More

An oldie but a goodie!

I want to talk about more because so many of us say we want more, even think we deserve more, but few of us go about getting it because it often requires a bit of discomfort. Sometimes a whole boat load!

I recently separated from my husband. We have been married for over 20 years and have three boys. We have separated a few times in our time together, but this time it is far more substantial. He rented an apartment.

It’s no joke that I have been through a huge transformation. While my core values are still very much the same, as is the love I give unconditionally, my lack of wanting to participate in programs and patterns that do not serve anyone, has greatly.

This has confused him and made him say, “he wants his wife back.” I get it! I really do, which is why I am seeing this separation as something that is paramount to his well being and happiness just as much as mine.

When you do enough work on yourself you do not feel the need to be acrimonious towards someone you spent well, almost a lifetime with, let alone had children with. I cannot speak for him. Right now we are working together, but he does have influences around him that don’t see relationships as give and take, just take. But I am choosing to remain optimistic.

I truly want want is best for him and I know at this juncture, it is not me.

When you know that you want more than what you currently have, staying in that place of accepting less is not an option; in fact it is soul crushing. But fear of the unknown will keep so many of us dwelling there, hoping it gets better, hoping for this, wishing for that, until we realize you can wish and hope all you want, but what is called for is change.

I don’t know where I’m headed and that’s okay. I am not afraid of the unknown; I fear complacency far more than that. I actually like being alone and am not alone enough. I have two children home now and my oldest is on his way to see me for Mothers Day. They are my greatest achievement and the most wonderful thing that came out of my marriage.

And while I do not share my thoughts on my personal issues with my boys unless they ask, I do have really terrific friends and family who really love me, support me and have my back. I need not look too far for a shoulder to lean on, someone to make me laugh or to tell me I am capable of anything.

It is not through our wins that we see who supports us, it is through our trials and tribulations. It is very telling who wants to be in your life when you are challenged and who does not. Sometimes this truth hurts, but all necessary in order to fully own the fact that you will never again accept less than what you know you truly deserve. We all deserve more love, not less; don’t ever forget that.

I share this with you so that you understand there is never any reason to accept less than what your soul is yearning for. The journey to self love can be very painful but when you finally reach this destination, you realize the pain you felt all along was really inflicted by yourself. You saw things you wanted to see, not what was actually there and that’s because you sought outside yourself for the love you should have been giving you all along.

Once you reach a level of self-love, you will never settle for less than more, more, and more!

Dare to have more!

Escapism

the tendency to seek distraction and relief from unpleasant realities, especially by seeking entertainment or engaging in fantasy.

I always liked George Michael! So talented and of course easy on the eyes! I always liked this song, too. I never really listened to the words before but the other day I did and found some of the lines rather profound.

It reminded me of going out back in the day and meeting people who basically told you exactly where they were at emotionally but pursuing them anyway. I never understood why me or my friends did this, I only knew we liked some guy and they didn’t reciprocate the feeling.

But now that I know what I know, I get it.

Some people try very hard to tell you they aren’t in the same place as you, but there is a part of an unhealed or wounded person that feels if they love that person in just the right way, they will come around.

What we fail to realize is that in doing so, we lose ourselves and our self esteem, self worth and become self loathing. The more we give, the less we get and we wind up feeling horrible.

It is only inevitable that events and our response equals the outcome, so if we are looking for a different outcome, then our response has to be different too. Instead of wanting to hear something or reading into it, we need to REALLY listen to what is being said by another in order to avoid a pitfall.

So if you were out and you heard someone say: “All that bullshit conversation
Baby, can’t you read the signs? I won’t bore you with the details, baby
I don’t even wanna waste your time
Let’s just say that maybe
You could help to ease my mind
Baby, I ain’t Mr. Right But if you’re looking for fast love
If that’s love in your eyes, it’s more than enough
Had some bad love
Some fast love, is all that I’ve got on my mind”

you have a choice. Did you hear what they said? Cause they aren’t looking for love! They are looking for an escape!

But what of escapism? Is it something we all do at one point? Or is it something only a few of us do?

Personally, I think escapism is for people who have the luxury to do so. Most of us can’t. We have responsibilities, bills to pay and let’s face it, in order to escape you’ve got to have some money. Not everybody has the means to fly off somewhere, buy copious amounts of liquor for potential pickups or multiple residences to hide away in.

So maybe when it comes down to it, the more you have, the more you can live in denial. Cause in the real world most people don’t have time to escape, let alone for fast love. And if we are being honest, most people don’t want that.

Fast love doesn’t know you. Fast love doesn’t get your back. Fast love doesn’t take care of you when you are sick. Fast love doesn’t respect you. Fast love doesn’t know how you like your coffee and Fast love certainly doesn’t love itself. It’s merely a transaction.

I think it’s good to escape sometimes. We all need to. But watching a movie, going away for a few days and maybe just reading a good book is far healthier for the soul, then bringing someone else into your drama and heartache.

Keep the escapism and fast love coming from George Michael! Do the work! Learn to love yourself and you won’t feel the need to escape, or fast love from anyone ever again. It just won’t satisfy you.

Vows

grim

Vow: solemnly promise to do a specified thing.

Such a funny thing, vows. So archaic in nature. They were always vowing something on Game of Thrones and look how that ended for most!

Wedding vows-boy oh boy. Let’s talk about those.

I think when you read through these, it will explain the estimated 60% demise of all marriages. They simply aren’t realistic and were clearly written on stone tablets like something out of the Flintstones.

I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, *So formal! Wedded sounds like bedded to me! Do you really have to get married for that to happen? Maybe back in the day, but certainly not now.

to have and to hold, from this day forward, *Sounds so constricting, like shackles or a straight jacket. Why not pull out the handcuffs while you’re at it, cause now that I’ve got you, you’re not going anywhere!

for better, for worse, *Really? Who the hell wants the worse? I mean, come on! For the better, okay. If the worse is coming for me, then I don’t want see it, so let’s just keep dating.

for richer, for poorer, *This one! Am I right? What if you marry some man/boy who doesn’t want to get a real job? What if they sit around all day and do nothing while you do it all? They may have been working when you met them, but now they can’t keep a job! Next!

in sickness and in health, *What kind of sickness are we talking here? Cause if it involves perpetual puking or diapers, I’m out.

to love and to cherish, *What’s with the cherish thing? I don’t want you kissing my feet and I am certainly not going to kiss yours!

till death do us part,  *Oh…this one! Co-existing with someone because they refuse to let you go or more aptly, their money? Sounds like a death sentence already.  I picture that grim reaper guy with the scythe. But we all know that the grim reaper in this case is an attorney with a fancy pen who is probably going to make you wish that you were dead, when it’s all over.

according to God’s holy ordinance;  *I’m sorry! Was there a meeting about the ordinance? Usually they post those things ahead of time, you know, like at the post office or something. How does anyone know what God wants anyway? It is all according to how you were raised and what you believe about him to be true. So on that note, I say God wants people to be happy. Period!

thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you. *I pledged allegiance to the flag in grade school, I do it at sports events, and I even pledge my house. It’s enough already!

These vows we take at the alter really do a number on us and I think they should be re-written! How about these:

Hey, wanna get married? *Sure!

I think we should talk about money. *Me too!

What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours. Keep your account you had before we met and I will do the same. We can open another one together once we move forward. *That seems very fair. I like it! Let’s talk about space. I need mine!

Oh, I got it! We will have two residences. You know, so when we have had enough of one another, we can go there until we miss the other again. *Ooh! Now you’re talking!

What about family? *What about them?

Do you like mine? *About as much as you like mine.

You are so funny! *I try, but in all seriousness, we’ll only visit with people who are fun to be around and don’t judge us. Everybody else can piss off. 

I love that about you! *Thanks! I really mean it. I’ve got your back and if I ever don’t, you have my blessing to leave.

I’m glad you brought that up. I was thinking we should have an exit plan. You know, just in case. *Hmm…I like it. Tell me more.

If after five years we look at each other and say, “What the hell was I thinking? Or… get unraveled by the way the other chews, breathes, brushes their teeth, walks, talks, looks at us, and well, pretty much does anything that starts to work a nerve, then we go our separate ways. *Love it! Let’s get hitched!