Everybody Talks Too Much

I have had a few people reach out to me in the last week and tell me how lonely they feel. Each person is what I would call woke. They are very conscious of the world and what is going on around them. They see other people and wonder how they can’t be like that too, but the more they try to get the people they care about to be on the same page, they realize they aren’t even in the same library.

This is common when you work on yourself. It’s as though the lights are on all the time for you, but others are in the dark. You care, so you want to flip on the light switch so they can see too, they but look at you like you’re crazy because they don’t even see a light switch at all and you wind up fighting instead.

Because you aren’t speaking the same language with certain people, you find yourself weeding them out of your life and spending more and more time alone. You do this out of protection. You have to preserve your energy for you and not put it out there on others who are not ready to receive it.

When you are vibing at this higher state of consciousness, you avoid any negativity as much as possible. This can include the news or people who talk poorly about others. The last thing you want is to be bombarded by so much toxicity and you don’t have time for anyone who refuses to take accountability.

The more you work on yourself, the less tolerance you have for people who talk for the sake of talking. It’s amazing how much people talk and say nothing. I stopped talking to a lot of people awhile ago. My inner circle is very small and getting smaller by the day. I am fine with that. I value my energy and am very cognizant about who I gift it to.

If you’re awake and feel like you are all alone, you’re not. Every now and then we need a reminder of that. Cause it gets tough. Just remember that it doesn’t matter if anyone else gets you, you get you, and that’s all that really matters.

Let Your Voice Carry

We can all struggle with finding our voice from time to time, especially if we are around people who do not care about our feelings.

Our wounded selves will take what they say personally. We are conditioned to hearing what upsets us most, just as we are to seeing it. If we have not healed parts of ourselves from the past, then we will attract these people and situations over and over again, until we do.

We will even sit there and be an audience to someone we don’t even like, as they pop off about this or that or say underhanded comments to us. We might even feel as though we don’t have a voice, because we certainly can’t seem to find it in these awful situations.

Occasionally we might. We feel proud of ourselves, but then the whammy comes. We might hear: “You’re so difficult and unreasonable” or “I can’t do anything to please you” in return. People who make us feel like we’re difficult for having an opinion or a separate voice are afraid we will use it and will do anything and say anything to shut us down.

Our wounded kid obliges in these situations because it is conditioned to do so. We might even feel bad for saying anything at all. And might apologize for rocking the boat. But sometimes somebody’s boat needs to be rocked; it doesn’t have to always be ours.

Most of the time when we are dealing with someone who is passive aggressive or just plain aggressive, it’s very empowering to say noting. People who operate at such a childish level unravel at a very rapid pace. They get off on our engagement with them almost as much as our being nice to them. Talk about a wounded child!

We can blame people all we want for our feelings of ill will, sadness and anger, but at some point, if we want to move past all of that, we have to work on ourselves. The fact that someone like that might be in our life, is a clear indicator that we have some work to do. We have to give a nod to the little kid inside us that is dying to be heard, to be healed.

The next time you are around someone who brings out the absolute dread in you, ask yourself this: “Is this a them problem or a me one?” “Are they showing me how much I am not loving myself?” “Are they showing me just how much garbage I accept?” And when you have answered yes to all of those questions, you can answer: “I am worthy of so much more!”

Being in love with yourself and feeling empowered by who you are and unapologetic about it, means you don’t have to be the Queen of Swords who cuts everyone off at the head if someone says something you don’t like. It means you learn to discern between who is worthy of a comment and who is not.

As a matter of fact, if we are fully accepting of who we are, when someone starts saying things that are off the charts inappropriate, we will laugh to ourselves instead of getting upset, get up and leave the room or not even hear them at all. We will have changed our energy, our vibration, and we will no longer attract people like this at all.

Your voice deserves to be heard. Carry on! Even if it sounds like Beaux’s. (My oldest son’s dog)

Nobody is going to tell you how to say what you need to say

As an actor, I work well with a script. Wouldn’t it be nice in life if we all got one? I mean, imagine how great a conversation would go when you knew you needed to talk to someone and they got the script ahead of time. Pauses would be built in the script, along with places that said, Cries, Laughs, Yells. You would even say the location of where it’s happening.

This way when we see someone and we have something to say, we would just look at them and say, “Just so we’re clear, we are meeting in my living room, you are sitting in the green chair and we are reading from the Script for Effective Communication. I’m starting on Page Two, Line 14 and you sit and listen to me until your part, which is on Page 25.”

But we don’t get scripts! We get nada. Except of course the ones in our heads.

Have you ever gone over what you were going to say to someone in your head and it went perfectly fine? It was like a top notch performance. You got things off your chest, you felt great and you imagined the person you were talking to hearing everything you said and agreeing.

But then in the real world, not the script one, when you actually had the conversation or at least tried to, noting came out. Or if anything managed to eek its way out it was something about the weather or shoes. You didn’t even touch base on that Academy Award winning speech you gave in your head! And of course the minute you leave, it all comes back to you.

I like acting for many reasons. One of them is the script. It’s pretty logical. There is no guess work with what they want you to say. The problems is…how do you say it?

Do you have any idea how many ways you can say, “Robert, is that you?” Go ahead, try it!

Casting Directors don’t tell you how to say things, they expect you to know. But am I putting the emphasis on ROBERT or on YOU? Am I sounding like a question after Robert? Or waiting till the end after you? I mean, there are so many ways to say that one stinking line!

You can understand now why I might fudge an audition from time to time. I call it burning the potatoes. You have the recipe, you know how to make them and yet the simplest dish can be ruined if you get caught up with the whole idea of making them.

By the way, I said the line with the emphasis on you and then I had to pretend I was killed. THAT was a whole other thing and I’m sure I probably screwed that up.

Have fun whatever you are doing and don’t think too much about how to say what you have to say or how to say it. We’re all learning. Nobody’s perfect and unless you’re auditioning for a television show, it just doesn’t matter. What matters is that you speak your truth.

Dirty Laundry

Napolean used this proverb when he returned from his exile in Elba in 1815. A simple expression that refers to unsavory secrets about one’s private life that are brought to the public’s attention when they should be kept at home.

There are those who air their own dirty laundry and then there are those who air other peoples’.

Why do people air their dirty laundry? Is it so they feel better? Is it because they want someone to agree with their point of view? Or is it to diminish another person’s reputation so that they look like a saint? Whatever the reason, if someone wants to talk about their stuff, so be it, but when they bring someone else into their mess, this is a red flag.

We have all fallen prey to gossip at some point. You may not personally engage in the conversation, as a gossiper divulges information about someone else, but if you listen to it, you are essentially gossiping yourself.

I don’t like gossip. I have ended relationships with people who gossip. It might surprise you that I am a very private person and do not share intimate details of my life with too many people. I value the relationships I have with others as well, so when someone tells me something in private, the information goes no further.

But when people tell others things they have heard and relay it like they were there first hand, there is something really wrong with it. The saying goes, “Until you walk a mile in their moccasins” and if you haven’t done that, than you have no business speculating.

It has been my experience that people who gossip not only like attention, they really don’t like it when other people are doing better than they are. There is a disdain and bitterness that spews from them as they speak poorly about others. Doing so makes them feel like they are okay since they don’t have “those” problems, but I bet dollars to donuts they have far worse ones!

Have you ever given someone news about something you’re doing and you are super excited about it? They smile and say, “Congratulations!” but you get a feeling they don’t really mean it. There is an insincerity about it. That’s because deep down you know the minute your back is turned, they will talk to anyone who will listen about your latest venture and how ridiculous it is.

Nothing seems to be off the table when it comes to a gossiper. The juicier the story, the better. Sometimes people even make one up. This is done when someone has decided to end all prospects for you because they cannot fathom the idea of you moving on without them.

It’s called a smear campaign. This is when YOUR dirty laundry becomes front and center. It’s been used forever by candidates running for office. However, you need not be running for office to have a smear campaign done against you. All you have to do is try and live a life without a company or person/s who don’t want to see you go, and the smearing will commence.

This is done so insidiously, the gossiper actually makes you feel sorry for them. It is meticulously played out and done with such conviction, that you actually begin to think the person they are trashing is a horrible beast, which is a win to the gossiper who has vowed to ruin the person they talk poorly about at any cost.

Some companies will not let you go without a fight, nor will some exes. In fact, they become so enraged by the audacity of your departure, your name is mud. They will villainize you, make you look crazy and completely unbalanced.

Sounds absolutely nuts, right? I mean, wouldn’t it be obvious if someone were doing this? The answer…nope! The smear campaign is so convincing because when your ex company or ex in general starts to talk negatively about you, it’s done with feelings of hurt and conviction, so others will believe what they hear.

They might go on to say they can’t understand how it ended so abruptly. In fact, they seem to be clueless about it. They will say there must be something wrong with you. He/she always had a lot on his plate. He/she must be going through a midlife crisis. He/she never got over that one incident. The key point they are trying to bring home is this: there is something wrong with the person they are smearing.

There will always be an element of truth to their smearing. You did leave the company or ex for a better life, so that is true. But the smearer will go on to say that all they ever wanted was for you to be happy, to succeed, to feel loved. Ultimately they will make it look as though you never cared at all and that you can’t keep your commitments.

The way they seal the deal is by saying, “I don’t want to sound mean” or “They have me worried”. These phrases or similar ones are meant to imply that no matter how hard they tried to keep you, you were a problem. And you’re not only a problem, you’re hopeless and impossible.

Others will simply come right out with it and say you are a lunatic. And then they will tell story after story about all of the awful things you’ve done. This means they take every vulnerability you have ever shared with them in private (adding extras they make up) and air your dirty laundry for anyone who will give them an audience.

I’ve heard a few people carry on as they bash someone they were in a relationship with or a company they worked for. I am always fascinated by the victim mentality behind it all. The one constant that is there is the lack of accountability. This is another red flag.

While it may be difficult to get up and leave when someone starts in about other people, remember this: people who talk about others are clearly talking about you, so why even give them an audience? Don’t you have better things to do?

Wanna Know?

Sabrina Claudio has a lovely voice, but do you wanna know what I think is even far more beautiful? People who speak their truth.

The world is in desperate need of more Love, Compassion, Integrity and Voices right now. The latter being those who aren’t afraid to stand up for what they believe in, no matter what is going on around them or what others will think.

I love hearing the voices of people who are passionate about something, no matter what it is.

I am completely passionate about animals. All kinds! I worked for years (for free) helping to find abandoned animals new homes. Sometimes they found mine and ended up staying. My family is very good about this work I feel called to do and they have always assisted me in the process.

When I see someone being mean to an animal you know what I wanna do? I wanna say something to them, so I usually do. I have done this in the past and it didn’t bode well for the animal. The man I spoke with grabbed his dog by the neck even harder and I felt completely powerless.

But it has never stopped me. I’ve always said I will probably die helping animals. My voice will reach the ears of someone who refuses to hear what I have to say and they will shoot me. But it’s a risk I take because I refuse to sit back and not use the most powerful tool I have. My voice.

What do you use your voice for? Is it to spread lies or is it to spread love? Are you willing to have your voice heard, even when others may not agree?

No matter how squeaky, how obnoxious, loud or soft, your voice is needed more than ever now. And quite honestly, the world would love to hear it!

Saying Nothing Says a Whole Lot

No one can deny this is a beautiful song. But the meaning behind it is rather tragic.

Waiting for someone to tell you how they feel after you have already tried to convey your feelings to them and them not saying anything in return, says more than some of us can handle.

The words we long to hear don’t come, so we imagine the worst and stop giving to someone who is not receiving, and we walk away. Words can be weapons or they can be beautiful, but when we don’t speak them at all, it leaves others to wonder how we feel. And of course, we always imagine the worst.

Why is it so hard for some people to express themselves? Were they shot down as a child every time they did? Were they raised in a house like my grandmother, where they were told, “Children should be seen and not heard?” Perhaps every time they did try to convey their feelings they were laughed at or told it was wrong.

It doesn’t matter. None of that really matters. What does matter is how not expressing yourself and what you really feel just keeps perpetuating your past and denying you of love and authentic relationships.

It can be hard to express ourselves. I work very hard on this with my children. Sometimes we have arguments and they express themselves very well. It’s the apology that has a harder time coming, but it does. Eventually it does.

I have taught them to express themselves their entire lives and I have also taught them that it is equally important to acknowledge when you have said things that are hurtful or done something that made someone angry. I practice what I preach and there have been many times where I have had to apologize to them. We are very honest with one another and share a mutual respect.

This love, honesty and respect can be had in any relationship, but it does require saying something. You can always start with I’m sorry, How are you, I was just thinking about you, or Can we talk. They all work.

An authentic relationship will require you to be vulnerable. Are you ready to say something or do you want to keep having ones that are superficial?