Apology

a regretful acknowledgment of an offense or failure.

It’s Too Late To Apologize

Is it ever too late to apologize? I’ll leave that answer up to you.

The other day I got released from a really big job. My manager (the most amazing woman ever) apologized to me. It was completely unnecessary because that’s just the nature of the business, but she knows how hard I work and understood what it meant to me. She followed it up with a “I  believe in you.” It was truly heartfelt and I appreciated her acknowledgement of me as a person and an artist and the struggles that we go through.

But sometimes people apologize and don’t mean it. If you’re one of those, you should know that an apology without meaning is really manipulation. Have you ever had someone say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” This is the worst apology of all because it really isn’t one. What it is, is a passive aggressive way of saying I’ll let you think I am acknowledging your feelings, when really I don’t give a crap about them at all.

I have had a few turdy people do some pretty shitty things to me in my life and I have never expected an apology from any of them nor do I want one. An empty person can only beget an empty apology which leaves you feeling emptier, and I don’t know about you, but I would rather be at a table with those who bring something to it, in lieu of those who only know how to take.

Here are my thoughts on an apology.:

1)An apology is not a confession. If you’re confessing, you’re only thinking of yourself and not the person you are apologizing to.

2)An apology should not be done with an expectation either. This is called an agenda and an agenda is all about you.

3)An apology is not some magic pill that you think is going to make you feel better once you do it. You’re swimming back in the me waters again. Save that shit for the confessional!

4)An apology should not be done because you think it will make things better in a situation, like a family thing. This is called acting. A person in touch with another person’s feelings will know when they need to say they are sorry, it won’t be scripted.

5)An apology is not something that requires the right time or the right circumstance. If you think this way, then you live in denial, because there is no much thing.

In it’s simplest form, an apology is the acknowledgement of another person’s feelings and how you may have trampled all over them. In order to know this, you have to have empathy. You have to have the ability to understand the feelings of someone else and be able to share those feelings openly and honestly. If you can’t do that, then don’t bother with an apology because it won’t be taken as one. (See 1-5 for where you are coming from).

But there are those times when we think we might need to apologize to someone, when it isn’t necessary at all. I think these apologies are from our own guilt because we know we did something that may have upset someone else, but it wasn’t intentional. An apology with an energy of fear or trepidation around it might be some program you’re running which has absolutely nothing at all to do with the person you think you need to apologize to, and you might want to look further into that.

My gauge for apologizing is simple. If I can see, hear or sense that I have upset someone in my life that I care about, then I do not hesitate. The relationships I have are far more important to me than my ego, so I acknowledge my part in someone else’s sadness, anger or frustration because my heart becomes lighter when I do so. A heavy heart is a burdened one; let that shit go.

Relationships that matter to us aren’t always easy. Sometimes things are said or weren’t said, and we wish we could go back and do things differently. But living in the past doesn’t work for anyone because it’s over. It is the present that counts.

Our time, our energy, our attention lets the people we care about know that we hear them, see them and understand them and that no matter what is going on in our world, we honor them by noticing what is going on in theirs as well.

And at the end of the day, that’s all any of us really want, isn’t it? To be honored, seen, appreciated and loved for who we are, by those we care for most.

 

 

The Eyes Have It

 

eyes

“The eyes have it”; meaning that with the observation obtained from the use of the eyes, one can see and understand the object being observed and the nature and purpose of the object.

I fully disagree with this statement. You cannot assume you know a person because you look at them, nor can you have the audacity to think you understand someone just because you read their blog. It’s like watching a movie or television show and thinking you have a clue as to what that actor is really like as a person.

Writing is a form of expression. Words that may inspire others, help them in some way, entertain them or allow them a moment to share a journey with someone that they may be on as well.

It is a privilege and an honor to have someone share their life with you, which is why you should be very discerning about who your audience is.

There are people (I call them balloon poppers) who will always try and bring you down. They do not know how to love and support you because they do not love and support themselves, but they will mask this by putting you down. They can’t stand to see you happy, because their self esteem is derived from lowering yours.

In order to understand how they entered an all access pass to your life in the first place, you need to go within. You need to figure out where it was in your life that you accepted less than what you deserved (probably childhood) and heal it.

Before you go about cutting people out of your life who you feel don’t support you, understand that if you get rid of a person you perceive as a problem and don’t work on yourself, then you really don’t get rid of the problem.

You have to heal yourself and the wound that keeps re-surfacing time and time again. It might be in the form of a boss, a new beau, a new friend, a co-worker. Until you heal the wound, the person will appear in a different form.

It’s a pretty miraculous discovery once you realize this and it might even make you chuckle when it becomes so apparent. Your life and its challenges will completely make sense and hopefully inspire you to make changes within.

Do not expect other people to change. Life gets a whole lot easier and you become so much more empowered, when you change yourself. Remember…people can only ever meet you where they currently are. Don’t lower yourself to fit into their life, stay where you are (if you have done the work) or get to working on your stuff and see who arrives.

May this new year give you the strength to know the difference between those who have your back and those who do not and then have love enough for yourself to do something about it.

 

 

Do You Long for a Sunday Kind of Love?

Sunday Kind of Love

Well…do you?

Well honestly, who doesn’t?!

But in order to have it, you do understand that you first have to become it.

How do we go about doing that? We embody the very essence of love.  We become love. We show love, give love and eventually, when done enough, we start to see love returned.

But we cannot expect to ask for something we aren’t doing ourselves. How can you expect someone else to give you, what you aren’t even giving yourself?

Do you see yourself as a catch? Are you owning all of the qualities in yourself that you wish to find in someone else? Or is there still a little work to do? Because if you’re hoping for a person that’s all that and you aren’t, chances are you’re not going to attract them.

Maybe you’re looking for a person with money but you don’t have any. Highly unlikely you will attract them either. And if you do, there will probably be a price to pay that you can’t afford- like your self worth.

It is often said that we find what we are looking for when we aren’t even looking. The reason for this is simple. Your focus isn’t on it. Sometimes we focus so hard on what we want, that we are actually focusing on the lack of it which only creates more lack.

You can tell what you have been focusing on by what you see right now. Go ahead! Take a look. Did you manifest what you wanted? You didn’t? Then your focus is on the lack of it. Change your thoughts and you will change your reality.

Whenever I feel myself feeling shitty, I catch it as soon as I can and think about something that makes me happy. I wake every day and say how thankful I am for everyone in my life and do the same thing before I fall asleep. I sit in nature every day and appreciate its beauty.

I’m not perfect at manifesting but work pretty hard at it. When I need inspiration I listen to Abraham Hicks in my car and on my Ipod. I also listen to music. It raises your vibration immediately.

And how about that Sunday kind of love? Are you still looking for love in all the wrong places? How about looking within! Once you do that, I’m sure more than a Sunday kind of love will show up.

Stay the path, re route when you fall off it and never stop finding ways to love and honor yourself.

 

Namaste

I bow to the divine in you.

The place I go for yoga, Yoga Life often says, “The divine in me bows to the divine in you.” I like ending the class this way. What I don’t like is when the word is thrown around elsewhere, without people grasping what it really means.

Outside of yoga I don’t know where you would hear this term, unless you’re like me and you watch Curb Your Enthusiasm. In one episode Larry David refused to say it to a yoga teacher.  It was very fitting because he certainly says what he means and he didn’t feel like saying it. You either love him or dislike him for it. I happen to like him.

Namaste: I bow to the divinity in you. What does that even mean? Well, it’s not the candy. My mother makes them and they are quite good and I’m hoping she sends them in her cookie box which is late by the way, but this is a different kind of divinity.

Divinity is pretty obvious in some people. They are generally polite and giving and always seem happy or joyous. The light inside of them radiates like a golden sun and if you’re having a bad day and they smile at you, you might call them a weirdo, wondering what the hell is wrong with them.

And then there are those that it’s not so easy to see the divinity in. As a matter of fact you may even go on a deep excavation trying to dig for that gold and come up empty. But it’s there. It’s always there.  But it’s not as genuine when you find it. A little more satisfying when you do perhaps because none of us like to be wrong, but having to search for divinity that hard is hardly worth the search at all.

The divine in a person should always be ever present. It is our ultimate goal. To be fully engaged at all times, no matter what we are doing or who we are doing it with. To feel blessed for all that we have, even if we don’t yet have what we truly want. To be grateful and thankful for everything we can possibly think of, because it begets more of the same. To love ourselves unconditionally first, because in doing so we become the light and love we wish to see in others and then can only attract the same.

Be open to seeing the divine in others. If it’s not there at first glance then maybe just maybe your kindness will be the first wrecking ball to penetrate the wall they have created around themselves to keep others away.

As mentioned, a smile is an easy way to offer your divinity. And while some people might think you’re on drugs if they aren’t drinking the divinity kool aid, they do respond to them. It’s an effortless acknowledgement of another human being and is very contagious. Even if the person thinks you’re nuts, they will still be thinking about you after your brief encounter. Why? Because you are essentially recognizing the soul in another person. Their uniqueness, their light, their divinity. And it feels good to be acknowledged for who we really are.

But remember…a person cannot see the divinity in others without seeing it in themselves first. Honor the self, love the self and then doing so to others seems to come almost effortlessly. Your patience enhances, your heart gets bigger and you learn to see that which is divine in others much quicker than that which is not.

Namaste.

 

Letting Go

How hard is it for you to let go? For many of us it’s next to impossible.

Letting go comes up quite a bit in my life. It used to be when I went to an audition I would attach to the particular role I was going for and then when I didn’t book the job, I was upset. I had done everything I was supposed to do. Or at least I thought I had. I would lament for days about it. When I did this it was hard to bounce back from the disappointment.

And then I learned to not attach to the auditions. I go on a bunch. Half the time I can’t even tell you what they are for.  Some people might say this is the opposite thing to do if I want to manifest one of the jobs. But it’s not.

If I give it my all, become the part and leave it in the room, I still have a chance of not booking it because it is all contingent upon what others think. Maybe I look too young, too old, not grey, too thin, not thin enough, who the F^&K knows what they think when I leave the room. I only get attached, when I book it.

It took me a long time to let go of the way I was attaching to a certain outcome. The tighter I held, the harder it was to release it. We do this an awful lot to people. They are usually people who don’t serve us for the greatest good, unless of course you are into torturing yourself by learning the lesson of self worth ad nauseam.

Why is it so easy to put things that no longer serve us out on the curb for pick up, but giving up something with a soul is like pulling your nails out. Why do people lament so much over letting someone go? And is it really letting them go or maybe just maybe finally loving yourself enough to say you have had enough of the way they make you feel?

When do you draw the line and let go? At what point? What has to happen to you in order for you to honor yourself first, instead of gifting that away to someone who isn’t even honoring themselves? How could they be? If you love you, then that is what you eminnate. There’s no time for anything else because all that matters is being happy.

If someone wants to be in your life, they are there. It doesn’t matter what others think, it only matters what you do, of them. If someone wants to talk to you, they do. If someone is interested in what you have to say, they listen. If someone loves you, they honor and respect you and would never do anything consciously to hurt you. All of these qualities make a person happy. It’s the only thing that matters. Letting go becomes much easier when you remember this.

Because when we don’t let go, we harbor feelings that can eat away at us like pain, resentment, anger and frustration, which all lead to a complete feeling of disempowerment. If you are vibrating on this level, than chances are you have given all of your power away to someone or something else, allowing them to decide whether you feel good or not.

Why would you want to give your power away? Think of all of the great things you could do if you started putting yourself ahead of someone who isn’t doing the same for you.

Sometimes it hurts to let go, but we have to honor ourselves enough to know that the best outcome is one where we live from our heart, knowing we did the best we could.  If  someone cannot give you back what you gave to them, just know they are not in the same place.

Today I had to let go of a little blind kitten I had been fostering. I absolutely loved her! I was so torn about letting her go. A part of me felt sad that she will be back in a cage until she is adopted. I had asked that she be adopted out of my home but they declined. I try and be the voice for the animals I help, but there are others who have a voice as well and I must honor what they think is best and not force my will.

Fostering a blind kitten had its challenges. I had to keep her in one of my sons’ bedrooms away from the other animals and she kept him up some nights climbing his bed. I was very conscious of being away because I knew she was all alone, so I would cut things short. She required many feedings and medications and lots of litter changes, too. Her hearing was amazing and I felt so bad every time she heard one of the dogs bark, because it visibly freaked her out. I have the claw marks to prove it. Did I mention I am highly allergic to cats and am now trying to heal from a horrible chest cold?

While I would have loved to keep her, I knew that letting go was a better option for both of us. She deserves a home where she can run free without an 80 pound dog chasing her and I deserve to breathe. I know in letting go of Poppy she will be found by someone special because that is all she knows. She radiates joy and goodness and the person who discovers her will do the same.

So if I can let go of Poppy, knowing it is what is best for us both, who or what can you let go of?

If it doesn’t feel good to you, then it’s not good for you. There’s your gauge for letting go.

 

 

 

 

Weeds

I like the wild and how nature is allowed to express itself unapologetically. But weeds, however, can often be a bit of a nuisance. I like to pull them. There is something really cathartic about doing it. It is one thing that gives me immediate gratification for all of the hard work I have put in. In our day to day lives it can often take months or years to see the fruits of our labors, so I really appreciate this simple task.

And while I like to pull weeds, there are several that are beautiful and worth keeping.  They actually provide several benefits, as long as they aren’t over-taking your garden.  In a way, we often treat people the way we treat weeds; ignoring their beauty because we are so blinded by their appearance or resume.

We disregard them, cast them aside, never let them reach their potential, ignore them all together and never give them a chance, simply because we have pre-conceived notions about them that probably aren’t even true. We make snap judgements and convince ourselves they are nothing more than an inconvenience on our path to wherever it is we think we are headed.

Weeds, like people, serve a purpose, no matter how stubborn, obnoxious, annoying or useless you think they might be. Everyone comes into your life for a reason. We learn about ourselves from every encounter, and if we listen, we learn about others as well. Often times the most difficult and frustrating encounters teach us the most. We learn to love ourselves more and never allow any of the bad weeds to poison our garden again.

When you start to get this concept you become keenly aware of people who are authentic. The more awakened you become to this, the more you attract like-minded individuals. But what do you do about the weeds that cling to your garden, threatening all of the beautiful blooms you are trying to create? You step into your power, speak your truth and then allow others to be where they are on their journey instead of forcing them to meet you on yours, understanding there is no right or wrong place to be.

You would think that the circles I run in are filled with a bunch of phonies, but they’re not. There is a nice thing that happens when you become more conscious of who you are and what matters most. You start to appreciate people for what they have to offer, rather than holding them to some unrealistic expectation. You let go of perfect and just allow what is, even if it means letting go.

On a weekly basis I literally see the same faces, vying for the same jobs.  And while this is a known, we all support one another, respect who we are as individuals and understand that if we are not chosen for a particular job it has nothing to do with us as a person, it was simply the client’s vision and nothing more than that.

The vision usually involves weeds; the bad kind. Personally speaking, the kind I would like to kick to the curb once and for all. Ad agencies who cast commercials are filled with girls in their twenties. They have this idea that women over 50 all have gray hair and take pills. So not true! They categorize us by what they think the “norm” is, but most actresses and print models are not the norm.

I’m not your typical woman and neither are the women I audition with. If you want typical, hire your own mother, not me. I keep wondering when the world is going to wake up and stop categorizing women as weeds that should be discarded, once they reach a certain age. It’s so yesterday! Even my agent falls prey to this because he wants to make money-it’s his job. After my last photo shoot he called the photographer and yelled at her, saying I looked too glamorous.  She was distraught. She loved the photos and so did I.

I’m not going to apologize for who I am, how I look or be the kind of weed you discard. I may not be the rose in the garden or even the lavender, but I’m still fucking awesome. I hate commercials. I’m an actress. I live for the theatre, love to play characters and yearn to be seen and heard for who I am, not what you think I should be.

We’re all actors! We yearn to be seen and heard for who we are. To be loved or at least liked…a lot.  No matter how hard we climb, how hard we pretend and how hard we try to avoid what seems to be the inevitable, what we all really want is to be recognized and honored for you we really are.

As simple as it is, it’s true. No matter who you are, what you do, or how much you make, you just want to feel special.