Action Versus Words

I’m a big fan of both!

Our actions are everything! What we choose to pursue, do something about, take a cause in, support, love…it all takes action.

But our words…they can be empty, hurtful or supportive.

The two together are what create a healthy connection. Action without words can be attractive, as long as the intent is from the heart and not the ego. Words can be sweet but if we talk all day long about taking action and never do it, then it’s just talk.

There are people who talk a good game. They might say all of the right things like they have memorized the back of a New York Times Bestseller or every rom com ever written, but their actions are non-existent so you realize their words are empty just like the person saying them.

Then there are people who take action because they can’t express themselves emotionally. It’s like they have some list they go through or they obtained somewhere that says “these are the things you should do” to show someone you care about them, but it won’t feel genuine because it’s coming from a place of obligation, not love.

In order to have any healthy connection, both actions and words are required. You can say one thing and do the exact opposite, but whoever you are dealing with will begin to question your loyalty. The more times your actions and words don’t meet, the more the relationship is severed.

Loyalty is something most people overlook when it comes to relationships. A loyal person is a rare commodity. An allegiance you build with someone should never be broken. If it is, it is simply because your words and your actions weren’t in alignment.

Truth

Nietzsche said that a man’s worth was determined by how much truth he could tolerate. So if we think about this in terms of personal relationships, how much truth can you tolerate when it comes to them?

I guess a simple way to measure this would be by how much you allow others to speak their truth to you.

If someone has something to say to you and you don’t want to hear it, maybe even refuse to hear it, become hostile, argumentative or ignore them when they try to express themselves to you in an effort to improve the relationship, then according to Nietzsche, because you cannot tolerate their truth, even though it may not be yours, you are not worth that much.

But what of the person trying to speak their truth to someone who does not want to hear it? What is their worth? Are they worth more or less?

I mean in reality we obviously know that no one is worth more or less, but we are talking about Nietzsche’s quote here and how much truth we will tolerate in our relationships.

The more you value yourself, the less you need approval from others. And while you may want to speak your truth to those you care about so that they can understand where you are coming from, if they are incapable of hearing, seeing or accepting the truth, they will simply refuse to hear you. Their truth will be that you are difficult, while your truth will be heartbreak, because you are so misunderstood.

So speaking your truth to those who refuse to hear it or see it, will essentially make you feel like you are worth less. Hurt people hurt people and are incapable of seeing their worth, which is why they do not see yours. Staying involved with them will keep you in a constant state of struggle because you are wanting to be seen and heard by people who cannot see or hear themselves, so your words and attempts at trying to express yourself and your truth will be seen as acrimonious.

Part of growing, evolving and loving yourself is knowing who to share your truth with and who not to. Some people would rather live a lie than live the truth and real healing comes when you understand this about others and simply move away from them.

Most people don’t want the truth. They just want the constant reassurance that what they believe is the truth, which is why they surround themselves with people who operate the same way. Taking no accountability is a tell tale sign that you cannot tolerate truth in any relationship, which means anyone who tries to speak it to you, will be met with rejection.

For the person on the receiving end it won’t feel good, but sooner or later they realize that rejection is actually protection from something or someone who could only continue to harm them, and they will move in another direction.

How much truth can you tolerate? Look at your closest relationships for the answer. If you feel like something or someone is missing, then you haven’t tolerated a truth or been able to express one.