One of the hardest lessons we learn in life, is that you cannot change people. We might try and then lose ourselves in the process.

We may give second and third chances even; hoping and praying that they will finally understand, finally get what we are giving. And yet they still don’t, no matter how pure our love is.

And so we are left heartbroken.

What do we do with that pain? We go within. We ask the questions, and not the typical ones you think of. We are awake and conscious, so we ask different ones. Ones that help us move on and empower us, so that we never do this again, never invest in someone who is not as invested in us.

We ask: Why are we bothered by someone who doesn’t feel the same way we do? Why are we taking it so personally? Why are we trying to change someone to see things our way, when there are people out there who already do? Why are we giving our precious energy away? Why are we accepting less than what we know we are worth?

The answer to all of those questions, sadly, is that we are seeking outside of ourselves for validation, rather than within. Our value as a person never comes from someone else, yet so many of us seek it from other people, instead of finding it within ourselves.

So we always end up in the same place with the same types of people when we operate from this disempowering level. Wanting.

Whatever we believe to be true about ourselves is exactly what we attract into our lives. In every single area of it.

You can try and change the person you are with all you want, but the one thing, the only thing that you can change, is yourself.

If you find yourself in a relationship that is challenging, just know that you cannot change them. But you can empower yourself to change how you respond to them.

You were a vibrational match to this person before you started to awaken and work on yourself. When you get to work on your stuff and your person doesn’t, there will be a huge disconnect.

This stuff is hard. It hurts. Your heart breaks and you mourn the loss of something you thought you had. But what you are really mourning, if we are being honest, is the loss of your time invested in something or someone who wasn’t as invested as you were.

You can talk to them and try to tell them what is going on, and maybe the changes you have made on yourself will inspire them to want to change as well. But if not, please know that your value, your shine comes from you, not them and once you understand this, you’ll never settle again.

Keep shining! Don’t stop for someone else. And don’t try and get them to see how bright their shine can be either. That’s on them, not you. Change is an inside job and some people don’t want to do it.

What are You Wishing for?

When we wish for something it implies that we do not yet have it.

But why is that?

Do we think that what we want is out of our grasp? That it might take a miracle to receive it? Or de we feel that we have no control over getting it? We might think it depends on someone else for us to get it.

All of those perceptions are ways we disempower ourselves. When we give power to something or someone outside of ourselves we literally give up on what we want.

The only person who can ever go about getting those things you are wishing on a star for, is you. And I realized this after a long and arduous battle with myself and my limiting beliefs.

Last year I was having a great year with acting. I called it a great year; others wouldn’t agree because some people see wins through a small lens while I seem them differently.

A win in my world is an audition. A big win is a callback. A stellar win is being held or pinned for the job. The booking? That’s just the cherry on top! The wins start the minute you are recognized for your talent.

Don’t get me wrong, you also feel the losses when you get so close.

Imagine the roller coaster known as being an actor. You’re as high as you can possibly get, when you are told that you are pinned for a new show in a co-starring role. Then all of a sudden without warning, you’re thrown over the side and land on your face and wind up picking cotton candy and old popcorn out of your hair, wondering what the hell went wrong.

You ask yourself a hundred questions and none of them do anything but make you feel worse about yourself. Because in the end you have absolutely no power over if you get the job or you don’t. It’s nothing more than someone else deciding if you fit their vision for the part you are going for. That’s it!

That was just one of the many scenarios that brought up all of my “not being good enough” triggers. I was wishing on a star every damn day, but had absolutely no power over pulling that star in and making it my own.

To top it off, I had a manager who had her own issues of wanting to be seen and recognized. One time I was one of 50 actors picked out of 16,000 people who auditioned, to have an interview with a famous casting director. Before she gave me this amazing news, she marred it by writing three paragraphs about how I wasn’t emailing her enough or keeping her in the loop with everything I did.

All of it was so defeating and just made me feel bad about myself instead of good. But when you rely on others to look out for you who are running their own programs of not being good enough or needing control, you aren’t going to reach a star, let alone become one.

After two more incidents with her and bookings that wound up being more work on my end, then what I was being paid, I said goodbye. It was then that I realized it wasn’t about the money at all, it was about how much effort was being asked of me and how little was being given back.

Our empowerment and our ability to reach for the stars and grab them, comes from this knowing. Do not accept less than what you are giving and if you aren’t giving enough, then don’t expect others to keep playing by your rules.

Now, go ahead and reach for those stars!

Ever Feel Like an Alien?

If someone were to have shown you a photo of our world today, compared to what was going on four months ago, you might think you were watching a movie about a dystopian society from the show Black Mirror. I know that’s how I feel.

I remember my middle guy having me watch one episode in particular that keeps coming to mind. It was about a group of military personnel hunting down groups of people they perceived as monsters, but in reality they were actually good people hiding from them because if they didn’t, they would be killed. The militants had had a chip inserted in them that made them think the people they were hunting were bad, instead of well, just people trying to get by.

I think about this episode a lot because I feel the similarities are rather eerie. We see people as a threat now. They are merely another means of contracting this thing, instead of people just trying to live their lives the best way they can, in the most unpredictable and unprecedented of circumstances.

And the protests! People demanding justice that should be rightfully theirs, without having to endure such hardships and pain to get it. In short, it breaks my heart and while I want to look away from so much inequality, I don’t, because ignoring things won’t make them go away, but facing them will.

And then there was this moment two days ago. A woman trying to buy cherries asked me if I would put them in my cart because she didn’t have 25.00 in hers to use the coupon. She could barely speak English, but I saw the coupon and the cherries and the money in her hand, so I agreed to help her. As she stepped in front of me and the cherries were rung up, they didn’t take the coupon off so she was asked for 20.00. I don’t eat cherries but I thought that was a ridiculous price. No wonder she had a coupon!

But…the checkout person didn’t put her order with mine. He rang it separately. This became quite the raucous in the store. She was trying to explain in broken English what she wanted and a security guard and two managers weren’t having it. She turned to me and said, “I sorry. Thank you!” And left the store without the cherries.

I stood there thinking, where the hell am I? What just happened? Was she that threatening? She looked like an old Grandma to me, but I guess to the store she looked like a nuisance, a problem, an alien even, not abiding by the rules. It was cherries! She didn’t need 25.00 worth of food, but I did. A simple gesture of kindness and trying to help someone out is met with that kind of a fuss. Is this really where we have come in our society?

We have forgotten the basics. How to treat others with compassion. To expect the best instead of the worst. We go right to the most horrendous of circumstances and see everyone as a threat to us and our family’s well being now.

I guess, like this song, you can start to feel like an alien amongst everyone now, if you refuse to play by the new paradigm. But I’m okay with that. I will always help people and animals in need because that is my nature. If it lands me in trouble, that’s the price I am willing to pay, because me doing nothing is a price I cannot afford, for it takes away from my very nature.

What do we really have to fear? We don’t even know. Fear is futile, an illusion that is so much worse in our minds than could ever be in reality. The fear of the unknown, the fear of rejections, the fear of perceptions and one of the biggest, the fear of what others think, are all ways in which we thwart any and all progress towards a life we truly want and deserve.

Live in fear or don’t, it’s a choice. We may not understand why all of this has happened and perhaps we don’t even need to. But what we do need to really get, is that we are clearly seeing the vast difference between people who feel like they are aliens amongst their neighbors for wanting change for humanity as whole, and those who are willing to keep up the facade that if it isn’t happening in their backyard, that they need not worry.

By the way, doing nothing, is actually doing something and speaks volumes to anyone and anything you say you care about.