Mirror Mirror

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Man In The Mirror

I’m a sucker for Disney movies! I watched Snow White this week and as the evil step mother looks into the mirror and asks, “Who is the fairest of them all?” I had a revelation.

I used to hear the word “mirroring” all the time when I was forced on this spiritual journey. You know what I mean by that because, well, you don’t really have a choice. Once you start seeing things differently there’s no not seeing them, so you have to just keep going.

I digress.

I would hear spiritual teachers say, “You don’t like that person because they are mirroring something back to you.” What did that even mean? The more I thought about it, the more confused I got.

I mean, there were some women in my life with a resting bitch face that could be sold on Halloween. And the men? Equally as ugly. They disregarded me, treated me as though I were beneath them or tried to control me, just to make their disempowered selves feel  more powerful. Was I them? As hard as I tried to see it, I just didn’t, because I knew I was nice, so I couldn’t grasp how I attracted so many meanies into my life.

Well, it took me a very long time to get this one, so I am going to share it with you just in case you are wondering what the people (we’ll call them mirrors) you are looking into are really reflecting back to you. (You should get excited now..this is a game changer!)

They are mirroring YOUR unhealed wounds. Things that happened to you in your childhood. You see, at some point in your childhood, someone either made you feel less than, disregarded, abandoned, unsafe, bullied, controlled, disempowered, unloved, and plain old not good enough. All of the big ones!

And because no one cared what your feelings were, you were just a child after all and what kind of a voice were you allowed to have…you learned to stuff it all inside. And now, years later, you’re wondering why you keep attracting the same boss, the same men, the same women. Blah blah ad nauseam.

This little kid, now a grown ass adult, has been trying to get your attention for a long time. But you keep shoving it down, ignoring its pleas and outright dismissing any wrong doing to it, much like the adults in your life did to you. But now the little kid has had it, so all of that pain is surfacing, begging to be healed once for all, by way of the asshole standing in front of you, making you feel horrible.

This is mirroring. You are not, nor have you ever been this horrible person who is making you feel bad. This person who puts you down, embarrasses you, makes nasty comments, tries to control you, takes advantage of you, lies to you or maybe even dismisses you altogether, is someone from your childhood.

Your response in your body is a telltale sign that you are being triggered by them and is an opportunity for you to finally listen to that little kid who was shut down. The way you feel when you are around this person, their tone of voice or something they say, the way they look at you or even roll their eyes when you talk, are all clues that this mirroring is happening to you.

Your unhealed traumas from childhood show up in random people as a gift. I know that sounds ridiculous, but once you see these people for who they are, you will no longer be controlled by them. You can look at each of them as a door that is opening, until finally that little kid is set free.

Who were when you came into this world, before the adults in your life gave THEIR shit to you? I’ll tell you…amazing, limitless, lovable, strong, talented, brilliant, beautiful and innocent.  Take that back! You have the key, but as long as you keep holding onto the stories that were given to you, instead of making your own, you will attract the same people who disempower you, until you do.

The step mother in Snow White saw this purity in her step daughter and she was jealous of it. People who put you down, treat you poorly and judge you are really jealous of you because they see all of these qualities in you but do not know how to give it to themselves, so they take yours instead.

We all possess beauty, inner beauty. There is no need to disparage someone else to have it. If someone is doing this to you, then it is because you have unhealed childhood wounds that are needing attention.

There is no need to look at people who don’t love you unconditionally anymore. We’re done with that! Lesson learned! And if you haven’t yet gotten it, then ask yourself what it is they are showing you that needs to be healed. Do you love yourself enough to finally get this?

See all of those people as alerts: “Danger Will Robinson!” your inner child is saying, begging you to look at it, hear it, help it.  We only ever attract people into our lives who mirror how we feel about ourselves on the inside. Does that make sense? I hope so!

Stop looking for mirrors, unless you’re doing your makeup or hair. Look within! That is where all of your answers are and your freedom too.

Freedom

freedom

the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved.

Freedom

Freedom is power. But how do we gain it? Especially if we feel completely and utterly powerless?

Feeling powerless is a prison of our own making because of our inability to love ourselves unconditionally. We literally hand over our power to people who are far worse off then we are, because of low self worth.

The world is full of charlatans who will act as though they are better than you, just so they can tear you down. But when you have had enough of phoney people treating you like you are beneath them, the real magic begins to happen. You understand that you are in a prison of your own making and you have had the keys all along.

We may be in shitty situations with the most shittiest of people, but ultimately, we have the ability at any given time to feel free.

When we understand that our freedom comes from within, all of our struggles disappear. This freedom is a mental state, an inner state, a being. It is a knowing that no matter what is going on outside of you, that no matter what someone does to you, no matter what they say or no matter how they try to tear you down, you know who you truly are and that their words and their actions are merely a reflection of how they do not love themselves. 

The real joke here, is that people like that saw how special you were, they just didn’t want you to notice. So they took your shine and gave it to themselves. Take back your shine, which is really your power.

Embrace the beauty of who you are! This means all of your short comings, mishegas and perceived problems. When you own all of you, you become so powerful, so free and limitless. 

See yourself as the amazing person you know you are. See yourself as gifted…you have so many, maybe explore a few. See yourself as unique…because you are. Once you see yourself in the highest form of love, so will others, and your outer life will reflect that back to you.

I promise!

 

An Ode To 2019

 

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Can we talk for a minute? I don’t know about you, but I just wanna get off this ride called 2019 and start anew. I mean, is it over yet ? I wanted to call Tyrone  a few times, cause I had enough of its shit.

I worked tirelessly and was even talking in my sleep  about how I got everything I wanted, but no matter what I did, it just wasn’t happening. I mean, all I wanted was the good life , so I went chasing the sun and even chasing pavements, all for the love of money.

While my career suffered because this heart just wasn’t in it and I knew I should only act from a place that feels good.  , I kept ignoring the signs, insisting that this is the way it is  and was still not seeing the treasure within the struggle. I kept boarding the train in vain  that lead to more disappointments, burnout and a destination called nowhere.

Do you believe in magic? I heard my inner voice say, because if you do, you can do magic  and have the adventure of a lifetime, if you just let go of the control of how you think things are supposed to be and just let it flow.  I mean, where do broken hearts go ? I’ll tell you where…they go within! So that’s what I did.

Here’s the lowdown on a spiritual journey: the universe invites you to come as you are .  It doesn’t care if  you’re so vain, an evil woman , a womanizer  , have been caught stealing, or just a plain old bad guy . It invites you to sit in the silence and let all the lies and false beliefs you have bought into fall away, as you face your shadow side once and for all. It dares you to stop running in circles and not be afraid to be who you are.

But so many of us just can’t do that. We are stuck in our egos and linger with others who are too. Everybody talks  about people who are different, too funky, and we don’t want to be that. But at some point you’ve got to be real with yourself and understand that you can’t be afraid to rock the boat on the path of self-discovery.

How bizarre  the journey gets depends on you. It might seem like witchcraft, voo doo  or a creepy omen when the signs start pouring in; the numbers, the names, the dreams. Sure, there will be moments where you think, I’ve  got to give it up  because it gets to be too much but the universe will keep sending you more, more, more until you listen. You can run all you want, but the universe will win. It says, I’m gonna get you!!!

It begs you to get rid of those poison thoughts that tell you that you are not worthy. It demands that you to look at your dirty laundry  once and for all. It says: This is what you came for! To be the best version of you. And once you understand this, it becomes a constant craving to come home  to who you truly are.

It’s a love thing. The Universe loves you too much to see you fail.  Remember… Love is stronger than pride. Take the 212walk like an egyptian , or slide into the new year with a new you- the real one. I don’t care how you do it, just get hereCome on get higher naturally! Open your heart and make 2020 absolutely unforgettable.

After I have compiled this musical message for you, are you still gonna ask yourself,  should I stay or should I go ? Do you think all this change is gonna make you sweat ?  Have you gotten too good at goodbyes because you’re out of touch , not listening to your body and you think your heart is as black as night? 

Say it isn’t so! Do you want to stay stuck in your patterns for a thousand years ? Or  kiss that crap goodbye once and for all? Say hello to livin the vida loca! We are all beautiful people ! Even those of us who are diamonds in the rough. We all deserve the kiss of life . And if you have been on this journey as long as I have, you’ve earned it.

The Universe says, I got you ! Let me show you the world in my eyes  .  I believe  in a different way. It’s certainly not conventional, but if  you love my way, and let it go, you can have the greatest love of all .

So with nothing in my way, not even a seven nation army  can keep me from being happyThis girl  with a fresh attitude is going to be a  firework  in the new year. I’m free because I finally understand that the only real power we will ever need, comes from within.

I can’t wait for this town I live in to be done with sweater weather , cause  baby it’s cold outside , I mean really cold.

In the meantime, stay warm, stay positive and embrace the beauty of falling in love  with yourself. Love  is all that matters. Really!

Hope you and yours have a Merry little Christmas.

xo Gretchen

 

 

 

Needs/Wants

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This is an especially great time of year to evaluate your life and figure out what you need versus what you want.

Kids are great at telling you what they want, especially around Christmas. I don’t know what your house is like, but my kids don’t need anything. It’s like Christmas happens every day of the year for these guys.

But there is something about Christmas that brings out the kid in all of us. I used to circle toys in the Sears catalog (I am really dating myself here) basically the entire page. Needless to say I liked it all.

I still like everything. But the truth is, I don’t need anything. I pretty much buy myself what I want throughout the year. I don’t need a special day to treat myself special. I just do it. But I do like treating my boys like royalty, so I kind of go overboard on Christmas.

It’s the one day of year where we get our innocence back. We get permission to be a kid and take in the wonderment of all of the lights, hoopla and selfishness of asking for what we want. I honor this in them because there have been times where their innocence was threatened and they were forced to grow up way too early.

Kids don’t have it easy today. Keeping them safe, grounded and on the right path isn’t easy either. I think the key to being a good parent is being a good listener.

Kids have incredible logic, too. They will always tell you the truth (at least when they are little) and if you give them a voice, they will pretty much continue this into adulthood.

I give my kids the gift of freedom, a voice, and unwavering support in their endeavors. I always have. If they don’t want to do something, I don’t make them. If they don’t like someone, I honor that and don’t force a relationship. If they tell me this is what I want to do, I do everything I can to help them achieve it.

I don’t have all of the answers and I am certainly not perfect, but I do the best that I can. And I’m pretty sure they know that their needs and wants are all that matter to me.

I thought about this needs versus wants thing yesterday, when I went to yoga class to get a good workout in and arrived to see the teacher in tears. I offered to go so that she could continue crying without an audience, but she insisted I stay.

Ah geese, I thought, I just want to leave right now. I can’t with the drama! But there was only one other person there so I resigned to staying, because sometimes we have to put others needs ahead of our wants and the only way you know when to do this, is by being present.

I wanted one thing yesterday but was needed for something else.  To be there for this woman who said she would feel better if she taught and that it would help her feel less emotional. So I just let go and went with the flow and allowed myself to be in the moment.

I left the class feeling calm, relaxed and very grounded. Today I woke up sore as hell, so in short, I got exactly what I wanted.

This morning my youngest asked to me look into a school in South Carolina for him. His older brother is a huge fan of his and supports him whole heartedly and he told him about it. I never would have wanted to live in some small southern town, but I know my youngest needs to be given every opportunity his two older brothers were, so I am keeping an open mind about it.

Maybe there is something you want or at least you think you do, but maybe just maybe you are getting exactly what you need right now. I heard the other day that we are exactly where we are meant to be-otherwise we would be elsewhere.

So maybe where we are at this very moment, is exactly where we need to be, whether we think we want it or we don’t. It all goes back to embracing the present moment. Because right here, right now, everything is absolutely wonderful.

 

Change

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make or become different.

Life will only change when you become more committed to your dreams than you are to your comfort zone. – Billy Cox

I like change. I always have. Change is something that comes very naturally for me. I know most people don’t like it, but I have never understood their trepidation with it.

If I get an idea and I am excited about it, then it is something I feel called to do. I always answer the phone because I know it’s my higher self (or more aware one) that knows what is best for me, while my dumb dumb everyday ego self wants to remain in a trance.

Usually these ideas come in out of nowhere. I might have a dream about one or see movies play in my head of different scenarios. I get ideas for writing, what to do about my acting career, steps I need to take to put me on a more fulfilling path and ways to help my children obtain their goals.

The most important thing to remember when you are making changes, is to make them from a place of inspiration.

I once took action from a space of desperation. This never works and nothing good can come from changes made from here. Things usually wind up in chaos and you are left feeling really heavy, instead of the opposite of what you were going for.

And these days I am being drawn more and more to lightness. I am cutting away anything that drags me down. After my last commercial aired I stopped going to auditions for them. A years worth of endless trips into the city for material that was completely uninspiring left me exhausted. I also cut my hair off and started eating no carbs.

But the one thing I did not expect to find heavy, was Manhattan. I just spent two days with my sister there and as we walked around, I realized that the city I once held in such high regard, no longer appealed to me. I had never thought of moving anywhere else when my children went off to college, but being there without having a purpose like an audition, was exhausting and cold.

Time is moving fast. My oldest is in his second year of college and is studying sports broadcasting. My middle son learns about his early decision for college tonight and my youngest wants to go to boarding school after next year.

The town I have lived in for over 17 years has lost its appeal. In short, I’m ready to leave. Move on. Live a less encumbered life; one where I wake up and see the water, wear flip flops and feel the sun on my face and yeah, maybe has a little spiritual mojo to it.

Is it Charleston, South Carolina I am being called to or Bali? Two ideas that came out of nowhere in the past month for me. When I researched Bali, I found the town Ubud, which is known for its temples and holy sites and spiritual awakenings. Honestly, it had me at it’s name. Ubud; it just sounds freeing.

But now I feel called to Charleston. Maybe it’s because my youngest would like to play football there or my oldest would like to live there. I figure I can’t go wrong with either.

So, I’m just gonna let life do what it has always done for me; show me the signs. In the meantime I will stay focused on what inspires me, while remaining open to life’s ever changing agenda.

Being drawn to things without logical explanation seems to be the originating thought behind all change. We don’t often know why we need to make change or why we do them, we just feel called to do so.

When you get the call, I hope you do yourself a solid one and answer it. There is no bad or wrong or failure in saying it didn’t work, but there is a whole lot of it when you don’t even try.

 

 

Get Your Everything!

What does it take for you to let go? Let loose? Let your hair down? Be yourself? To forget about judgement? To forego what others think and start thinking about what you want instead? To be bold enough to get your everything?

If you don’t know, then watch this video and be inspired.

Promises

Are you drunk enough?
Not to judge what I’m doin’
Are you high enough?
To excuse that I’m ruined
‘Cause I’m ruined
Is it late enough?
For you to come and stay over
‘Cause we’re free to love
So tease me, hmmm
I make no promises, I can’t do golden rings
But I’ll give you everything (tonight)
Magic is in the air, there ain’t no science here
So come get your everything (tonight)
I make no promises, I can’t do golden rings
But I’ll give you everything (tonight)
Magic is in the air, there ain’t no science here
So come get your everything (tonight)
Tonight
(You’re everything tonight)
Is it loud enough?
‘Cause my body is calling for you, calling for you
I need someone, to do the things that I do
I’m heating up, energy’s taking control
I’m speeding up
My heartbeat’s dancing alone
I make no promises, I can’t do golden rings
But I’ll give you everything (tonight)
Magic is in the air, there ain’t no science here
So come get your everything (tonight)
I make no promises, I can’t do golden rings
But I’ll give you everything (tonight)
Magic is in the air, there ain’t no science here
So come get your everything (tonight)
Tonight
(You’re everything tonight)
‘Cause I need your green light
Day and night, say that you’re mine
‘Cause I need your green light
Day and night, say that you’re mine
Say that you’re mine
Say that you’re mine
I make no promises, I can’t do golden rings
But I’ll give you everything (tonight)
Magic is in the air, there ain’t no science here
So come get your everything (tonight)
I make no promises, I can’t do golden rings
But I’ll give you everything (tonight)
Magic is in the air, there ain’t no science here
So come get your everything (tonight)
Tonight

Transendence

exceeding usual limit. extending or lying beyond the limits of ordinary experience. being beyond the limits of all possible experience and knowledge. being beyond comprehension

Is transcendence possible in situations and with people we simply do not understand? That we can’t even relate to?

How do we learn to transcend where we are, even if it’s not where we long to be, and feel good, content and at peace?

We flow.

If we accept where we are at any given moment and surrender to where we are instead of thinking about somewhere else, we can achieve a real sense of calm. All that matters is what is right in front us, rather than what we want in the future or what we wish we could change from our past.

The what ifs, the whys and the if onlys fall away and we learn to truly live in the moment. If you get to this place than wherever you are at is enough.

We are all enough just as we already are, but sometimes it takes people an entire lifetime to realize this. Don’t wait that long!

If you are in a place of transcendence, then not a whole lot bothers you anymore.  No one gets under your skin and you simply allow life to happen instead of trying to control it, meaning you stop trying to control others and let go of expectations.

We cannot make people be where we are, no matter how hard we try to convince them. And who are we to think that where we are is better then where they’re at? Wherever you are at on this journey called life, is where you are meant to be.

Our expectations are what keep us from transcending. When we attach others to our dreams we are bound to be disappointed. No one can make you happy. Only you can. Once you realize this, everything around you gets lighter and easier because you have let go of the crippling belief that others are responsible for your happiness.

Transcendence to me simply means being in the flow. I am not fighting the waves by swimming against them, nor am I sinking to the bottom in total defeat. I am simply allowing myself the gift of being where I am at, because I trust that life will move me onto my next path when I am ready.

This does not mean I don’t have bad days where I get discouraged. I do. But it’s a quicker reset now and I do not allow myself to dwell there. I simply recognize I am attaching to a certain outcome,  dwelling too much in the past or worrying too much about the future, instead of allowing the unknown or magic in. I cannot control everything or anyone, nor do I want to.

Part of this journey is to help others who are suffering evolve into a better version of themselves.  We do this of course by becoming what we are teaching and hopefully that is love of the self.

In the words of Bill Gates, “As we look ahead into the next century, leaders will be those who empower others.”

Transcend where you are at by simply being in the flow. This is real empowerment and freedom as well.