Sex

Let’s talk about sex!

I mean, sex is awesome…if it’s with someone you love. But, if sex is being used as a means for another person to fill an empty void within themselves, then you are merely being used, which is not loving at all, in fact, it’s cruel.

We’ve all had sex for the sake of having sex, hopefully you were younger and not a grown ass man or woman who should know better. Sex without emotion, care and compassion behind it, is merely just a transaction and extremely unfulfilling. Unless of course you are a person who needs sex to fill the cavernous void within yourself, then it fuels you because you are incapable of giving this fuel to yourself, so you take it from others.

When we validate ourselves by collecting partners, trolling the dating websites for hookups or pretending we want a relationship with someone just to get sex from them, we are diving into really dark and murky waters. The waters might seem clear going in, but eventually you will see that the water is filled with snakes and really creepy creatures that will mirror who and what you truly are.

People who need sex to feel better about themselves will prey upon people who are merely looking for someone to love. These highly dysfunctional people seem to attract empaths; people who feel the unhealed wounds of others and think they can fix them. It’s the perfect cocktail of disaster!

A person who needs sex doesn’t value women or men/whomever they are attracted to. They are simply a means to an end; a body that fills their needs, but only momentarily. They will engage with people on line to feed their ego, have an unhealthy addiction to porn and may fantasize or even engage in nefarious sexual acts, because they feel so out of control in their real life and need to control others to feel powerful. If you are a person who is doing this to others, please log off. You’re in need of some major therapy and my posts aren’t going to cure you.

Sex should be between two people who care about one another, who connect on an emotional level and where mutual respect is the driving force. There is nothing sexier than that! Sex is the ultimate expression of yourself with another and when you engage in sex with someone, you are sharing a part of yourself with them. Your most intimate part. You are giving this person your energy and they are giving you theirs. Think about that for a minute. Whose energy is with you?

Why in the hell would you give your most precious part of yourself to someone who is f^&*ed up? You know this going in, but if you are looking for validation, you’ll still have sex. If you think for one second that having sex with someone is going to cure your shit, think again. You’re only going to attract people with more shit than you and it will stay with you.

You will never change a person by having sex with them! Nobody is that good at it! It’s not a magic drug that makes a non-committal person suddenly committed. It will never make a cheater be loyal. It will not save your marriage either. Sex isn’t that powerful. But people are; but only when we give them ours. If you are engaging in sex with someone who isn’t respecting you, take your power back.

Sex should be something we want, but only with people who get us. It should never be something we need. If you fall in the need category you really need to look within instead of out there preying upon others. Do the work!

Sex is sacred-treat it as such! If you are conscious and your mind isn’t being stimulated, nothin much else will be either. Learn to discern between someone who is conning you for their own gain and one who is authentically interested in you for you, not your sex.

The One

Is there really someone out there in this vast world of ours who is “the one” for us? I think we all believe there is, because there are so many ways for us to try and meet them. And while I am sure there are success stories for people who have met on dating sites, they are probably few and far between because I personally don’t think there is enough magic on those.

Magic is what makes this idea of “the one” so alluring. The meeting of them has to be what I would call serendiptous. And I personally think that “the one” is someone who should be your friend first.

There are people who get tired of waiting for “the one”or simply don’t believe in that. This is not to say that they can’t have a very nice and fulfilling relationship with someone who isn’t “the one”, they just focus more on the boxes they tick, rather than the ones they don’t.

I believe that, “the one” should be found within yourself before you even ponder the idea of meeting someone else. If you haven’t worked on your stuff, then you might think you have met “the one” when the relationship is purely sexual.

When the chemistry is off the charts, we tend to assume this is what it feels like when you meet that special person who is your forever person, but…most of us figure out the hard way that sex is just sex and a lasting partnership has to be built on more than that. Chemistry is awesome, but there has to be more.

In fact, if you look up some signs that you have met “the one”, sex isn’t even mentioned. But someone you can trust, may not have everything in common with you but respects your differences, tolerates your flaws, you can drop the perfect act for, work through conflicts with, takes an interest in your life, you feel as though you can lean on them and they will put in the work, are.

“The one” is that person you are always happy to see. You feel giddy when you talk to them and lighter too. They are the one you want to call when you have good news or bad, they are your everything and you are theirs. There is mutual respect and trust and a bond that cannot be broken. You would go to bat for this person no matter what is involved or who is concerned.

It is a tall order for sure, which is why this person, “the one” can take a life time to meet or they could be right under your nose. We often hear stories like this. Why is it we don’t see them when they could be right there? Because we say we want that special someone, but when we are gifted them, we say we aren’t ready. But how could anyone ever be ready for that kind of love? You just gotta jump in!

I personally believe in “the one” but I also believe in free will. There are people who simply will not allow themselves to be loved. We could speculate all day why that is, but at the end of the day it is not our job to convince someone of anything and I guess if truth be told, if you have to try and talk someone into love, they aren’t “the one” for you.

Fear not if you have not met “the one.” You will know when you do. It shouldn’t be work at all and they should know you are their one just as much as you do. There will be no games either because finding “the one” is magic, special and rare and should be treated as such.

Wait for the person who is your best friend, your one love, your soul mate. Wait for the person who gives your life meaning and fills your cup, don’t waste your time on someone who empties it. Wait for the one who opens your heart and fills it with joy and takes away any anger, pain or sorrow.

Giving without receiving is an unbalanced relationship and we are done with that. If someone is throwing you crumbs when you want the whole damn loaf, than they aren’t “the one.”

Walking Away

When it comes to feelings there is no being right or wrong, there is only what and how you feel. Your perception and another’s can be completely off base and that is when there is a disconnect in communication; a block if you will. You might try to remove this block via talking, but if someone is not hearing you, it’s futile.

Some people need to win at all costs and that cost will always be at your expense. While it is hard to not try and explain your feelings in hopes that they will understand where you are coming from, if you have done this over and over again to the point where your head hurts, then it is best to disengage all together.

This is when you walk away. You take the high road. This is called empowerment. When you realize you cannot communicate with someone who isn’t interested in communicating at all, you love yourself enough to say enough is enough and believe in yourself and your vision of what love really is and you say goodbye.

I have walked away from almost everyone who I once held in my inner circle. It didn’t happen overnight, but one by one I started to see people for who they really are, as opposed to who I thought they were. I heard with fresh ears, saw them with opened eyes and once all of that happens, you can’t undo it. This is when the walking away becomes running and you can’t do it fast enough.

People who gossip, have ill intentions, are pot stirrers or who put others down just for the sake of trying to make themselves feel better are people who don’t love themselves. When you understand this about others, you take nothing personally anymore. You simply let go. You walk away from situations and people who only bring you down, ridicule you for being different and judging you for the choices you make because you understand they are entitled to their opinions, but more importantly, you just don’t care what they think about you.

To walk away is the most effective way to be done with this toxicity. There is no need for explanation, drama or fights. You understand that those behaviors do not come from a loving place, they come from a jaded one. If you stay jaded, then the people who hurt you will always have a power over you. My heart is too pure to ever let that happen and I have boatloads of love to give, but my level of discernment has certainly been raised to a different bar.

Love is everything! It frees us all from any pain we ever had. As a matter of fact I am completely in love as I write this…with myself and I’ve never felt freer.

It’s not hard to walk away from people who are crappy. The hard part is realizing they always were.

Circles

Do you ever feel like you’re going in circles? Like you stand in your house, apartment, wherever you live and you say, “Hmm..I think I’ve been here before. I don’t like it here, and I don’t care to repeat this again, so this time I have to do something brave, something different, cause what I’m doing just isn’t serving me or anyone else anymore.

We can pretend things are better, that things or people will change, but if they haven’t yet, they won’t. It’s not that a person can’t change, it’s that they don’t want to or don’t feel the need to. This is fine, unless you are wanting change. If you don’t see eye to eye on this, you stay in a loop; an endless circle of highs and lows instead of a steady stream of peace, stability and calm.

I have known for awhile that in order to live your most amazing life, you have to release what no longer serves you. This can be anything from a job to beliefs or relationships. This can be daunting for anyone who might be facing really challenging decisions. We become paralyzed with fear of all of the things that could go wrong, so we don’t do anything, we just stay where we are.

But if you want change and you imagine a life that is far different from the one you are living now, you have to face your fears. You know you’re ready, when the idea of continuing to do what you’ve been doing is no longer an option.

Releasing what no longer serves us is the most empowering thing we can do, even if it involves other people. It is not our job to fix others or to accept breadcrumbing, even though we may feel conflicted because of our history with someone.

But if you have been going around in circles long enough, you’re done with being dizzy. You just want to walk a path without all of the drama, so you take a leap of faith, and you do it all with nothing but compassion and love for anyone your actions might effect. You get to a place where you don’t feel the need to harm anyone because you understand that everyone is on their own journey and you honor them for where they are, even if it does’t coincide with yours.

I like this song, but I’m done with circles. I can tell you with complete honesty that the Universe does reward you when you take bold steps. I have seen proof of this all week. It is our right to be happy. Once you realize this, you find the armor, you get on your horse and you ride towards that sunset.

There is incredible magic to be had. You just gotta get out of the circle of self destruction and take a leap of faith. Trust me…you will be rewarded!

It’s Time to Rise

Well if this song doesn’t get you, I don’t know what will!

What does it mean to rise up? To me, it means you stand up, show up and are willing to take action towards what you want, no matter how uncomfortable. It is an unwavering journey towards whatever makes you happy, no matter what obstacles you might face or the ridicule that follows.

When we rise up in love, it means we are willing to go to any length for another, no matter how uncomfortable it might be for us. We put our discomfort aside because our love for them is so strong, we don’t even see it as a struggle, we see it as something we are called to do.

It means always having someone’s back, even in the face of adversity. It is a commitment to the love, respect and honor you have for another, despite what others might think. It is an understanding that the only thing that ever really matters is what you think, not what anyone else does. If you can’t rise up for yourself, then you can’t possibly rise up for another.

If you watched the video and are a mush like me, you couldn’t help but cry. This is a love we all imagine. The kind that was promised to us in all of the Fairy Tales, yet few of us ever receive. I don’t think it is from a lack of trying, I just think it’s often pursued from a place of lack itself, mostly within ourselves, and thus the heartache ensues.

When we rise up and unapologetically meet our most authentic self, it only seems rewarding that we would turn around and see the person who has done the same. If you have done the work and haven’t met that special person yet, just know they are on their way. It is your right to have love without conditions! Don’t settle for anything less.

Here’s to love and all of its beauty, splendor and excitement. We may be content on our own, but walking that path with someone else is really what we all came here for. May we all be blessed with that special person who rises up to meet us and put an end to lowering ourselves to those who don’t.

Keep rising! The right person will meet you where you are.

The Greatest Love

I have been on a spiritual journey, journey of self discovery, whatever you want to call it, for about 11 years now. This particular journey has not been one I would call fun. In fact, it was the exact opposite.

Everything I thought about myself wasn’t true, people who had roles in my life didn’t always have my best interest and I learned that I had spent most of my life looking outside of myself for love instead of looking within.

It wasn’t until I started delving into tapping that I realized what had been keeping me stuck in a loop of pain. I literally had no idea how transformative tapping could be. I had heard of it before and scoffed at the idea as it seemed so ridiculous, but after just one session, it made such perfect sense to me.

The only caveat to tapping, is that you never see anything the same way again. Like the Matrix, when Nio takes the pill, you wake up to your life for the first time and can’t believe what you have bought into. More aptly, what you believed to be true about yourself, based solely on those who raised you and their perceptions of the world.

Once I realized my view of the world was never really mine, it became easy to release the views that never served me, but had served others my entire life. And this is where the real transformation for me began.

When you fully grasp the concept of loving yourself, you have no need for anything outside of you ever again. You don’t feel the need for company just for the sake of being with people and aren’t willing to compromise your time for those who don’t value you. You don’t need sex either, because what you want is to be wooed by somebody’s mind first and see where that leads.

When you fully grasp love of the self, you understand how futile it is to keep seeking out there for what you can give yourself. You’ll know when you have reached this state, because you have this aha moment where you realize what you have been searching for, has been there all along, it just took you waking up to…you.

Heartbreak

crushing grief, anguish, or distress

I love a synchronicity! The card I pulled today was about unseen pain. This song is all about that. Most of us have felt heartbreak. If you haven’t, than you haven’t opened your heart to someone.

An open heart is amazing! We feel like we are on top of the world. We’re giddy, overjoyed, walk with a spring in our step and feel an inner smile that comes across our face at the mere thought of someone.

And then one day it’s like you were looking out one window at this beautiful valley with a stream and birds flying above. A rainbow was even over the horizon! But then after time, you take a look out that window and you see that the landscape has changed. You’re now looking at a junkyard. Or, if you like food, it’s as though you thought you ordered chicken soup with carrots, celery and noodles and you’re sitting with bone broth.

Heartbreak is never sudden. You can say, “I had no idea” all you want, but that’s because you don’t want to accept what you are seeing. Our heart feels the pit. It knows, but our minds refuse to believe that we opened our hearts to bone broth or a junkyard.

In it’s simplest form, heartbreak is disappointment. In relationships, if there are more disappointments then not, the heartbreak is inevitable.

This song reminds me of a friend I met with the other day. Make-up and hair are always perfect, she has great taste and style and she’s always smiling. But as she started to talk to me about the relationship with her husband and the deep sadness she felt, the tears just flowed down her face.

She said she had very few people to talk to about him. She was embarrassed and had a hard time facing the truth about him. I said I wouldn’t judge, so she started to tell me about the lies. She felt like she was going crazy. She asked him things and we would lie. Silly things. And then bigger ones where she had the proof and yet he still lied. She said every conversation to try and work on things turned into an argument.

For me, one lie is one too many, and if your partner lies about things that are not worth of lying about, or insists on telling you that you’re wrong and continues to gaslight you, then you know they are doing far more insidious things.

As she spoke I felt sick to my stomach. It was not up to me to tell her that he was a covert narcissist. These people are text book and as she told me all of things that he has done to her, I knew he was one. You cannot change one because they don’t think they need to change. What you can do, is change yourself. What I could do for her, was listen.

It can be really hard to listen to people you care about and their pain. You just want to help them, but you know that everyone needs to get to that place of seeing what is really outside that window, not what they thought they saw, on their own, in order to truly heal.

Most of us feel like we can’t confide in someone about out heartbreak. We are afraid they will judge us, we think they won’t understand or maybe we have talked too much about it and now those we share information with are sick of hearing of it.

So…maybe we go home and cut our hair with rusty kitchen scissors, scream at the top of our lungs, or drink ourselves into a coma. But then the next day we rise and shine and put on our face that says we’ve got it all going on. Until we go back home and repeat the cycle, sans the scissors this time.

Heartbreak sucks, but so necessary if we are to move on to a better place with better people who are far more worthy of our time.

For me, one lie is one too many

While our hearts might be breaking, we realize it is not from what we lost, it is from what we never had. That is real heartbreak.

So while we heal, we can still put on that lipstick and pretend we are okay until we actually are. Here’s to looking good! Even when you’re falling apart!

You get to write the script

Let’s talk about manifesting!

You’ve probably heard of “The Secret” which pretty much kept everything a secret, when it comes to actually manifesting anything at all.

I personally found the book confusing and full of bs. No matter how much I tried to decipher it’s simplicity, it just seemed like a lot of people who were wealthy popping off about how easy it was. It’s been awhile since I read it but I do remember being frustrated by it.

If you watched the video to this song, then you saw that every person in it didn’t let their circumstances get in the way of their success. They actually took them, grew stronger from them and they became one of their driving forces.

So if you are still confused as how to be a magical manifester, this is all you need to know. Your ability to manifest comes from where your focus is. If your focus is on what you want and you commit to staying focused on it, meaning you take steps in the direction of what you want, then you will manifest it.

Here is the twist to manifesting what you focus on: if you focus on something you want and aren’t doing anything to get it, then it will not show up in your life because you are focusing on the lack of it instead of taking action to get it.

It is a union of focus and action. You have to trust your instincts and the inner voice that tells you when to take action and when to sit back and wait. Doing no action gets you no manifestations.

The fact that you can manifest pretty much anything you want is all around you. Even the stuff you didn’t want to manifest. Your focus had to be on it at one point (probably more than you realized) and there it is!

If the average person has 6200 thoughts a day, just imagine how much manifesting you can do! Be mindful of your thoughts. When you catch yourself thinking bad ones, change the channel.

Here is a life hack that worked for me: I once carried a crystal in my pocket for over a year. I can tell you a little about the healing powers of crystals, but only because I put them in every order that is placed through my company. At the time I carried the crystal I thought it looked pretty, but that was all I knew. I just wanted a distraction for when I got triggered by irritating conversation or people. This kept my focus on the crystal, not what was being said or who I was around.

You can bring a crystal anywhere and no one will know it’s there. Just be careful how hard you rub it. Someone might get the wrong idea about you. Some of my favorites are: CRYSTAL QUARTZ (classic), PINK QUARTZ for universal love, TIGERS EYE for releasing fear and of course CITRINE for self esteem. If you want to throw in a piece of GREEN AVENTURINE to attract wealth, go for it.

My ability to manifest shows up all the time, even without the crystals. At this point I totally get it. When I focus on my business I sell cards. When I focus on acting, I get auditions and when I focus on things that bother me, I get more.

Don’t focus on what bothers you! Focus on what you want and then wait for divine inspiration for steps to take towards getting it. And maybe carry a crystal to keep your thoughts happy.

Choices

Every day we are met with choices. Do we do this or do we do that? Doing nothing is a choice as well. Sometimes it is all we can do, especially when we are trying to protect ourselves from being hurt.

How many times has someone asked you, “How are you doing?” and you responded, “I’m good” when really you were the exact opposite. Most people cannot handle the truth and when they ask this, we all seem to know they don’t really care, that they don’t really want to hear how we are doing and they are just being polite.

Imagine telling someone how you really feel when they asked that. “How are you doing?” “Well, now that you asked…let me tell you!” I’m not sure the person would know what to do. It would be interesting to find out though.

It’s funny how this became a norm, isn’t it? We answer what sounds like a meaningful question with a rather meaningless reply. I’m sure at one time it had to mean something when someone asked it and at one time people told the truth. I imagine the days when neighbors were neighbors and knew one another, watched each others kids and brought a pie over when you moved in.

But now people don’t really want to know how others are doing, unless they are relevant to them. Do you know your neighbors? Do you chat it up with them? Invite them over? Do you know anything personal about them? Or are you the person who waves, gives a nonchalant smile and thanks God that they aren’t bothering you?

Maybe the lack of communication isn’t with the person asking “How are you” maybe the problem is with the person answering.

Maybe in that moment when we are being asked how we are, we think about all of the ways we feel as though we are wrong because of the choices we have made. Maybe we are thinking how sad we are because we want to be in love but can’t meet the right partner, we hate our job and can’t stand our boss, a family member is sick and we don’t know if they are going to recover. But instead of saying any of that, we say, “I’m good.” because admitting anything else would make us less perfect than how we long to appear.

Our emotions can change from moment to moment, so why wouldn’t are choices follow? How can you make a bad choice? It’s just a choice. And there really aren’t any bad ones, unless if you are planning on committing a crime.

We should never fault ourselves for making the choices we do. How else are we going to learn? The problem comes when you continue to make choices that wind up making you miserable, and you don’t do anything about it.

We can lament all we want about the choices we have made in our lives and think about how different things could have been, would have been, if only we would have made different ones. But does that really get us anywhere? Does choosing to lament over the past change it?

If you didn’t like a choice you made, you can always make a different one. Haven’t you ever ordered something to eat and then changed your mind after you gave it to a waiter? Or are you one of those people who don’t want to bother them, so you eat something else instead of what you really wanted?

The choices we made can keep us locked in our past, filled with teary eyes and a longing for how we wish we would have done things different, or they can empower us to realize we made the choices we did at the time because it is how we felt.

As people change, their choices change and that’s the beautiful and often times painful thing about growth. But it’s growth and personal growth should always be celebrated.

So forget about the choices you made, wipe those those teary eyes and just keep on dancin/walkin/movin forward. Eventually your teary eyes will turn to smiley ones and you’ll be laughing instead.

Let It Flow

How open are you to change? Are you loosey goosey to it? Willing to dip one toe in the pool or the whole foot? Or maybe you’re too rigid to change anything. In that case, you’re nowhere near the water!

Being in the flow is super easy; it’s where we allow instead of control. This simply means we wake up, may have our schedule, but if something takes us off course, we understand that we are being directed elsewhere for our highest good. Acceptance of this is the key to our happiness.

When people don’t go with the flow and are so set on staying in control, they miss out on all of the wonderful things that life is trying to bring them. It’s really interesting to observe people who are very controlled. It’s almost painful to see how routined they are. In there quest to stay in control of everything, they essentially become controlled because they are no longer living life due to their conviction of calculating their every move. How exhausting! I’m tired just writing that.

Letting go of outcomes and going with the flow is very empowering. But if I were to tell this to a person who is always in control, they would say the exact opposite. The real truth about control, is that it is an illusion. There is no control. You cannot control anything!

The more you go within and change your perceptions of people and understand that most of us are just repeating patterns and programs from our childhood, the less you feel the need to try and control anything. You understand that people are just playing out their own insecurities and they seldom, if ever, have anything to do with you.

The ironic thing about control is that when we are so committed to one path, life has a way of sending us what is called a “tower moment” so that we can be put on another one. These tower moments are generally pretty awful, but if you look at it from a higher perspective, you see that you had plenty of notices beforehand, you just chose to ignore them because you were too busy controlling how things were supposed to go according to your plan. You see, no matter how great we think our best-laid plans are, life will step in and say, “I have a better one! Trust me!”

Since I have been going with the flow I have created more abundance in my life. I don’t push for outcomes or results or have any expectations, especially of other people. I have learned to be my best advocate. All of the love, the acceptance and joy I once sought out there, I now find within.

This new way of living allows me to wake up every day with excitement. It’s like Christmas as a kid every day. I try and keep to my morning routine as best I can and then allow the rest of the day to unfold. I might have a list of things I would like to do, but when I allow for anything and everything, I usually have a pretty remarkable day.

This is called being in the flow and it is when we can magnetize anything! So if you want to be a money magnet, a love magnet or any other kind of magnet, you have to allow yourself to be in the flow. How can something wonderful even fit into your life, if you are always controlling every aspect of your day?

Be in control or don’t. I’ll be over here going with the flow cause that’s where all the magic is!