Nietzsche said that a man’s worth was determined by how much truth he could tolerate. So if we think about this in terms of personal relationships, how much truth can you tolerate when it comes to them?
I guess a simple way to measure this would be by how much you allow others to speak their truth to you.
If someone has something to say to you and you don’t want to hear it, maybe even refuse to hear it, become hostile, argumentative or ignore them when they try to express themselves to you in an effort to improve the relationship, then according to Nietzsche, because you cannot tolerate their truth, even though it may not be yours, you are not worth that much.
But what of the person trying to speak their truth to someone who does not want to hear it? What is their worth? Are they worth more or less?
I mean in reality we obviously know that no one is worth more or less, but we are talking about Nietzsche’s quote here and how much truth we will tolerate in our relationships.
The more you value yourself, the less you need approval from others. And while you may want to speak your truth to those you care about so that they can understand where you are coming from, if they are incapable of hearing, seeing or accepting the truth, they will simply refuse to hear you. Their truth will be that you are difficult, while your truth will be heartbreak, because you are so misunderstood.
So speaking your truth to those who refuse to hear it or see it, will essentially make you feel like you are worth less. Hurt people hurt people and are incapable of seeing their worth, which is why they do not see yours. Staying involved with them will keep you in a constant state of struggle because you are wanting to be seen and heard by people who cannot see or hear themselves, so your words and attempts at trying to express yourself and your truth will be seen as acrimonious.
Part of growing, evolving and loving yourself is knowing who to share your truth with and who not to. Some people would rather live a lie than live the truth and real healing comes when you understand this about others and simply move away from them.
Most people don’t want the truth. They just want the constant reassurance that what they believe is the truth, which is why they surround themselves with people who operate the same way. Taking no accountability is a tell tale sign that you cannot tolerate truth in any relationship, which means anyone who tries to speak it to you, will be met with rejection.
For the person on the receiving end it won’t feel good, but sooner or later they realize that rejection is actually protection from something or someone who could only continue to harm them, and they will move in another direction.
How much truth can you tolerate? Look at your closest relationships for the answer. If you feel like something or someone is missing, then you haven’t tolerated a truth or been able to express one.