Thoughts

Easy on Me

I’ve known for a long time that I am a person who upsets people. It’s clearly not intentional, it’s just something that comes with the territory of living your truth.

It started when I was in high school and I lived with people my parents married after their divorce. I never questioned who I was or my unique way of looking at life until then. But if you are a person who was raised to not question authority and are thrown into circumstances with people who feel threatened by you, you start to question everything about yourself, instead of them.

For the longest time I felt like my opinion didn’t matter. I felt ridiculed every time I tried to express it and a few times, I was even laughed at; and always by those who claimed to love me most.

Through the years I learned to suppress my feelings, my opinions, my everything. I put others ahead of myself time and time again, only to have my heart broken what most would accept as beyond repair. But not me. I open it time and time again.

I have never seen people as categories, something to gain from, something to judge. But I have become keenly aware that there are others who do. I have been challenged many times by those who felt threatened by me for no other reason than I was different. Me, a white blonde girl from Michigan different; odd even.

For many years I felt judged, less than, awkward, silly, stupid even. I allowed others to make me feel this way, which is why I feel so compelled to empower as many people as I can, so that they never feel less than anyone, ever.

I have raised my children to empower themselves because I feel it is the greatest gift I can give them. I have been ridiculed for this many times, but I don’t care. I will never let them feel dis-empowered in their lives ever again.

I have cut many people out of my life for the way they have treated me or the way they treated my children. If I don’t see change and someone tries to keep me in the same hamster wheel programming of trying to fulfill their needs instead of something that works for us both, then I let them go.

I have been ridiculed for this. Been told that I am insensitive, unforgiving, mean and crazy. All of these things are simply not true. What is true, is that if I have cut you out of my life, it is because YOU handed me the scissors, so go easy on me.

It is never easy to do this. It is not something that I take lightly, it is something that is necessary in order to heal from toxic behaviors and move forward.

When a person gets to a place emotionally where they cut someone off, it is because they have given others far too many chances and every attempt has failed. It is something a person does out of self love, not out of anything else.

If you are on the receiving end of being cut off or cut out then it’s time to look within. If you are a person who was brave enough to honor yourself by letting others know that you will no longer accept the unacceptable, then good for you.

Never feel bad for putting yourself first. Take it easy on yourself. There are those who will try and make you feel bad for leveling up, but it’s only because you are no longer serving their needs, and have finally decided to serve your own.

Lovely

I just had a lovely weekend with my middle son. He flew in from Miami to watch his youngest brother’s football game. It was so nice to have him there, because per my youngest son’s request, it’s usually just me.

We drank prosecco, ate out a few times, had some laughs, talked about everthing and I took him to get his ears pierced. We basically ticked all of the boxes he wanted to accomplish, except seeing my sister and her husband in the city which we were all disappointed about.

He left this morning at the bright and early hour of 5:30am. Like me, he likes to get everywhere ahead of time, so I totally get his wanting to be at the airport way in advance.

As I pulled away from the terminal I burst into tears. Perhaps it was me picking up on his homesickness and yearning for a place to call home or maybe he just brought mine to the surface while he was here. I have to put a brave face on for my kids because they rely on me for everything. If I don’t seem to have it together than how safe will they feel?

I’m not going to put a brave face on for my blog; it’s pretty overwhelming being the parent that everyone relies on. The cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, the rides, the expenses, the gift giving, the holidays, the showing up for everything, the ear that listens when they feel overwhelmed with emotions by the injustices they have endured, the cheerleader that always has their backs, the person they call when they need clothing or supplies for school, the one who taught them how to tie a tie and how important it was to have their own cologne and a nice suit, the one who teaches them the importance of investing and having different streams of revenue, the one who got them their first credit card, the one who has shown them to hold doors for others, to bring something to a house when you are invited, treat people with kindness, always over tip, say please and thank you, the one who tells them it will be okay when they worry, the one who speaks of their strengths and how to capitalize on them, the one who tells them when they are di&*ing around too much and to get their sh*& together, and also the one who gets to share in their wins.

My oldest calls me the GOAT. I am lucky. I wouldn’t change my role for the world, but GD it sure would be nice to have someone on this journey with me, because I am sure there are things I am not teaching three men that they should know, because I am a woman.

I have people in my life who are always there for me and I share my pains with them. I wished they lived closer. The other day I told someone I know that I felt like a single parent and they laughed. Their response was, “You’ve been a single parent since I’ve known you.” I thought about her saying that quite a bit. It’s funny how we can convince ourselves we are living one life, when others see so clearly how we are not.

It’s a long story why I am at my current residence, which clearly isn’t ideal, especially when my sons think of me as “home” and one of them has a dog. I love my children and I love dogs and I can’t imagine my life without either, but we make it work in this apartment because there will never be anything that keeps us apart.

When I try to look out there in the future somewhere it can be a bit daunting. I can’t even wrap my head around getting another house in the town I owned one in. My house was gorgeous. I created every inch of it myself. But in the end, it became just another casualty in the unnecessary fuckery of it all.

I work very hard to stay focused on each and every day. For the most part I live a pretty remarkable life. One day I’m in the city having lunch ordered for me, working for four hours, making a nice check and then being gifted the wardrobe. An hour later I’m meeting my son for drinks at a restaurant and then sitting in the sun watching my youngest play football. I give myself things to look forward to, like a visit from my oldest son next week.

All of these moments we share with those we love, make us realize just how important they are to us. A job is a job, a meal is just a meal, a house is just a house but the people in it make it a home which means an apartment can do the same thing. And material things are just items we fill our lives with, until we gift them to others, knowing what a difference it will make in their day.

But people…they are the ones who fill your life with meaning and make it ever so lovely.

Isn’t it nice to know that we get to choose who we spend our day to day with. Choose those you love and who love you. Life is a whole lot more special that way.

Scary Love

What is it about unconditional love that is so scary to us? It’s something we say we want; the happily every after of fairy tales, but then when it shows up, we run the other way.

And where is it we run? To REAL scary love. I’m talking about the toxic kind.

If you’ve never been in a toxic relationship then most likely you aren’t a person who has issues around love. Pat yourself on the back. You’re the 1%.

Having issues isn’t a horrible thing. I once saw this t-shirt that said, “I have more issues than Vogue.” It made me laugh. How can you not have some kind of issue? Look at your parents for Pete’s sake! My youngest just told me that he learned in his psychology class today that a study found that our personalities are based on 70% genetics and 30% environment. I’m not sure how he wanted me to respond, but I said, “Well, I guess you’re screwed!” He laughed.

But if you have issues around love, then you have probably had the misfortune of being in a toxic relationship, which is just the most painful thing you can ever endure. It’s like going through a wood chopper and coming out the other side. Or being punched by Mike Tyson repeatedly. Honestly, you probably don’t even know how you are still standing at this point, but something keeps you going. That something for me, is love.

It’s astonishing isn’t it? That I would still want love in my life after enduring what I have. But I do. I want it, because I have never known it. Never felt it. Never been on the receiving end of it. Not like I give. What I have felt in all of my relationships, is pain.

It wasn’t until I finally realized that these painful relationships had been sent to me in order for me to learn to love myself, that I realized how much I didn’t. Talk about scary! I mean, how could I have attracted such awful people disguised as nice ones, if I did? If you read my blog regularly than you know I am an actor, but wow, it is utterly sickening what actors people can be, when they are trying to woo someone they want to control.

It’s an aha moment for sure, when you make the frightening discovery that the person you’ve been loving on and thinking has been loving on you back, doesn’t even know what love is. What they do know, is manipulation. And you thought you had issues!

I don’t believe most people who do this are consciously aware of it, otherwise they would be a psychopath. What I do believe, is that they have deep seeded wounds that you can’t heal no matter how much you try to love them and let’s be honest…it’s not your job.

If you have had the misfortune of dealing with someone like this, then please know you are not at fault nor is there anything wrong with you. When the relationship is over you will be scratching your head trying to make sense of it all, but there isn’t any. The hardest part is realizing it was all a facade.

Emotional abuse is not talked about a lot, but it is something that should be. Just because there aren’t signs of abuse physically, doesn’t mean there aren’t ones emotionally.

The wounds an emotional abuser leaves can be so debilitating, that some people might never trust another again. How incredibly sad is that? A person who didn’t know how to love took so much from someone who did, that they don’t have the gumption to try anymore.

When you feel you heal. And once you do, you understand that part of your healing from all of that bad stuff, is trusting in the Universe, God, Spirit, whatever you believe, that the good stuff will appear. But in order to get to that place, you have to do the real scary thing and open your heart again.

My heart is wide open right now, which is why I have been manifesting so much work lately. I literally just go to jobs knowing I am going to meet really terrific people because I have worked so hard on myself that I know I only align with people who vibe where I do.

If you are still in a relationship that is toxic, I’m here to tell you that it will crumble. Anything built on a faulty foundation cannot last. That weak foundation can come in the form of lies, deception, narcissism and cheating. If you really needed to learn the lesson of self-worth, you might hit the jackpot and get all of that garbage.

Real love is not scary, it is something to embrace with both arms. If you have been through REAL scary non-love, then you know what I mean.

May we never lower ourselves ever again, to those who have nothing to bring to the table but their Tupperware, to load up on more of what we have to offer and give absolutely nothing in return.

We’ve waited long enough for the real stuff people! It’s time to start sharing our lives with someone who can meet us where we are. Someone who brings the love we so rightfully deserve. Someone who has our back instead of a knife in it. Someone who knows what it means to be honest and integral. Someone who simply loves us, flaws and all and kisses our hand at the end of the day and says, “I’m here for you. You never have to worry again.”

The Only Way To Go When You’ve Been Down, Is Up

We all hit a wall sometimes. Things may not be going our way, or at least the way we want them to, and we get discouraged. This will probably trigger us and we will either get depressed or get angry; neither one of them a very good choice.

The best choice is to allow yourself to feel what you are feeling and understand there is nothing wrong with a feeling, but it is up to you and no one else to get yourself out of this state.

An ocean isn’t always pounding its waves against the shore, nor is it always tranquil, like the turquoise waters in the Caribbean. It’s just water. It does what it does naturally. It flows.

If we can stay in the flow when things aren’t going the way we had planned or the way we like, then life gets a whole lot easier. We trust that just because we are having a bad day today, doesn’t mean it will be that way tomorrow.

Worry creates more worry and what is worry anyway? It’s based in fear. Fear that we won’t have something. This is a state of lack. The focus on the worry or lack creates more of it.

But if we can get our minds around the reality that any situation is only temporary, then we can look at each day as an opportunity to move on up out of the funk we might find ourselves in and focus on things we really want to create instead.

The entire world is mental. Not in the “he’s mental” type of way, but in the mind and thoughts sort of way. What are your thoughts telling you? What are you allowing yourself to think? Because whatever it is you are thinking about will manifest in your reality.

Our world is a vibrational one. I talk about this a lot because I see it work in my own life constantly. And I also see it not work. When things aren’t working for me it is because I am not aligned energetically with what I want. When my thoughts are on lack, they attract more of it.

Last week I was keeping a notebook of expenses. Truth be told I am luckier than most and should not make this a focus or even entertain it. I am fully capable of making money and I certainly know how to invest and save it as well. But it is a conditioned response from living with someone who constantly lived in a state of lack and the phrase of the day was, “We can’t afford it.” And while you are aware of another person’s program, if you have been around them long enough, their words and beliefs might become your own without you even realizing it. Until you do.

I had not heard from any agents in a week and then it dawned on me. The notebook. I tore out the pages, threw them in the garbage and within an hour I got an email from an agent booking me for a job I hadn’t even auditioned for. This happened on a Saturday and I never get emails on a Saturday from an agent.

Yes, it works this fast. And this magically. But it isn’t magic is it? It’s a mindful thing and once I realized my thoughts had not been on abundance but the lack of it, I changed my frequency.

So if you want to break out of a situation you don’t like and keep movin on up, then you first have to start by listening to the thoughts you tell yourself. Are they yours or someone else’s? Observe the habits you have. Do you get yourself that Starbucks you want once in awhile or do you brew yourself a cup because it’s cheaper? Do you go to a restaurant because you like it or do you go because it’s a bargain?

Whatever you have in your life right now, good or bad, is an exact match to where you are aligned energetically. You cannot be with people who carry a different frequency than you. If you’re not with the love of your life, it’s because you are not a vibrational match. If you don’t have the money you want, the job you want, the house you want or the friends you want, etc. it’s for the same reason.

What are you attracting right now? Is it what you want? Because if you are always preparing for the worst, then expect more of it. If you have people in your life who make you feel bad about yourself, then you already do feel bad about yourself because you wouldn’t have them in your life otherwise. Do you have friends who make bad choices and treat people with little to no respect? Then you are that friend as well.

But if you’re a person who wants miracles, magic, money, love and the cherry on top, then align with those who already have this. Feel joy, gratitude and love for all of those in your life who appreciate you and look around and be thankful for how much you already have. Keep your focus only on that which you wish to align with and it will be yours.

Else keep doing the same thing and keep blaming others and complaining about why this and why that. But listen very carefully to those around you, because they will be parroting one way or another, the exact same thing you are saying. And maybe you never noticed…until now.

If you want to change your life for the better, then you have to change your frequency.

Ain’t No Sunshine

Feeling low because we have lost someone in our life due to their lack of commitment to us, is something we can all relate to in one way or another.

You are either on the receiving end of this gloominess because you treated the person in your life like they didn’t matter, or you are the one who took your shine away and is now giving it to someone who values you.

If you are the one on the receiving end, it must feel pretty horrible. I’ve never been on the receiving end because I don’t devalue people who are bringing value to my life. In fact, I don’t devalue anyone because I feel that everyone has value and something to offer.

You don’t even have to be a conscious person to know when someone is a good person, but you do have to be a pretty big self-centered jerk to treat others like they don’t matter and then pine over them once they move on, because they got tired of your games.

People who devalue someone and make everything about themselves and only give little breadcrumbs of attention when they sense the other person is moving away, will eventually lose that person, because the sun can’t shine when it’s surrounded by clouds. And if you’re a person who does this to people, than you’re pretty dark.

The sun needs clear skies to be seen and to shine, just like people do. And no matter how much a person loves someone, if they aren’t being given anything in return, they will leave and never look back. It might take them awhile, but soon enough, they will.

The person who has been sopping up all of that goodness won’t like it either. This is because they have come to expect this amazing treatment from someone and in fact, took advantage of it. But they don’t see it that way, so they might go out of their way to retaliate. What they fail to realize is that doing this to try and gain the attention of the person they pushed away, only pushes them in the opposite direction even further.

If they don’t take that approach, there is always the other one. They stalk, think about them obsessively hoping the other person might pick up on their thoughts and reach out to them. God forbid they do the reaching! Its simply not in their character. But what is, is to carry on with more of the same toxic behavior where they give nothing but want it all in return.

It’s utterly insane, because they probably don’t even want the person they treated like garbage. What they want, is the attention that person gave so freely to them.

This is so commonplace for a person who discards others. They collect hearts like a hobby and have no regard for those they wound whatsoever. It’s only ever about them 24/7 and the only time they take notice of the other person, is when they aren’t being noticed by them anymore.

The point of this blog is simple. Value those in your life before they leave. Because once a person feels like you don’t care, is the exact moment you will realize just how much you do, and it is way too late at that point.

Tongue Tied

“There are two types of speakers  –  those who get nervous and those who are liars.” ― Mark Twain

Which are you?

The fear of freezing up in front of an audience, of being judged, forgetting a word, or saying something that may result in embarrassment will bring up incredible anxiety in us. Many people avoid speaking in front of others at all costs for all of these reasons.

I’m a nervous speaker, not a liar. So I can appreciate people who get nervous when it comes to speaking in front of others. I actually think it is much harder to speak to one person than an entire audience. There are probably a lot of people who would agree with this.

When I’m nervous my hands sweat. I was called “Palm Springs” in the eighth grade by a kid named Jimmy Bishop. Kids are so brilliant, aren’t they? I mean, that was a pretty clever nickname. My kids, poor things, inherited the sweaty hands from me.

Full disclosure: when I’m driving I keep paper towels or napkins in the car because if I have to go on the highway I get a little nervous and of course my hands sweat. I prefer to be driven for this very reason. People might keep 10 and 2 on the wheel, but I keep paper.

Why am I telling you this? Because being nervous is natural, especially when we don’t know the outcome of a situation. But if something means a great deal to us or we are put in a situation where we don’t have a choice but to do the thing we know we need to do, we have to face our fears.

I used to get nervous with auditions. I wrote a blog about it called, “Burning the Potatoes.” I have frozen up many times in auditions. It’s horrifying to have people stare at you waiting for you to speak and you’re so tongue tied, you can’t get anything out. You may have rehearsed what you are going to say two thousand times and yet, when it comes time to say what you have to say, you get tongue tied and say something you kick yourself for later or say nothing at all.

For me, I found that my tongue tied-ness came from not being sure of myself. It had nothing to do with anyone else, although I often blamed them for sure. But once I realized I had all of the control over how I presented myself to others, meaning being my authentic self, I had nothing to lose. And I also know that whatever is meant for me can never pass me by and as long as I trust this, there is nothing to fear.

With acting, like anything in life, we can only ever take things one step at a time. If I get too in my head about the details of the shoot and think too far ahead, I may get to the point where I talk myself out of the thing altogether. This is bad. This is when we self sabotage. Its just one step, that’s it. Everything else will fall into place.

Say what you want to say no matter how nervous you are. You will probably feel a whole lot better and maybe the person or people you are afraid to speak with, will too.

And if you must, keep tissues in your pocket like I do on occasion, just in case your hands sweat.

Out of Your League

Out of your league: When someone (or something) is out of the class of people you are expected to date. This includes an individual who is too attractive for you, or a person who is too unattractive for you.

I think it’s funny, well actually kind of sad I guess, that someone would think another person is out of their league. This implies that they think someone is better than them.

But that’s so not true. No one is ever out of anyone’s league. If you can imagine yourself with someone, then you are half way with them. The next step of course is the hardest, because you have to take action towards them.

This is when all of your insecurities arise and the thought that they are out of your league for one reason or another steps in and you do nothing. The fear of rejection can be so crippling that we would rather sit back and keep our fantasy in our head than doing something about it.

Meanwhile, the person you want doesn’t know this, so they meet other people. Maybe they even wind up with someone you know and you kick yourself because you think that they are way out of that person’s league and you can’t believe they wound up with them.

But we are never out of someone’s league. Not ever. No one is better than anyone! What we are most often, is not a vibrational match for the person we are desiring. What does that mean? It means you aren’t at the same place energetically.

For example, you might only be thinking of work while I’m thinking about how nice it would be to have a partner. Our paths might cross and maybe you dig me and I dig you, but if your focus is not on meeting a partner because you’re caught up with work, I will immediately catch onto this and say goodbye.

I don’t believe anyone is out my league, but I do know that I will only connect with someone who is where I am at energetically. It doesn’t matter what your religion is or your background or how many things we do or don’t have in common.

But what does matter are the following:

Do we share the same vision? Do we respect one another? Do you bring value into my life? Do you help my growth or hinder it? Do I trust you? Do you have my back? Can you keep a secret? Do you make me laugh? Do I think about you when you aren’t around and I smile at something you said or did? And of course, you don’t judge me for my choices even when you may not agree with them.

These are the qualities I would look for in someone and of course they would be looking for the same in me. None of these things have anything to do with looks. Looks change all the time. People gain weight, they lose it, they lose their hair, they get wrinkles and they need glasses to read a menu.

Looks aren’t going to bring you a cold cloth when you’re sick, a cold beer when it’s a hot summer day and they certainly aren’t going to hug you and tell you everything is going to be okay, when you feel it’s not.

But a person who loves you unconditionally will.

Give Em More To Talk About

In Dante’s Divine Comedy, the envious labor under cloaks of lead, their eyelids sewn tight with leaden wire—suggesting that envy arises from a form of blindness.

One of the lowest vibes a person can hold is envy. You want what you believe someone else has and are consumed with jealousy and bitterness, wondering why they have it all and you don’t. You essentially become blinded with these dark thoughts and focus so much on the lack of what you have, that you create more of it.

If you feel you don’t have the skills, gumption or wherewithall to go after what you want, then you will always be envious of others. So why not do something about it instead of talking trash about someone? Spend more time doing something productive, like working on yourself, instead of disparaging someone who probably isn’t even giving you the time of day.

There are always two choices! You can either brush yourself off and start getting to work on your life and getting it together, or you can keep spreading lies about others you are envious of. But just know that if you are doing everything you can to destroy someone else and their reputation, you are really only destroying yourself. Being consumed with bitterness, jealousy and envy changes a person at a core level. You literally become unattractive on the outside because you are so consumed with ugly thoughts on the inside.

I don’t give my time to those who spread gossip and lies about people because I know if they are doing this to others, they are doing it to me. And I certainly don’t give my time to those who give this toxicity an audience either. I find this behavior intolerable, because if you are listening to someone who talks poorly about someone and you don’t have both sides to the story, then you are just as tiresome as the person doing it.

If you are a person who is thriving, and have people hate on you, then just know you are on the right path. Haters are people who can’t get close to you and you’ve obviously made a smart choice by eliminating them from your life.

Your shine might blind some people, but that’s not your problem. There will be plenty of those who not only get you, they appreciate you as well, so don’t waste your time on those who don’t.

Remember this: some people’s glass ceiling, is your floor, so keep giving em something to talk about! Keep climbing higher and don’t look back. People can either stay in the shadows or join you in the light. The choice is theirs.

Expressing Yourself

I loved the show Billy Elliot! I think I saw it three times. One time I took my oldest and we waited outside for him to get one of the performer’s autographs.

New York City is full of people expressing themselves. I don’t go in a lot these days, but whenever I do, I always smile at how free people feel to be who they are. It’s quite the contrast from seeing people who are full of restraint.

For some, expressing themselves is how they roll 24/7, for others there is a time and a place. I can appreciate both. What I have a hard time with, is people who pretend to be authentic when they are the exact opposite.

What do I mean by authentic? Just plain real. Someone who is an exact replica of the words they speak or the person they claim to be. It doesn’t matter if you are authentically a jerk or authentically a nice person, if you’re doing it all the time and never wavering from who you truly are, no matter who is around, then that’s being authentic.

You see, you don’t have to be spreading love and light and saying namaste to everyone to be authentic. I personally don’t like it when people say either of those things. They have become somewhat inauthentic because they are so overdone.

There is a misconception when it comes to spirituality as opposed to religion. Like one is so different from the other or better than the other, when in reality they are both ways in which an individual finds their own sovereignty, which is where authenticity dwells.

I personally don’t care if you’re spreading love or light, but I do care if you’re authentic…even if the rest of the world thinks you’re a jerk. It’s all good! You’re just being you.

Everyone is different
It’s the natural state
It’s the facts, it’s plain to see,
The world’s grey enough without making it worse
What we need is in-div-id-ual-ity.

Control

“the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.” This is the actual meaning of control. That’s frightening!

What is it about control that makes people think if they have it, they are okay?

I have known way too many people who try to control things and I have removed them all from my life. It is a trait in a person I find nauseating. I think we all have an issue here or there with control, but when it comes to being in a relationship, there is no room for it.

If a person is too controlling, it can often indicate a person who has NPD. This type of person lives in a world of absolutes. They are very black and white. Which is why being in a relationship with someone who has NPD cannot work.

When it comes to love there is no control. It’s all about the exact opposite. It is when we lose control. It is when we allow ourselves to feel, to be swept up in emotions. You have to be willing to let go of control if you want to be in love. You have to allow yourself to be vulnerable.

But a person with NPD doesn’t know how to love, they only know how to manipulate others to get what they want. And they do this in a number of ways.

There are certain things they say that are meant to weaken and destabilize you. The goal is to make you question yourself and your reality. They are especially fond of the words : Always and Never. Like I would never lie or I always do what I am supposed to do. I mean, let’s raise the bar here people! You’re not supposed to lie to your partner and you are definitely supposed to do your part in a relationship…without having to be told.

People who have NPD are experts at projecting and deflecting, too. You better believe it is always someone else’s fault for whatever wrong thing is going on in their life and if you happen to be involved with someone like this; you’re their fall guy.

You see, all of the control that they crave, is simply a mask for how out of control they actually feel, so they prey on people who are giving in nature. It’s really heartbreaking for the person who is empathetic, but for the person doing it, a complete high.

Because they cannot love, they take all of your love and groom themselves with it like a cat bathing himself and then leave you with the hairballs. Sorry to be gross, but my big bundle of joy, Milo, is right next to me doing just this.

You might think you’ve met the love of your life, but what you have really met, is a person who has to win at all costs. Negotiation is the name of the game. There is no doing something nice for someone because it feels good to do so, there is only I’m going to do this thing for someone, because I expect something in return.

And the bread crumbing! They throw you one every time they feel like you are moving away from them. This keeps you engaged with them because you feel as though they care. But they don’t! They only care that you are catching on to the fact that this is a one sided relationship, so they have to do something to string you along. You’re not a bird! You’re a beautiful human being!

I’m so sorry if you have had the misfortune of meeting someone like this or are currently in a relationship with someone who is displaying these qualities. It is really difficult and heartbreaking when you come to this realization, but if you’re being honest with yourself, you have probably felt something was “off” for awhile.

Here are some of their favorite things to say:

You can trust me – This is said when you catch them in a lie. Your gut is telling you otherwise, so trust that instead.

Stop attacking me – This is said whenever you want to talk about something that bothers you or simply have a discussion like most normal couples do. It’s meant to shut down all conversations.

I don’t like the way you said that – Also said to deflect and not have any conversation. It usually has to do with them feeling attacked somehow and they generally always feel attacked.

I never said that – Which means they actually did say it, but are now deflecting again so they don’t have to take accountability.

We did talk about that. Don’t you remember? – This is said when they do something sneaky or lie and know it. Another form of deflection meant to throw you off balance, like you’re going nuts.

Why do you always want to argue – Probably one of their favorites! Immediate conversation shut down. They might say this and walk away. You can’t have a meaningful conversation with someone if they aren’t there!

Everybody does it – Oh! This one! I don’t think everybody sends inappropriate emails, gossips and does things that are illegal. I’m quite certain actually, but in this person’s reality-they believe this.

What’s the big deal – This piggybacks on the last one! Well, it is kind of a big deal when you do things that jeopardize your family’s well being.

And the threats! If you don’t do this…I’m going to do that. Basically the tit for tat thing, which goes back to them only doing something to gain something.

Those are just a few, but I think you get it. You basically aren’t in a relationship, you’re in a battle…and its a constant one.

I am sending everyone who reads my blog so much love and hope that if any of this is being done to you, that you have the strength to remove yourself from this emotionally abusive relationship.

I write what I write because I want people to know they are not alone. Wherever you are on your journey, please know that the ultimate destination is back to the self. As long as you are always looking for someone to make you feel loved, you will always be giving your power away.

There is no need for evil witches on our journey to the fairy tale of a loving and lasting relationship. There are plenty of people who don’t encounter them before they meet the love of their lives. We only attract the evil witches when we need these lessons to learn our worth. I don’t know about you, but I’m done with all that ugly.

Which means Prince Charming is now free to arrive. Any day now!