Sorry

What is it about this word that is so hard for people to say?

I have said sorry many times. It always comes when I have reflected on my actions. We all react at times during our lives instead of responding, and this is when we will say or do things that might hurt others. Reflection is the key to seeing what we have done and how to mend it. If there is no reflection, there will be no change and of course no, “Sorry” or at least a genuine one.

Some people will say they are sorry and it sounds rather empty. This is because they don’t actually mean it. You cannot be sincere with an apology if you don’t even know why you are saying “sorry” in the first place.

Have you ever gotten a “I’m sorry you feel that way” from someone? This isn’t even a sorry at all. It’s more along the lines of, “The only thing I am sorry about, is this conversation where I am really uncomfortable because you are calling me out on my horrible behavior.”

There’s the sorry you wait for that never comes. Even though the most heinous thing could have been done to you, this person will never say they are sorry, never try and repair the damage they have done or even admit that they did anything at all. They’re called narcissists.

Have you ever had someone say they are sorry so many times that you don’t even hear it anymore? This is because one sorry for hurtful behavior should be enough. If the behavior continues, then the sorry isn’t authentic, it’s just a ploy to keep you in a loop of dysfunction and it’s called manipulation.

People often wonder if it’s too late to say they are sorry. I think that if you are thinking it’s too late, then this is a moment where reflection is really needed. If you ever feel it is too late for anything, than it probably is. The fact that you waited is the real question you should be asking. So you can say your sorry, but your sorry is only for you at this point because the other person stopped waiting for it and you.

There’s the genuine “I’m sorry” when you feel it internally. You know the person actually means it and as they are delivering the sorry to you, you don’t even feel it’s necessary, because you realize how utterly vulnerable they are being when they are saying it.

One little word! And yet so many people are incapable of saying it. Is it an admission of not being perfect? Of admitting they aren’t always right? That they took someone for granted and think horrible of themselves for doing so? That they said something mean in a moment of being human and feel awful for it so they would rather ignore it than say they are sorry?

I don’t know why people don’t say they are sorry. It’s one five letter word but it is capable of mending relationships if done with sincerity and ruining them, if it is not.

So if you’re sorry for something you did or how you acted or even treated someone, then just freaking say you’re sorry. All you have is this now moment. It is better to face a moment of discomfort then a lifetime of regret.

Manana!

This is a kicky little tune. I love Peggy Lee! I have a very diverse music list to say the least.

But this song…manana! I like it. It’s all about how there is always tomorrow when we don’t want to do something today. But is there always tomorrow? Absolutely not!

If the past year hasn’t taught you that you need to live in the moment and make the most of every day, then perhaps you need to get your head examined. The news changes daily as well as restrictions and protocols that we are expected to adhere to without question and what was once your reality even yesterday, is a different one every day.

I question a lot, but what I do not question, is why I would hold off doing today what I can do today, thinking I always have tomorrow.

I don’t even think about tomorrow! This is because I am too busy focusing on today. I do have deadlines when it comes to auditions or orders I get, but I always do them the moment I get them because I feel so blessed for what is being gifted to me in every now moment.

There is no guarantee for tomorrow, despite what you think. So the fact that you said I will do that thing tomorrow because you didn’t feel like doing it yesterday, well, today is that tomorrow so are you going to do it now or put it off again?

If you are a procrastinator or a person who holds back, thinking you will be given another day for another change at happiness, then I highly recommend reading the Power of Now. It is an exceptional book and completely frees you of the need to worry about the future.

When you grasp this concept of living in the now, you appreciate everyone and everything in front of you. There is no need to be calculated or worry about what others think, because you simply go moment to moment and do what you feel called to do. When you stay in your heart, you only take action towards things or people from that place, instead of an ego based one that feels the need to control.

We cannot control anything or anyone and if you think that you can or you satiate your ego by trying to do so, then the Power of Now probably isn’t a book you want to start with. Actually, you won’t even be able to get through it.

What a controlling person needs is to be less controlled. I recommend tapping for this. A need to control everything in your life is a sign of major unhealed wounds. If you have been deeply hurt in your past then you will do whatever it takes to not be hurt again. By doing this, you are never living for today, you are constantly living for tomorrow because you fear what will happen and are always trying to think ahead.

Living for manana is futile. You can keep on waiting for tomorrow to make necessary changes, or you can embrace the only thing you are guaranteed, which is this now moment. When you just breathe in and then out and say, “I am perfectly fine in this moment” you understand that this now moment is all you are ever guranteed and to think that you are guranteed more, is keeping you in a trap of your own making.

Release the need to control. Despite what you think, you cannot control what manana brings or if it will even come. Your manana is here right now. Be grateful for where you are, what you have and the fact that you are able to read this blog. It really is the little things!

Let It Flow

How open are you to change? Are you loosey goosey to it? Willing to dip one toe in the pool or the whole foot? Or maybe you’re too rigid to change anything. In that case, you’re nowhere near the water!

Being in the flow is super easy; it’s where we allow instead of control. This simply means we wake up, may have our schedule, but if something takes us off course, we understand that we are being directed elsewhere for our highest good. Acceptance of this is the key to our happiness.

When people don’t go with the flow and are so set on staying in control, they miss out on all of the wonderful things that life is trying to bring them. It’s really interesting to observe people who are very controlled. It’s almost painful to see how routined they are. In there quest to stay in control of everything, they essentially become controlled because they are no longer living life due to their conviction of calculating their every move. How exhausting! I’m tired just writing that.

Letting go of outcomes and going with the flow is very empowering. But if I were to tell this to a person who is always in control, they would say the exact opposite. The real truth about control, is that it is an illusion. There is no control. You cannot control anything!

The more you go within and change your perceptions of people and understand that most of us are just repeating patterns and programs from our childhood, the less you feel the need to try and control anything. You understand that people are just playing out their own insecurities and they seldom, if ever, have anything to do with you.

The ironic thing about control is that when we are so committed to one path, life has a way of sending us what is called a “tower moment” so that we can be put on another one. These tower moments are generally pretty awful, but if you look at it from a higher perspective, you see that you had plenty of notices beforehand, you just chose to ignore them because you were too busy controlling how things were supposed to go according to your plan. You see, no matter how great we think our best-laid plans are, life will step in and say, “I have a better one! Trust me!”

Since I have been going with the flow I have created more abundance in my life. I don’t push for outcomes or results or have any expectations, especially of other people. I have learned to be my best advocate. All of the love, the acceptance and joy I once sought out there, I now find within.

This new way of living allows me to wake up every day with excitement. It’s like Christmas as a kid every day. I try and keep to my morning routine as best I can and then allow the rest of the day to unfold. I might have a list of things I would like to do, but when I allow for anything and everything, I usually have a pretty remarkable day.

This is called being in the flow and it is when we can magnetize anything! So if you want to be a money magnet, a love magnet or any other kind of magnet, you have to allow yourself to be in the flow. How can something wonderful even fit into your life, if you are always controlling every aspect of your day?

Be in control or don’t. I’ll be over here going with the flow cause that’s where all the magic is!

Too Much Too Late

Have you ever been so driven and focused that you dismiss people in your life, thinking they will always be there, so there is no need to stress over your relationship or lack of one with them?

When I was growing up my father worked all the time. I remember him coming home from work on my birthday, eating some cake and then going back to work. I know that he was trying to do right by all of us and his way of doing that was by bringing home money since he grew up without it, but as a kid I only knew he was’t there most of the time.

As the years passed this pattern stayed with him and moments shared with my father were even rarer. When he did give you his time it was something you cherished and coveted, making him or what we thought was him so special.

But he wasn’t special. He was a man who did what he wanted, without thinking about how it effected anyone else. My mother tired of his inability to be there emotionally and asked for a divorce. I never understood how he let that happen since he always said she was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Within a short time he married a woman who lacked the same emotional connection he did, tolerated my siblings and I and eventually convinced my father that life was easier for her, without us in it. I guess they shared the same obsession with money because I must have heard a thousand times, “You can always tell the people with money.”

Since I was not taught the value of money and only saw it as a means that ruined families or something that was evil, like I didn’t want to be one of those people my step mother talked about, I spent it as fast as I could get it.

I’ve been on my own financially since the day after high school. I ate potatoes or popcorn for dinner if I ate at all, and lived for the cafeteria meal at the Marriott I worked at or happy hours where they had free buffets because I was too broke to pay for food.

I had a lot of fun, but money….I didn’t give a crap about it. I only needed a few bucks to go out, so I made sure I had that and didn’t worry about much else. I lived this way for a long time and I was just fine. Happy even. I was surrounded by people I loved, who loved me back and we laughed at how broke we were.

I have had money, lost it, found it again, worked like a dog for it and bought whatever I wanted. I know the value of money, I’m not a dope. But I know the value of good relationships more, especially since I have experienced really bad ones.

Money is important but it should never define who we are. Money is merely paper, yet people give it so much power. I have met people who use their money to control others, people who look down their nose on those they perceive as less than because they are waiting on them or cleaning for them and even some who have all the bells and whistles that money can buy and they don’t enjoy any of it.

Nobody likes to be controlled, but if money is your driving force, then you are already controlled and have probably let relationships fall to the wayside that would have fulfilled you far more than that dollar in your pocket ever will.

Money is great, but relationships are far better. If you have a good one, you have a partner for life and someone who will be with you even if you don’t have money, because a healthy relationship isn’t built on what you acquire, it’s built on trust, respect and honor.

I rarely speak to my father. It’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because I find the conversation unfulfilling and he is always in a hurry to get off the phone. He has never changed, I gather he never will at this point and me expecting him to only brings disappointment. I would not say it is too late for us because he’s my dad.

But for anyone else who has not seen my value and thought that something over there was more important, it is far too late and I can’t be bothered.

The choices we make define our lives. Money will give you more choices, but it won’t do much else.

Losing It

There are moments in life when we all feel like we are losing it. We become so angry and upset with a person or situation that we just want to go off on somebody.

What causes this? The way it makes us feel absolutely and utterly powerless, especially if you are a person who follows the rules, is goal oriented, honest, is kind to others and tries to do the right thing.

When we feel as though someone else holds the key to our future or our happiness, we feel out of control, which creates extreme frustration. But is this true? Is it possible to be out of control of our own lives?

The answer is no and while we may not like that answer, it is the truth. We all make choices and choices have consequences. Sometimes our choices aren’t very good ones and well, we might now be looking at those choices and not be very happy with them.

I find in life that there are generally two choices in front of us. It’s like looking at places to live. One apartment might have a large bedroom with a bathroom midway between it and the kitchen but there is absolutely no closet space. The other one has a bedroom you might be able to fit a bed in and not much else, there is tons of closet space for all your shoes, the bathroom is in the kitchen, but the rent is 400.00 less a month. Which one do you pick? Of course you take the one with the closets! Don’t you?

Anyway, you move in and you realize all that closet space doesn’t matter because you can hear anyone who comes over in your bathroom. Pretty soon you don’t invite anyone anymore because you are learning more about people than you wanted to. And forget about your appetite! Sure, you’ve lost weight, but you are wondering if you will ever eat again…at least not in your apartment.

So you get upset. You have signed a lease…for a year. Now you hate the place and can’t imagine staying there another minute, let alone a whole freaking year! You might call the landlord and complain. He doesn’t care, he’s already got your lease and your two months deposit. You feel angered by this. You yell at him because it’s all his fault and then you call your mother and yell at her too. Somehow it’s her fault too! Mothers get blamed for everything!

Eventually you scream at the top of your lungs to God, the Universe, whatever the heck you believe in at how cruel they are for doing this to you. Then you write letters to every person who has ever upset you and cry yourself to sleep on the floor of your crappy apartment with an empty bottle of wine next to you.

Once you’ve released those feelings of anger, frustration, exasperation, annoyance, discontent and distress, you wake up the next day and realize it’s really no big deal after all. It’s just an apartment! An apartment with amazing closet space! You didn’t even have to get rid of any of your shoes!

You go out and buy some flowers, an air purifier that makes noise and a new bottle of wine with all that extra money you saved. You’ll be damned if you lose that great closet space!

The greatest tool we have against feeling powerless, is knowing that we have more power than we could ever know. Sometimes it takes hitting a wall really hard, to discover just how quickly you can bounce off of it.

We all make mistakes or what appear to be mistakes, but they’re not. We are always making choices and choosing paths to exactly where we need to be, in order to learn the lessons in life that we are here to learn.

The ultimate one of course, is to love the self. So if you currently find yourself in a situation where you are losing it, understand that you were brought there for a reason. Take a deep breath, focus on the good that has come of it and if you can’t think of anything, let be remind you…look at how much you have grown, how much you have learned and how little you will tolerate anyone or anything that doesn’t see your value.

This is progress! It may not look like it, but the fact that you are feeling like you are losing it, is telling you that you have arrived.

Congratulations! From this point on you will never give your power away again.

Mirror Mirror

download

I’m a sucker for Disney movies! I watched Snow White this week and as the evil step mother looks into the mirror and asks, “Who is the fairest of them all?” I had a revelation.

I used to hear the word “mirroring” all the time when I first awakened to the things that were happening in my life that I couldn’t understand.

I would hear spiritual teachers say, “You don’t like that person because they are mirroring something back to you.” What did that even mean? The more I thought about it, the more confused I got.

I mean, there were some women in my life with a resting bitch face that could be sold on Halloween. And the men? Equally as ugly. They disregarded me, treated me as though I were beneath them or tried to control me. Was I them? As hard as I tried to see it, I just didn’t, because I knew I was nice, so I couldn’t grasp how I attracted so many meanies into my life.

Well, it took me a very long time to get this one, so I am going to share it with you just in case you are wondering what the people (we’ll call them mirrors) you are looking into are really reflecting back to you.

They are mirroring YOUR unhealed wounds. Things that happened to you in your childhood. You see, at some point in your childhood, someone either made you feel less than, disregarded, abandoned, unsafe, bullied, controlled, disempowered, unloved, and plain old not good enough.

And because no one cared what your feelings were, you were just a child after all and what kind of a voice were you allowed to have…you learned to stuff it all inside. And now, years later, you’re wondering why you keep attracting the same boss, the same men, the same women. Blah blah ad nauseam.

This little kid, now a grown ass adult, has been trying to get your attention for a long time. But you keep shoving it down, ignoring its pleas and outright dismissing any wrong doing to it, much like the adults in your life did to you.

But now the little kid has had it, so all of that pain is surfacing, begging to be healed once for all, by way of the asshole standing in front of you, making you feel horrible.This is mirroring.

You are not, nor have you ever been this horrible person who is making you feel bad. This person who is currently in your life, who puts you down, embarrasses you, makes nasty comments, tries to control you, takes advantage of you, lies to you or maybe even dismisses you altogether, is just imitating behaviors from an adult in your past.

Your response in your body is a telltale sign that you are being triggered (annoyed) by them and is an opportunity for you to finally listen to that little kid who was shut down. The way you feel when you are around this person, their tone of voice or something they say, the way they look at you or even roll their eyes when you talk, are all clues that this mirroring is happening to you.

Your unhealed traumas from childhood show up in random people as a gift. I know that sounds ridiculous, but once you see these people for who they are, you will no longer be controlled by them. You can look at each of them as a door that is opening, until finally that little kid is set free. Who were when you came into this world, before the adults in your life gave THEIR shit to you?

I’ll tell you…amazing, limitless, lovable, strong, talented, brilliant, beautiful and innocent.  Take that back! You have the key, but as long as you keep holding onto the stories that were given to you, instead of making your own, you will attract the same people who disempower you, until you do.

Stop looking for mirrors, unless you’re doing your makeup or hair. Look within! That is where all of your answers are and your freedom too.