little kid loved Our Gang, the adult me loves Arrested Development. I think the acting is amazing. The timing is so magnificent and I love every character. I don’t know how many times I have watched it, but I am currently watching it again. I know when I turn it on, I am going to laugh.

I do not like the news. I see enough of what is done by people to dogs, I don’t need to see what they do to other people and our environment. I choose to focus on only what I want, not what bothers me. I cannot do anything about other people and it is futile to try and change another, especially when it’s so damn easy to change myself.

I stopped writing on this blog for a bit because I needed to focus on myself in a very introspective way. Writing is a wonderful tool but can wind up being another escape like alcohol, drugs or gambling, if a person is not grounded. I needed to dive deep and heal parts of myself that kept searching out there for answers and fulfillment, instead of going within for them. Now that I have, I feel free.

With this new found freedom from everything that kept me in shackled to a past that no longer serves me, I am excited about my future. I know great things are on the horizon but have no expectations whatsoever in how they come or what they look like. I just trust because I know without a doubt that it involves humor and happiness.

After a year of intense inner work and healing the inner child, I finally understood what it meant to love unconditionally. It was never about loving someone else, it was and always will be about loving yourself. Once you can conquer that, everything we have ever wanted really is a possibility.

Look for the humor in things and if you can’t find it, watch Arrested Development.