If you are a person who keeps playing the same record over and over again, then how can you possibly expect anything to change in your life?
You can’t! And maybe you don’t want change. Maybe you are a person who runs from it. Maybe you continue to do the same things to people and to yourself and yet you still aren’t happy. I mean, it’s easy to blame others for your misery, but…
In order to change the record, you have to change yourself. Yet, so few of us are willing to do this. We would rather throw the blame on someone else, then to take any kind of accountability whatsoever.
I am literally in awe of how people do this. It is a complete injustice to those who are being blamed. You cannot even imagine that it’s real, because its such a mind fuck that someone would stoop to such a level, especially when they proclaimed to have loved you at one point.
But if they haven’t changed the record, they are simply perpetuating it, because it is what they were taught to do.
Records are meant to be broken, they aren’t meant to be repeated or stay the same. We all watch the Olympics hoping for new records, but sadly, in our personal lives, we do nothing at all about making changes or doing better… we simply repeat what we were brought up with.
I am a person who saves bugs from my pool. I’m actually relieved that I am selling my home for this one reason alone. It’s exhausting and a full time job, but one I take very seriously. I find it a complete injustice when a bug falls into it and can’t escape, so I go out there very morning and throughout the day, looking for bugs to save. I also water the birds at least three times a day because the water gets hot. I also save worms from the sidewalk after a storm and give to the three generations of kids that have come through my neighborhood selling chocolate bars for Big Brothers. The first guy who came through when I first moved in told everyone afterwards that I was a nice lady and would do so. I have taught my children these lessons of life and how important it is to honor nature and other people in need. It is what has always made me, me.
So when my youngest told me today that his father said that he had been brainwashed against him, I literally burst into tears. First of all, my three boys are independent thinkers and pride themselves on speaking their truth. This apparent slight meant to question my character, was one they took very personally, and it didn’t land the way he had hoped it would.
The injustice I feel cannot be expressed into words. I’m like one of the bugs floating in my pool, but no one is coming to save me. It’s just me, once again, having to save myself and my children from the grief, the frustration, the questions that have no answers and the outright injustice that we all feel.
We are morning the loss of our home, our family, and our dog. I spent 22 years with this person, only to have him question my honor, my integrity, my heart and to not only have him try and disparage me to my own children, he does this to anyone who will give him an ear. Why do people listen to such vitriol? Why doesn’t someone question how he spent so much time with a person, that he now finds lacking?
I’m the person who saves bugs from a pool! And I can promise you, that I will never do this to him. I have no reason to. I am saddened by all of it and wish it would have turned out differently.
If you’re a person playing the same record, then break it already! It’s not working for you. You can only be the victim of your story for so long. At some point, if you want a loving and lasting relationship and to be happy, you have to take accountability. Otherwise, you’re just some schmuck playing broken records. And people who know their worth, have no time for that.