Easy on Me

I’ve known for a long time that I am a person who upsets people. It’s clearly not intentional, it’s just something that comes with the territory of living your truth.

It started when I was in high school and I lived with people my parents married after their divorce. I never questioned who I was or my unique way of looking at life until then. But if you are a person who was raised to not question authority and are thrown into circumstances with people who feel threatened by you, you start to question everything about yourself, instead of them.

For the longest time I felt like my opinion didn’t matter. I felt ridiculed every time I tried to express it and a few times, I was even laughed at; and always by those who claimed to love me most.

Through the years I learned to suppress my feelings, my opinions, my everything. I put others ahead of myself time and time again, only to have my heart broken what most would accept as beyond repair. But not me. I open it time and time again.

I have never seen people as categories, something to gain from, something to judge. But I have become keenly aware that there are others who do. I have been challenged many times by those who felt threatened by me for no other reason than I was different. Me, a white blonde girl from Michigan different; odd even.

For many years I felt judged, less than, awkward, silly, stupid even. I allowed others to make me feel this way, which is why I feel so compelled to empower as many people as I can, so that they never feel less than anyone, ever.

I have raised my children to empower themselves because I feel it is the greatest gift I can give them. I have been ridiculed for this many times, but I don’t care. I will never let them feel dis-empowered in their lives ever again.

I have cut many people out of my life for the way they have treated me or the way they treated my children. If I don’t see change and someone tries to keep me in the same hamster wheel programming of trying to fulfill their needs instead of something that works for us both, then I let them go.

I have been ridiculed for this. Been told that I am insensitive, unforgiving, mean and crazy. All of these things are simply not true. What is true, is that if I have cut you out of my life, it is because YOU handed me the scissors, so go easy on me.

It is never easy to do this. It is not something that I take lightly, it is something that is necessary in order to heal from toxic behaviors and move forward.

When a person gets to a place emotionally where they cut someone off, it is because they have given others far too many chances and every attempt has failed. It is something a person does out of self love, not out of anything else.

If you are on the receiving end of being cut off or cut out then it’s time to look within. If you are a person who was brave enough to honor yourself by letting others know that you will no longer accept the unacceptable, then good for you.

Never feel bad for putting yourself first. Take it easy on yourself. There are those who will try and make you feel bad for leveling up, but it’s only because you are no longer serving their needs, and have finally decided to serve your own.

Scary Love

What is it about unconditional love that is so scary to us? It’s something we say we want; the happily every after of fairy tales, but then when it shows up, we run the other way.

And where is it we run? To REAL scary love. I’m talking about the toxic kind.

If you’ve never been in a toxic relationship then most likely you aren’t a person who has issues around love. Pat yourself on the back. You’re the 1%.

Having issues isn’t a horrible thing. I once saw this t-shirt that said, “I have more issues than Vogue.” It made me laugh. How can you not have some kind of issue? Look at your parents for Pete’s sake! My youngest just told me that he learned in his psychology class today that a study found that our personalities are based on 70% genetics and 30% environment. I’m not sure how he wanted me to respond, but I said, “Well, I guess you’re screwed!” He laughed.

But if you have issues around love, then you have probably had the misfortune of being in a toxic relationship, which is just the most painful thing you can ever endure. It’s like going through a wood chopper and coming out the other side. Or being punched by Mike Tyson repeatedly. Honestly, you probably don’t even know how you are still standing at this point, but something keeps you going. That something for me, is love.

It’s astonishing isn’t it? That I would still want love in my life after enduring what I have. But I do. I want it, because I have never known it. Never felt it. Never been on the receiving end of it. Not like I give. What I have felt in all of my relationships, is pain.

It wasn’t until I finally realized that these painful relationships had been sent to me in order for me to learn to love myself, that I realized how much I didn’t. Talk about scary! I mean, how could I have attracted such awful people disguised as nice ones, if I did? If you read my blog regularly than you know I am an actor, but wow, it is utterly sickening what actors people can be, when they are trying to woo someone they want to control.

It’s an aha moment for sure, when you make the frightening discovery that the person you’ve been loving on and thinking has been loving on you back, doesn’t even know what love is. What they do know, is manipulation. And you thought you had issues!

I don’t believe most people who do this are consciously aware of it, otherwise they would be a psychopath. What I do believe, is that they have deep seeded wounds that you can’t heal no matter how much you try to love them and let’s be honest…it’s not your job.

If you have had the misfortune of dealing with someone like this, then please know you are not at fault nor is there anything wrong with you. When the relationship is over you will be scratching your head trying to make sense of it all, but there isn’t any. The hardest part is realizing it was all a facade.

Emotional abuse is not talked about a lot, but it is something that should be. Just because there aren’t signs of abuse physically, doesn’t mean there aren’t ones emotionally.

The wounds an emotional abuser leaves can be so debilitating, that some people might never trust another again. How incredibly sad is that? A person who didn’t know how to love took so much from someone who did, that they don’t have the gumption to try anymore.

When you feel you heal. And once you do, you understand that part of your healing from all of that bad stuff, is trusting in the Universe, God, Spirit, whatever you believe, that the good stuff will appear. But in order to get to that place, you have to do the real scary thing and open your heart again.

My heart is wide open right now, which is why I have been manifesting so much work lately. I literally just go to jobs knowing I am going to meet really terrific people because I have worked so hard on myself that I know I only align with people who vibe where I do.

If you are still in a relationship that is toxic, I’m here to tell you that it will crumble. Anything built on a faulty foundation cannot last. That weak foundation can come in the form of lies, deception, narcissism and cheating. If you really needed to learn the lesson of self-worth, you might hit the jackpot and get all of that garbage.

Real love is not scary, it is something to embrace with both arms. If you have been through REAL scary non-love, then you know what I mean.

May we never lower ourselves ever again, to those who have nothing to bring to the table but their Tupperware, to load up on more of what we have to offer and give absolutely nothing in return.

We’ve waited long enough for the real stuff people! It’s time to start sharing our lives with someone who can meet us where we are. Someone who brings the love we so rightfully deserve. Someone who has our back instead of a knife in it. Someone who knows what it means to be honest and integral. Someone who simply loves us, flaws and all and kisses our hand at the end of the day and says, “I’m here for you. You never have to worry again.”

The Only Way To Go When You’ve Been Down, Is Up

We all hit a wall sometimes. Things may not be going our way, or at least the way we want them to, and we get discouraged. This will probably trigger us and we will either get depressed or get angry; neither one of them a very good choice.

The best choice is to allow yourself to feel what you are feeling and understand there is nothing wrong with a feeling, but it is up to you and no one else to get yourself out of this state.

An ocean isn’t always pounding its waves against the shore, nor is it always tranquil, like the turquoise waters in the Caribbean. It’s just water. It does what it does naturally. It flows.

If we can stay in the flow when things aren’t going the way we had planned or the way we like, then life gets a whole lot easier. We trust that just because we are having a bad day today, doesn’t mean it will be that way tomorrow.

Worry creates more worry and what is worry anyway? It’s based in fear. Fear that we won’t have something. This is a state of lack. The focus on the worry or lack creates more of it.

But if we can get our minds around the reality that any situation is only temporary, then we can look at each day as an opportunity to move on up out of the funk we might find ourselves in and focus on things we really want to create instead.

The entire world is mental. Not in the “he’s mental” type of way, but in the mind and thoughts sort of way. What are your thoughts telling you? What are you allowing yourself to think? Because whatever it is you are thinking about will manifest in your reality.

Our world is a vibrational one. I talk about this a lot because I see it work in my own life constantly. And I also see it not work. When things aren’t working for me it is because I am not aligned energetically with what I want. When my thoughts are on lack, they attract more of it.

Last week I was keeping a notebook of expenses. Truth be told I am luckier than most and should not make this a focus or even entertain it. I am fully capable of making money and I certainly know how to invest and save it as well. But it is a conditioned response from living with someone who constantly lived in a state of lack and the phrase of the day was, “We can’t afford it.” And while you are aware of another person’s program, if you have been around them long enough, their words and beliefs might become your own without you even realizing it. Until you do.

I had not heard from any agents in a week and then it dawned on me. The notebook. I tore out the pages, threw them in the garbage and within an hour I got an email from an agent booking me for a job I hadn’t even auditioned for. This happened on a Saturday and I never get emails on a Saturday from an agent.

Yes, it works this fast. And this magically. But it isn’t magic is it? It’s a mindful thing and once I realized my thoughts had not been on abundance but the lack of it, I changed my frequency.

So if you want to break out of a situation you don’t like and keep movin on up, then you first have to start by listening to the thoughts you tell yourself. Are they yours or someone else’s? Observe the habits you have. Do you get yourself that Starbucks you want once in awhile or do you brew yourself a cup because it’s cheaper? Do you go to a restaurant because you like it or do you go because it’s a bargain?

Whatever you have in your life right now, good or bad, is an exact match to where you are aligned energetically. You cannot be with people who carry a different frequency than you. If you’re not with the love of your life, it’s because you are not a vibrational match. If you don’t have the money you want, the job you want, the house you want or the friends you want, etc. it’s for the same reason.

What are you attracting right now? Is it what you want? Because if you are always preparing for the worst, then expect more of it. If you have people in your life who make you feel bad about yourself, then you already do feel bad about yourself because you wouldn’t have them in your life otherwise. Do you have friends who make bad choices and treat people with little to no respect? Then you are that friend as well.

But if you’re a person who wants miracles, magic, money, love and the cherry on top, then align with those who already have this. Feel joy, gratitude and love for all of those in your life who appreciate you and look around and be thankful for how much you already have. Keep your focus only on that which you wish to align with and it will be yours.

Else keep doing the same thing and keep blaming others and complaining about why this and why that. But listen very carefully to those around you, because they will be parroting one way or another, the exact same thing you are saying. And maybe you never noticed…until now.

If you want to change your life for the better, then you have to change your frequency.

Ain’t No Sunshine

Feeling low because we have lost someone in our life due to their lack of commitment to us, is something we can all relate to in one way or another.

You are either on the receiving end of this gloominess because you treated the person in your life like they didn’t matter, or you are the one who took your shine away and is now giving it to someone who values you.

If you are the one on the receiving end, it must feel pretty horrible. I’ve never been on the receiving end because I don’t devalue people who are bringing value to my life. In fact, I don’t devalue anyone because I feel that everyone has value and something to offer.

You don’t even have to be a conscious person to know when someone is a good person, but you do have to be a pretty big self-centered jerk to treat others like they don’t matter and then pine over them once they move on, because they got tired of your games.

People who devalue someone and make everything about themselves and only give little breadcrumbs of attention when they sense the other person is moving away, will eventually lose that person, because the sun can’t shine when it’s surrounded by clouds. And if you’re a person who does this to people, than you’re pretty dark.

The sun needs clear skies to be seen and to shine, just like people do. And no matter how much a person loves someone, if they aren’t being given anything in return, they will leave and never look back. It might take them awhile, but soon enough, they will.

The person who has been sopping up all of that goodness won’t like it either. This is because they have come to expect this amazing treatment from someone and in fact, took advantage of it. But they don’t see it that way, so they might go out of their way to retaliate. What they fail to realize is that doing this to try and gain the attention of the person they pushed away, only pushes them in the opposite direction even further.

If they don’t take that approach, there is always the other one. They stalk, think about them obsessively hoping the other person might pick up on their thoughts and reach out to them. God forbid they do the reaching! Its simply not in their character. But what is, is to carry on with more of the same toxic behavior where they give nothing but want it all in return.

It’s utterly insane, because they probably don’t even want the person they treated like garbage. What they want, is the attention that person gave so freely to them.

This is so commonplace for a person who discards others. They collect hearts like a hobby and have no regard for those they wound whatsoever. It’s only ever about them 24/7 and the only time they take notice of the other person, is when they aren’t being noticed by them anymore.

The point of this blog is simple. Value those in your life before they leave. Because once a person feels like you don’t care, is the exact moment you will realize just how much you do, and it is way too late at that point.

Give Em More To Talk About

In Dante’s Divine Comedy, the envious labor under cloaks of lead, their eyelids sewn tight with leaden wire—suggesting that envy arises from a form of blindness.

One of the lowest vibes a person can hold is envy. You want what you believe someone else has and are consumed with jealousy and bitterness, wondering why they have it all and you don’t. You essentially become blinded with these dark thoughts and focus so much on the lack of what you have, that you create more of it.

If you feel you don’t have the skills, gumption or wherewithall to go after what you want, then you will always be envious of others. So why not do something about it instead of talking trash about someone? Spend more time doing something productive, like working on yourself, instead of disparaging someone who probably isn’t even giving you the time of day.

There are always two choices! You can either brush yourself off and start getting to work on your life and getting it together, or you can keep spreading lies about others you are envious of. But just know that if you are doing everything you can to destroy someone else and their reputation, you are really only destroying yourself. Being consumed with bitterness, jealousy and envy changes a person at a core level. You literally become unattractive on the outside because you are so consumed with ugly thoughts on the inside.

I don’t give my time to those who spread gossip and lies about people because I know if they are doing this to others, they are doing it to me. And I certainly don’t give my time to those who give this toxicity an audience either. I find this behavior intolerable, because if you are listening to someone who talks poorly about someone and you don’t have both sides to the story, then you are just as tiresome as the person doing it.

If you are a person who is thriving, and have people hate on you, then just know you are on the right path. Haters are people who can’t get close to you and you’ve obviously made a smart choice by eliminating them from your life.

Your shine might blind some people, but that’s not your problem. There will be plenty of those who not only get you, they appreciate you as well, so don’t waste your time on those who don’t.

Remember this: some people’s glass ceiling, is your floor, so keep giving em something to talk about! Keep climbing higher and don’t look back. People can either stay in the shadows or join you in the light. The choice is theirs.

Rejection is Gods Protection

We’ve all felt a connection with someone at one time or another only to have it go absolutely nowhere. Perhaps it was timing. Maybe one person was with someone else and the other was not. Your backgrounds were an issue. Religion may have played a part in it. Families, friends, etc. It doesn’t matter, it just didn’t get off the ground.

And while all of those excuses may have worked for you because you weren’t in your heart, you were in your head, you still thought of them constantly. Maybe thoughts of them kept you up at night. You may have seen their name everywhere. Perhaps they showed up in random people with a look, a laugh, a sound, their name. And yet you still ignored it, thinking that it meant nothing and so you chose to do nothing about it.

Maybe the other person felt it too. Maybe they felt it so much that they mustered up the courage to approach you. And you shut them down. You wrote off the connection or chemistry you had as a fluke and nothing more. A situationship that would never go anywhere. End of story!

You often hear people say, “He/she has a lot of potential.” God, is there anything more weak than that? It simply means a person has the necessary abilities or qualities but may or may not utilize them. I mean, you may as well have an attorney on speed dial if you’re going into a long term relationship with someone like that.

What you want is a solid choice in a love partner, not someone who could go either way. Not someone who comes in and out of your life to get a fix of your attention only to slither away and get it from someone else too. And certainly not a person who can’t recognize a once in lifetime love they cast aside like it’s commonplace.

If a person isn’t taking action towards you, then they are simply a distraction. Not only that, they are keeping you from meeting someone worthy of your time and attention. There is someone in the world who is not only ready to receive the love you have to give, they are ready to return it to you as well.

Know this! Trust this! You are the best thing that type of person will never have.

Pretty Hurts

We shine the light on whatever’s worst, tryna fix something. But you can’t fix what you can’t see. It’s the soul that needs a surgery.

When we try to be perfect, it’s because we are always seeking approval. This stems from childhood and a parental figure who never gave it to you. This made you feel rejected. Deep rejection. And because you were a child, you learned to become whatever it was they needed you to be, in order to get their attention. But you’re not that child anymore. Unless of course you haven’t healed this core wound.

This need for attention and approval will show up in one of two ways.

You can see it when you go out. And while you may initially get irked by the behaviors of others, once you see it for what it is, you will never be bothered again by someone else’s energy.

There are those who will throw a tantrum at a restaurant if their order isn’t right. They get impatient waiting in line. They feel rejected and ignored if someone doesn’t recognize them when they need help, like a waiter or host at a restaurant. People honk their horns at you when they think you cut them off in traffic. It’s laughable really, but when you know the real meaning behind it, you see so clearly how they are adults acting like children, wanting to be seen and heard.

But most people don’t know that. Most people will view those who act like this as arrogant and react. When you react you only perpetuate this negative energy instead of transmuting it.

The other side of this deep wounding of rejection and abandonment, is the person who wears a mask of perfection. They care too much about the way they look, the way others perceive them and will do anything to present themselves as anything other than who and what they truly are. A shapeshifter of sorts and you know from fairy tales how scary they can be. Eventually that mask comes off and when you see what has been hiding under it, M Night Shyamalan has never told the horror story that you will experience.

No one is perfect. No one. In fact, the more a person seems to be perfect, the more telling their dysfunction is. Don’t bother yourself with these type of people. Focus on you and doing you and nothing else; this is empowerment.

If you’re a person who pretends to be perfect, the only way you break this pattern is by looking at yourself and asking the hard questions that you have been avoiding. You can’t change the past and you can’t keep blaming those who hurt you, but you can take yourself off of the exhausting hamster wheel of seeking approval outside of yourself at any time and give it to yourself instead.

There is no way to genuinely, powerfully, truly love yourself while crafting a mask of perfection. – Vironika Tugaleva

Are You Willing to Gamble?

I don’t play cards to gamble, but I do make them. I don’t actually print them, but I do create the content for them.

I was recently at my sister’s home and she had a deck I had made in her kitchen. She likes to pull one and while I was there she did. I can’t remember the card she got but I like that she has them.

Most of the decks I make are inspirational or have specific messages on them. I have never made a tarot deck but have thought about it because I have collected them for awhile. I find it fascinating that people can throw cards on a table and give you a reading. I see pretty pictures and scary ones, but I don’t see the story. I could make one up; I’m pretty good at that, but most people don’t want you to do that. I don’t think anyway. I know little of the cards together, but I do have a little knowledge about what they mean separately and I find their order to be quite intertesting.

The major arcana starts with the fool. It is literally a quest that one takes in life and than it works through to the world card. The world pretty much says it all. It is when things turn in our favor, but in order to have the world to that, we have to be willing to take the fools journey, which begins with one step, or showing one card of the deck you keep so tightly guarded.

There is one card called the Queen of Cups. She is associated with love and all good things, but if you push her or challenge her in any way, she will become the Queen of Swords and cut you out. Not sure why someone would want to do that when they are being offered a cup, but some people get off on challenging others or putting them through hoops to test their loyalty and then that nice energy matches the one that is being offered and they get severed.

The tower card is a scary one. No one likes to get that one! It’s an image of people jumping out of a burning building. This tower card usually shows up when a person has let a situation go on too long and the powers that be take over and end it. It’s quite unpleasant because you essentially gave your power away and let others make choices for you. It is meant to wake you up from being asleep or unconscious.

The devil card is pretty heinous too. It generally shows up when you are dealing with some nefarious person who only has their best interest in mind. Often times it can be someone meddling in affairs where they don’t belong, like relationships between two people. There is literally a couple on the card being bound by the devil.

The strength card usually has a woman with a lion she is petting on it. She also has the infinity symbol above her head which signifies unity and the concept of limitlessness. I guess it takes a lot of strength to get to that place. I would have thought they would use a man lifting weights, but…that’s why I haven’t made a tarot deck.

One of my favorite cards is the 10 of cups. It usually shows a rainbow and a happy couple looking out over their land. This is the card of love, happy family life and prosperity. Basically having it all. But you don’t just get the 10 of cups in life, you have to start with one step in that direction. There are challenges along the way of course, which are depicted in the cards leading up to this one. The four of cups shows a person dissatisfied with everything which takes you to the five of cups where things have not gone your way or as expected. This is what happens when we try and control everything and don’t allow life to unfold naturally.

A tarot spread can change with each passing day because we all have free will and our energy changes all the time, as does our perception, wants and needs. I would go out on a limb and say gambling probably happens in the same way. If you are feeling low you are probably coming from a place of desperation and that won’t bode well for YOU in a casino or any bet you are placing.

And while analyzing tarot cards is interesting, what I find fascinating is why people don’t gamble on love more. It doesn’t cost anything to get started, but for some people, the gamble is too great. They would rather hold their cards so tight, they not only don’t show one, they show nothing at all and let opportunities for love pass them by.

I think it’s fine to hold your cards until another person proves they are worthy of your time, attention, vulnerability and trust, but at some point you gotta show a card if you want love. You have to be willing to be the fool and take that first step if you want the world to turn in your favor and have that 10 of cups.

Because if you aren’t willing to do that, you not only miss out on a chance at love and happiness, you miss out on the opportunity to share your life with someone; a person who has your back, loves you when you wake up and when you fall asleep, when you have stuff in your teeth, have a bad day, have a good one, accepts all of your quirks and mishegas and still thinks you are the cat’s pajamas!

Hold the cards or don’t…I know what I’m doing.

Love is needed now more than ever

You can’t hear this song and not feel happy. The message is pretty clear. We don’t need more money or more stuff and we certainly don’t need more problems, but what we do need, is more love. I know that sounds like something out of rainbow land, but it’s true. Love heals everything! Start with yourself and it won’t be long before you’re spending your afternoon in a museum looking at art, the one you love and maybe dancing a little. Okay, maybe not dancing, but holding hands for sure!

We done a lot of living
We working overtime
Don’t need another million
You got that goldmine
I love the way you’re livin’
‘Cause you so genuine
You got that something special
Didn’t you know?
I just need you, you, you

Met you when I was a lil’ nappy head boy
And I never put down my alto saxophone, yeah
Buckjumpin’ down on the boulevard
I couldn’t wait to blow my own horn (woo!)
It ain’t wrong for you to play along
Playing this song ’til you die, come on, come on

In this world with a lot of problems
All we need is a little loving
Thank you, thank you, oh, you make me
Thank you, thank you for your loveWe done a lot of living
We working overtime
Don’t need another million
You got that goldmine
I love the way you’re livin’ (hey)
‘Cause you’re so genuine (genuine)
You got that something special
Didn’t you know?
I just need you, you, you (come on, now!)

Met you when I was a lil’ country boy
And I never put down that pork chop and salt
Then we fell in love on the boulevard
If you was Jenny, I guess I was Forrest (run!)
Nah, it ain’t wrong for you to sing along
Singing this song ’til you die

In this world with a lot of problems
All we need is a little loving
Thank you, thank you, oh, you make me
Thank you, thank you for your love

We done a lot of living (whole lotta)
We working overtime (overtime)
Don’t need another million
You got that goldmine (goldmine)
I love the way you’re livin’
‘Cause you’re so genuine (genuine)
You got that something special
Didn’t you know?
I just need you, you, you I need you, you, you, you, you, you, you

Good Days

We’ve all been heartbroken when it comes to love relationships. When I think about the heartache I have endured, I can tell you in all honesty that I have never truly felt loved in any of mine. I always felt very lonely.

The reason for this is of no fault of the people I was with. The fault was within me. I didn’t love myself enough, therefore I always put their needs ahead of mine. When you do this, you set yourself up for a whole lot of disappointment.

I now know what real love feels like, because I learned to give it to myself. I had to. It was out of survival. The heartache of realizing that someone you are with didn’t ever really ever love you, they only loved the role you played in their life, completely breaks you down and the only thing you can do is build yourself up again.

This song talks of good days and believing in those, no matter what has happened to you in love. Just because you learn to love yourself doesn’t mean you don’t want love from someone else. It simply means you don’t need it to fulfill you and the right person will feel the same way.

I believe in good days in love. They are far more common when you connect with someone who feels the same way you do, then the bad ones. No matter what has happened between two people, if the connection and pull towards one another is there, you can overcome anything and I mean anything.

Forgiveness is a wonderful thing and sometimes it isn’t even necessary. What is necessary though, is taking a leap of faith towards love again so that you can heal. People heal one another in love. You can do all the work you want, but when all is said and done, the true test to your healing is the ability to love again.

Focus on the good days, not the bad or sad ones. It’s what I’m doing, and I can hardly wait to be with the person that the Universe is sending me for doing so.