Out of Your League

Out of your league: When someone (or something) is out of the class of people you are expected to date. This includes an individual who is too attractive for you, or a person who is too unattractive for you.

I think it’s funny, well actually kind of sad I guess, that someone would think another person is out of their league. This implies that they think someone is better than them.

But that’s so not true. No one is ever out of anyone’s league. If you can imagine yourself with someone, then you are half way with them. The next step of course is the hardest, because you have to take action towards them.

This is when all of your insecurities arise and the thought that they are out of your league for one reason or another steps in and you do nothing. The fear of rejection can be so crippling that we would rather sit back and keep our fantasy in our head than doing something about it.

Meanwhile, the person you want doesn’t know this, so they meet other people. Maybe they even wind up with someone you know and you kick yourself because you think that they are way out of that person’s league and you can’t believe they wound up with them.

But we are never out of someone’s league. Not ever. No one is better than anyone! What we are most often, is not a vibrational match for the person we are desiring. What does that mean? It means you aren’t at the same place energetically.

For example, you might only be thinking of work while I’m thinking about how nice it would be to have a partner. Our paths might cross and maybe you dig me and I dig you, but if your focus is not on meeting a partner because you’re caught up with work, I will immediately catch onto this and say goodbye.

I don’t believe anyone is out my league, but I do know that I will only connect with someone who is where I am at energetically. It doesn’t matter what your religion is or your background or how many things we do or don’t have in common.

But what does matter are the following:

Do we share the same vision? Do we respect one another? Do you bring value into my life? Do you help my growth or hinder it? Do I trust you? Do you have my back? Can you keep a secret? Do you make me laugh? Do I think about you when you aren’t around and I smile at something you said or did? And of course, you don’t judge me for my choices even when you may not agree with them.

These are the qualities I would look for in someone and of course they would be looking for the same in me. None of these things have anything to do with looks. Looks change all the time. People gain weight, they lose it, they lose their hair, they get wrinkles and they need glasses to read a menu.

Looks aren’t going to bring you a cold cloth when you’re sick, a cold beer when it’s a hot summer day and they certainly aren’t going to hug you and tell you everything is going to be okay, when you feel it’s not.

But a person who loves you unconditionally will.

Are You Willing to Gamble?

I don’t play cards to gamble, but I do make them. I don’t actually print them, but I do create the content for them.

I was recently at my sister’s home and she had a deck I had made in her kitchen. She likes to pull one and while I was there she did. I can’t remember the card she got but I like that she has them.

Most of the decks I make are inspirational or have specific messages on them. I have never made a tarot deck but have thought about it because I have collected them for awhile. I find it fascinating that people can throw cards on a table and give you a reading. I see pretty pictures and scary ones, but I don’t see the story. I could make one up; I’m pretty good at that, but most people don’t want you to do that. I don’t think anyway. I know little of the cards together, but I do have a little knowledge about what they mean separately and I find their order to be quite intertesting.

The major arcana starts with the fool. It is literally a quest that one takes in life and than it works through to the world card. The world pretty much says it all. It is when things turn in our favor, but in order to have the world to that, we have to be willing to take the fools journey, which begins with one step, or showing one card of the deck you keep so tightly guarded.

There is one card called the Queen of Cups. She is associated with love and all good things, but if you push her or challenge her in any way, she will become the Queen of Swords and cut you out. Not sure why someone would want to do that when they are being offered a cup, but some people get off on challenging others or putting them through hoops to test their loyalty and then that nice energy matches the one that is being offered and they get severed.

The tower card is a scary one. No one likes to get that one! It’s an image of people jumping out of a burning building. This tower card usually shows up when a person has let a situation go on too long and the powers that be take over and end it. It’s quite unpleasant because you essentially gave your power away and let others make choices for you. It is meant to wake you up from being asleep or unconscious.

The devil card is pretty heinous too. It generally shows up when you are dealing with some nefarious person who only has their best interest in mind. Often times it can be someone meddling in affairs where they don’t belong, like relationships between two people. There is literally a couple on the card being bound by the devil.

The strength card usually has a woman with a lion she is petting on it. She also has the infinity symbol above her head which signifies unity and the concept of limitlessness. I guess it takes a lot of strength to get to that place. I would have thought they would use a man lifting weights, but…that’s why I haven’t made a tarot deck.

One of my favorite cards is the 10 of cups. It usually shows a rainbow and a happy couple looking out over their land. This is the card of love, happy family life and prosperity. Basically having it all. But you don’t just get the 10 of cups in life, you have to start with one step in that direction. There are challenges along the way of course, which are depicted in the cards leading up to this one. The four of cups shows a person dissatisfied with everything which takes you to the five of cups where things have not gone your way or as expected. This is what happens when we try and control everything and don’t allow life to unfold naturally.

A tarot spread can change with each passing day because we all have free will and our energy changes all the time, as does our perception, wants and needs. I would go out on a limb and say gambling probably happens in the same way. If you are feeling low you are probably coming from a place of desperation and that won’t bode well for YOU in a casino or any bet you are placing.

And while analyzing tarot cards is interesting, what I find fascinating is why people don’t gamble on love more. It doesn’t cost anything to get started, but for some people, the gamble is too great. They would rather hold their cards so tight, they not only don’t show one, they show nothing at all and let opportunities for love pass them by.

I think it’s fine to hold your cards until another person proves they are worthy of your time, attention, vulnerability and trust, but at some point you gotta show a card if you want love. You have to be willing to be the fool and take that first step if you want the world to turn in your favor and have that 10 of cups.

Because if you aren’t willing to do that, you not only miss out on a chance at love and happiness, you miss out on the opportunity to share your life with someone; a person who has your back, loves you when you wake up and when you fall asleep, when you have stuff in your teeth, have a bad day, have a good one, accepts all of your quirks and mishegas and still thinks you are the cat’s pajamas!

Hold the cards or don’t…I know what I’m doing.

Thank you, next!

Friday I met a friend for breakfast that I haven’t seen in awhile. We keep in touch on the phone since she lives in Florida, but when we get together, it’s as though we saw each other yesterday. Seeing her was the boost I needed, since she is the eternal optimist.

She listened with compassion as I told her how hard it was to be living between two worlds and how I am so ready to move on. I have an apartment but have not actually moved in there completely, because my boys are still home from college, but that is about to end very soon.

My friend just smiled and said, “You’re so close! This will all be over before you know it and your life is going to be amazing!” My family and other friends have expressed the same joy for me, but I just gave a hmph. “And don’t even think about being lonely! You’re going to meet someone immediately.” She gushed. I just listened, trying to get excited by her excitement, but honestly, I felt numb.

How happy can I possibly be, when I am selling the beautiful home I created every inch of, to go to an apartment? Sure, the move is temporary and only providing my youngest and I with an immediate place to go while I figure out where we want to live, but it’s not logical when I have two other children who want a place to call home again.

My friend told me not to think about that, but to only think about what I have to be happy about. She said, “You get to climb out from under the buss you were thrown under a million times and you can’t be blamed anymore for all the things that go wrong in your husband’s life.” She was right, but the injustice of it all takes a little longer to accept.

I understand privacy and the sanctity of marriage, which is why I don’t feel the need to meet people for drinks who only want to hear a story and then gossip. But in spite of my attempt to remain integral through all of this, by not speaking to anyone who lives where I do, a story is being told none the less. I am sure there is no mention in that story though about how all three of my boys have legally changed their last name. And that disturbing fact should be sufficient enough information for anyone with half a mind, to understand why my marriage has ended.

I know that I learned many lessons over the past 22 years and while I know the song says, “Thank you, next” I don’t think we need to thank anyone for the lessons they taught us.

But what we do need to do, is learn from those lessons so that we never have to repeat them again. Once we do this, we can welcome what is “Next” with open arms, because it will now flow effortlessly to us.

Mix The Vibe

This song literally goes on forever! But I like the beat of it, just like I like mixing the vibe.

When you mix the vibe, you attract different people. This can be good or bad. I choose good. I attracted bad long enough. Bad drags you down, steals your shine and makes it their own, all while leaving you utterly depleted.

Once you mix the vibe in a positive way, you attract people who are doing the same. I’m talking about people who know their worth and need not steal your pearls to try and make themselves out to be something they are not, especially when they are incapable of producing an original thought.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of working with some really awesome people. They were all independent and relied on no one to fulfill them. They were confident, outgoing, attractive and intelligent. I knew this was a turning point for me and a testament to all of the work I have done on myself. You see, when you raise your vibe, you attract people who have done the same.

You know your current state of vibe by the people that are around you. I cannot stress enough how important it is to surround yourself with people who vibe high. The higher you vibe, the more abundance you attract. Abundance is not just money; it’s a way of life. It’s the relationships you bring in, your quality of life, your health, mental state, etc. Your vibration is everything!

If you have toxic people in your life, no matter how hard you work, you will never reach the state of abundance you are trying to. It is literally impossible. Toxic people have a very toxic energy and their negativity directly effects your vibration, which effects your manifestations.

Here’s how negative energy from negative people works. When you are with a person who does not love themselves, they are highly manipulative and will do and say things to chip away at your self esteem in order to build theirs up. There is actually a term for it and it was made into a movie called “Gaslight.” They are jealous of your accomplishments and will try and undermine you at every cost. You are completely unaware of this of course, because you can’t even imagine someone would do this, especially when they claim to care about you.

But when you start to think about all of the opportunities you have had in front of you and somehow they never worked out, no matter how hard you worked, you have to pause and reflect on what could possibly be the problem. Your inclination might to be to work harder, smarter, take classes, meet more people, etc. But even then after all that, you still can’t manage to get where you imagine yourself to be.

And here’s why. When you are with a person who is toxic, they literally suck the life out of you. You are always trying to convince them that you care, that they matter. You are always placating them, building them up and talking them off the ledge because their erratic behavior and poor decision making threatens your security, stability and safety. They are literally always one step away from imploding and they will take everyone who is in their life, with them. They do this so frequently, you’re literally a therapist who is on-call. So how can you possibly have any energy left for your passions?

When you get to this place of complete and utter awe of how no matter how hard you try, nothing seems to manifest, you suddenly realize that the problem was never you, it was the toxic environment you live in, you start setting boundaries.

You absolutely have to say no to people who take your goodness and give nothing in return. But be prepared! The person you cut off will lash out at you, call you names and trash talk you to anyone who will give them an audience. And while this is hurtful, you need to understand that it is very telling of the person they were all along.

But the good new is…the Universe will reward you. It’s as though it says, “Finally! I thought that b-atch was deaf and blind after all the signs we sent her to remove that toxic blankety blank from her life.” And it’s as if, like magic, the abundance flows.

So if signs are being sent your way, do not ignore them. The more you ignore them, the stronger they get and you don’t want to get that tower moment where you don’t dodge the bullets that are being sent your way.

These signs are trying to guide you on a path that is better for you. So you can either keep ignoring the signs, or let that tower hit. Because if you are a person who is conscious, it’s comin for ya! The Universe will not allow you to remain small.

I am so juked about my future! I have never been more positive, because I am leaving behind all negativity and everything and everyone who ever stole my shine, my pearls, and literally plagiarized my brilliance and tried to pass it off like it was their own.

Keep shining! The brighter you shine, the more you attract shinier people and shinier options. And those bitter, empty, self loathing people who tried to diminish your shine, will become nothing more than a lesson you needed to learn in order to love yourself. It’s a cruel one for sure and if you are a person who has suffered through a relationship with a covert narcissist, just know you will never have to repeat this lesson again.

Keep shining! You may never get back the time you spent with someone like that, but just know your shine, really pisses them off. It’s karmic justice.

Moral of the Story

The moral of a story is the lesson that story teaches about how to behave in the world. I suppose if it’s a sad story, then we might behave that way. But the truth is, we don’t have to. We can choose to take the moral of a not so happy story and make sure the next story we tell, is a really good one.

My middle son played this song for me yesterday. Two days ago he played a song called, Too f#$%n nice by Victoria Justice for me. I think he’s trying to tell me something, don’t you? I love that kid and my two other ones and they are a great source of strength and support for me.

When we go through a major life change, especially a not so easy one, it really is a great opportunity to look at what we have gone through and see the lesson in what happened. We might be asking what was the point even, especially if it was really painful.

I have been on this path of self discovery for awhile now and the only truth I know, is this: it is paramount that we see the lesson, embrace it, learn from it and grow from it, else we are going to repeat it. And I can tell you from personal experience that I never ever want to repeat this particular lesson again.

As I sift through 20 something years of stuff and try to find storage space for it, sell my house, look for a new place to live with my kids and end a marriage through mediation, I am a bit overwhelmed. It’s a lot and while I would appreciate someone’s help as I am going through this, my family does not live close by, so I am doing it on my own.

So to that end I will be taking a break from writing on my blog for a bit. It is something I have made part of my daily routine and well, since my routine has now been replaced by a mire of non-routine, my mind cannot be here right now.

I’ll leave you with this song and this message. As I look around my house and all of the material things I have, I realize that the only things that are of real importance or value are my photos, kids art projects, letters and cards from them and family, my cat and of course my boys.

The rest of my things are just things and can all be replaced. But the memories…I have many from living here. Some good, some really bad. The moral of this story is this: we take our memories with us wherever we go. We get to choose which ones we replay in our minds. If we are choosing painful ones than we aren’t allowing new and joyous ones to come in.

And when you look around your life you realize the things that really matter the most, are the ones you can touch and hold.

May my next story and yours have no moral, just a happily ever after.

xo Gretchen

Chaos is a Ladder

This is a very powerful piece of music and an amazing monologue.

“Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail, never to try again. The fall breaks them. And some given a chance to climb, they refuse. They cling to the realm, or the gods, or love, the illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.”

Are you ready to go deep with this one? Let’s talk about chaos and the thing that creates it; lies.

Let’s think about a lie. Why do people feel the need to tell them? Some people do it unconsciously like breathing, while others do it to hide who and what they really are or how they really feel.

Who are we without the lies? It’s an interesting question isn’t it? Pretending to be something we’re not is one form of a lie. Saying things that are not true to make yourself feel better is another. Showing one face to the world and looking in the mirror and seeing another is also a lie. Disparaging someone else to make yourself look better is probably the worst.

You can look around your neighborhood, family, close friends, and see that there are people who seem to be going through the motions, pretending everything is okay, but if asked in private to a trusting sort, they might spill the beans about how miserable they really are. They are in fact living a lie on a daily basis and make a hundred excuses as why they do it.

I have friends who do this. They tell me they don’t like their spouse but would lose too much money if they divorced and are fearful of what life will look like without them, so instead of trying to climb the ladder of chaos, they stay in a miserable marriage, living a lie. I have a neighbor up the street who had the police called to the house a few weeks ago (by one of their own children), but when they arrived they acted as though nothing was wrong. I have even lived a lie myself. I’ve been told to shut up, that I’ll have to get a “real” job when my marriage is over, as if being a mother wasn’t one, for the past 22 years. I’ve been laughed at, judged and made fun of and told I have no friends, all by someone who said they loved me. I put on a smiley face to the world and then cried myself to sleep when no one was looking.

It never ceases to amaze me how we will act as if everything is perfect when it is anything but. We convince ourselves that things aren’t that bad and that our partner didn’t mean the horrible things they have said to us or the horrible things they have done, so we can continue to live in a pit of despair. Anything, but take that first step towards the ladder of chaos which is simply the unknown and a way out.

We cling to these lies because often times the truth is too unbearable to accept. And because we are clinging so hard to the illusion of what we wish was going on instead of what really is, instead of climbing the ladder of perceived chaos, we choose to stay in a world of deception and ironically chaos ensues.

To climb the ladder of chaos is the heroic approach of course and not one for the faint of heart. Few of us are brave enough to do it. We would rather stay where we are and live a life of lies and deal with the chaos we have now created because of our refusal to accept the truth, rather than taking steps on the ladder of perceived chaos that will lead us out of it.

The meaning of chaos is complete disorder and confusion and behavior that is unpredictable and random. So you can either choose to continue to live a life like that every day of your life, or climb a ladder that will have its moments, but will eventually get you free of it.

I choose the ladder, because no matter how scary, daunting or chaotic it might seem at first, it is far less scarier than remaining in constant chaos and accepting the unacceptable. And I know that each step I climb brings me closer to the light and further and further away from chaos that was created out of my refusal to see the lie that I was living.

Don’t be afraid to climb the ladder. Eventually you will reach the top, throw the ladder to the side and never look back.

Turn the Page

to make a new start after a period of difficulties. I like this song because it’s all about love. Love is what keeps all of us turning the page, even when life gets difficult.

If you are in a relationship and going through a rough patch, if your foundation is strong enough, the love you have for one another will get you through it. If you are ending a relationship like I am, the hope of new love in the future is what gets you through that.

We are all meant to love; to have love, to be loved. And when we go without it, we wither. We are not the best versions of ourselves because we are withholding a basic need which is to express our feelings. And while we might try to express it in other ways, it’s not the same.

We all want to spend our life with someone. We want that person who has our back and laughs with us. Someone who rises us up instead of bringing us down and perhaps even pushes us out of our comfort level from time to time because they see how special we are even when we don’t.

Sometimes we think we have met this person and for one reason or another it doesn’t work out. We might beat ourselves up about why it all had to happen, but when you do enough work on yourself, it becomes pretty clear.

I wrote a post about “the one” awhile back, so I though it fitting to mention “the one that got away” since I recently spoke to a friend of mine who was talking about this very thing.

It’s pretty natural to do a mental sweep of all of the people you may have had an opportunity that you passed on, especially when “your one” turns out to be “the one” you’re moving away from. There is always one that comes to mind when we do this.

We might even mention them to a friend and say, “the one that got away.” But did they really get away? Or did you let them?

If you chose someone else, you needed that lesson. Perhaps it was one of self worth. So if you are ever thinking about a person who you think got away, this simply means you have evolved enough to be looking at them again and asking yourself the following questions:

What was it about them that was so different? Did they question your values? Your faith? Your ideals? Did they look different than your usual type? Would your family not like them? Did they have a job you didn’t care for?

You see, if you read all of those things, they don’t really matter when it comes to love. Love is just love. It doesn’t put a label on things or judge people based on what they look like or what they do. It just loves.

The one that got away was the one you should have loved because your heart knew, but we get so caught up in our egos, we tune out our heart and follow the ego instead. This is why when we finally wake up to “the one that got away” it is so painful.

But the truth is, no one we are meant to be with will ever get away. Nothing and no one can ever stand in the way of unconditional love. It could be years since you have seen someone and if you reach out to them and the timing is finally right, it will be as though no amount of time has passed at all.

We are all on different journeys. We have lessons to learn in order to evolve into the best versions of ourselves. And while we are evolving people are either evolving with us or they aren’t.

When you get to a place where you understand that no one we are meant to be with can ever get away, then you’ll probably simultaneously find yourself not only standing in front of “the one that got away” but “the one” as well.

What Is Love?

What is love? Hmm…I guess that might be different for everyone.

Love certainly doesn’t involve someone hurting us, yet many of us seem to suffer with this in our relationships.

We certainly don’t choose to suffer. I mean, who would do that? Or do we? The answer of course, is yes. We do choose to suffer, but not consciously.

When we are afraid to feel those wounds of abandonment, we will attract people who bring those feelings to the surface. And like a pot of water on a stove that simply exists until you ignite it, the water starts to rumble until it is a full on boil.

Our feelings, when trampled over time and time again, ignites something within us. Initially we might do anything to try and avoid them, but at the boiling point, they can’t be ignored anymore

If you are currently in the boil phase as I am, simply remove the pot. Whatever is causing this chemical reaction needs to go. No one should be in a position in any relationship where they feel so completely disregarded, unheard and under valued. This is not love. This is toxic.

Real love involves another party knowing your worth and never ever making you feel unsafe, unstable and insecure. When you do enough work on yourself there is not need for these lessons anymore and anyone who keeps trying to bring you to their level instead of rising to yours, needs to go.

It’s really as simple as that. It may not be a simple process to remove them from your life, but the first step is realizing it’s over. The more you linger there, the more you are now consciously choosing to suffer and that my friends, is called insanity.

Choose to loose anything and anyone who brings you down. It might be scary, believe me I know, but trying to make something work with someone who doesn’t do any, is far scarier.

What is love? It’s knowing that you deserve more than what you have allowed yourself to settle for. The water might be hot now, but it will cool. And the haunted woods you have found yourself lost in will eventually turn into your happily ever after.

Stay positive! If I can keep being burned and rise like the phoenix time and time again, so can you. And I will never, ever let anyone who didn’t know how to love, harden me from loving another again; nor should you.

Rumors

We are living in a constant state of change now, so if you are a person who does not like change, you are having a rough time. I like change. I sort of embrace it because it means I am always growing and evolving. If you are aren’t growing and evolving you are stagnant and will get outgrown.

When you refuse to change, you are not ever reflecting. If you are not reflecting, then there is no accountability in anything you do. There may be those who vibe with you at this level, and then there will be those who don’t. When a person refuses to continue with such a lackluster engagement there won’t be any remorse on their end, but what there will be, if you are the person who does not reflect and is being left behind, is a whole lot of gossip from yours.

When an adult gossips or spreads rumors about others, I sort of equate them to a petty high school girl on steroids. An adult should know better, but if they are carrying an unhealed childhood wound of rejection, it will be the first thing they do.

People who talk about others and spread rumors and gossip are not only malicious, they are jealous and vengeful and have this core need to undermine others to feel better about themselves. People who are bored with their own lives love a story and a rumor spreader loves to tell them one.

The town I currently live in is filled with gossip. A few years back a man moved in up the street from me and the rumors were rampant. I was told his wife had cheated on him with the landscaper. Talk about ruthless! While people swooned over him because he was quite dashing, I found his honor more attractive. He never once said an unkind word about his soon to be ex-wife, and I think if anyone would have been just in doing so, it would have been him. It had a profound effect on me because all I had ever known before meeting him, were people who did the exact opposite.

My step mother was notorious for telling stories about her ex. She constantly trash talked him, even though she was with my father. Through the years she proved more often than not, that she was incapable of moving on from anything and her story of how she was so wronged lost an audience with me.

Then came my husband’s mother. When his father left her she was a puddle. I had so much sympathy for her because I was only hearing her side of things. She trash talked his father so much, I think he managed to maintain one friendship out of the thirty something couples they knew together after she finished with him. She showed her true colors many times after that and she not only lost me as an audience, she lost my children too.

Then came the friend of my husbands I used to invite to brunch. When he began the process of divorcing his wife every other word out of his mouth was the c word when he referred to her. When a woman had someone’s children, left her career to do so and spent over 15 years of her life with them and then gets trashed talked by their own husband, it doesn’t take a scholar to figure out she deserves better. But I guess that’s why his marriage crumbled; she figured this out too.

Revenge, jealousy, spite; they all make for a prime time tv series, but not when horrible things are being said about someone you had a relationship with. In a word, it’s shameful.

I don’t feel the need to tell my story to a few people in this town so that they can tell it to a few others. I have always strived for a far bigger audience. Marriages end all the time. You do what you have to do to see it through and you make sacrifices when needed, especially when it comes to your children. Like having your ex move in the basement because you realize if he continued to stay in an apartment a mile away, you wouldn’t be able to afford to send your youngest son to his school.

Situations are temporary, much like gossip. The story is only good until someone else’s life implodes and people take pleasure in trying to figure out what really went on. I can tell you this for certain; whatever went on is never being accurately told. What is being told however, is one person’s story from a wounded place and if they are the ones trash talking someone else, then you better believe that story is full of lies, but they will have you believing they are the victim.

But who is the real victim when it comes to rumors and gossip? Self image and social status is the name of the game for a gossiper, so if they are spreading their victim story they are simply seeking validation, but if you are being their audience, please know that you are not getting the truth.

I don’t listen to gossip or rumors because I listen to my intuition instead. I have no control over who says this or that about me either. What I do have control over always, is how I respond. And when it comes to trash talking, rumors and gossip, I simply don’t.

More

An oldie but a goodie!

I want to talk about more because so many of us say we want more, even think we deserve more, but few of us go about getting it because it often requires a bit of discomfort. Sometimes a whole boat load!

I recently separated from my husband. We have been married for over 20 years and have three boys. We have separated a few times in our time together, but this time it is far more substantial. He rented an apartment.

It’s no joke that I have been through a huge transformation. While my core values are still very much the same, as is the love I give unconditionally, my lack of wanting to participate in programs and patterns that do not serve anyone, has greatly.

This has confused him and made him say, “he wants his wife back.” I get it! I really do, which is why I am seeing this separation as something that is paramount to his well being and happiness just as much as mine.

When you do enough work on yourself you do not feel the need to be acrimonious towards someone you spent well, almost a lifetime with, let alone had children with. I cannot speak for him. Right now we are working together, but he does have influences around him that don’t see relationships as give and take, just take. But I am choosing to remain optimistic.

I truly want want is best for him and I know at this juncture, it is not me.

When you know that you want more than what you currently have, staying in that place of accepting less is not an option; in fact it is soul crushing. But fear of the unknown will keep so many of us dwelling there, hoping it gets better, hoping for this, wishing for that, until we realize you can wish and hope all you want, but what is called for is change.

I don’t know where I’m headed and that’s okay. I am not afraid of the unknown; I fear complacency far more than that. I actually like being alone and am not alone enough. I have two children home now and my oldest is on his way to see me for Mothers Day. They are my greatest achievement and the most wonderful thing that came out of my marriage.

And while I do not share my thoughts on my personal issues with my boys unless they ask, I do have really terrific friends and family who really love me, support me and have my back. I need not look too far for a shoulder to lean on, someone to make me laugh or to tell me I am capable of anything.

It is not through our wins that we see who supports us, it is through our trials and tribulations. It is very telling who wants to be in your life when you are challenged and who does not. Sometimes this truth hurts, but all necessary in order to fully own the fact that you will never again accept less than what you know you truly deserve. We all deserve more love, not less; don’t ever forget that.

I share this with you so that you understand there is never any reason to accept less than what your soul is yearning for. The journey to self love can be very painful but when you finally reach this destination, you realize the pain you felt all along was really inflicted by yourself. You saw things you wanted to see, not what was actually there and that’s because you sought outside yourself for the love you should have been giving you all along.

Once you reach a level of self-love, you will never settle for less than more, more, and more!

Dare to have more!