Mirror Mirror

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Man In The Mirror

I’m a sucker for Disney movies! I watched Snow White this week and as the evil step mother looks into the mirror and asks, “Who is the fairest of them all?” I had a revelation.

I used to hear the word “mirroring” all the time when I was forced on this spiritual journey. You know what I mean by that because, well, you don’t really have a choice. Once you start seeing things differently there’s no not seeing them, so you have to just keep going.

I digress.

I would hear spiritual teachers say, “You don’t like that person because they are mirroring something back to you.” What did that even mean? The more I thought about it, the more confused I got.

I mean, there were some women in my life with a resting bitch face that could be sold on Halloween. And the men? Equally as ugly. They disregarded me, treated me as though I were beneath them or tried to control me, just to make their disempowered selves feel  more powerful. Was I them? As hard as I tried to see it, I just didn’t, because I knew I was nice, so I couldn’t grasp how I attracted so many meanies into my life.

Well, it took me a very long time to get this one, so I am going to share it with you just in case you are wondering what the people (we’ll call them mirrors) you are looking into are really reflecting back to you. (You should get excited now..this is a game changer!)

They are mirroring YOUR unhealed wounds. Things that happened to you in your childhood. You see, at some point in your childhood, someone either made you feel less than, disregarded, abandoned, unsafe, bullied, controlled, disempowered, unloved, and plain old not good enough. All of the big ones!

And because no one cared what your feelings were, you were just a child after all and what kind of a voice were you allowed to have…you learned to stuff it all inside. And now, years later, you’re wondering why you keep attracting the same boss, the same men, the same women. Blah blah ad nauseam.

This little kid, now a grown ass adult, has been trying to get your attention for a long time. But you keep shoving it down, ignoring its pleas and outright dismissing any wrong doing to it, much like the adults in your life did to you. But now the little kid has had it, so all of that pain is surfacing, begging to be healed once for all, by way of the asshole standing in front of you, making you feel horrible.

This is mirroring. You are not, nor have you ever been this horrible person who is making you feel bad. This person who puts you down, embarrasses you, makes nasty comments, tries to control you, takes advantage of you, lies to you or maybe even dismisses you altogether, is someone from your childhood.

Your response in your body is a telltale sign that you are being triggered by them and is an opportunity for you to finally listen to that little kid who was shut down. The way you feel when you are around this person, their tone of voice or something they say, the way they look at you or even roll their eyes when you talk, are all clues that this mirroring is happening to you.

Your unhealed traumas from childhood show up in random people as a gift. I know that sounds ridiculous, but once you see these people for who they are, you will no longer be controlled by them. You can look at each of them as a door that is opening, until finally that little kid is set free.

Who were when you came into this world, before the adults in your life gave THEIR shit to you? I’ll tell you…amazing, limitless, lovable, strong, talented, brilliant, beautiful and innocent.  Take that back! You have the key, but as long as you keep holding onto the stories that were given to you, instead of making your own, you will attract the same people who disempower you, until you do.

The step mother in Snow White saw this purity in her step daughter and she was jealous of it. People who put you down, treat you poorly and judge you are really jealous of you because they see all of these qualities in you but do not know how to give it to themselves, so they take yours instead.

We all possess beauty, inner beauty. There is no need to disparage someone else to have it. If someone is doing this to you, then it is because you have unhealed childhood wounds that are needing attention.

There is no need to look at people who don’t love you unconditionally anymore. We’re done with that! Lesson learned! And if you haven’t yet gotten it, then ask yourself what it is they are showing you that needs to be healed. Do you love yourself enough to finally get this?

See all of those people as alerts: “Danger Will Robinson!” your inner child is saying, begging you to look at it, hear it, help it.  We only ever attract people into our lives who mirror how we feel about ourselves on the inside. Does that make sense? I hope so!

Stop looking for mirrors, unless you’re doing your makeup or hair. Look within! That is where all of your answers are and your freedom too.

Kintsugi

pottery

Is a Japanese art form in which breaks and repairs are treated as part of the object’s history. Broken ceramics are carefully mended by artisans with a lacquer resin mixed with powdered gold, silver or platinum. The repairs are visible — yet somehow beautiful.

We are all Kintsugi, aren’t we? Beautiful, broken human beings from heartache, pain, suffering and life in general. Through all of the trials and tribulations we have managed to pull ourselves together and rise above the constant barrage of garbage that was thrown our way.

We are walking stories; histories filled with suffering, rejections and abandonments. Our wounds are our gold, much like the cracks that are fixed in the Japanese art form. So why do we not bring attention to them instead of hiding them away?

As we ascend and look further into ourselves, instead of into others for answers, we are forced to ask, “Who am I without all of the masks I wear, trying to impress others? Why am I afraid to share who I really am? Why do I pretend to be something I am not? And Why do I accept less than what I know I deserve?

Why do we struggle so much with these questions, when it really doesn’t have to be so complicated. Why don’t we embrace the parts of us that we perceive as broken, because in actuality they aren’t really broken at all. They are simply kintsugi.

Our history should be embraced whole heartedly, because it has made us who we are, which is nothing more than perfect.

May you look at your flaws as a piece of art, instead of hiding them away, and let those who are willing to see you for who you truly are, into your heart.

 

 

 

 

 

Humor

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the quality of being amusing or comic, especially as expressed in literature or speech.

God, do I love humor! I honestly cannot live without it. While most people might not find things funny, I often find them hilarious. I especially love that my children all have terrific senses of humor.

I was at an audition yesterday and a woman sat down next to me that was rather… well I’ll just say, snappy (this word comes to mind because I deal with dogs in shelters every day). I would much rather deal with a snappy dog though in lieu of a snappy woman or man, especially one in a purple jumpsuit.

I was texting my oldest (who calls most days while walking the campus) and I burst into laughter. He has this quick witted stream of consciousness humor and often tells me frat stories. I was never a fan of him joining one, especially after the torture he endured to get in. I just didn’t get it. He said the new pledges had it easy and then went on to tell me he sent a pledge to class for him and had another build a futon and I burst into laughter. Wonderful news! (read with sarcasm) We are paying out of state tuition for him to learn to be more savvy. I think I may have snorted I laughed so hard. People looked over at me like I had said something profane and all I did was laugh.

People don’t laugh anymore and if they do it’s usually just a little chuckle. They are so worried about what others think of them if they let go, they walk around stiff all day. I don’t know about you, but I always laughed as a kid. Most kids do. Have most of us forgotten that little kid inside of us and what is wants? I think so.

My little kid likes candy, stomping her feet sometimes when she doesn’t get her way, singing out loud to music, asking for what she wants, getting presents, people to listen to her and dogs. She also likes to play. She likes it when I just take a day and do nothing. She likes to walk barefoot, too, especially at the beach. Although I can’t really appease her now since it’s cold outside, I will wear flip flops around the house.

It’s important that we listen to that kid inside of us. He/She has all the answers you could ever want. I know this because I have done a tonnnnn of inner work. Every time I have a tapping session ( you have to have a sense of humor to tap!) I lose years of garbage. Somewhere in the rubble is generally that little kid trying to crawl her way out. She knew all along what she wanted and how valuable she was, but people around her had their beliefs and programs, therefore she took those on. This is what happens to all of us. The key to healing is listening to that little kid.

The little kid loved Our Gang, the adult me loves Arrested Development. I think the acting is amazing. The timing is so magnificent and I love every character. I don’t know how many times I have watched it, but I am currently watching it again. I know when I turn it on, I am going to laugh.

I do not like the news. I see enough of what is done by people to dogs, I don’t need to see what they do to other people and our environment. I choose to focus on only what I want, not what bothers me. I cannot do anything about other people and it is futile to try and change another, especially when it’s so damn easy to change myself.

I stopped writing on this blog for a bit because I needed to focus on myself in a very introspective way. Writing is a wonderful tool but can wind up being another escape like alcohol, drugs or gambling, if a person is not grounded. I needed to dive deep and heal parts of myself that kept searching out there for answers and fulfillment, instead of going within for them. Now that I have, I feel free.

With this new found freedom from everything that kept me in shackled to a past that no longer serves me, I am excited about my future. I know great things are on the horizon but have no expectations whatsoever in how they come or what they look like. I just trust because I know without a doubt that it involves humor and happiness.

After a year of intense inner work and healing the inner child, I finally understood what it meant to love unconditionally. It was never about loving someone else, it was and always will be about loving yourself. Once you can conquer that, everything we have ever wanted really is a possibility.

Look for the humor in things and if you can’t find it, watch Arrested Development.