Feelings

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an emotional state or reaction.

Do You Love What You Feel

We all have feelings, but some of us don’t quite know how to express them. This is really hard for people who feel everything, to understand. It requires patience when dealing with someone who does not share. But patience is a virtue, which is why so many of us aren’t virtuous.

A person who has a hard time with their feelings will tell you that you need to have patience with them. How much patience are we talking about? Well, I don’t know about you, but I don’t have patience because I see patience as an excuse for someone who doesn’t like change.

What is it about change that frightens so many people? The unknown, if you will. I love it! I live it! I breathe it! If I’m not changing, I’m stagnant and crippled with anxiety, worrying about a future that has yet to happen. Or I’m still living in the past, basing all of the decisions and actions I take, based on what happened there.

I didn’t coin it, but it’s true. “The only thing that is constant is change,” so why not embrace it?

Part of changing, is acknowledging our feelings. Maybe even about change. When we trap our feelings inside and don’t share them, they fester until eventually (who knows when and where) they erupt. Usually people will look at you like you’re some kind of a lunatic, because they have no clue how long you have been holding all that stuff in.

I don’t know why people still hold feelings in, especially when we live in a time that is completely unpredictable and seems to be no rhyme or reason as why you would want to. You can only blame your upbringing for so long on this one.

I was told to keep the peace for years, but honestly, I stopped doing that a long time ago. The only people that served, were the people who asked it of me and I don’t answer to them anymore.

I would rather be around people who yell and show passion then people who storm off, say nothing, act like nothing is wrong when you know it is, or don’t talk to you at all. This behavior is a complete and utter breakdown in communication and makes the people in your life feel like you don’t give a crap what they think.

Passion. It is the key to everything. It’s what drives us to want things. It ignites a fire inside of us that spurns us on. It builds character, makes us act spontaneous and is fully accountable as the catalyst to go after our dreams.

People without passion…I just don’t get em. How do you live without it? How do you not allow yourself to feel this fire?

I guess it all goes back to that ugly word, control. When we don’t share our feelings with someone, we are trying a situation or them. But this is an illusion. Control is an illusion. You cannot control anyone, so why would you want to control yourself from feeling passion?

Feelings equals vulnerability and if you aren’t brave enough, passionate enough or confident enough to share them, than it’s probably best that you go live in a cave somewhere, so people who feel, don’t mistake you for someone who does.

People who feel understand that taking chances, going for their dreams and sharing their feelings is what they came here to do. It’s what we all came her for. To be who we are without all of the programs and control.

All that is required to do this, is to be authentic. To accept that you are a person who is worthy of love, understanding and kindness, but in order to have those things, you have to feel. You have to let people in.

Feel something! Anything! What’s the worst that can happen, if you do?

 

Fun

something that provides amusement.

Yesterday I had loads of it!

I promised myself that I would learn how to cut hair better this year and so in keeping with this goal, I signed up for a four-day class at Tigi in New York City. No one in the class was from New York so I won’t be making any forever friends, but they are nice people to spend a day with.

We started by doing a bob. It’s always been my favorite cut and I have never known how to cut one. Now I do! I’m not saying I’m ready to get behind the chair at John Barrett and charge 200, but I could probably start somewhere off the grid and be fine.

And while this may not sound fun to you, I found it exhilarating to get to play all day, especially with a doll! Now when is the last time I got to do that? I even bought a few brushes to style her hair with (an early birthday present to myself).

I like having fun! I think there are a few parts to the equation to having fun. First it has to be something you want to do or something you have been thinking about learning. If you go into it with no expectations you’ll be fine.

I went in with none. I honestly had no idea what to expect. I assumed the obvious-I would learn something, even if it was to wash a mannequin head with cold water not hot so she wouldn’t tangle in the sink.

But I learned so much more! The technicality of the whole cutting thing has always thrown me and while sometimes our minds can overcomplicate the simplest of things, there really is a method to doing it right.

Somehow I knew this deep inside, which is why I have never cut professionally. I believe that people should get what they came for, especially when paying and I wouldn’t feel good about charging for my non-expertise. But so many of us seem to be fine with it.

People pretend a lot to be something they aren’t. To lie their way through things. Act like they know more than they do. And wear a mask of deceit, every time they go to work. “I’m all that!” Is their game but underneath all of the fluff is probably the most insecure person you have ever met. They usually come across as ultra nice but if you pay attention, there is a quality that lurks right beneath the surface that isn’t so friendly.

Jealousy and envy are two ugly birds and not qualities anyone wants to be known for. Of course they are derived from a deep seeded insecurity, which is why people who have these traits are generally people who rub you the wrong way and probably never have fun cause they are too worried about what others will think of them.

Personally, I like when someone admits they don’t know it all and isn’t afraid to show who they really are. I find it charming. Even if they are boisterous and good crazy, at least they are something and they have owned it!

I never pretend to know it all. Why would I?  I clearly don’t. I am a work in progress and always will be. Those who claim to know more than I do probably do. For me it’s not about the knowing anyway. It’s about the feeling. How do I feel when I am doing what I am doing? How do I feel when I am around this person or that one? How do I feel when I take this action or that one?

Am I having fun? There’s the question we should all be asking.

Today I am going to have more fun! I get to do two more haircuts, chat it up with a bunch of artistic people who aren’t afraid to show who they really are, be in Soho and grab a salad from Gourmet Garage. Maybe I’ll even stop in Aveda and say hi to the gang.

Whatever is on your agenda today, make sure to have some fun!  And stop worrying so much about what everyone else thinks of you. It only matters what you think of you.

 

 

Nostalgia

a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.

something done or presented in order to evoke feelings of nostalgia.

A few days ago I was getting my haircut at my favorite alibi and it reminded me of when I used to work in Dallas, Texas.  The songs were pumping, the champagne was flowing and the hairdressers were working their magic.

As Igor trimmed my hair and G (that’s his name) massaged my hands and arms, I closed my eyes and if by magic I was magically transported back to the Village Station wearing fishnet stockings and drinking with my boys. It was my weekly ritual when I went to cosmetology school.

Song lyrics bring up a lot of nostalgia and during the holiday season you may not even need a song to get nostalgic over people from your past, but they are certainly overwrought with memories.

Perhaps it has something to do with a new year upon us and wanting to make change that spurns us towards reaching out to one another. Sometimes we want closure before we begin anew and every now and then we just miss someone.

I’m always of the belief that if I am thinking of someone I do something about it. There have been many times in my life where I have had to be the one to break silence. It’s not easy. You never know where the other person is at or how they will react, but you will never know until you try.  You can either live your life thinking about what could be or you can take action and know.

Our ego is a worthy component and will give us a million reasons why we shouldn’t do something, but you only really need one reason why and that’s because your heart tells you to.

There is an old Cherokee legend that sums it up nicely:

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Feed the wolf of love.

Breaking the ice isn’t easy, but if someone means a great deal to you then act from your heart. There are no guarantees in life. We only ever have this moment, this now, this present (which is a gift), no matter what the ego tells us.

In this time of giving, the greatest gift you can given anyone is your time and attention. If nostalgia is calling your name, for Pete’s sake answer the call.

Here’s to the holidays, nostalgia and great deep house music. Miss YouSay To MeBe Right There

 

 

 

 

Are You Too Scripted?

Sometimes we all get a little too scripted. This happens a lot to actors, especially when we are memorized, off copy, off book, whatever you want to call it. But it happens to regular folks, too.

It’s easy to become scripted. Much easier than being real. When we are real we are afraid people won’t like us.  It could be a litany of things we come up with. The committee in our heads is unforgiving and never lets us forget the things we are most vulnerable about. The what ifs take over our mental space and before we even open our mouths to speak, we shut down emotionally.

We show up, become complacent, well rehearsed and act our way through life instead of allowing ourselves to feel. And while we may think we are doing a bang-up job of keeping up the facade, life has a way of waking us up to reality.

When I’m too scripted I don’t get the part. Maybe that should be the gauge for everyone. When you aren’t being authentic and using all that stuff that made you who you are, then you fall short and someone else steps in and takes the lead.

I’m wise enough to know I don’t know it all and also when I am in need of help. So I go searching for it. It came in the form of an acting coach my agent recommended. I spent a small part of the morning with him yesterday and he quickly reiterated that I was in deed, scripted. It’s so ironic because I spend so much of my time being unscripted, even when I could use a little scripting, that you think it would come naturally for me.

But the funny thing is, even before I saw him I felt my monologue was too rehearsed. I felt like I was reading it instead of feeling it. Being a better actor means being more authentic, which means all of those experiences that made me who I am, get a chance to be revealed.

Good, bad, silly, ugly, scary, fearful and sad can all be brought to the surface with the right coaching and the man I worked with managed to bring laughter, sincerity and tears in about 15 minutes.

I don’t know why we hide that stuff.  The more we show how authentic we are, the more people should like us.  We are essentially more likable because we are more human and therefore more relatable.

Like a good actor who can cast a spell, when he brings a character to life, we should all strive to be that committed in just being our true, unscripted, authentic selves.