Thoughts

Waxing Nostalgic

This song came on my playlist as I was taking my morning walk today. I laughed when I heard it because it reminded me of my summer crush all during junior high named, Eddie Ochoa. Sounds like a food when I think about it. Like artichoke or paella or something.

All of the girls at the pool I swam at used to chase him around the grounds and then dive in the lap pool and then into the diving one as he ran away from them all. I’m not sure what they would have done if they actually caught him, or what he would have done for that matter, but this went on every time he was there.

He was quite cavalier about it; I guess because it was his daily summer routine and he had grown used to all of the attention.

I watched from the sidelines sitting in a chair or on the lawn, in a white t-shirt my mother made me wear because my skin burned like a piece of bacon in the sun. My nose was covered in white zinc oxide and I had a fondness for ice cream sandwiches, which did not help my already yam shaped body. Needless to say, I wasn’t the picture of glamour!

To say that Eddie, with his olive skin and joie de vivre approach to life, as he did flips and turns off the high dive was a person I thought would ever give me the time of day is an understatement, so I admired him from afar instead of trying to talk to him.

A great day was when he splashed me in the face! It meant he had taken notice of me. If I were to relay this story to my mother later, she would say, “He probably has a crush on you and doesn’t know what to say.”

Mothers! Always with the lies to try and make you feel better about your awkward teenageness. I was teased a lot by boys growing up. She always gave me the same line! But school pictures don’t lie!

When I think back now on all of those summer days where I would sit on the sideline and wonder what it would be like to take part in the chase, I can’t believe how utterly paralyzed I was to do so.

Why didn’t I go up to him and tell him how much I liked him? Maybe my mother was right. She’s right about a lot of stuff and often times I don’t tell her. But there is something about the element of attraction to another that gets us all up in our heads and thinking too much about the what ifs, instead of staying in our hearts, where we feel fantastic when we think about them.

Consequently, we play it safe and wind up settling for a splash in the face instead of something greater, like a swim in the pool. We will replay the scenarios over and over again in our minds like it happened yesterday, thinking about all of the ways things could have worked out, if only we had done…

This nostalgia seems to take place when we are feeling melancholy. It’s a really bad place to stay, especially when we are wanting more. When you are feeling melancholy you are not in the flow and are essentially stuck in your head.

Wherever Eddie is, I’m sure he is happy. He was always happy, so I can’t imagine that has changed much about him. If I were back at that pool today and know what I know now, I wouldn’t have given him the time of day. I realize now that accepting a splash in the face instead of a swim in the pool would be me selling myself short and I know I deserve a whole lot better.

The point here is this; when waxing nostalic don’t stay there! Let the good times bring a smile to your face and by all means let the bad ones go. Replaying a memory over and over again that was hurtful only begets more of the same. The past is the past! You are in the present, so stay there.

Wherever you are Eddie Ochoa, I hope some girl finally caught you! And more than anything else, I sure hope you didn’t disappoint her!

Believe

There comes a point in all of our lives where we are asked to believe in the impossible. Whether that has to do with your work, your health, the health of another, or the love you seek out there somewhere.

We might wait for what seems like an eternity, or a thousand years for this magical moment to appear, but when it does we are seldom ready for it.

We are usually preoccupied with other things and thus, we don’t even recognize a miracle, or something we wished for, prayed for, that is right in front of us.

It may not look like what we thought, or present itself in a manner that we had imagined, but it appears none the less, from the heavens of which we asked it. This is a test from the Universe to see how badly we really want it.

Often times we dismiss it, assuming it is too good to be true, but later on we realize how perfect it really was and we feel as though it is too late to do anything about it, for we have already dismissed it as though it were commonplace and are now left with feelings of despair.

But it is never too late. Time is merely an illusion and there is no amount of time, even a thousand years, that can keep the truth away.

The heart wants what the heart wants, so why deny it?

Follow your heart! No matter what what you wished for really looks like, sounds like or the manner in which it appears. It is what you wished for after all and the Universe never disappoints.

Dirty Laundry

Napolean used this proverb when he returned from his exile in Elba in 1815. A simple expression that refers to unsavory secrets about one’s private life that are brought to the public’s attention when they should be kept at home.

There are those who air their own dirty laundry and then there are those who air other peoples’.

Why do people air their dirty laundry? Is it so they feel better? Is it because they want someone to agree with their point of view? Or is it to diminish another person’s reputation so that they look like a saint? Whatever the reason, if someone wants to talk about their stuff, so be it, but when they bring someone else into their mess, this is a red flag.

We have all fallen prey to gossip at some point. You may not personally engage in the conversation, as a gossiper divulges information about someone else, but if you listen to it, you are essentially gossiping yourself.

I don’t like gossip. I have ended relationships with people who gossip. It might surprise you that I am a very private person and do not share intimate details of my life with too many people. I value the relationships I have with others as well, so when someone tells me something in private, the information goes no further.

But when people tell others things they have heard and relay it like they were there first hand, there is something really wrong with it. The saying goes, “Until you walk a mile in their moccasins” and if you haven’t done that, than you have no business speculating.

It has been my experience that people who gossip not only like attention, they really don’t like it when other people are doing better than they are. There is a disdain and bitterness that spews from them as they speak poorly about others. Doing so makes them feel like they are okay since they don’t have “those” problems, but I bet dollars to donuts they have far worse ones!

Have you ever given someone news about something you’re doing and you are super excited about it? They smile and say, “Congratulations!” but you get a feeling they don’t really mean it. There is an insincerity about it. That’s because deep down you know the minute your back is turned, they will talk to anyone who will listen about your latest venture and how ridiculous it is.

Nothing seems to be off the table when it comes to a gossiper. The juicier the story, the better. Sometimes people even make one up. This is done when someone has decided to end all prospects for you because they cannot fathom the idea of you moving on without them.

It’s called a smear campaign. This is when YOUR dirty laundry becomes front and center. It’s been used forever by candidates running for office. However, you need not be running for office to have a smear campaign done against you. All you have to do is try and live a life without a company or person/s who don’t want to see you go, and the smearing will commence.

This is done so insidiously, the gossiper actually makes you feel sorry for them. It is meticulously played out and done with such conviction, that you actually begin to think the person they are trashing is a horrible beast, which is a win to the gossiper who has vowed to ruin the person they talk poorly about at any cost.

Some companies will not let you go without a fight, nor will some exes. In fact, they become so enraged by the audacity of your departure, your name is mud. They will villainize you, make you look crazy and completely unbalanced.

Sounds absolutely nuts, right? I mean, wouldn’t it be obvious if someone were doing this? The answer…nope! The smear campaign is so convincing because when your ex company or ex in general starts to talk negatively about you, it’s done with feelings of hurt and conviction, so others will believe what they hear.

They might go on to say they can’t understand how it ended so abruptly. In fact, they seem to be clueless about it. They will say there must be something wrong with you. He/she always had a lot on his plate. He/she must be going through a midlife crisis. He/she never got over that one incident. The key point they are trying to bring home is this: there is something wrong with the person they are smearing.

There will always be an element of truth to their smearing. You did leave the company or ex for a better life, so that is true. But the smearer will go on to say that all they ever wanted was for you to be happy, to succeed, to feel loved. Ultimately they will make it look as though you never cared at all and that you can’t keep your commitments.

The way they seal the deal is by saying, “I don’t want to sound mean” or “They have me worried”. These phrases or similar ones are meant to imply that no matter how hard they tried to keep you, you were a problem. And you’re not only a problem, you’re hopeless and impossible.

Others will simply come right out with it and say you are a lunatic. And then they will tell story after story about all of the awful things you’ve done. This means they take every vulnerability you have ever shared with them in private (adding extras they make up) and air your dirty laundry for anyone who will give them an audience.

I’ve heard a few people carry on as they bash someone they were in a relationship with or a company they worked for. I am always fascinated by the victim mentality behind it all. The one constant that is there is the lack of accountability. This is another red flag.

While it may be difficult to get up and leave when someone starts in about other people, remember this: people who talk about others are clearly talking about you, so why even give them an audience? Don’t you have better things to do?

Let It Flow

How open are you to change? Are you loosey goosey to it? Willing to dip one toe in the pool or the whole foot? Or maybe you’re too rigid to change anything. In that case, you’re nowhere near the water!

Being in the flow is super easy; it’s where we allow instead of control. This simply means we wake up, may have our schedule, but if something takes us off course, we understand that we are being directed elsewhere for our highest good. Acceptance of this is the key to our happiness.

When people don’t go with the flow and are so set on staying in control, they miss out on all of the wonderful things that life is trying to bring them. It’s really interesting to observe people who are very controlled. It’s almost painful to see how routined they are. In there quest to stay in control of everything, they essentially become controlled because they are no longer living life due to their conviction of calculating their every move. How exhausting! I’m tired just writing that.

Letting go of outcomes and going with the flow is very empowering. But if I were to tell this to a person who is always in control, they would say the exact opposite. The real truth about control, is that it is an illusion. There is no control. You cannot control anything!

The more you go within and change your perceptions of people and understand that most of us are just repeating patterns and programs from our childhood, the less you feel the need to try and control anything. You understand that people are just playing out their own insecurities and they seldom, if ever, have anything to do with you.

The ironic thing about control is that when we are so committed to one path, life has a way of sending us what is called a “tower moment” so that we can be put on another one. These tower moments are generally pretty awful, but if you look at it from a higher perspective, you see that you had plenty of notices beforehand, you just chose to ignore them because you were too busy controlling how things were supposed to go according to your plan. You see, no matter how great we think our best-laid plans are, life will step in and say, “I have a better one! Trust me!”

Since I have been going with the flow I have created more abundance in my life. I don’t push for outcomes or results or have any expectations, especially of other people. I have learned to be my best advocate. All of the love, the acceptance and joy I once sought out there, I now find within.

This new way of living allows me to wake up every day with excitement. It’s like Christmas as a kid every day. I try and keep to my morning routine as best I can and then allow the rest of the day to unfold. I might have a list of things I would like to do, but when I allow for anything and everything, I usually have a pretty remarkable day.

This is called being in the flow and it is when we can magnetize anything! So if you want to be a money magnet, a love magnet or any other kind of magnet, you have to allow yourself to be in the flow. How can something wonderful even fit into your life, if you are always controlling every aspect of your day?

Be in control or don’t. I’ll be over here going with the flow cause that’s where all the magic is!

Wanna Know?

Sabrina Claudio has a lovely voice, but do you wanna know what I think is even far more beautiful? People who speak their truth.

The world is in desperate need of more Love, Compassion, Integrity and Voices right now. The latter being those who aren’t afraid to stand up for what they believe in, no matter what is going on around them or what others will think.

I love hearing the voices of people who are passionate about something, no matter what it is.

I am completely passionate about animals. All kinds! I worked for years (for free) helping to find abandoned animals new homes. Sometimes they found mine and ended up staying. My family is very good about this work I feel called to do and they have always assisted me in the process.

When I see someone being mean to an animal you know what I wanna do? I wanna say something to them, so I usually do. I have done this in the past and it didn’t bode well for the animal. The man I spoke with grabbed his dog by the neck even harder and I felt completely powerless.

But it has never stopped me. I’ve always said I will probably die helping animals. My voice will reach the ears of someone who refuses to hear what I have to say and they will shoot me. But it’s a risk I take because I refuse to sit back and not use the most powerful tool I have. My voice.

What do you use your voice for? Is it to spread lies or is it to spread love? Are you willing to have your voice heard, even when others may not agree?

No matter how squeaky, how obnoxious, loud or soft, your voice is needed more than ever now. And quite honestly, the world would love to hear it!

Change the Narrative

I find it interesting that people will say they want change but continue to do the exact opposite. You can tell they don’t mean it because they repeat the same patterns and programs like they have a thousand times before and wonder why the same shit keeps happening to them. It’s a vicious cycle and one that ultimately gets them nowhere.

You see, in order to have change, there needs to be a new narrative. You can’t expect change if you hang out with the same people, are doing the same stupid shit you always have and are sharing the same narrative. Like attracts like, so it’s redundant and counter productive if you want change. Because if you want change, then you have to make it.

But making changes for some people is so difficult, instead of cutting off what no longer serves them, they would rather cut off things and people they value most (or at least they say they do), instead. It’s unfathomable but it happens all the time.

The ego is tricky. It convinces them that they are never at fault. But let’s be honest; the blame game is so 2020! I mean, come on! At some point you have to be accountable for YOUR LIFE.

You might hate your current situation, lack of relationships or whatever your story is, but what you really hate is feeling powerless. You feel like you have no control over it and that’s just another lie you tell yourself. You have all the power!

Here’s why.

The single biggest predictor for your future success in a relationship or job or anything for that matter, is not the facts of your situation, but the story you tell about it.

If you want to change your life, you gotta change your narrative. You can’t keep repeating the same cycle and expect different results. Here are some really debilitating narratives: Ever since I turned …age, my life sucks. I wish I hadn’t made that investment. I wish I could go back in time. I wish I would have listened. I wish I would have had that drink with them. I wish I would have answered their call. I wish I wouldn’t have wasted so much time. I wish I would have gotten their back. I wish I would have taken that job. I wish I would have spoken up. If only I would have. If only this would happen.

These narratives have become a part of you. They are just as much a part of you as your organs. It’s who you are now. You have penned this story. You are the author. That’s right, you are the author! Which means, if you don’t like the story, you can change it.

If you continue to tell the same story to the same people who listen to it, you only perpetuate that story and not the one you really long to tell. What you long to tell, like all of us, is a love story, a story of success, a story of happily every after. But the real key to this conundrum comes down to who you are sharing your stories with. And more importantly, what is the story you are telling?

Is it a tall tale? A work of fiction? A horror story? Unrequited love? Trials and Tribulations? A trashy romance novel? One of revenge? Ooh…maybe its a gossip novel. You know, like a beach read for chicks.

Not too many people tell a non-fiction story. They rarely tell you how they really feel or what is going on in their lives. And they rarely confess! They don’t tell you the shitty shit they’ve done to other people.

Instead, they brag, boast and bullshit so much you would think their life is stellar, but yet they somehow seem to be in the same place emotionally, mentally, financially, physically and of course spiritually (most people who do this scoff at spirituality).

I wish someone would invent a bullshit detector app that went off when someone told anything other than a non-fiction story. How refreshing would that be! To hear the truth, the whole truth and nothing but it! Well, actually you already have a bullshit detector; it’s called your intuition and it never lies. So if you are feeling like something isn’t right, it probably isn’t.

Here is the narrative I could tell myself: If I have to shuffle down the hallway like the Dunkin Donuts guy one more time, saying, “Time to make another meal!” I’m going to take a sledge hammer to my oven!

If I don’t book an acting job in the next week I’m quitting!

If I can’t travel over seas in the next year I am going to lose my mind! If I can’t have somebody bump into me on the subway or the streets of Manhattan and have them say “What the fuck” I’m going to go to a grocery store where I live and bump into everyone until someone does!

If I continue with this particular narrative I am going to feel even more disempowered, so I need to change my narrative from a lack state to a more abundant one, because the two narratives are very different.

I think I am going to go with this narrative instead:

Ooh another sale on Etsy! I can hardly wait to sell more cards! I think I’ll try a few new restaurants this week…maybe some seafood. I know! A trip to Miami is in order. My middle son has been asking me to come, so I think I will. I think I’ll go this Thursday. Hmmm, let me ask my beautiful sister, my best friend, if she wants to join me. Jackpot! Her amazing husband wants to come too! What’s that? You want to pay for the room? The tower suite at the Biltmore Hotel for 4 nights? (not exactly Galeta, Pisa or Eiffel, but a tower none the less, so I’ll take it) You guys are the best!!! Oh gosh! The only thing that will make my little getaway complete is if somebody tells me to get the fuck out of their way in Miami International!

I like that narrative! What’s yours?

Nakshatras

I recently started a course on Jyotish, Vedic Astrology. I love it! It literally is like learning a foreign language.

I have always been fascinated with Astrology, but could never get my head around the whole concept. I can tell you a bit about Pisces, Scorpio and Leo because in Western Astrology I have those elements in my chart.

But not in Vedic! It seems my whole life I have thought I was a Pisces, when I’m really an Aquarius. No more Scorpio Moon! Now I have a Virgo one. Still a Leo ascendent, which explains for a lot.

I think the reason that I am loving it so much is that it ticks all the boxes for me. Jyotish is all about lessons; more specifically, why we came here. It can also explain why certain things happen to you in this life that are not explainable, unless of course you follow Vedic Astrology.

It’s quite simple, really. You are burning karma from a past life. This is something that you cannot control. It is your karma that you came in with. Of course with the actions you take, you will create more karma, and the cycle seems to go on and on until you burn it all off and return to the sun (the king of Grahas).

I enjoy the stories and the mythology, but am not certain if I believe all of it or not. But it is fascinating! I enjoy different cultures and hearing about their traditions and beliefs.

I am only about 10% through the course. The teacher is amazing and very thorough, which I appreciate. Hearing names like Surya, Chandra, Krishna and Vishnu can be confusing. There’s also a term called Yantra. I’ve heard of Yenta before but Yantra has nothing to do with that.

I now know that if you have a heavy Jupiter influence in your chart, you are probably in banking or finance or quite possible the military. I also know that if you want to talk to your significant other, the best time to do that would be when the Hora is in Venus because it has to do with love or maybe the Hora of Mercury, which has to do with phone calls. If you’re angry, steer clear of the Hora of Mars cause it could all go to Naraka.

There is so much to learn and I’m super excited about it all. Right now we are talking about the planets. Pretty soon we move into the Houses and then the Signs. At the end of all of this I should be able to make predictions (Vedic Astrology is very accurate), but I’m pretty good at some of those already.

For example, I can tell you that my youngest son will ask to go to the gym today around 3 even though he will have already worked out for an hour mid morning. He will mess around for another hour eating this or that and eventually we will drive over there around 4:30. I haven’t looked at his chart yet, but I’m guessing there is something in it that has to do with exercise, which wold be the Hora of Mars, and no matter how many times I try and get him to go earlier, he just can’t.

Around 5:30 I’ll open a bottle of wine my sister sent me and start celebrating another Saturday night at home. This is an easy prediction because I do it every day. I wonder if there is a drinking problem in my chart somewhere or if its just Covid. I’m calling it Covid!

When 9pm arrives I will make my way to bed after watching Atypical or Barry. I can predict you will laugh if you watch the series, Trial and Error and you will love Ricky Gervais in After Life.

I guess we are all pretty predictable when it comes to routines, but when it comes to the best time to invest, buy a house, life changes or taking risks…I think I’ll wait and see what the Bhavas have to say about that.

Here’s to predicting the unpredictable! How fun does that sound?!

We are all Fireworks Just waiting for the right thing to ignite us

So today I am celebrating. Apparently I have 30 sales on Etsy for the cards I created. I didn’t know this. I get an order, fill it and send it on its way, but Etsy knew!

I am so freaking excited about this because I do not advertise and I opened my shop in late August. I do have other platforms where I sell my cards, but Etsy was the first place I started.

I am beyond elated when I get an order. It really is like Christmas! I look at the order, the name of the person who has bought them and then go to my make shift shop and put it all together.

I take great pride in putting the orders together, just as I took great pride in making the cards themselves.

I have ordered things before and felt awful when I got the package. My goal was to create an experience for anyone who orders my cards and I have fulfilled that goal and I am very proud of it.

If you look at my reviews you will see that I have conveyed this message very well. It is apparent that I do not sell cards simply for profit, I sell them so people can feel good about their purchase.

The idea for cards came to me out of the blue. I got a deck I ordered on line and was completely disappointed with my purchase. There was no care or concern given to the item or the packaging itself and I felt cheated. I was clearly just another order and I felt that.

No one wants to feel like they have been cheated when they have paid money for something. We want to feel like we have spent our money well. Like our purchase mattered somehow and that the person who sold us that product actually cared.

This caring we long to feel comes from someone doing something not out of what they stand to gain, but out of what they stand to lose. For me its simple. I don’t want anyone to feel like they were cheated. I want them to feel special about their purchase, which is why I take such great care in packaging the cards.

I am writing this blog for anyone who has ever thought of doing their own thing and has been afraid that what they have to offer won’t be enough. You need to know that you are more than enough and what you have to offer has never been offered before, because it comes from you.

We are all fireworks, we just need to ignite our passions and then take steps towards our dreams.

Follow me on Instagram for daily readings! @thechefstableoracle and @shoptalktarot

All of my decks are available on Etsy at https://www.etsy.com/shop/EightySixedIt?ref=seller-platform-mcnav

I really am enjoying this process and look forward to creating more decks!

The Process

Inky is very inspiring and his story even moreso.

It’s funny how we travel through life always looking out there somewhere, focusing on a destination. We think it would be illogical to even engage in a situation or relationship, if we can’t see where it is headed. Without an outcome in sight we may not even be able to think about the process, let alone start one.

Most of us need a destination. We need to know the answer to that cringy relationship question, “Where is this headed?” Else we will not want to invest our time in something or someone if there is not sured success.

I struggle with this all the time. I have auditions come in, get into character, memorize my lines, do the audition, feel a connection with a client or director and then may never hear another word again. This can be extremely defeating. One might even question why I do it, since most of the time all of the effort I put in and the lack of a sured outcome generally has nothing to do with me.

But today I was reminded by my youngest son why I actually do do it. He brought up Inky to me and how anything I do should never be about the win or the destination; it should only ever be about the process.

When we change our focus from the destination and focus on the process instead, we live in the moment. We are so focused on the process that we enjoy ourselves and have fun. If we are not having fun, intrigued or driven by what we are doing, then we should not be a part of that particular process. This should be your gauge for whatever you are giving your time and attention to.

I was reminded today of why I put myself out there over and over again despite the odds that are against me. It’s because I enjoy the process and I have a ton of fun.

But damn, that logical mind is a toughy. It still says, “I need an outcome! What’s the point of all of this work if there is no win, no destination?”

And here is the answer I came up with:

We are not about a future out there somewhere, we are about what we are right now in this moment. Who are we right now? Whose lives are we effecting? What is our message? What do we stand for? What brings us joy? And what are we doing about it?

When we focus so much on the destination, we miss the journey. The sounds, the sights, the tastes, the smiles, the laughter, the sun, the moon and the stars. We miss the breeze, the breath in every moment and the sun on our face on a beautiful day. We miss the rain and the rainbows after.

The little things. We miss them all. They are the process which makes our life whole. And if we can focus on all of those little things, we will see that the destination is really the amazing journeys we each take on a daily basis by staying true to ourselves, loving others and enjoying every minute we are gifted here.

I’m going to go pour myself a cup of hot coffee now. It’s part of my morning process and I absolutely love it!

Saying Nothing Says a Whole Lot

No one can deny this is a beautiful song. But the meaning behind it is rather tragic.

Waiting for someone to tell you how they feel after you have already tried to convey your feelings to them and them not saying anything in return, says more than some of us can handle.

The words we long to hear don’t come, so we imagine the worst and stop giving to someone who is not receiving, and we walk away. Words can be weapons or they can be beautiful, but when we don’t speak them at all, it leaves others to wonder how we feel. And of course, we always imagine the worst.

Why is it so hard for some people to express themselves? Were they shot down as a child every time they did? Were they raised in a house like my grandmother, where they were told, “Children should be seen and not heard?” Perhaps every time they did try to convey their feelings they were laughed at or told it was wrong.

It doesn’t matter. None of that really matters. What does matter is how not expressing yourself and what you really feel just keeps perpetuating your past and denying you of love and authentic relationships.

It can be hard to express ourselves. I work very hard on this with my children. Sometimes we have arguments and they express themselves very well. It’s the apology that has a harder time coming, but it does. Eventually it does.

I have taught them to express themselves their entire lives and I have also taught them that it is equally important to acknowledge when you have said things that are hurtful or done something that made someone angry. I practice what I preach and there have been many times where I have had to apologize to them. We are very honest with one another and share a mutual respect.

This love, honesty and respect can be had in any relationship, but it does require saying something. You can always start with I’m sorry, How are you, I was just thinking about you, or Can we talk. They all work.

An authentic relationship will require you to be vulnerable. Are you ready to say something or do you want to keep having ones that are superficial?