Moral of the Story

The moral of a story is the lesson that story teaches about how to behave in the world. I suppose if it’s a sad story, then we might behave that way. But the truth is, we don’t have to. We can choose to take the moral of a not so happy story and make sure the next story we tell, is a really good one.

My middle son played this song for me yesterday. Two days ago he played a song called, Too f#$%n nice by Victoria Justice for me. I think he’s trying to tell me something, don’t you? I love that kid and my two other ones and they are a great source of strength and support for me.

When we go through a major life change, especially a not so easy one, it really is a great opportunity to look at what we have gone through and see the lesson in what happened. We might be asking what was the point even, especially if it was really painful.

I have been on this path of self discovery for awhile now and the only truth I know, is this: it is paramount that we see the lesson, embrace it, learn from it and grow from it, else we are going to repeat it. And I can tell you from personal experience that I never ever want to repeat this particular lesson again.

As I sift through 20 something years of stuff and try to find storage space for it, sell my house, look for a new place to live with my kids and end a marriage through mediation, I am a bit overwhelmed. It’s a lot and while I would appreciate someone’s help as I am going through this, my family does not live close by, so I am doing it on my own.

So to that end I will be taking a break from writing on my blog for a bit. It is something I have made part of my daily routine and well, since my routine has now been replaced by a mire of non-routine, my mind cannot be here right now.

I’ll leave you with this song and this message. As I look around my house and all of the material things I have, I realize that the only things that are of real importance or value are my photos, kids art projects, letters and cards from them and family, my cat and of course my boys.

The rest of my things are just things and can all be replaced. But the memories…I have many from living here. Some good, some really bad. The moral of this story is this: we take our memories with us wherever we go. We get to choose which ones we replay in our minds. If we are choosing painful ones than we aren’t allowing new and joyous ones to come in.

And when you look around your life you realize the things that really matter the most, are the ones you can touch and hold.

May my next story and yours have no moral, just a happily ever after.

xo Gretchen

Chaos is a Ladder

This is a very powerful piece of music and an amazing monologue.

“Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail, never to try again. The fall breaks them. And some given a chance to climb, they refuse. They cling to the realm, or the gods, or love, the illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.”

Are you ready to go deep with this one? Let’s talk about chaos and the thing that creates it; lies.

Let’s think about a lie. Why do people feel the need to tell them? Some people do it unconsciously like breathing, while others do it to hide who and what they really are or how they really feel.

Who are we without the lies? It’s an interesting question isn’t it? Pretending to be something we’re not is one form of a lie. Saying things that are not true to make yourself feel better is another. Showing one face to the world and looking in the mirror and seeing another is also a lie. Disparaging someone else to make yourself look better is probably the worst.

You can look around your neighborhood, family, close friends, and see that there are people who seem to be going through the motions, pretending everything is okay, but if asked in private to a trusting sort, they might spill the beans about how miserable they really are. They are in fact living a lie on a daily basis and make a hundred excuses as why they do it.

I have friends who do this. They tell me they don’t like their spouse but would lose too much money if they divorced and are fearful of what life will look like without them, so instead of trying to climb the ladder of chaos, they stay in a miserable marriage, living a lie. I have a neighbor up the street who had the police called to the house a few weeks ago (by one of their own children), but when they arrived they acted as though nothing was wrong. I have even lived a lie myself. I’ve been told to shut up, that I’ll have to get a “real” job when my marriage is over, as if being a mother wasn’t one, for the past 22 years. I’ve been laughed at, judged and made fun of and told I have no friends, all by someone who said they loved me. I put on a smiley face to the world and then cried myself to sleep when no one was looking.

It never ceases to amaze me how we will act as if everything is perfect when it is anything but. We convince ourselves that things aren’t that bad and that our partner didn’t mean the horrible things they have said to us or the horrible things they have done, so we can continue to live in a pit of despair. Anything, but take that first step towards the ladder of chaos which is simply the unknown and a way out.

We cling to these lies because often times the truth is too unbearable to accept. And because we are clinging so hard to the illusion of what we wish was going on instead of what really is, instead of climbing the ladder of perceived chaos, we choose to stay in a world of deception and ironically chaos ensues.

To climb the ladder of chaos is the heroic approach of course and not one for the faint of heart. Few of us are brave enough to do it. We would rather stay where we are and live a life of lies and deal with the chaos we have now created because of our refusal to accept the truth, rather than taking steps on the ladder of perceived chaos that will lead us out of it.

The meaning of chaos is complete disorder and confusion and behavior that is unpredictable and random. So you can either choose to continue to live a life like that every day of your life, or climb a ladder that will have its moments, but will eventually get you free of it.

I choose the ladder, because no matter how scary, daunting or chaotic it might seem at first, it is far less scarier than remaining in constant chaos and accepting the unacceptable. And I know that each step I climb brings me closer to the light and further and further away from chaos that was created out of my refusal to see the lie that I was living.

Don’t be afraid to climb the ladder. Eventually you will reach the top, throw the ladder to the side and never look back.

Turn the Page

to make a new start after a period of difficulties. I like this song because it’s all about love. Love is what keeps all of us turning the page, even when life gets difficult.

If you are in a relationship and going through a rough patch, if your foundation is strong enough, the love you have for one another will get you through it. If you are ending a relationship like I am, the hope of new love in the future is what gets you through that.

We are all meant to love; to have love, to be loved. And when we go without it, we wither. We are not the best versions of ourselves because we are withholding a basic need which is to express our feelings. And while we might try to express it in other ways, it’s not the same.

We all want to spend our life with someone. We want that person who has our back and laughs with us. Someone who rises us up instead of bringing us down and perhaps even pushes us out of our comfort level from time to time because they see how special we are even when we don’t.

Sometimes we think we have met this person and for one reason or another it doesn’t work out. We might beat ourselves up about why it all had to happen, but when you do enough work on yourself, it becomes pretty clear.

I wrote a post about “the one” awhile back, so I though it fitting to mention “the one that got away” since I recently spoke to a friend of mine who was talking about this very thing.

It’s pretty natural to do a mental sweep of all of the people you may have had an opportunity that you passed on, especially when “your one” turns out to be “the one” you’re moving away from. There is always one that comes to mind when we do this.

We might even mention them to a friend and say, “the one that got away.” But did they really get away? Or did you let them?

If you chose someone else, you needed that lesson. Perhaps it was one of self worth. So if you are ever thinking about a person who you think got away, this simply means you have evolved enough to be looking at them again and asking yourself the following questions:

What was it about them that was so different? Did they question your values? Your faith? Your ideals? Did they look different than your usual type? Would your family not like them? Did they have a job you didn’t care for?

You see, if you read all of those things, they don’t really matter when it comes to love. Love is just love. It doesn’t put a label on things or judge people based on what they look like or what they do. It just loves.

The one that got away was the one you should have loved because your heart knew, but we get so caught up in our egos, we tune out our heart and follow the ego instead. This is why when we finally wake up to “the one that got away” it is so painful.

But the truth is, no one we are meant to be with will ever get away. Nothing and no one can ever stand in the way of unconditional love. It could be years since you have seen someone and if you reach out to them and the timing is finally right, it will be as though no amount of time has passed at all.

We are all on different journeys. We have lessons to learn in order to evolve into the best versions of ourselves. And while we are evolving people are either evolving with us or they aren’t.

When you get to a place where you understand that no one we are meant to be with can ever get away, then you’ll probably simultaneously find yourself not only standing in front of “the one that got away” but “the one” as well.

What Is Love?

What is love? Hmm…I guess that might be different for everyone.

Love certainly doesn’t involve someone hurting us, yet many of us seem to suffer with this in our relationships.

We certainly don’t choose to suffer. I mean, who would do that? Or do we? The answer of course, is yes. We do choose to suffer, but not consciously.

When we are afraid to feel those wounds of abandonment, we will attract people who bring those feelings to the surface. And like a pot of water on a stove that simply exists until you ignite it, the water starts to rumble until it is a full on boil.

Our feelings, when trampled over time and time again, ignites something within us. Initially we might do anything to try and avoid them, but at the boiling point, they can’t be ignored anymore

If you are currently in the boil phase as I am, simply remove the pot. Whatever is causing this chemical reaction needs to go. No one should be in a position in any relationship where they feel so completely disregarded, unheard and under valued. This is not love. This is toxic.

Real love involves another party knowing your worth and never ever making you feel unsafe, unstable and insecure. When you do enough work on yourself there is not need for these lessons anymore and anyone who keeps trying to bring you to their level instead of rising to yours, needs to go.

It’s really as simple as that. It may not be a simple process to remove them from your life, but the first step is realizing it’s over. The more you linger there, the more you are now consciously choosing to suffer and that my friends, is called insanity.

Choose to loose anything and anyone who brings you down. It might be scary, believe me I know, but trying to make something work with someone who doesn’t do any, is far scarier.

What is love? It’s knowing that you deserve more than what you have allowed yourself to settle for. The water might be hot now, but it will cool. And the haunted woods you have found yourself lost in will eventually turn into your happily ever after.

Stay positive! If I can keep being burned and rise like the phoenix time and time again, so can you. And I will never, ever let anyone who didn’t know how to love, harden me from loving another again; nor should you.

Rumors

We are living in a constant state of change now, so if you are a person who does not like change, you are having a rough time. I like change. I sort of embrace it because it means I am always growing and evolving. If you are aren’t growing and evolving you are stagnant and will get outgrown.

When you refuse to change, you are not ever reflecting. If you are not reflecting, then there is no accountability in anything you do. There may be those who vibe with you at this level, and then there will be those who don’t. When a person refuses to continue with such a lackluster engagement there won’t be any remorse on their end, but what there will be, if you are the person who does not reflect and is being left behind, is a whole lot of gossip from yours.

When an adult gossips or spreads rumors about others, I sort of equate them to a petty high school girl on steroids. An adult should know better, but if they are carrying an unhealed childhood wound of rejection, it will be the first thing they do.

People who talk about others and spread rumors and gossip are not only malicious, they are jealous and vengeful and have this core need to undermine others to feel better about themselves. People who are bored with their own lives love a story and a rumor spreader loves to tell them one.

The town I currently live in is filled with gossip. A few years back a man moved in up the street from me and the rumors were rampant. I was told his wife had cheated on him with the landscaper. Talk about ruthless! While people swooned over him because he was quite dashing, I found his honor more attractive. He never once said an unkind word about his soon to be ex-wife, and I think if anyone would have been just in doing so, it would have been him. It had a profound effect on me because all I had ever known before meeting him, were people who did the exact opposite.

My step mother was notorious for telling stories about her ex. She constantly trash talked him, even though she was with my father. Through the years she proved more often than not, that she was incapable of moving on from anything and her story of how she was so wronged lost an audience with me.

Then came my husband’s mother. When his father left her she was a puddle. I had so much sympathy for her because I was only hearing her side of things. She trash talked his father so much, I think he managed to maintain one friendship out of the thirty something couples they knew together after she finished with him. She showed her true colors many times after that and she not only lost me as an audience, she lost my children too.

Then came the friend of my husbands I used to invite to brunch. When he began the process of divorcing his wife every other word out of his mouth was the c word when he referred to her. When a woman had someone’s children, left her career to do so and spent over 15 years of her life with them and then gets trashed talked by their own husband, it doesn’t take a scholar to figure out she deserves better. But I guess that’s why his marriage crumbled; she figured this out too.

Revenge, jealousy, spite; they all make for a prime time tv series, but not when horrible things are being said about someone you had a relationship with. In a word, it’s shameful.

I don’t feel the need to tell my story to a few people in this town so that they can tell it to a few others. I have always strived for a far bigger audience. Marriages end all the time. You do what you have to do to see it through and you make sacrifices when needed, especially when it comes to your children. Like having your ex move in the basement because you realize if he continued to stay in an apartment a mile away, you wouldn’t be able to afford to send your youngest son to his school.

Situations are temporary, much like gossip. The story is only good until someone else’s life implodes and people take pleasure in trying to figure out what really went on. I can tell you this for certain; whatever went on is never being accurately told. What is being told however, is one person’s story from a wounded place and if they are the ones trash talking someone else, then you better believe that story is full of lies, but they will have you believing they are the victim.

But who is the real victim when it comes to rumors and gossip? Self image and social status is the name of the game for a gossiper, so if they are spreading their victim story they are simply seeking validation, but if you are being their audience, please know that you are not getting the truth.

I don’t listen to gossip or rumors because I listen to my intuition instead. I have no control over who says this or that about me either. What I do have control over always, is how I respond. And when it comes to trash talking, rumors and gossip, I simply don’t.

More

An oldie but a goodie!

I want to talk about more because so many of us say we want more, even think we deserve more, but few of us go about getting it because it often requires a bit of discomfort. Sometimes a whole boat load!

I recently separated from my husband. We have been married for over 20 years and have three boys. We have separated a few times in our time together, but this time it is far more substantial. He rented an apartment.

It’s no joke that I have been through a huge transformation. While my core values are still very much the same, as is the love I give unconditionally, my lack of wanting to participate in programs and patterns that do not serve anyone, has greatly.

This has confused him and made him say, “he wants his wife back.” I get it! I really do, which is why I am seeing this separation as something that is paramount to his well being and happiness just as much as mine.

When you do enough work on yourself you do not feel the need to be acrimonious towards someone you spent well, almost a lifetime with, let alone had children with. I cannot speak for him. Right now we are working together, but he does have influences around him that don’t see relationships as give and take, just take. But I am choosing to remain optimistic.

I truly want want is best for him and I know at this juncture, it is not me.

When you know that you want more than what you currently have, staying in that place of accepting less is not an option; in fact it is soul crushing. But fear of the unknown will keep so many of us dwelling there, hoping it gets better, hoping for this, wishing for that, until we realize you can wish and hope all you want, but what is called for is change.

I don’t know where I’m headed and that’s okay. I am not afraid of the unknown; I fear complacency far more than that. I actually like being alone and am not alone enough. I have two children home now and my oldest is on his way to see me for Mothers Day. They are my greatest achievement and the most wonderful thing that came out of my marriage.

And while I do not share my thoughts on my personal issues with my boys unless they ask, I do have really terrific friends and family who really love me, support me and have my back. I need not look too far for a shoulder to lean on, someone to make me laugh or to tell me I am capable of anything.

It is not through our wins that we see who supports us, it is through our trials and tribulations. It is very telling who wants to be in your life when you are challenged and who does not. Sometimes this truth hurts, but all necessary in order to fully own the fact that you will never again accept less than what you know you truly deserve. We all deserve more love, not less; don’t ever forget that.

I share this with you so that you understand there is never any reason to accept less than what your soul is yearning for. The journey to self love can be very painful but when you finally reach this destination, you realize the pain you felt all along was really inflicted by yourself. You saw things you wanted to see, not what was actually there and that’s because you sought outside yourself for the love you should have been giving you all along.

Once you reach a level of self-love, you will never settle for less than more, more, and more!

Dare to have more!

Know Your Worth

What is self worth? Is it something we obtain by acquiring material success? Do we measure it by the company we keep? The way others value us?

If you measure self worth by these means, then chances are you probably struggle with it a bit.

You might give your attention to a cause, a sport, a group, an organization looking for the accolades, the acknowledgement, to be seen, heard, honored, respected. You might say its because you want to help or it’s the right things to do, but is it really?

You probably work hard, may even struggle at times with how much you work compared to how much you make. You might work over time, work when people need you to no matter the hour, or when someone calls in sick. The point is you do all this work because you want to be recognized for it. But there is a part of you that might be bitter about why some people seem to work so little and have so much.

You might commit to things you don’t want to do, especially if it is family or work, where you feels it is expected of you. You essentially put the needs of others ahead of yourself over and over again and when all is said and done, someone always says something or does something that makes you feel bad about yourself and you wish you would have stayed at home.

You probably hate criticism or at least that is what it sounds like to you, whenever someone gives you their advice.

You struggle with personal relationships all the time. To the outside world it might look as though everything is hunky dory, but the truth is, you feel like no one really gets you.

Sound familiar? I write this, because I lived it. For many years. I was always the person looking for approval, dreading visits with nasty people and saving animals. But after awhile you get tired of always feeling like no matter what you do it isn’t enough, so you just stop trying.

When I got to a point where I was so utterly broken, so utterly heartbroken, I knew I needed to make changes and this is when Faster EFT found me. It was through this form of therapy that I learned about programs people run and how I had been running one myself.

When I was told that all of the animals I was trying to save were essentially me, I didn’t like the way it sounded. I didn’t feel like I was a person who needed saving, but then when I thought about it, it became painfully obvious that I was.

I reflected on those words for weeks. Since I was a teenager I had been waiting for someone to save me; someone to see my worth. I wanted someone to love me so much, that they would unlock the cage I was in. But the truth is, I put myself there and there was only one love that was going to get me out of it and it was mine.

You see, we can blame others our whole lives and that might work for awhile. But at the end of the day we will still be in the same place. Angry, frustrated, broken, a victim of some kind or form, essentially a dog in a cage at the pound, waiting for someone to come and save us. Wanting someone to pick us above all others.

But as long as we stay there in that vibration, we will find others to save us alright, others to pick us, but they will be exactly as we are; wounded. They may look like a pedigree, but they will still be wounded. Often times their wounds will be far worse than ours and unfortunately, we will suffer the consequence.

You can only ever attract into your life what you think about yourself. This means the way you value yourself. If you do not value yourself, you will attract people who do not value themselves either, so how can they possibly value you?

If you really struggle with self worth, you may even attract an emotionally abusive relationship. This sounds severe, because it is. People don’t give emotional abuse enough attention. It doesn’t leave outward scars, but the internal ones take years if ever to get over. People do not see the damage caused by such abuse, nor do they ever see the true nature of the abuser, which is why it is so utterly impossible for someone to explain it. Their true nature is only ever exposed to those closest to them, to the rest of the world they look like a nice guy/girl.

Common traits of an emotional abuser are an absolute disrespect of your personal boundaries. They only benefit when you don’t have any, so they will get upset when you try to set them. There is no such thing as communication because they see everything as an argument. When you try and discuss your feelings with them you will get the silent treatment. Finances will be used to control and manipulate you. They will guilt or shame you to get what they want. They will not change no matter how much you beg and plead because they don’t see an issue with their actions.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, it is important that you do not blame yourself for attracting this into your life. When you love too much, you can attract someone who does not know how to love at all and you can spend the rest of your life trying to fix them.

We think if we can just love them a little more…give them a little more…show them a little more, they will love us the way we love them. But they won’t. People who are emotionally abusive are so damaged, it doesn’t matter if you are loving them or fighting them, because it’s all attention.

Isn’t it better to give all of that attention to yourself? Your glorious, beautiful nature may have been trampled on in the past, but you have all the power to change it right now.

When you start to love yourself enough, you understand that you do not need anyone to save you, to see you, to want you. You understand that you are enough, that you always have been and you do not need anyone to complete you.

They say you don’t get to pick your family, but if you believe in karma, that’s not true. We pick everybody in our lives due to our beliefs. What do you believe to be true about yourself?

Self worth is not measured by what we acquire out there, it is measured by what we acquire from within. Get to acquiring more love for yourself.

Recipes

I couldn’t help it with this one! This was a terrific disco song, but more than that, a rather interesting love song.

I like to cook! I had a restaurant in my twenties in Texas that served Italian food. I was not Italian, nor was my partner at the time, but he was a chef who wanted a restaurant and an Italian one was for sale, so we bought it.

Our relationship had already had its share of ups and downs and well, you can imagine that buying a restaurant and working together 80 hours a week was a recipe for disaster.

I wanted out for awhile, but I had also married young and took those vows very seriously. I committed to making it work, thinking it was all because of the restaurant that we were having even more problems and focused on getting back to who we used to be when we first met.

When all was said and done I was left with a pile of bills and all of our animals because all of that sweet icing we had once shared seemed to melt, once he met someone else.

There were days when I honestly didn’t think I could go on. We owed money to everyone, including a bank for our mortgage and yet somehow I ended up being stuck with it all. My sister and my friend, Sue were there for me as I tried to navigate my life without a map let alone any direction. As the days passed and they turned into weeks, I was forced to come out of it because I had no other choice. They say that depression is a luxury and it certainly wasn’t one I could afford.

Once I entered back into the kitchen of life, it was as if by magic that doors seemed to open for me. I was given little bits of a recipe but not all of the ingredients. People willing to help me, actually wanting to. A bike to get to work, then a car. Jobs from friends, furniture when I needed it, places to live and finally Cosmetology school, when the yellow pages randomly dropped on the floor at the office job I was working.

I don’t usually follow recipes to the exact directions. This perplexes people,especially when it comes to measuring. I just throw stuff in the bowl. I always add this or that or remove something I don’t want as well. I like to allow for different ingredients and possibilities, instead of being so committed to a rigid format. When we allow ourselves this freedom, life has a way of showing us just how miraculous and mysterious it is.

Often times we think we have met the love of our lives, when in fact we have met a person who is the exact opposite. Their role is not to give you the love that you cherish most, their role is to show you how little of that love you have given to yourself. Some people call this a karmic relationship.

It took me forever to get this, which is why I am sharing it with you.

The divine union of masculine and feminine is not something out there with another person, it is something that is achieved within. When you get to this place of uniting these qualities within yourself, you will never seek out there anymore for someone to complete your recipe because you already are the cake.

This is not to say that people cannot have healthy relationships if they are missing some ingredients. Despite our all our efforts, no one is perfect. Their relationship will be one based on the unity of their qualities and they will compliment one another. This is called the icing on the cake.

But if you are a person who has been devastated by a past love, then my guess is you have not only given up on the prospect of an icing, you probably feel half baked or maybe like a tart.

Listen! There are plenty of beautiful tarts and a cake that is half baked can always go back in the oven or you can make a new one.

Either way, get back to the kitchen, get out a bowl and start throwing stuff in there. It just doesn’t matter if you think you’re missing an ingredient or not, the important thing is that you bake again. Before you know it, you’ll have your cake.

In the words of my friend’s mother, “Every pot has a lid” but in this case, every cake has a frosting. Maybe yours is one you’ve never tried. But you will never know this frosting, until you bake your cake.

Just another way of saying, “love the self!”

Blinded by the Lights

Every so often a person comes along in our lives and we feel an ignition in our hearts. An engagement of sorts, where we pause and say, “Hold the phone! What the heck is this I am feeling?” It could be where your eyes meet and its as though no one else is around. Like you get lost in time when they speak to you. Or maybe they touch your arm or hand and you feel a wave of energy pass through your body. Some people call this a Twin Flame connection, but I like to think of it as your souls recognition of another soul it has met before, like in another life time.

Somehow through all of your adventures, all of the places you have lived and all of the people who may have dated or even married, you meet this person and it never seems to be under the right circumstance.

This connection is so rare, you cannot explain to anyone how you feel or what is happening to you because it is not logical. You might have dreams about this person, see their name everywhere to alert you to the connection and yet you cannot logically understand why you are being drawn to them. But your soul knows something you don’t and so you just trust the feelings because ignoring them doesn’t work.

We all search for what we call “the one” and can’t seem to find it, him, her, anywhere. We might date a hundred people, be on every dating website there is, and still they elude us.

Sometimes we get in a committed relationship like marriage with who we think is our souls calling, only to find out that person was a wake up call to our soul alright, but to alert us that we loved ourselves so little, we put someone else’s needs ahead of our own and wound up feeling discarded, abandoned and sometimes even abused. It seems the more of the initial chemistry we have with someone, which we translate to great sex, the more we have unhealed childhood wounds. And once the sex becomes transactional, much like the person we have committed to, the relationship is doomed.

Chemistry and your souls calling are not the same. Chemistry is short lived, like an experiment in a lab. If you mix two wrong ingredients together there could be an explosion, pretty much like a couple that gets to the point where they despise one another and do heinous things they never thought possible.

But when you do meet “the one” you are so blinded by the lights, or your ego which tries to talk you out of it, that you give up on this rare connection because the person you have been praying for, doesn’t fit the mold. They aren’t your type, they have a job you don’t approve of, a family that’s crazy, the list goes on and on. The ego is very savvy and will give you list upon list as to why something won’t ever work.

But love in its purest form, is home with another person. It is safety, stability and never having to question what the other person is doing because they have given you no reason to not trust them. This soul connection stays with you no matter how hard you try to out run it and it begs you to ask yourself one simple question, “What am I so afraid of?”

As the year comes to a close, perhaps you will take a moment and think about all of the people you know. Is there someone you may have taken for granted, cast aside or completely ignored, that maybe needs another look. Have you been so blinded by your ideal image of what your partner looks like or does for a living, that you have discounted someone who could be your forever happy?

This is a great time to do an inventory of the people in our lives. The habits we have been keeping, the people we have been keeping company with and the things that didn’t serve us for the past year. I like to write everything down on a piece of paper and throw it in a fire as I jump over it, symbolizing my letting go of what no longer serves me and what I do not care to bring with me in the new year.

Whatever your traditions are on New Years, make one of them where you will give everyone who wants to give you a chance, a chance in return. You never know! Everyone is worth at least five minutes of your time.

Don’t be the person who says, “I should have, I could have, I would have, blah blah blah!” And for God’s sake, don’t be afraid to be in love.

Let’s Talk About Sex

I want to talk about sex, or more aptly, when people talk about sex with their partner and you don’t want to hear it.

I mean come on, who wants to picture people they know doing that?

The other day a man was over at my house trying to help my husband with an applicance and he said something about how he wasn’t getting any lately and I wanted to slap him.

I was absolutely disgusted that first of all he thought it was appropriate to make a remark like that in front of me, but mostly, I found it so disrespectful to his wife, who by the way, has moved into the basement. Go figure!

I’d move there too if I was married to someone who disregarded me like that. The audacity and cheek! I mean if he talks like this in front of me, what does he say behind her back?

Well, all I can tell you is that apparently he butt dialed her a few days ago and he was saying how much she angered him and made him sick, to one of his drinking buddies. Was he sorry? Only that he got caught!

I find it comical that men think because you marry them, that they have a right to your body. That it is part of your duty to have sex with them, like it was in some contract and is part of the agreement.

And if there is such a notion of an unspoken agreement, what are they doing to earn it? Seriously! Just because they work and bring home a paycheck? What of all the women who do everything around the house and don’t get paid anything for it?

Why is it the jobs women do are minimized, while a man’s are not? Why are men still holding this ancient belief? And what about the women who are keeping this practice alive by having sex with their husbands when they don’t want to?

I remember one woman telling that it was just another job, like taking care of the kids. A job? Why is this a job so many of us are doing, if it makes us feel like crap? Why do we continue to give our most precious resource and the only thing that is truly ours away, to someone else, if we don’t want to?

Fear.

I remember one of my good friends telling me that if you don’t sleep with your husband than someone else will. I think there are so many people who are having sex out of obligation instead of love.

Afraid that someone might leave you because you don’t have sex with them, when you don’t want to? What age are we living in? We weren’t purchased at a market or part of a dowry, so why do we continue with this archaic practice?

It’s all mental! And continuing to do this, is well, mental.

When a woman feels like she is loved mentally, then having sex is something she wants to do. That is exactly what I told the louse of a husband who was at my house. He didn’t like that very much and I didn’t care. Somebody needed to get her back, since he was doing nothing but stabbing her in hers.

Have sex or don’t, but make sure you are honoring yourself and that the person you are having it with, is honoring you as well.