No One Has To Know


No One Has To Know

One of my favorite shows is The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.  My favorite episode this past season was the one with Susie at the pool with Midge.

The timing, the writing, the humor. Oh my God! I watched it three times I loved it so much. When she talks about hating the heat, gets hit with the ball and then tries to swim…I love her!

And then there was this song in episode 6. This song! The words, the melody, the tragic scene before he performed it. It was heartbreaking.

I cannot imagine having a secret this big. To think that your truth could ruin your reputation, career, social standing or the way people perceive you? What do you do with that kind of secret?

Well, in the show it was obvious that he had to keep it a secret. People keep secrets because they feel that their truth will be misunderstood by others. Coming out back then would have meant the end of his career for embracing his authentic self. But today? I mean, come on! What secret is that big that you feel you have to keep it?

You think people will care and you probably imagine the worst, but most people are selfish and egotistical and would rather talk about themselves than you. And if you are worrying about what other people think so much, then you’re not living your life for you, are you? And that’s pretty sad.

People will always gossip. It’s their nature. Jealousy, envy, boredom. Some people gossip about others because they have nothing interesting to say about themselves.

So if someone is gossiping about you, then you can consider yourself lucky. You must be pretty awesome!  A really great thing about gossip is, people who do it don’t have the brass to talk about you to your face, so you’ll never know anyway.

But when people close to you do it…not so good. Here enters the discernment about who you share what with. I have personally ended relationships with friends who gossiped. I knew too well that if they spoke so freely about someone else, then they extended me the same courtesy as well.

It’s pretty simple but people over complicate it. At the end of the day, no one has to know who you truly are, who you love or why, unless you decide to tell them. That’s  so powerful! YOU GET TO DECIDE!

So, no one has to know…or do they? Choose the one that sets your heart free.



The Eyes Have It



“The eyes have it”; meaning that with the observation obtained from the use of the eyes, one can see and understand the object being observed and the nature and purpose of the object.

I fully disagree with this statement. You cannot assume you know a person because you look at them, nor can you have the audacity to think you understand someone just because you read their blog. It’s like watching a movie or television show and thinking you have a clue as to what that actor is really like as a person.

Writing is a form of expression. Words that may inspire others, help them in some way, entertain them or allow them a moment to share a journey with someone that they may be on as well.

It is a privilege and an honor to have someone share their life with you, which is why you should be very discerning about who your audience is.

There are people (I call them balloon poppers) who will always try and bring you down. They do not know how to love and support you because they do not love and support themselves, but they will mask this by putting you down. They can’t stand to see you happy, because their self esteem is derived from lowering yours.

In order to understand how they entered an all access pass to your life in the first place, you need to go within. You need to figure out where it was in your life that you accepted less than what you deserved (probably childhood) and heal it.

Before you go about cutting people out of your life who you feel don’t support you, understand that if you get rid of a person you perceive as a problem and don’t work on yourself, then you really don’t get rid of the problem.

You have to heal yourself and the wound that keeps re-surfacing time and time again. It might be in the form of a boss, a new beau, a new friend, a co-worker. Until you heal the wound, the person will appear in a different form.

It’s a pretty miraculous discovery once you realize this and it might even make you chuckle when it becomes so apparent. Your life and its challenges will completely make sense and hopefully inspire you to make changes within.

Do not expect other people to change. Life gets a whole lot easier and you become so much more empowered, when you change yourself. Remember…people can only ever meet you where they currently are. Don’t lower yourself to fit into their life, stay where you are (if you have done the work) or get to working on your stuff and see who arrives.

May this new year give you the strength to know the difference between those who have your back and those who do not and then have love enough for yourself to do something about it.