Positions

the laying down of a proposition or thesis, a point of view adopted and held to, a situation that confers advantage or preference.

When we take a certain position on an issue, we are simply putting our beliefs on it, often times to the detriment of what we really want. While me may only see the differences, we fail to see all of the similarities, because our focus is only on how things will not work, instead of how fabulous they will.

Why on earth do we do this? Because we are conditioned to protecting ourselves, no matter the cost, even at the expense of our own happiness. We may look for validation outside of ourselves in some form or another, which is essentially giving our personal power away.

The greatest and only gift we will ever need, which is our inner knowing, also called intuition, tells us the truth all along, we just refuse to listen to it.

We bury our thoughts, our hearts and our internal knowing out of protection. If we have been hurt in the past and are still carrying this wounding, which always started in childhood, we will self sabotage ourselves for the remainder of our lives, until we understand that WE are keeping away the very thing we want.

Why would we do that? We say we want one thing, but when it shows up we reject it out of a fear of being hurt. So much pain resides under the surface in us all, that we fail to remember that a rose can grow from the concrete; a poem by Tupac Shakur.

Yes, it is true. Even the person who thinks they are so cracked or damaged, is worthy of love.

Have you ever been walking somewhere and see a flower blossoming in a very obscure place? You wonder how it got there because it looks as though it doesn’t belong, and yet somehow it’s there, taking in the sun’s light and thriving.

It grows because of the light. No matter where we are in our lives or what position we take on any given issue, if we simply follow the light, we will blossom.

It matters not how different you are from someone, what truly matters, is how they make you feel.

Be the rose, the obscure flower that finds the light in the darkness and allow yourself the opportunity to grow with someone, instead of growing further and further away from your true essence.

We are all worthy of love, but we have to open our hearts in order to receive it.

Together

into or in one gathering, company, mass, place, or body.

into or in union, proximity, contact, or collision, as two or more things.

into or in relationship, association, business, or agreement, etc., as two or more persons.

However you interpret together, it certainly doesn’t mean separate, which implies being apart, alone or divided.

At this time of year, most of us are together with family. This year, however, me and my family won’t be doing that. But even though we will technically be apart, we are always together. I can call them any time and chit chat.

Distance or being apart; separated if you will, does not have to mean something awful, unless of course there is a more sinister or ugly reason you aren’t in contact with someone. What could cause that kind of rift? Most of us can’t even think of never seeing someone we love, let alone not speaking to them. Unless of course you are the person keeping people at bay.

There are a million reasons why someone may not want to see someone else. But if I had to guess the most common one, it would be pain. This can be from feeling horrible around someone; more aptly being made to feel horrible or sheer and utter heartbreak. Sometimes it’s just easier to stay away.

But the truth is, if you hold this inside of you, you are the only one keeping anything separate. Nobody knows of your pain and suffering unless you tell them. If you can be brave enough to do that, then you set yourself free, no matter the outcome.

There will be those who refuse to hear what you have to say, no matter how hard you cry or how many times you tell them. This is when you have that aha moment and realize the separateness you feel was actually created by the person you are trying to be together with. It’s absolute insanity!

But once you understand that some people perpetuate separateness because of a wound within themselves, you realize that the separateness was so unnecessary. The truth is, when people really love one another, there is no need to ever pick sides, only a wanting to join them.

Then there are those who will embrace your words of truth, because maybe they have been feeling the same exact way and your coming forward and expressing it, gives them an opportunity to do the same.

Thanksgiving. A time of being together, even if it’s only virtual or on the phone.
Togetherness is not something that is measured by who is around your table because we all know that is nothing more than a facade.

Togetherness is in your heart. It is the people that make you smile when they aren’t even around, the ones who support you through the good as well as the bad and most importantly, those who honor your choices, even when they don’t understand them, because they honor you.

During this time of thankfulness, may you reach out to those who you want to be together with and keep those who perpetuate the separateness at arms length. Maybe even longer! Like…a leg, or a body’s length, or maybe a city? A country? Just saying! Don’t perpetuate this toxic behavior. We are living in a pandemic and nobody has time for that!

Embrace those you love a little harder and open your hear to those who want to be with you!

Hope

I felt this song was rather appropriate to our current state in the world. I think, like most of us, that we are in dire need of hope.

What is hope anyway?  To cherish a desire with anticipation. To want something to happen or be true. To desire with expectation of obtainment or fulfillment.

But how do we bring all of those feelings of hope into fruition? Well, we can’t just sit there being an armchair warrior that’s for sure!

Hope without action is merely a pipe dream. Something we daydream about. Visions in our heads of what could be. It’s a nice world, but it isn’t real. The real world demands action.

Most of us will sit at home and think about how we could do something if we really wanted to. I mean, I could hope all day long about how I COULD be on a show if I WANTED to, but is that going to get me an audition? My youngest son COULD hope to play football, but did that get him into a school and hour and a half from his home, where they are one of the only teams in the country playing now? Absolutely not! Our dreams and visions go far beyond hope.

We had to face our fear. The big one! It’s a scary one! It’s called REJECTION!!!!! What is it about rejection or the fear of it, that paralyses people so much? I just don’t get it! Maybe it’s because I face rejection on a weekly basis or I just don’t see it as rejection. I have raised my kids to always go after their dreams, which probably explains why none of us ever have regrets about the decisions we make, even when the rest of the world might ridicule us for them.

But who we are others to judge what makes you happy or what you hope about?

People talk about change, but don’t make any. They speak of equal rights but have their own set of rules. They condemn those with a voice and call them rebels, instead of embracing their bravery for expressing their truth. People want love but don’t embrace it and judge those who are different instead of trying to understand them. People even go so far as to say they want relationships but then put conditions all over them.

We are at a place in history where we are really being asked to look at ourselves. Who are you and what do you stand for? Are you a person who is willing to take accountability for where you are and how your life has turned out or are you a person who will continue to have hope, without doing anything to bring it about?

There are so many people with hope now. They have turned out by the millions to vote. Hope runs through their veins and they feel that their very existence relies on the outcome of this election. And maybe they are right. Either way, hope lives within them and hope just might get them through this paramount event and onto the other side, which is freedom of fear.

There are moments, like this one, where we might not have any hope and those are the moments where we really have to dig our heels in and find the grit, courage and passion to do something about it.

Have hope! Lift your spirit and dance! You are free to make choices and with that there is always hope.

Timing

Sometimes in life, more often than not, we run across a little thing called timing.

This can pertain to relationships, jobs or anything in-between. I have had many jobs put in front of me, dangling like the proverbial carrot, only to have them taken away as quickly as they came in. I say taken, cause that’s what it feels like when you want something so bad and don’t get it.

But the truth is, nothing is taken from us. I think what really happens, is that we don’t allow it in. We think we are, by simply willing it, thinking about it or just wanting it to death, but then when it shows up we don’t quite know that to do with it.

Our fears get the best of us and we talk ourselves out of so many wonderful things in life. We might even pray for things, but when they are gifted to us we scoff at it and ignore it, thinking we know what is best, when maybe the powers that be know better. Maybe what we think is better for us, is actually the worst and that’s why it doesn’t show up.

We can cry over spilled milk to the end of our days, talk about the should haves and the could haves all we want, and of course, bring in the ole timing aspect. But the real truth as to why we do not live lives that are full, rich and completely free of drama, is that we are afraid of losing something called control.

We think if we have control over how something is supposed to happen, when it is supposed to happen and even how, then everything will be okay.

But what if life is showing us something different? What if this pandemic has been trying to show us that there is no such thing as perfect timing or wrong timing? What if it’s trying to show us that time is an illusion. That the only thing we ever really have control over, is how we feel in this moment.

Life would be a whole lot simpler and so much less chaotic, if we all realized this. If we understood just how fleeting time really is. We do not have control over time. The only thing we do have control over, us how we manage our time and who we spend it with.

Your watch and my watch may say different times, depending on whose battery is better or where you live. But when it comes down to it, it isn’t about timing and where you are at or where I am. It just comes down to people agreeing to live in the moment, enjoy where they are, who they are with and know that nothing else matters. Nothing!

Timing is not a bitch, unless you make her one. Allow your heart to lead you instead of your head. How different would your life be, if you did this one simple thing?

Going Home

What does home conjure up for you? Is it warm and welcoming or the exact opposite?

Home for me is being with people I love. It doesn’t necessarily mean home, as in where I grew up. That was nice too, but it all changed when I was a teenager and it was never home for me again.

But I have found my home many times throughout the years with people who supported me.

It’s no joke when they say “Home is where the heart is,” So I wonder…where is yours?

Is it with work? Family? Friends? Are you nurturing your heart or starving it to death?

Love. Love is where the heart is. What do you love? What are you so passionate about that you cannot even imagine living another day without it?

This is your home.

You don’t have to put a mask on or armor yourself with guns to go about getting it, you just need to follow your heart to what feels like home and speak your truth.

Change

One of the hardest lessons we learn in life, is that you cannot change people. We might try and then lose ourselves in the process.

We may give second and third chances even; hoping and praying that they will finally understand, finally get what we are giving. And yet they still don’t, no matter how pure our love is.

And so we are left heartbroken.

What do we do with that pain? We go within. We ask the questions, and not the typical ones you think of. We are awake and conscious, so we ask different ones. Ones that help us move on and empower us, so that we never do this again, never invest in someone who is not as invested in us.

We ask: Why are we bothered by someone who doesn’t feel the same way we do? Why are we taking it so personally? Why are we trying to change someone to see things our way, when there are people out there who already do? Why are we giving our precious energy away? Why are we accepting less than what we know we are worth?

The answer to all of those questions, sadly, is that we are seeking outside of ourselves for validation, rather than within. Our value as a person never comes from someone else, yet so many of us seek it from other people, instead of finding it within ourselves.

So we always end up in the same place with the same types of people when we operate from this disempowering level. Wanting.

Whatever we believe to be true about ourselves is exactly what we attract into our lives. In every single area of it.

You can try and change the person you are with all you want, but the one thing, the only thing that you can change, is yourself.

If you find yourself in a relationship that is challenging, just know that you cannot change them. But you can empower yourself to change how you respond to them.

You were a vibrational match to this person before you started to awaken and work on yourself. When you get to work on your stuff and your person doesn’t, there will be a huge disconnect.

This stuff is hard. It hurts. Your heart breaks and you mourn the loss of something you thought you had. But what you are really mourning, if we are being honest, is the loss of your time invested in something or someone who wasn’t as invested as you were.

You can talk to them and try to tell them what is going on, and maybe the changes you have made on yourself will inspire them to want to change as well. But if not, please know that your value, your shine comes from you, not them and once you understand this, you’ll never settle again.

Keep shining! Don’t stop for someone else. And don’t try and get them to see how bright their shine can be either. That’s on them, not you. Change is an inside job and some people don’t want to do it.

Make It Rain

How do we make it rain?

We find our confidence, our inner fire, our drive, our passion and we don’t let anyone get in our way. We learn to discern between those who have our backs, and those who have a knife in it. (Metaphorically speaking of course).

Life is supposed to be easy, but so many of us make it harder than it has to be. We fight ourselves, yet say we are fighting others because it’s easier to play the blame game than take accountability.

In actuality there is nothing to fight at all, except when we are denied our truth when we try to speak it, but are ignored. That is something to go to battle for.

We always know what is best for ourselves, yet we question it over and over again, and deny our instincts, our inner voice and our bodies and how it tries to alert us to an untruth, over the voices of others.

We do this because we don’t believe in ourselves. We have been broken down and conditioned to think that our truth and our words don’t matter, but those of the people who try and keep us down and disempowered do.

It’s time we as a collective take accountability to where we are in life, who we have let disempower us and say once and for all, “I know my truth and your tactics no longer work.”

Find the confidence, love yourself, and watch it rain all over you!

You’re Nobody…

till somebody loves you!

You didn’t think I thought you were nobody did you? Everybody is somebody! But there is something about having someone who loves you, to share your life with. Somehow we feel more at ease in the world, more at peace.

Unless of course you are in a tumultuous relationship, and then being by yourself is all you can think about!

But does being with someone make us feel more special? Validate us somehow? Like if we are not with someone, people think there is something wrong with us. And then there are those couples you see and you think something must be wrong with one of them, because you just don’t get their connection.

The funny thing with love, is that no one has to understand it, but the two people who are in love.

I remember this friend of mine years ago who was from South Africa. Her and I used to lament over not having somebody in our life. She always said, “Every pot has a lid.” I created a company around the restaurant scene and all of the amazing nuances that have to do with life, so I think it’s a most fitting way to describe relationships.

Sometimes we see a crock pot with a Le Creuset and can’t for the life of us figure out how that fits together. Other times we see two Duparquet pans and while they might look fantastic together, they look miserable as hell when they look at each other.

But at the end of the day, I think the real reason somebody stays with somebody else has nothing to do with pots, lids, or blenders. It has to do with admiration. Not adoration, not advancement, adventurism, adaptability, advantageousness, adequateness, adjustability, adaptedness, I could go on here, but I think you get the point.

Most people might say they admire someone in a position of power or someone well known, but is that really admiration or being impressed with someone? There is a difference! And, you might find if you met them, they weren’t anyone you would admire at all. It might just be a persona.

Admiration. Think about it. If you admire at least one quality in a partner, you have a pretty amazing chance at making it as a couple. Think about all the relationships you have had romantically. Did you admire them or was it something else that brought you together?

Perhaps the song is right. You’re nobody till somebody loves you. But it’s better to be a nobody, then to be with anyone who doesn’t admire you. I say aim for the stars, and let those who get this, bring them to you.

To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind.”

-Alfredo La Mont-

Building Sandcastles

When is the last time you did that? Went to the beach and built a big old sand castle with a mote, shells for windows and sticks for a draw bridge?

Probably when you were five, right? Why is that? Why do we forget to do these free activities that get our hands dirty and allow our minds to wander, thinking about the endless possibilities of things we can create.

The best thing about a sand castle is you can always wreck it if it doesn’t turn out the way you wanted. You can rebuild it, too and it doesn’t cost you a thing for that tear down! And if you leave for the day, someone else will come along and take ownership of it and start adding onto it.

Relationships are like sand castles, aren’t they? Often times we build and build and add onto our foundation, only to have it be washed away the minute a big wave of turmoil comes along.

Although tragic, if we don’t work on ourselves and learn to move past all of the pain, we might start to think our union was built on sand and steer clear of the beach altogether. We may even go so far as to avoid the beach because we don’t ever want to feel the sand again!

Maybe we sit by pools instead, cause its safer. No sand is getting in our toes! Not now, not ever again.

But in the distance at your fancy resort you see a beach. You see people running, frolicking on it. They are barefoot, holding hands and maybe even running in the water.

You wonder…why do they look so freaking happy? You’re the one who should be happy! You’re clean, free of that mess and in control of your surroundings.

But still, there’s that ocean! You can’t get near an ocean unless you walk on the sand. The sand where you build castles.

Just because one castle didn’t last, doesn’t mean another won’t. But you will never find out, unless you get back in the sand and try and build a new one.

Some relationships are not meant to last. Like a sand castle at the beach, some will sustain the waves while others fall back into the water and disappear. We will always have the memories of the ones we built, but it is the healed person who understands that just because one sand castle didn’t withstand the waves, doesn’t mean the next one won’t.

Sure, sand is messy, but it leads you to the water. A brilliant pool of blues, greens and turquoise that you could stare at forever, much like the eyes of a lover.

Here’s to building sand castles! And if you haven’t built one in awhile or have been avoiding the beach, maybe it’s time you gave it another go. It’s only sand and it feels so good between your toes!