I’ve known for a long time that I am a person who upsets people. It’s clearly not intentional, it’s just something that comes with the territory of living your truth.
It started when I was in high school and I lived with people my parents married after their divorce. I never questioned who I was or my unique way of looking at life until then. But if you are a person who was raised to not question authority and are thrown into circumstances with people who feel threatened by you, you start to question everything about yourself, instead of them.
For the longest time I felt like my opinion didn’t matter. I felt ridiculed every time I tried to express it and a few times, I was even laughed at; and always by those who claimed to love me most.
Through the years I learned to suppress my feelings, my opinions, my everything. I put others ahead of myself time and time again, only to have my heart broken what most would accept as beyond repair. But not me. I open it time and time again.
I have never seen people as categories, something to gain from, something to judge. But I have become keenly aware that there are others who do. I have been challenged many times by those who felt threatened by me for no other reason than I was different. Me, a white blonde girl from Michigan different; odd even.
For many years I felt judged, less than, awkward, silly, stupid even. I allowed others to make me feel this way, which is why I feel so compelled to empower as many people as I can, so that they never feel less than anyone, ever.
I have raised my children to empower themselves because I feel it is the greatest gift I can give them. I have been ridiculed for this many times, but I don’t care. I will never let them feel dis-empowered in their lives ever again.
I have cut many people out of my life for the way they have treated me or the way they treated my children. If I don’t see change and someone tries to keep me in the same hamster wheel programming of trying to fulfill their needs instead of something that works for us both, then I let them go.
I have been ridiculed for this. Been told that I am insensitive, unforgiving, mean and crazy. All of these things are simply not true. What is true, is that if I have cut you out of my life, it is because YOU handed me the scissors, so go easy on me.
It is never easy to do this. It is not something that I take lightly, it is something that is necessary in order to heal from toxic behaviors and move forward.
When a person gets to a place emotionally where they cut someone off, it is because they have given others far too many chances and every attempt has failed. It is something a person does out of self love, not out of anything else.
If you are on the receiving end of being cut off or cut out then it’s time to look within. If you are a person who was brave enough to honor yourself by letting others know that you will no longer accept the unacceptable, then good for you.
Never feel bad for putting yourself first. Take it easy on yourself. There are those who will try and make you feel bad for leveling up, but it’s only because you are no longer serving their needs, and have finally decided to serve your own.