The Jig is Up

the scheme or deception is revealed or foiled. used to say that a dishonest plan or activity has been discovered and will not be allowed to continue.

This saying has been around forever, like since the Elizabethan era which was from 1558-1603. And yet, still so valid today.

We also know the jig as a dance. A lot of people would prefer to dance with the devil they know (no matter how much their feet keep getting stomped on), then the one they don’t.

A lot of us will carry baggage that isn’t ours, change things we may not want to, resist a new beginning, struggle with everything, lose money, feel like we are losing our minds; all so we can hold on to a person who is doing absolutely nothing for us, but a whole lot of bad stuff to us.

People around us can see us suffering, sad and exhausted, but we hold on for dear life fearing change, not wanting to see our partner for who they really are and how miserable we are with them. Instead, we cling to what we thought they were and look the other way to all of the wrong doing being done around us.

How many times have you been around couples and they bicker right in front of you? Or, you witness one of them talking while the other ignores them? At dinner they are both on their phones. Sex is a chore and neither one of them enjoy it. One of them berates the other in public. One of them cheats. One of them is a pathological liar.

When is the jig up for these people? How long are they going to continue in a relationship that is unhealthy? You gotta wonder. At the end of the day though, it’s not up to us to decide this for them, they have to decide for themselves when the jig is up and unfortunately it usually comes when things get really bad between two people.

People fear the unknown, which is why they stay, but ironically they already know on some level things aren’t right, so there really is no unknown. The pit in the stomach, the mistrust, the deception, the lies, the constant state of unrest, the instability, the insecurity…you can turn a blind eye for awhile, but eventually there will be one thing you can’t ignore.

Sadly, both people are doing the other one a disservice. When its time to let go, its time. It should be done with dignity and grace for the wonderful moments you shared together, not the ugliness that ensues because things drag on way beyond their expiration and someone doesn’t get their way.

I don’t know when the jig will be up for people still clinging to a lie, but it will most definitely be a tower moment that could have been avoided, had they only honored one another sooner. The jig was up for me with a piece of mail, but the tower had taken many blows before it arrived.

A marriage with no trust, is no marriage. A marriage where communication is seen as an argument is no partnership. A a marriage with no stability or security is not an environment that is healthy for anyone. And a marriage without love is heartbreaking and lonely.

The hardest part in any relationship is knowing its over. We all want to believe that the person we committed to is our forever, but if someone isn’t growing with you its not going to work. When a person loves you they will do anything to keep you, not fight you at every turn. And sadly, sometimes the devil we thought we knew, winds up being someone we never really knew at all.

The world needs more love and compassion, not less. Know when the jig is up and honor your partner with the truth. Holding on for selfish reasons does nothing for anyone involved.

Truth

Nietzsche said that a man’s worth was determined by how much truth he could tolerate. So if we think about this in terms of personal relationships, how much truth can you tolerate when it comes to them?

I guess a simple way to measure this would be by how much you allow others to speak their truth to you.

If someone has something to say to you and you don’t want to hear it, maybe even refuse to hear it, become hostile, argumentative or ignore them when they try to express themselves to you in an effort to improve the relationship, then according to Nietzsche, because you cannot tolerate their truth, even though it may not be yours, you are not worth that much.

But what of the person trying to speak their truth to someone who does not want to hear it? What is their worth? Are they worth more or less?

I mean in reality we obviously know that no one is worth more or less, but we are talking about Nietzsche’s quote here and how much truth we will tolerate in our relationships.

The more you value yourself, the less you need approval from others. And while you may want to speak your truth to those you care about so that they can understand where you are coming from, if they are incapable of hearing, seeing or accepting the truth, they will simply refuse to hear you. Their truth will be that you are difficult, while your truth will be heartbreak, because you are so misunderstood.

So speaking your truth to those who refuse to hear it or see it, will essentially make you feel like you are worth less. Hurt people hurt people and are incapable of seeing their worth, which is why they do not see yours. Staying involved with them will keep you in a constant state of struggle because you are wanting to be seen and heard by people who cannot see or hear themselves, so your words and attempts at trying to express yourself and your truth will be seen as acrimonious.

Part of growing, evolving and loving yourself is knowing who to share your truth with and who not to. Some people would rather live a lie than live the truth and real healing comes when you understand this about others and simply move away from them.

Most people don’t want the truth. They just want the constant reassurance that what they believe is the truth, which is why they surround themselves with people who operate the same way. Taking no accountability is a tell tale sign that you cannot tolerate truth in any relationship, which means anyone who tries to speak it to you, will be met with rejection.

For the person on the receiving end it won’t feel good, but sooner or later they realize that rejection is actually protection from something or someone who could only continue to harm them, and they will move in another direction.

How much truth can you tolerate? Look at your closest relationships for the answer. If you feel like something or someone is missing, then you haven’t tolerated a truth or been able to express one.