Run or Surrender

I talk about the collective a bit when I post card messages. The term collective simply means a group of objects, people, animals, or ideas as a single concept, or a single thing.

If you are reading my blog, then you are part of this collective. You resonate with what I write somehow and while you may or may not be fully awakened to all of the concepts I write about, you are at least intrigued. Unless of course you are one of those people who are too cowardice to speak with me, so you stalk me instead. Have at it! Maybe you will gain a little more self awareness.

When I speak of running or surrendering, I am talking about our emotions. Do you run from them or do you surrender to them? When we run we ignore, bypass and do not grow as a person. There is nothing wrong with this, unless of course you are wanting relationships that are fulfilling, joyous, genuine and loving.

Many people will stay in relationships that have conditions attached to them or are transactional in nature because it is all they know. This conditioning of co-dependence was brought about in childhood by a mother or father figure. In order to get love, you had to do something. If you did not do what was asked of you, you were ignored. This began your journey of abandonment and the only way you ever feel loved, is if you are with someone perpetuating the same cycle.

This wounding is so deep and engrained in you, that you actually refuse to look at it because it would be too painful for you. So instead, you run. You do not have fulfilling relationships with anyone because you withhold yourself emotionally out of fear of rejection, so your relationships are what I call “surfacy.”

This can work for you for awhile, but eventually it won’t. Your past always catches up with you. Always! And it will come in a myriad of ways. The Universe has this amazing ability to know exactly the lessons you need to learn at exactly the right time.

You might lose your job, get in an accident, lose a loved one to divorce, lose money, lose friends, your car might break down, you might get robbed. Hell! All of these things and more might happen to you, depending on how long you’ve been running.

Whatever it is you are avoiding, your lesson will come in that form. So if you are hoarding money, working too much or not being generous, you might have a financial gain and then a loss all at once. If you are deceptive in your relationships and only take and never give, eventually you will meet someone right out of a horror film.

At the end of the day all we have is our truth. It is the one thing that determines the path of our lives. This truth is our soul calling us to accept all that we are, without looking outside of ourselves for constant approval.

The truth is something a lot of us will not face. It’s not that we can’t, we simply choose not to. And while that is a choice that everyone is entitled to make, it is one that keeps you running instead of surrendering and eventually, no matter how hard you run, it will catch up with you.

The Universe calls you in many ways to surrender to the truth of who you are. The choice is yours whether you answer the call or not. But know this…it will only call a few times and eventually you will get that tower moment and be forced to finally look in the mirror and acknowledge who and what you really are.


crushing grief, anguish, or distress

I love a synchronicity! The card I pulled today was about unseen pain. This song is all about that. Most of us have felt heartbreak. If you haven’t, than you haven’t opened your heart to someone.

An open heart is amazing! We feel like we are on top of the world. We’re giddy, overjoyed, walk with a spring in our step and feel an inner smile that comes across our face at the mere thought of someone.

And then one day it’s like you were looking out one window at this beautiful valley with a stream and birds flying above. A rainbow was even over the horizon! But then after time, you take a look out that window and you see that the landscape has changed. You’re now looking at a junkyard. Or, if you like food, it’s as though you thought you ordered chicken soup with carrots, celery and noodles and you’re sitting with bone broth.

Heartbreak is never sudden. You can say, “I had no idea” all you want, but that’s because you don’t want to accept what you are seeing. Our heart feels the pit. It knows, but our minds refuse to believe that we opened our hearts to bone broth or a junkyard.

In it’s simplest form, heartbreak is disappointment. In relationships, if there are more disappointments then not, the heartbreak is inevitable.

This song reminds me of a friend I met with the other day. Make-up and hair are always perfect, she has great taste and style and she’s always smiling. But as she started to talk to me about the relationship with her husband and the deep sadness she felt, the tears just flowed down her face.

She said she had very few people to talk to about him. She was embarrassed and had a hard time facing the truth about him. I said I wouldn’t judge, so she started to tell me about the lies. She felt like she was going crazy. She asked him things and we would lie. Silly things. And then bigger ones where she had the proof and yet he still lied. She said every conversation to try and work on things turned into an argument.

For me, one lie is one too many, and if your partner lies about things that are not worth of lying about, or insists on telling you that you’re wrong and continues to gaslight you, then you know they are doing far more insidious things.

As she spoke I felt sick to my stomach. It was not up to me to tell her that he was a covert narcissist. These people are text book and as she told me all of things that he has done to her, I knew he was one. You cannot change one because they don’t think they need to change. What you can do, is change yourself. What I could do for her, was listen.

It can be really hard to listen to people you care about and their pain. You just want to help them, but you know that everyone needs to get to that place of seeing what is really outside that window, not what they thought they saw, on their own, in order to truly heal.

Most of us feel like we can’t confide in someone about out heartbreak. We are afraid they will judge us, we think they won’t understand or maybe we have talked too much about it and now those we share information with are sick of hearing of it.

So…maybe we go home and cut our hair with rusty kitchen scissors, scream at the top of our lungs, or drink ourselves into a coma. But then the next day we rise and shine and put on our face that says we’ve got it all going on. Until we go back home and repeat the cycle, sans the scissors this time.

Heartbreak sucks, but so necessary if we are to move on to a better place with better people who are far more worthy of our time.

For me, one lie is one too many

While our hearts might be breaking, we realize it is not from what we lost, it is from what we never had. That is real heartbreak.

So while we heal, we can still put on that lipstick and pretend we are okay until we actually are. Here’s to looking good! Even when you’re falling apart!

Call Me By Your Name

I was a bit confused by the name of this song, but with so many biblical references in this video, I found out that it draws on Plato’s symposium; when one person meets with his other half, this is the highest form of love.

I was going to put a warning at the top about this video, but then I thought, what’s the point. While this video may not be for some, I think his vision and artistry and not to mention a pretty freaking great beat, are all winners. I love that he is embracing who he is and the person he wants to be with. Is there anything more sexy than that?

Apparently there is a lot of controversy around Lil Nas X and this video but if you read about him and his choice to do it, you gotta respect him.

What is it like to live a lie? I suppose we all do in some way or another. We might pretend to be happy when we really aren’t, be sad as f%^k and still smile when someone sees us or have anger running through our veins so strongly we can’t even believe no one notices. Regardless, The lies we live have a great impact on our soul.

We learn to lie in our childhood. It is not intentional, it is for survival. It is human nature for a child to want his/her parents approval. Therefore, You may have wanted to be an artist but you were told you would be a doctor instead. You may have loved someone from a different culture or religion than your own and your family quickly put the kabbash on it.

If our only source for advice are people we live with and trust, then it only stands to reason that we will become what they tell us to. And so the battle begins. For the rest of our lives we are caught up in what is expected of us in order to gain approval, rather then doing what makes us happy. In short, we pretend to be something we aren’t.

Why do people care so much about what others think? It’s exhausting! And you know what the funny thing is, most people really don’t give a shit about you, you just think they do. And the torturous part of this is that you are just replaying the childhood program of seeking approval.

This is pretty complex stuff, so let me break it down for you. You had a bad experience when you spoke your truth. Your subconscious has now stored this memory and you may not even be aware of it. Therefore, anything that comes remotely close to that memory of the time you spoke your truth sets off a warning bell and you stop. But it’s just a memory. It’s over. You have the power to stop this.

You do this by Embracing where you are. You are perfectly fine in this now moment. The past is over, the future is not yet here and to think of anything else other than this moment, is only causing you pain. When you get to this place, you see that there is no need for an agenda or to try and convince others of your beliefs.

You not only understand that not everyone is going to accept you, you simply don’t care. If people cannot handle your truth, then they aren’t your people. If someone says they love you , then they should love everything about you, not what you do for them or how that love might look to others. Love does not have conditions. Let me repeat that. Love does not have conditions. Manipulation, control and guilt do.

You are given an opportunity every single day to be a warrior of change; to Stand for what you want and embrace who you love.

Perhaps those of us who are not afraid of judgement or are perceived as too much by others for showing who we truly are; freak flag, stripper pole and all, should come with a warning label.

Hmmm… maybe that will be my next tattoo!

The lies we tell and the ones we believe

I have always been fascinated by people who lie to themselves. They can be a myriad of things. From how they look, to how they feel and how they think others feel about them.

If a person is out of touch, they might think all is well, when things are just one stitch away from unraveling. It’s a different mindset for sure.

There is a refusal to believe that things are over, that things aren’t really as bad as they seem or that conviction to he/she didn’t mean it that keeps them in this state of utter denial.

They lie to themselves so well, often times the most painful situations are overlooked and unbelievably forgiven. This often comes at the sacrifice of others, usually those they hold dearest. I have never understood this complete denial of the truth, because I try very hard to live mine.

Sometimes people do not like to hear what I have to say, but my truth is merely my truth. I may apologize for offending someone, but only because I realize after the fact that they are not ready to hear what I have to say.

People are afraid of the truth. They will do anything to deny it, to avoid it. Men or women will have affairs in their marriage because they are so unhappy, and the partner will turn the other away, pretending not to notice.

People will lie to the companies they work for, pretending to be something they are not and then have the audacity to question why they were let go a few months later.

People will present themselves to be something they aren’t; quoting literature and versus from things they have read, all the while not even knowing what any of it means, just so they can impress others who they think are interested in such nonsense.

Lies are always being told. Countless, unnecessary lies being told over and over again, because some people would rather lie about who they are or what they are, then own they truly are.

What is is about a lie? Why do people feel the need to lie? Are they so weak that they cannot tell the truth? Or is it a refusal to see it? To own it? To decide to be who they are, instead of what they think others want or expect them to be?

I personally don’t have a clue why people lie, nor do I care. My only problem with a lie, is when it effects someone I love. Because lies ruin relationships. And the first lie a liar tells, is the first brick you put between you and another. The wall is inevitable. Because if you can tell one lie to a partner or a child, then you are capable of many.

Lies serve no one but the person telling them, and in the end, the lies are all the person who told them are with.

It is better to be who you are, then to pretend to be something you aren’t. To be a liar, is to be a loner, and ironically, it is that last thing a liar wants but it is inevitably where they wind up. I guess you can call it karmic justice.