Musical Inspiration Posts

The X Factor vs The Ex Factor

a noteworthy special talent or quality. a variable in a given situation that could have the most significant impact on the outcome.

When we think of the x factor in a person it means they have a very special personal quality about them and that they have an unpredictable influence on us. It’s always a good one too. They are unforgettable by nature, which is what makers them so special.

The light a person with the x factor brings is a bright one, so a person who doesn’t love themselves will be repelled by it. This is because people who have this light are able to see everyone for who they really are, not what they are pretending to be and while it is a breath of fresh air for anyone to be really seen, it is also terrifying because it makes them feel so vulnerable.

If they feel triggered by this kind of love they will repel it. They might get angry at you, push you away, say or do mean things to you, anything, just so you will leave them alone. It’s literally ridiculous that a person would reject such love, but because they are emotionally closed off, it becomes easier to do this, then to work on themselves and the connection.

If you are a person who doesn’t see your potential, plays small to keep others happy, is a yes man or yes woman or simply puts your life on hold or to the side just to appease others, then you will not know what to do when you meet someone who sees all of your potential and loves you for who you are, not what you can do for them.

When a person who comes from a space of unconditional love meets someone who has been raised with tons of conditions on love, the relationship between the two of them will be over-wrought with conflict and extremely challenging.

This conflict comes from the inner struggle of an individual who doesn’t trust real love because they have never known it. What they have known is guilt, tit for tat, puppet strings and shame. So when another person ignites feelings in them they have never felt before, they won’t know what to do with it and will self sabotage a relationship with someone offering genuine love and go towards someone with the same emotional baggage.

If you are a person who spreads light wherever you go, you face a harsh and painful reality that some people cannot accept your light. It’s just easier for people who struggle with self esteem and self worth to push you away and accept what they have known their whole lives, because it doesn’t require any work. They just press the reset button after they have discarded you and go back to what they know, even if it means losing someone who loved them so deeply.

The best thing you can do is pick yourself up, learn the lesson and give all of that attention and love you once gave to another who didn’t know what to do with it, back to yourself. When you come from a space of loving others unconditionally, you can’t stop shining, but what you can do, is learn to discern who you let bask in your light.

And for the people who refuse to change, despite meeting people who brought you so much light, your heart has already been opened by them and once a heart is opened it can’t be closed, no matter how hard you try to harden it. Taking the easy route might work for a time, but eventually it catches up to you. This is when your x factor person crosses your mind, and sadly, you aren’t even on theirs anymore.

This is a really hard lesson to learn but a valuable one for sure. Hopefully when you learn it, you not only bask in the light the next time it comes around, you embrace it wholeheartedly and give it back ten-fold, instead of running from it.

If you can learn to embrace the x factor in someone instead of being fearful of it, you will never be an EX factor again. You’ll just be living your best life with them.

Pick Up the Phone

Have you ever called someone you really want to talk to and their phone goes to voice mail and then you hesitate, wondering if you should leave a message?

I mean, a message is a commitment. It’s an acknowledgement of your feelings. You’re putting yourself out there, totally exposed, hoping for reciprocation.

And if they don’t have voicemail that says their name, just some generic Apple version of leave a message, you wonder if they are even going to get it. And if you are brave enough to go ahead and leave a message, if you don’t hear back from them, you can always use the days gone by method of answering machines, where you say, “They must not have gotten the message.”

But we all know that if someone really wants to talk to you, they find a way. It doesn’t matter if it is through text, email or carrier pigeon. If a person really wants to reach out, they just do. They face whatever insecurities are going on inside of them, and they let you know that they are thinking about you, even if it’s just a simple text that says, “Hey!”

Call me a romantic, I don’t care! I watched Serendipity last night and just felt this complete and utter “Yes” this is what I want feeling. A person who understands how rare a soul connection is with someone and will cast aside what others think of them in order to have this beautiful connection. The guy literally called off his wedding to be with the one he loved.

If you’re a person struggling with if you should pick up the phone or not, in order to tell someone how you feel, pick up the phone….I’m sure the person you are thinking about is thinking about you too, otherwise you wouldn’t be feeling such a pull towards them.

Serendipity…it’s a magical thing.

Waiting in Vain

without success or a result.

I don’t know anybody who likes waiting. While the word sounds like we are doing nothing, we are actually doing a lot. It takes a lot of effort to wait.

When we are waiting we aren’t just sitting around waiting for the phone to ring, we are usually trying to keep ourselves busy so we don’t focus on what we are waiting for. We are actually taking an action of staying where we are because there is a delayed reaction until a particular time or until something else happens.

That’s a mouthful! But you get what I’m saying. Waiting is exhausting!

I wait a lot for work. Auditions come in with this excitement and an energy of promise and I do them way before they are asked for. Once I hand them over to my agents, there is this process of waiting. Sometimes the jobs shoot within a week and other times they shoot a month from the audition. I try not to look at the callback dates because then I will focus on that instead of booking the job and if the date comes and goes, I get flustered. When this happens I’m off my game and then I am waiting for another audition to come in.

Maybe you are waiting on something now. You are probably doing everything possible to stay busy. This is a good thing to do because you won’t be so obsessed with what you are waiting for.

But waiting in vain for love is something none of us should ever do. To wait on someone implies we don’t love ourselves enough. If someone loves you, they don’t wait for anything, they see you for who you are and what you mean to them and they take action towards you. There is no waiting involved when you love someone because there is nothing to figure out.

Love doesn’t require a wait time. It’s just love. So if you are currently waiting on someone to decide whether or not you are the one for them, if you are enough for them or good enough for them, then please do yourself a favor and stop waiting. There are far too many people in this world who want what you want, so don’t wait for someone who doesn’t.

A telltale sign that a person isn’t on the same page with you is the action they take towards you. If they aren’t taking action, they are a distraction and you are perpetuating this endless cycle of waiting on someone who doesn’t know what they want.

The person who is your person will want to be with you, and there will be no waiting about it.

Fire

Yesterday I was on fire. Not the kind of fire like…my life is going smashing and everything is going my way kind of fire, but the kind of fire with flames and heat.

And I slept through the whole thing!

I didn’t feel the need to have accupuncture (usually I have something wrong with me) but I went for well being thinking it couldn’t hurt. When I got there the husband was there and we chatted for a bit.

Him:

Me: I’m hearing inflammation, gone, herbs. He extends his hand across the desk towards me. I know this means to put my wrist down on the little satin pillow so he can check my pulse. I watch him as he listens to both wrists like he’s some wrist whisperer and wonder what the heck he’s thinking. He writes down a bunch of Chinese characters on a piece of paper.

He gets up from behind the desk and walks me to the stairs. He puts his arm out and smiles. The accupuncture rooms are down there so I make my way to my usual haunt.

He follows behind and says, “My wife not coming. I do accupuncture.”

He shuts the door, I strip down to my undies and lie on the bed. Yes, he’s basically a complete stranger to me and I should feel a bit of apprehension I suppose for being half naked in front of him, but believe it or not, I strip down in front of strangers all the time.

That didn’t come out right.

I go to fittings for acting and modeling and have to change very quickly. Most times I do it in front of the wardrobe people. If you are filming with others they are doing this too and we are all numb to it because we do it so much that nobody cares.

If I knew someone intimately and was going to strip down, I would probably be apprehensive. Isn’t that odd? Actually I don’t know if I would apprehensive. It’s been so long, I might throw my clothes across the room! I’m feeling flushed right now. What was I talking about?

Oh yeah! Accupuncture!

As I am lying with my face down on the table, the husband returns and puts the needles in my body. Some hurt. This means there is a blockage. I resign to the initial pain and breathe through it. Then he says something about needles and heat but the rest of it sounds like this:

When he’s all done with the needles I smell this sage patchouli scent (none of which I like) and it proceeds to smell like this almost the entire time I am in there. I do feel a warmth, perhaps a little warmer than usual, but they always put a heat lamp on me so I assume it’s that.

As the smell subsides about 25 minutes into my treatment, I pick up my head a bit and look at my right hand. There is a huge needle in it with a black thing on it. It looks like it’s been charred and then I look at my left hand and see three more needles with the same thing. It suddenly occurs to me that the smell and the heat was me…on fire.

He comes to take the needles out, says a few more things I don’t understand and I meet him upstairs to get more herbs. He says something about next week, I thank him and head back home.

When I get home I research what has just happened and this is what I discovered:

Warm needle acupuncture (wenzhen; 温针) is where moxa cones are placed on the handle of the needle, after the needle has been inserted. Once lit, heat transmits along the shaft of the needle to the acupuncture point. Moxa refers to the herb mugwort (Artemisia vulgaris) that is burnt to warm specific parts of the body, including acupuncture points.

Mugwort! Like in Harry Potter. I’m so glad we have this language barrier because in all honesty, if I would have understood what he said he was going to do, I would have probably run out the door.

Sometimes ignorance is bliss and a pleasant surprise.

Paranoid

Paranoia is a thought process that can result in people experiencing irrational mistrust and suspicion of others.

In relationships there will always be this constant worry about a person’s loyalty. A paranoid person will constantly wonder if their partner is unfaithful or if the relationship will even last.

If you are paranoid you will self sabotage every relationship you have by all of the “what ifs” that run through your head or you may run a program of “I’ll leave you before you leave me” so you never let anything get off the ground.

Paranoia can be caused by genes, chemicals in the brain or by a stressful or traumatic life event. If a person has had traumatic relationships, like being left by a love partner, they might fear abandonment or rejection and think their feelings won’t be reciprocated because they were hurt prior. This type of thinking keeps them from experiencing love because they are so afraid of letting their guard down.

But if you want love in your life, you have to be willing to let go of all of these self defeating thoughts that are blocking it and jump in. It’s like being at the beach and you’re hot but the water isn’t quite yet warm. But the waves keep calling you and eventually you get up and walk towards the water. You might dip your toe in to test the temperature, but eventually you go for it and before you know it you are riding the waves having a great time and you can’t believe you ever hesitated.

I love this song! It reminds us not to worry. To not be so paranoid. To not let those doubts creep in when we meet someone we like, just because it didn’t work out with someone from our past.

There is no need to be scared or paranoid when you meet someone that lights you up, but there is a need to be open. Trust what your heart feels and you can’t go wrong. Go ahead….dip that toe.

Why are you so paranoid
Don’t be so paranoid
Don’t be so
Baby, don’t worry about it
Lady, don’t even think about it
You worry bout the wrong things, the wrong things
You worry bout the wrong things, the wrong things
You worry bout the wrong things, the wrong things
You worry bout the wrong things, the wrong things

Tell me right now
You really wanna spend your whole life alone?
A little time out might do you good, might do us good
Before we be done for good
Cause I could make it good I could make it hood
I can make you come I can make you go
I can make you high I can make you fly
Make you touch the sky hey maybe so
All of the time
You be up in mine checking through my cell phone baby no
You wanna kill the vibe on another night
Here’s another fight oh here we go

Baby don’t worry about it
Lady we’ll go out to the floor
Anyway they don’t know you like I do
They’ll never know you
Anyway they don’t know you like I do
They’ll never know you

All of the time
You wanna complain about the nights alone
So now you’re here with me
Show some gratitude leave the attitude way back at home
Yea you see em look
Baby let em look give us cold looks cause we look cold
Yea you heard about all the word of mouth
Don’t worry about what we can’t control
All the talk in the world lost in the world
Till you finally let that thing go
You wanna check in to the heartbreak hotel
But sorry we’re closed

Baby don’t worry about it
Lady we’ll go out to the floor
Anyway they don’t know you like I do
They’ll never know you
Anyway they don’t know you like I do
They’ll never know you

Baby don’t worry about it
Lady don’t even think about it
You worry bout the wrong things, the wrong thing
You worry bout the wrong thing, the wrong thing
You worry bout the wrong thing, the wrong thing
You worry bout the wrong thing

Anyway they don’t know you like I do
They’ll never know you
Anyway they don’t know you like I do
They’ll never know you

Anyway they don’t know you like I do
They’ll never know you
Anyway they don’t know you like I do
They’ll never know you

Loss of Control

If you’re currently experiencing feelings of unease, then you are probably also feeling a bit raw and nervous. Feeling like this brings a sense of vulnerability and if you are a person who usually likes to control things, feeling vulnerable is your kryptonite.

When we try to control our environment or other people it is because we feel so out of control within ourselves. We think that if we can control everything around us we will feel more secure, but what happens is this thinking actually controls us, because we are never enjoying where we are at, we are only ever focused on outcomes. In fact, we may spend so much time trying to control and strategize a well-played hand, that opportunities and people slip through our hands and we are full of regret.

At this juncture in life we have all lost control. We are all feeling a little nervous, maybe a whole lot of nervousness. There is apprehension in going forward with anything and an overall feeling of instability. This is really hard to take in, especially when our nature is to want to feel stable and while we may take all the steps in the world to be that way, every day shows us that our old ways of thinking aren’t going to work anymore.

“There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity.” Sound familiar? One of my favorite shows when I was a kid. I loved Rod Serling! He could deliver a monologue like no other! That show was tip top and brought us to another reality that could often times be a bit frightening, this is because The Twilight Zone was the unknown.

Welcome to the Unknown!

And don’t we all hate not knowing? It can make us feel really overwhelming, not to mention scared. The world doesn’t resemble what it did a few years ago and there doesn’t seem to be anything but the same or worse coming towards us. Last night I popped into the grocery store and the shelves were empty again. Inflation is on the up, the market is on the down and pretty much everything that was once a certainty, is now the exact opposite.

The truth is, there is no more certainty in anything anymore…except change. More change and more change. And while you may have rolled all your coins and thought you got rid of all that change, you didn’t.

Our new reality is the unknown. We have no idea what each day is going to bring now. We can try to have a schedule, plan things and be optimistic, but we really don’t know if we are on the verge of a shut down again or kicking this thing to the curb. We just wake up everyday hoping for the best now and God willing, we are doing it with people we love. Because when all is said and done, love is our super power and it is what will get us through anything.

If you are a person who has never read The Power of Now, you are literally being forced to live it. You have to resign to what you are doing at any given moment and be okay with it. When life gets hard and it seems as though there are more storms than sunshine, you have to be the buffalo. This simply means you charge directly into the storm, minimizing the pain, time and frustration that is experienced from that storm.

Or you can be the rabbit and run for cover. You can stay there hiding away from the storms all you want, but when you face the storms like the buffalo, you face your fears head on and then you have nothing to fear at all.

Even the Unknown. Embrace it my friends, and your life will get a whole lot easier.

I Am Enough

If you are bringing in the new year alone and want someone in your life, repeat after me:

I am enough. I have enough. I don’t need more money, more material belongings, a nicer car or a nicer home, to have love in my life. The right person will love me for who I am, not what I have.

Continuing to think that I need more of something outside of myself to feel better about myself or to feel good enough for someone else, is keeping me in a loop of lack. If I stay here I am going to attract people who run the same program and it won’t be real love, it will be co-dependent and I am so done with that because it isn’t love at all.

I have more than most people. I am reading a computer right now in my home. If I am missing something from my life then I have the power to change that, all I need to do is change my focus.

You have enough for someone just the way you are! And the right person will make you feel as though you have double, without having to make more or do more yourself.

The reason you feel like you aren’t enough, is because you were made to feel this way throughout your life. Consequently you search out there for more of whatever it is you think is going to fill this gaping void inside you, but you still never feel like you have enough because it isn’t out there, it’s within.

If you are taking from others in order to feel better about yourself, you are not only living in a lack mentality, you have reached a new low. This toxicity will boomerang back to you without fail. You may not connect the dots as to why everything starts to go wrong in your life, but it’s because you have done really bad things to good people and that’s not cool.

If you’re a person who has been doing the best that you can and still feel as though you just can’t meet someone special, just know that you are missing nothing, except maybe a belief. Believe that you deserve everything your heart desires just as you are, and it will be yours. It’s really that simple.

You are enough! You have enough! Now work on something that really matters: finding someone to share yourself with. And if you already have them in your life, stop working so hard and enjoy them a little more.

Up and Up

Getting better, actively rising above, coming in to your own, living large and getting larger. “Feeling damn good, I’m on the up and up!”

So while the past two years may have had a lot of us feeling like we are on down side, we now have this incredible opportunity with a new year and a fresh start, to be on the upside.

Often times the phrase, “up and up” means being honest, and I think in order to be on the up and up as a whole, honesty is required.

This honesty has to come from within. We have to know who we are and what we want and while that may sound simplistic, some of us don’t have a clue. We might say we want one thing but if we break it down, we may realize the reason we want it, actually has nothing to do with why we thought we did.

A friend of mine gave me this exercise the other day and I thought it was brilliant so I am going to share it with you.

What do you want? Ask yourself. Now ask yourself why you want it 7 times in a row. Each time you ask the why, write down your answer. When you get to the 7th time of asking why you want something, you are going to see that the reason you want it, has nothing to do with your original thought as to why you thought you wanted it in the first place.

You can do the same exercise with need as well. What do you need and why do you need it.

You see, when we know what we want, we can make a plan to go after getting it. Without knowing the why though, we can stay stuck and feel blocked because we don’t know which direction to go in.

Without any direction, you will be driven by unconscious beliefs and continue to do the same things over and over again without making any progress.

When you find out your why, you become the driver of your life and the only way you can go is up.

I See You

We all want to be seen. We want to be heard, valued, understood and seen as accomplished, strong and capable.

And while we are all heading into a new year wearing a mask where we are not seen, who we are at our soul level, is always transparent.

The masks are providing us with more than a form of protection from Covid. They are giving us an opportunity to observe others through their vision instead of our own. We now have this incredible gift to notice where other’s eyes go when we talk to them and while they may be wearing a mask, they are unable to hide who they really are.

So while we want to be seen for all of these qualities we think others value even though we know we don’t posses them, we are unable to pretend that we do anymore. This is where the mask has unmasked those who are inauthentic. And how do we know who is a fraud and who is not?

The eyes don’t lie, but people do, which is why you should be noticing if people look at you or look through you when you speak to them. Do they listen intently when you are sharing your life with them or do they look away? Do they ogle men and women with eyes like a starving wolf or do they look at them with respect and honor? Do they reflect joy and love when they stare into your eyes or do they reflect the exact opposite?

The masks, while frustrating, have brought us to this fascinating place where the phrase “eyes are the window to the soul” have become an absolute gift for us to see who people really are.

This saying simply means we can really understand a person’s emotions and thoughts, just by looking into their eyes. And at present, it is the only way we can truly observe anyone. If you are conscious, you will see who is hiding who and what they really are and those who are not.

People are scared, feeling uncertain and lonely, too. They are feeling beyond vulnerable and completely unseen, because they are so afraid to do anything. You can see it all in their eyes now. Sometimes your smiley eyes and maybe a hello, could be the gesture that makes someone feeling unseen a little more visible.

Give yourself the gift of authenticity this new year. Let yourself be seen for who you are, not what you think others want to see. Unless you’re a liar…keep that crap in 2021.

Allow love, compassion, accountability and authenticity to be your drivers going into the new year, anything in a lower vibration is going to drive you, and you won’t like the destination.

I see you! And I only see good stuff for you, but only if you are willing to be truly seen.

Have No Fear

Fear: dread, fright, alarm, panic, terror, trepidation. It implies anxiety and usually loss of courage.

Fear weakens our immune system and can cause cardiovascular damage, gastrointestinal problems such as ulcers and irritable bowel syndrome. It can lead to accelerated ageing and even premature death. It is a constricting energy.

Love can be maternal/paternal, affection felt by two people who have a romantic relationship. Love is consistently linked to lower levels of stress. Love improves your mood and makes you feel expansive.

So knowing this, it only makes sense to love more and fear less, doesn’t it?

But, sadly, there are people in the world who are incapable of love. This is because they live in fear. They fear being vulnerable. As a child they may have experienced rejection when they showed this quality, so they learned to mask this so they wouldn’t get hurt.

In order to mask vulnerability you have to master control, but control cannot exist with love. People who do this may get a taste of love from another, but they will essentially wind up rejecting it on some level. This is because they have never really known love, so when it shows up, they don’t trust it.

It seems utterly insane doesn’t it? To reject the very thing most of us want and need in our lives.

If you are going into a relationship thinking the other shoe is going to drop at some point because a person might see the real you and run the other way, then you aren’t being authentic. You have essentially put up a false front of who you really are, which is a relationship built on deception.

When a partner feels like there is a barrier between them and the one they love, the relationship is going to take a hit. They might try and communicate their feelings to try and fix this and in a normal, loving relationship their partner will understand and take steps to mend this gap. But if you are with a person who lives in fear, which means they try and control everything, they will see your communication as an argument.

As you can imagine, you won’t feel loved at all; you will feel rejected. This is because people who are incapable of love don’t love themselves. Without that, they can’t possibly love another person or even know how to experience love if they haven’t learned to love who they are first. You cannot maintain a loving relationship with someone like this because love is impossible for them.

There is no need to fear love. Love is what we all need in our lives. It really is essential. But if you are a person who hasn’t done the work to heal this core wound inside of you, when the right love comes along that uplifts you, stands by you, supports you, helps you grow, makes you reach new heights, believes in you, has your backs when no one else does and just a smile from them catapults you into higher levels, you will reject their love because your control won’t allow them fully in.

This fear based person will stay stuck in a loop of negativity and blame others for the lack of love they experience in their lives. And if they lose someone who once loved them, they will blame them for leaving, instead of taking accountability for their lack of showing that person love.

But the person who understands that fear can never be the basis of a relationship and that the love we seek outside of ourselves can only be found within first, is the person who lives a more fulfilled life.

Love conquers fear. So if you are a person who lives in fear, just know that you can experience love at any time, it just requires you to be vulnerable. But for some, control is a whole lot easier. Loneliner, but easier.