Shining like Gloss

I’m going to give you a secret to shining like gloss. The kind of shine that everyone notices when you walk in a room or pass you on the street. You might initially think it comes from your Tata Harper skincare, but then you realize the day you aren’t wearing it, that it’s not.

What that shine comes from, is inner love. Love of the self. Plane and simple. It’s a light within that radiates without and everyone is drawn to that stuff like bees to honey!

Especially people who hate you. They can’t stand to see your shine! It repulses them; brings up a venom inside of them that consumes them to the point of obsession. Have you ever had someone absolutely hate you? I’m talking about a person who will go out of their way to try and sabotage you, because if you haven’t been a victim of that sort of abuse, then you don’t have a hater.

At first you might be offended, sad even, not knowing why or how someone, anyone can possible hate YOU. You’re a great mother, have been an amazing wife, give to animals and people in need, smile at everyone, have integrity and love people from the deepest level possible. You even give people multiple chances when others beg you to give up, because you believe in the good in everyone and try and see things from other people’s perspective.

But as time passes and you work on yourself a bit (more aptly, your self esteem), you realize that people don’t really hate you at all, they hate what you represent. They convince themselves and anyone else who will listen (probably people who are running the same program of self loathing which is masked by entitlement), that you threaten their very existence. This is called the smear campaign. It’s on the to-do list for covert narcissists.

It took me a while to get this one, which is why I am sharing it here for anyone who has a hater and may be experiencing such utter nonsense. What does it mean we hate someone? I’ve never actually hated anyone, so I can only tell you what it means to be on the receiving end of the hate, so I’ll do that.

Feeling the hate coming off of someone is felt daily by me when I go to this website, my blog, the one you are reading now, and see that my sister in-law logs onto it probably daily. I’m not obsessed with what she is doing, like she is with what I am doing, but Google Analytics is something I check every now and again to see where my readers come from, and she always comes up in the data as a person who frequents my blog.

I’ll tell you why this is odd and frightens me a bit. We have no relationship. In fact, we never have. She never liked me, never thought I was good enough for her brother and made no bones about it. She always treated me as though I were shit on her shoe, like I had somehow accidentally landed in her yard and she had the misfortune of stepping in something she would have rather avoided her entire life. I dealt with it, never quite understanding her extreme dislike of me, just feeling the way she intended me to; like I was less than her and not worthy of her company.

But when she told my husband she did not want her children having a relationship with mine, because they weren’t good enough either, well, I am a mother and as a mother, akin to a Lioness, I had to protect my cubs, so I stopped talking to her.

If I’m being honest, her dismissal of us was mild compared to the way his parents treated us all. The list is far too lengthy and heinous to relive, and I have made therapy a necessary tool for us all so that we could overcome it. I am happy to report we have. We give them no thought at all, other than the moments they are brought back into our reality and we are forced to relive the torment.

My husband still wants a relationship with them, despite all three of our beautiful, intelligent, insightful and talented boys begging him not to speak with his sister, his mother or his father.

I have watched all three of them scream at the top of their lungs; dogs running under beds and cats disappearing upstairs from the sounds of pain being emitted from them all. Tears have flown to the point of exhaustion, left in a dribbling mess of helplessness. Our walls, cabinets and refrigerator have been punched so hard, fists have bled and have been bruised for days, out of sheer disappointment, heartache and absolute and utter frustration from having their pleas be ignored. The last time this happened a door was broken. I heard my husband say, “You broke the door!” To which one of my boys yelled back, “You broke my fucking heart!”

I have worked through years of garbage in therapy to get to a place of understanding why people do what they do. I know that it is out of conditioning and programming from childhood. Part of life’s journey is recognizing we are all on our own path, so you have to honor other people’s choices even when you don’t comprehend them, which is why I try and honor my husband’s choice to want a relationship with his extended family, but after seeing all of the torment and pain I have witnessed from the three greatest loves of my life begging him not to, I just don’t.

So while I am talking about honor or lack thereof, let me address Westport. I will do the honorable thing here and thank you for your hatred. After all, hatred is a passion. An extreme one, but passion none the less. And I do love passion!

Passion makes me money. Passion helped me create books, modeling jobs, acting jobs, and a company this year. All of these channels I have created from passion were fueled by love from so many pure of heart, and your hatred.

The lesson of this blog is simple. Love your haters! There is no greater fuel than hate. Turn that shit into gold. It’s called alchemy and I’ve been doing it for a very long time. The more people hate on you, the more you shine.

Something good comes out of everything; even the darkest and most unimaginable pain.

Timing

Sometimes in life, more often than not, we run across a little thing called timing.

This can pertain to relationships, jobs or anything in-between. I have had many jobs put in front of me, dangling like the proverbial carrot, only to have them taken away as quickly as they came in. I say taken, cause that’s what it feels like when you want something so bad and don’t get it.

But the truth is, nothing is taken from us. I think what really happens, is that we don’t allow it in. We think we are, by simply willing it, thinking about it or just wanting it to death, but then when it shows up we don’t quite know that to do with it.

Our fears get the best of us and we talk ourselves out of so many wonderful things in life. We might even pray for things, but when they are gifted to us we scoff at it and ignore it, thinking we know what is best, when maybe the powers that be know better. Maybe what we think is better for us, is actually the worst and that’s why it doesn’t show up.

We can cry over spilled milk to the end of our days, talk about the should haves and the could haves all we want, and of course, bring in the ole timing aspect. But the real truth as to why we do not live lives that are full, rich and completely free of drama, is that we are afraid of losing something called control.

We think if we have control over how something is supposed to happen, when it is supposed to happen and even how, then everything will be okay.

But what if life is showing us something different? What if this pandemic has been trying to show us that there is no such thing as perfect timing or wrong timing? What if it’s trying to show us that time is an illusion. That the only thing we ever really have control over, is how we feel in this moment.

Life would be a whole lot simpler and so much less chaotic, if we all realized this. If we understood just how fleeting time really is. We do not have control over time. The only thing we do have control over, us how we manage our time and who we spend it with.

Your watch and my watch may say different times, depending on whose battery is better or where you live. But when it comes down to it, it isn’t about timing and where you are at or where I am. It just comes down to people agreeing to live in the moment, enjoy where they are, who they are with and know that nothing else matters. Nothing!

Timing is not a bitch, unless you make her one. Allow your heart to lead you instead of your head. How different would your life be, if you did this one simple thing?

Make It Rain

How do we make it rain?

We find our confidence, our inner fire, our drive, our passion and we don’t let anyone get in our way. We learn to discern between those who have our backs, and those who have a knife in it. (Metaphorically speaking of course).

Life is supposed to be easy, but so many of us make it harder than it has to be. We fight ourselves, yet say we are fighting others because it’s easier to play the blame game than take accountability.

In actuality there is nothing to fight at all, except when we are denied our truth when we try to speak it, but are ignored. That is something to go to battle for.

We always know what is best for ourselves, yet we question it over and over again, and deny our instincts, our inner voice and our bodies and how it tries to alert us to an untruth, over the voices of others.

We do this because we don’t believe in ourselves. We have been broken down and conditioned to think that our truth and our words don’t matter, but those of the people who try and keep us down and disempowered do.

It’s time we as a collective take accountability to where we are in life, who we have let disempower us and say once and for all, “I know my truth and your tactics no longer work.”

Find the confidence, love yourself, and watch it rain all over you!

Promises


Are you keeping promises? The ones you made to yourself?

The one where you said, I won’t give my heart to anyone who doesn’t give their heart in return?

The one that says, I won’t commit to anything unless it resonates 100 % with who I am?

How about the promise to your younger self that said I won’t do what my parents did, because it didn’t do a whole a hell of a lot for me?

And what of the promise that said, I will do better this time, because I care about the people in my life too much, than to do less than what they deserve?

Are you keeping your promises?

Because if you aren’t, then you are simply repeating a pattern and a program that was given to you by your parents and you haven’t really learned a thing.

Do better! Be better! Keep your promise to those you say you care about, or be the person who is brave enough to acknowledge that you can’t, and walk away.

Sailing

Friday I leave for a sailing excursion with my sister and her family. It is a vacation of mixed blessings because while I am so honored to have been asked to accompany her and her family, mine will not be with me.

But I am so looking forward to time away. To be with the wind, the sun, the ocean, the stars, and my sister.

Sailing is a true adventure. There is always something that can go wrong and often does. You are in the middle of the ocean, have to rely on the weather and those who are accompanying you on your trip, to keep you safe.

But nothing can compare to the freedom that you feel when you look around and see nature, beauty, and nothing but water forever.

We were originally going to take this excursion a few months back and go to the British Virgin Islands, but this whole pandemic took over and we had to cancel. The BVI’s are still not letting tourists in, so they decided to charter in the US Virgin Islands and asked if I still wanted to come.

I am lucky and I know this. I am beyond excited to go and have some adventures. To be able to spend time with my sister and her family and bask in the sun on the deck of a tricked out boat. But I am also truly thankful that I have a family who supports this.

I hope they miss me. I hope they see how much I bring to their lives, just as much as I see how much they bring to mine. Sometimes time away from those you love does a whole lot for your connection to them.

If you ever have the opportunity to hop aboard a boat and sail for a week I highly recommend it. Nothing but blue skies, turqouise waters and see spray await you.

And maybe a few sea turtles and sharks if you’re lucky!