Self Mastery

Self mastery in its simplest form is self-control. It is the ability to respond to a person or situation instead of reacting to them. When we have impulses and don’t think about the consequences of them, we are not in control of our lives at all and we will not be the master of anything.

Self mastery requires you to have a vision and stay steadfast to that vision, no matter what outside influences try to jar you from your path. It is a commitment to your growth and the willingness to strip away anything and anyone who is not in line with who you truly are and supportive of your choices.

Self mastery is not for the faint of heart, which is why so many people never master their emotions, they simply give into them. This means their ego is running the show and when the ego is running the show, it will do anything to win. It is not a real win, it is a perceived one, but the ego doesn’t know the difference.

The ego will convince you that you are right, no matter what the situation. The ego will have you believing that you are the victim no matter who is involved and it has a sneaky way of making you think others are out to get you, so you better get them first. But the absolute worst thing the ego does, is ruin relationships with good people because it will never take accountability for how it has treated others.

Self mastery says, I do not need to be right, I simply need to understand that everyone is entitled to their opinions and just because I may not agree, does not mean it is wrong. It values those in its life and only wants what is best for them.

The ego rolls it’s eyes, talks down, talks back, throws a dismissive hand in air and judges someone when they get an opposing view. It might even get up and leave the room when a discussion turns into an argument because a person who is being driven by their ego sees every conversation as an attack and is never interested in a resolution, only being right.

But self mastery sees a wounded soul when this happens. It sees a person who is carrying childhood wounds of being abandoned, disregarded and controlled. It understands that this is a core wound that the ego has refused to heal.

The ego will do its best to diminish others, punish them by ignoring them when they disagree, put them down and make them out to be someone who is bad, but self mastery cares not for what the ego thinks, because it answers to a higher power.

So the question you should be asking yourself is this: Are you the master of your house or is your ego mastering you?

More

An oldie but a goodie!

I want to talk about more because so many of us say we want more, even think we deserve more, but few of us go about getting it because it often requires a bit of discomfort. Sometimes a whole boat load!

I recently separated from my husband. We have been married for over 20 years and have three boys. We have separated a few times in our time together, but this time it is far more substantial. He rented an apartment.

It’s no joke that I have been through a huge transformation. While my core values are still very much the same, as is the love I give unconditionally, my lack of wanting to participate in programs and patterns that do not serve anyone, has greatly.

This has confused him and made him say, “he wants his wife back.” I get it! I really do, which is why I am seeing this separation as something that is paramount to his well being and happiness just as much as mine.

When you do enough work on yourself you do not feel the need to be acrimonious towards someone you spent well, almost a lifetime with, let alone had children with. I cannot speak for him. Right now we are working together, but he does have influences around him that don’t see relationships as give and take, just take. But I am choosing to remain optimistic.

I truly want want is best for him and I know at this juncture, it is not me.

When you know that you want more than what you currently have, staying in that place of accepting less is not an option; in fact it is soul crushing. But fear of the unknown will keep so many of us dwelling there, hoping it gets better, hoping for this, wishing for that, until we realize you can wish and hope all you want, but what is called for is change.

I don’t know where I’m headed and that’s okay. I am not afraid of the unknown; I fear complacency far more than that. I actually like being alone and am not alone enough. I have two children home now and my oldest is on his way to see me for Mothers Day. They are my greatest achievement and the most wonderful thing that came out of my marriage.

And while I do not share my thoughts on my personal issues with my boys unless they ask, I do have really terrific friends and family who really love me, support me and have my back. I need not look too far for a shoulder to lean on, someone to make me laugh or to tell me I am capable of anything.

It is not through our wins that we see who supports us, it is through our trials and tribulations. It is very telling who wants to be in your life when you are challenged and who does not. Sometimes this truth hurts, but all necessary in order to fully own the fact that you will never again accept less than what you know you truly deserve. We all deserve more love, not less; don’t ever forget that.

I share this with you so that you understand there is never any reason to accept less than what your soul is yearning for. The journey to self love can be very painful but when you finally reach this destination, you realize the pain you felt all along was really inflicted by yourself. You saw things you wanted to see, not what was actually there and that’s because you sought outside yourself for the love you should have been giving you all along.

Once you reach a level of self-love, you will never settle for less than more, more, and more!

Dare to have more!

You

This is a great song and while it’s about two people who cannot get over one another, I wanted to write about…well, you.

When it comes to life, you must be your greatest motivator, your biggest fan, your best friend, and your unconditional lover. And while we would all love to have someone else be a part of our lives who gives us all of those qualities too, we must first give them to ourselves.

If we do not learn to give ourselves all of things we seek in someone else, we will repeat a cycle and attract more imbalanced relationships where you are either giving or taking too much. I don’t know about you, but I’m sort of done with those. A big, girl bye!

My growth and understanding of this basic concept has come through having very unhealthy relationships. This does’t just mean love interests, it means friendships and work ones as well. I mean come on, you can’t expect to have any authentic and supportive relationships if you aren’t balanced yourself.

My acting career has also been a catalyst in teaching me how to deal with people, speak up for myself and learn to discern between which jobs are best suited for me and those that are not. In the past I would say yes to everything; being ever so grateful for whatever bone was tossed my way. Now, I look at the job and really think about if it is something I feel called to do. If an agent does not like my honoring myself first, then they simply aren’t the agent for me and I am not afraid to walk away.

We do not have to say yes to everything. We can learn to say no. We can love ourselves enough to know when we are tired, needing a break and seeing that which is being offered to us is merely breadcrumbs instead of the whole damn loaf. Breadcrumbs are only good when served with a turkey, not when they are being served up by the people around us.

You deserve to live the life of your dreams, but you have to brave and bold enough to put you first and not give a crap about what anybody else thinks. Do you! It’s so freeing.

Truth

To me, there is nothing more important than the truth. I guess this comes from a history of people lying to me.

I don’t believe in games. More aptly, games where other people are involved. Life is a precious gift and one we should never take for granted. To think that we have an endless amount of time to finally fess up to how we truly feel or confess our misgivings serves no one, especially those we continue to lie to.

I try very hard to speak my truth. I do it here. Some people may get offended by my directness or how I express myself but I don’t care. I’m just being me. I don’t pretend anything, I don’t play small and I certainly don’t lie. Unless I am being paid to play a part, then all of that is off the table.

A lot of people cannot handle the truth and don’t know what to do with authenticity. Some will even do anything to avoid it. If you come across someone like that and try to express your truth to them, they might refuse to hear it. There is noting more frustrating, but when you experience this, you realize it is a them thing and certainly not a you one and you refuse to alter who you are to appease the broken part of them they refuse to heal.

Our truth is simply our truth and there is nothing more powerful than speaking it. We cannot be afraid of who we are or what we want or how we wish to express it. If someone cannot handle our truth, then they are simply not the person for us.

If you are like me and have done a ton of work on yourself, then you don’t have time for someone who wavers with their truth. You may feel greatly for them, but you realize that they are too afraid of the truth and would rather continue living a lie and you simply will not abide by that.

There is such freedom when you stop keeping the peace to appease others and start honoring yourself instead. In this space of absolute acceptance of everything that is, you honor others for where they are too and hold absolutely no contempt.

Truth. There is nothing more freeing or beautiful. Love yourself enough to speak it.

Lost

Are we ever really lost? Well…yeah!

I used to have this job where I had to drive to Queens and Brooklyn and call on clients. I hate driving in Queens and Brooklyn! Google Maps was my best friend. And Waze, except Waze tends to put you on routes where you are praying it keeps working because you will wind up on the side of the road crying your eyes out of sheer terror because you can’t find your way back.

I think we all fantasize about taking a road trip and just driving; letting the road take us wherever it wants to and stopping along the way to grab a snack and chat it up with the locals, but we don’t have time to do that, so we want the most direct route to where we are headed.

Thankfully we have Google Maps and Waze for the road, but unfortunately we can’t use them for life. I mean I guess you could ask Suri or Alexa if you should take that job, ask that person out or tell that one off, but they will probably just answer back, “I’m sorry, I didn’t get that.”

Even if they could help you, you would still wind up being lost, because being lost in life is a state of mind and the only person who can find you, is you.

We are all lost at some point. We lose our way. We venture out in one direction that we think is going to suit us and end up on a dead end road. It’s okay if this happens to you, the key is looking within and realizing you need to take a different road, but only after you have reflected.

If you don’t reflect, you will always be lost. You will meet the same love partners and wonder why you always feel unfulfilled. You will take new jobs but wind up in the same roles with the same people who pissed you off at the last one you had. If you keep repeating the same cycles and have not done an ounce of reflecting on why the same things keeps happening to you, than you are most definitely lost.

Ironically, in order to find your true self, you have to be willing to lose who you thought you were. You have to be willing to embrace the changes that want to take you on a new path; a much brighter and bigger one, instead of fearing it. But change scares people. Most people hate change, which is why they are perpetually lost.

I was lost for a long time. It wasn’t until I got on board the train numbered 1111 that I found myself. I saw those numbers everywhere and was pretty much forced to resign to them. I initially assumed that others were having the same experience as I was because the numbers, dreams and synchronicities were overwhelming. It was truly heartbreaking to realize I was on this road by myself. You see, the path to finding yourself is a lonely one, which is why so many people prefer to stay lost.

If you are feeling lost, it will be okay. Now you can find yourself. Resign to what life is trying to show you instead of ignoring it, else you will always be lost. Allow yourself to feel and then you will heal.

Sending you light from the end of the tunnel. All you have to do is take yourself out of it.

It’s Time to Rise

Well if this song doesn’t get you, I don’t know what will!

What does it mean to rise up? To me, it means you stand up, show up and are willing to take action towards what you want, no matter how uncomfortable. It is an unwavering journey towards whatever makes you happy, no matter what obstacles you might face or the ridicule that follows.

When we rise up in love, it means we are willing to go to any length for another, no matter how uncomfortable it might be for us. We put our discomfort aside because our love for them is so strong, we don’t even see it as a struggle, we see it as something we are called to do.

It means always having someone’s back, even in the face of adversity. It is a commitment to the love, respect and honor you have for another, despite what others might think. It is an understanding that the only thing that ever really matters is what you think, not what anyone else does. If you can’t rise up for yourself, then you can’t possibly rise up for another.

If you watched the video and are a mush like me, you couldn’t help but cry. This is a love we all imagine. The kind that was promised to us in all of the Fairy Tales, yet few of us ever receive. I don’t think it is from a lack of trying, I just think it’s often pursued from a place of lack itself, mostly within ourselves, and thus the heartache ensues.

When we rise up and unapologetically meet our most authentic self, it only seems rewarding that we would turn around and see the person who has done the same. If you have done the work and haven’t met that special person yet, just know they are on their way. It is your right to have love without conditions! Don’t settle for anything less.

Here’s to love and all of its beauty, splendor and excitement. We may be content on our own, but walking that path with someone else is really what we all came here for. May we all be blessed with that special person who rises up to meet us and put an end to lowering ourselves to those who don’t.

Keep rising! The right person will meet you where you are.

The Greatest Love

I have been on a spiritual journey, journey of self discovery, whatever you want to call it, for about 11 years now. This particular journey has not been one I would call fun. In fact, it was the exact opposite.

Everything I thought about myself wasn’t true, people who had roles in my life didn’t always have my best interest and I learned that I had spent most of my life looking outside of myself for love instead of looking within.

It wasn’t until I started delving into tapping that I realized what had been keeping me stuck in a loop of pain. I literally had no idea how transformative tapping could be. I had heard of it before and scoffed at the idea as it seemed so ridiculous, but after just one session, it made such perfect sense to me.

The only caveat to tapping, is that you never see anything the same way again. Like the Matrix, when Nio takes the pill, you wake up to your life for the first time and can’t believe what you have bought into. More aptly, what you believed to be true about yourself, based solely on those who raised you and their perceptions of the world.

Once I realized my view of the world was never really mine, it became easy to release the views that never served me, but had served others my entire life. And this is where the real transformation for me began.

When you fully grasp the concept of loving yourself, you have no need for anything outside of you ever again. You don’t feel the need for company just for the sake of being with people and aren’t willing to compromise your time for those who don’t value you. You don’t need sex either, because what you want is to be wooed by somebody’s mind first and see where that leads.

When you fully grasp love of the self, you understand how futile it is to keep seeking out there for what you can give yourself. You’ll know when you have reached this state, because you have this aha moment where you realize what you have been searching for, has been there all along, it just took you waking up to…you.

Are You Working It?

Several years ago I knew a girl who used to say, “You better work” all the time. We decided to be roommates in Manhattan after we finished school in Dallas. I barely knew her, but she seemed very demure and let’s face it, not too many people are willing to move to the big city from Texas.

Shortly after I had sold everything I owned and moved in with her, I became privy to her lifestyle. She met trainers constantly, was always flying somewhere or going out until all hours of the morning at private clubs or parties and shopped on Madison Avenue constantly. I didn’t understand how she could afford to do all that, since I never saw her go to work.

Hanging out with her was rare, due to my schedule at work and her lack of one. Also the financial difference was a problem. I made assistants pay and she seemed to have an endless supply. She wasn’t one to offer to pay or help you out, as money was something she coveted as much as I did her shoes, but every now and then she would be generous and offer.

This would entail a night out. She always invited me because she said I had good sense and would tell her when it was time to leave. It was seldom that I went, but when I did, the evening would always be something out of a movie.

Velvet hot pants and Karl Lagerfeld pumps were the name of the game, so while she helped herself to my clothes, I helped myself to hers. You thought the hot pants were hers? The pumps were, but those hot pants were mine and she loved to wear them. And the men loved to see her in them! Oh my God! They would get neck lash from staring at her.

There was no place that she didn’t feel at home at. She would direct the cabbie to a hot spot with a line going around a building and proceed to walk to the front, flash a coquettish smile to the bouncer and we were in. I would say, “there’a line of people, we can’t just cut.”

Lines were for losers (her words not mine), only an idiot would pay for their own drink (also her words) and if some poor unsuspecting guy happened upon her who wasn’t wearing what she deemed suitable attire, she simply looked at him and said, “I’m so not impressed” and he would walk away shamed probably never approaching a woman again.

She had an energy about her that was off the charts confident and equally chaotic. If there was drama going on, she was the director. One night she called me from an after hours place and asked me to come and get her; that meant take a cab and escort her home. I obliged. I knew she had no one else to count on, despite the fact that she had many acquaintances, many admirers, many hanger-on-ers.

When I got there she had a broken nose. The people in the place wanted to go home but she was frenetic as one could only imagine, and was in shock. They only wanted to be rid of her. I calmed her down and wiped her face of the blood. She was distraught and scared to death of what the break might do to her looks. She told me that she had called some guy a loser who had been sitting with her and some girl because he expected them to pay for his drinks.

I once questioned her safety with the choices she made, especially the mouthing off to men, to which she replied, “I pity the f-er who ever crosses me!” I admired this about her. She called it knowing her worth. She said I didn’t know mine. That I didn’t know how to ask for what I wanted or required. I didn’t agree at the time and was upset about it. She didn’t care. Her words were her currency and she had a lot of them, and it, because she never stopped speaking her truth.

I stayed for almost a year being an apprentice at a bougie salon to a complete prima donna and decided to return to Dallas with the knowledge I had gained. I worked there for many years and we lost touch. It wasn’t until I was returning to Manhattan to open a new salon that we reconnected for a brief moment.

She told me that she was returning to Arizona where she was originally from. She said she was going to become a teacher. I wondered how a person who worked it could ever possibly work, but as she sat there packing her bags and talking about how tired she had become of working it with people who didn’t know their worth, I could see that she was ready to go to work and wished her well.

My old friend may have known how to work it, but in the moments where we were together in our one room at the women’s home, she showed me a vulnerable side to her that no one else ever saw. She treated waiters with kindness and cabbies too and had a keen sense of when others did not. She watched people; observed them like they were some species under a microscope. More importantly, she knew who valued themselves and who did not.

She was right about me. Back then I didn’t know my worth. I settled over and over again for less than what I was worth. I accepted crumbs, disrespect and disregard time and time again. She knew her worth so well, that men who didn’t know theirs, would be willing to do just about anything for a moment with her. It’s how she was able to see this flaw in me; the one who would accept the unacceptable in hopes that it would lead to more.

We’ve all seen people who accept the unacceptable. I saw this recently when I was in Florida. There was a young woman, probably 24, sitting with an older gentleman, probably 50 by the pool. She kept taking selfies and ordering things from the waiter, and entertaining herself as though he was’t even there. She would hand him her drink as she snapped away and then swam to the other side of the pool and threw him a bone, as she spread her legs poolside, taking more photos. She wanted people to notice her and I gather he did too. The pool was quiet and elegant and she had no respect for anyone around her, not even the families with children. It was such a spectacle! I felt sorry for him.

At some point you gotta ask yourself: Is this enough for me? Am I willing to keep making choices that cost me my self esteem? Am I willing to keep spending time with people who only measure my worth by what I am doing for them or what I am giving them? Or do I love myself enough to want more? Do I love myself enough to know I deserve more? That maybe, just maybe, there is somebody out there that will tick all the boxes for me, but maybe in order to have that, I need to tick them myself.

If we are working it; meaning putting on a mask, pretending to be all that, bringing a player vibe, then we will get exactly what we are being; transactional. But if you are working on it; meaning yourself with all your issues, then you won’t require anything from anyone because you can give it all to yourself.

Waiting for someone to save you, to see your worth, validate you, make you feel special, or to fill a void, are sure signs that you’re working it. Because when you’re working on it, you don’t have to pretend anymore. You just get to be you.

So, are you working it or working on it? Because one is a whole lot more empowering than the other.

Know Your Worth

What is self worth? Is it something we obtain by acquiring material success? Do we measure it by the company we keep? The way others value us?

If you measure self worth by these means, then chances are you probably struggle with it a bit.

You might give your attention to a cause, a sport, a group, an organization looking for the accolades, the acknowledgement, to be seen, heard, honored, respected. You might say its because you want to help or it’s the right things to do, but is it really?

You probably work hard, may even struggle at times with how much you work compared to how much you make. You might work over time, work when people need you to no matter the hour, or when someone calls in sick. The point is you do all this work because you want to be recognized for it. But there is a part of you that might be bitter about why some people seem to work so little and have so much.

You might commit to things you don’t want to do, especially if it is family or work, where you feels it is expected of you. You essentially put the needs of others ahead of yourself over and over again and when all is said and done, someone always says something or does something that makes you feel bad about yourself and you wish you would have stayed at home.

You probably hate criticism or at least that is what it sounds like to you, whenever someone gives you their advice.

You struggle with personal relationships all the time. To the outside world it might look as though everything is hunky dory, but the truth is, you feel like no one really gets you.

Sound familiar? I write this, because I lived it. For many years. I was always the person looking for approval, dreading visits with nasty people and saving animals. But after awhile you get tired of always feeling like no matter what you do it isn’t enough, so you just stop trying.

When I got to a point where I was so utterly broken, so utterly heartbroken, I knew I needed to make changes and this is when Faster EFT found me. It was through this form of therapy that I learned about programs people run and how I had been running one myself.

When I was told that all of the animals I was trying to save were essentially me, I didn’t like the way it sounded. I didn’t feel like I was a person who needed saving, but then when I thought about it, it became painfully obvious that I was.

I reflected on those words for weeks. Since I was a teenager I had been waiting for someone to save me; someone to see my worth. I wanted someone to love me so much, that they would unlock the cage I was in. But the truth is, I put myself there and there was only one love that was going to get me out of it and it was mine.

You see, we can blame others our whole lives and that might work for awhile. But at the end of the day we will still be in the same place. Angry, frustrated, broken, a victim of some kind or form, essentially a dog in a cage at the pound, waiting for someone to come and save us. Wanting someone to pick us above all others.

But as long as we stay there in that vibration, we will find others to save us alright, others to pick us, but they will be exactly as we are; wounded. They may look like a pedigree, but they will still be wounded. Often times their wounds will be far worse than ours and unfortunately, we will suffer the consequence.

You can only ever attract into your life what you think about yourself. This means the way you value yourself. If you do not value yourself, you will attract people who do not value themselves either, so how can they possibly value you?

If you really struggle with self worth, you may even attract an emotionally abusive relationship. This sounds severe, because it is. People don’t give emotional abuse enough attention. It doesn’t leave outward scars, but the internal ones take years if ever to get over. People do not see the damage caused by such abuse, nor do they ever see the true nature of the abuser, which is why it is so utterly impossible for someone to explain it. Their true nature is only ever exposed to those closest to them, to the rest of the world they look like a nice guy/girl.

Common traits of an emotional abuser are an absolute disrespect of your personal boundaries. They only benefit when you don’t have any, so they will get upset when you try to set them. There is no such thing as communication because they see everything as an argument. When you try and discuss your feelings with them you will get the silent treatment. Finances will be used to control and manipulate you. They will guilt or shame you to get what they want. They will not change no matter how much you beg and plead because they don’t see an issue with their actions.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, it is important that you do not blame yourself for attracting this into your life. When you love too much, you can attract someone who does not know how to love at all and you can spend the rest of your life trying to fix them.

We think if we can just love them a little more…give them a little more…show them a little more, they will love us the way we love them. But they won’t. People who are emotionally abusive are so damaged, it doesn’t matter if you are loving them or fighting them, because it’s all attention.

Isn’t it better to give all of that attention to yourself? Your glorious, beautiful nature may have been trampled on in the past, but you have all the power to change it right now.

When you start to love yourself enough, you understand that you do not need anyone to save you, to see you, to want you. You understand that you are enough, that you always have been and you do not need anyone to complete you.

They say you don’t get to pick your family, but if you believe in karma, that’s not true. We pick everybody in our lives due to our beliefs. What do you believe to be true about yourself?

Self worth is not measured by what we acquire out there, it is measured by what we acquire from within. Get to acquiring more love for yourself.

Let It Flow

How open are you to change? Are you loosey goosey to it? Willing to dip one toe in the pool or the whole foot? Or maybe you’re too rigid to change anything. In that case, you’re nowhere near the water!

Being in the flow is super easy; it’s where we allow instead of control. This simply means we wake up, may have our schedule, but if something takes us off course, we understand that we are being directed elsewhere for our highest good. Acceptance of this is the key to our happiness.

When people don’t go with the flow and are so set on staying in control, they miss out on all of the wonderful things that life is trying to bring them. It’s really interesting to observe people who are very controlled. It’s almost painful to see how routined they are. In there quest to stay in control of everything, they essentially become controlled because they are no longer living life due to their conviction of calculating their every move. How exhausting! I’m tired just writing that.

Letting go of outcomes and going with the flow is very empowering. But if I were to tell this to a person who is always in control, they would say the exact opposite. The real truth about control, is that it is an illusion. There is no control. You cannot control anything!

The more you go within and change your perceptions of people and understand that most of us are just repeating patterns and programs from our childhood, the less you feel the need to try and control anything. You understand that people are just playing out their own insecurities and they seldom, if ever, have anything to do with you.

The ironic thing about control is that when we are so committed to one path, life has a way of sending us what is called a “tower moment” so that we can be put on another one. These tower moments are generally pretty awful, but if you look at it from a higher perspective, you see that you had plenty of notices beforehand, you just chose to ignore them because you were too busy controlling how things were supposed to go according to your plan. You see, no matter how great we think our best-laid plans are, life will step in and say, “I have a better one! Trust me!”

Since I have been going with the flow I have created more abundance in my life. I don’t push for outcomes or results or have any expectations, especially of other people. I have learned to be my best advocate. All of the love, the acceptance and joy I once sought out there, I now find within.

This new way of living allows me to wake up every day with excitement. It’s like Christmas as a kid every day. I try and keep to my morning routine as best I can and then allow the rest of the day to unfold. I might have a list of things I would like to do, but when I allow for anything and everything, I usually have a pretty remarkable day.

This is called being in the flow and it is when we can magnetize anything! So if you want to be a money magnet, a love magnet or any other kind of magnet, you have to allow yourself to be in the flow. How can something wonderful even fit into your life, if you are always controlling every aspect of your day?

Be in control or don’t. I’ll be over here going with the flow cause that’s where all the magic is!