Thoughts

Are You Working It?

Several years ago I knew a girl who used to say, “You better work” all the time. We decided to be roommates in Manhattan after we finished school in Dallas. I barely knew her, but she seemed very demure and let’s face it, not too many people are willing to move to the big city from Texas.

Shortly after I had sold everything I owned and moved in with her, I became privy to her lifestyle. She met trainers constantly, was always flying somewhere or going out until all hours of the morning at private clubs or parties and shopped on Madison Avenue constantly. I didn’t understand how she could afford to do all that, since I never saw her go to work.

Hanging out with her was rare, due to my schedule at work and her lack of one. Also the financial difference was a problem. I made assistants pay and she seemed to have an endless supply. She wasn’t one to offer to pay or help you out, as money was something she coveted as much as I did her shoes, but every now and then she would be generous and offer.

This would entail a night out. She always invited me because she said I had good sense and would tell her when it was time to leave. It was seldom that I went, but when I did, the evening would always be something out of a movie.

Velvet hot pants and Karl Lagerfeld pumps were the name of the game, so while she helped herself to my clothes, I helped myself to hers. You thought the hot pants were hers? The pumps were, but those hot pants were mine and she loved to wear them. And the men loved to see her in them! Oh my God! They would get neck lash from staring at her.

There was no place that she didn’t feel at home at. She would direct the cabbie to a hot spot with a line going around a building and proceed to walk to the front, flash a coquettish smile to the bouncer and we were in. I would say, “there’a line of people, we can’t just cut.”

Lines were for losers (her words not mine), only an idiot would pay for their own drink (also her words) and if some poor unsuspecting guy happened upon her who wasn’t wearing what she deemed suitable attire, she simply looked at him and said, “I’m so not impressed” and he would walk away shamed probably never approaching a woman again.

She had an energy about her that was off the charts confident and equally chaotic. If there was drama going on, she was the director. One night she called me from an after hours place and asked me to come and get her; that meant take a cab and escort her home. I obliged. I knew she had no one else to count on, despite the fact that she had many acquaintances, many admirers, many hanger-on-ers.

When I got there she had a broken nose. The people in the place wanted to go home but she was frenetic as one could only imagine, and was in shock. They only wanted to be rid of her. I calmed her down and wiped her face of the blood. She was distraught and scared to death of what the break might do to her looks. She told me that she had called some guy a loser who had been sitting with her and some girl because he expected them to pay for his drinks.

I once questioned her safety with the choices she made, especially the mouthing off to men, to which she replied, “I pity the f-er who ever crosses me!” I admired this about her. She called it knowing her worth. She said I didn’t know mine. That I didn’t know how to ask for what I wanted or required. I didn’t agree at the time and was upset about it. She didn’t care. Her words were her currency and she had a lot of them, and it, because she never stopped speaking her truth.

I stayed for almost a year being an apprentice at a bougie salon to a complete prima donna and decided to return to Dallas with the knowledge I had gained. I worked there for many years and we lost touch. It wasn’t until I was returning to Manhattan to open a new salon that we reconnected for a brief moment.

She told me that she was returning to Arizona where she was originally from. She said she was going to become a teacher. I wondered how a person who worked it could ever possibly work, but as she sat there packing her bags and talking about how tired she had become of working it with people who didn’t know their worth, I could see that she was ready to go to work and wished her well.

My old friend may have known how to work it, but in the moments where we were together in our one room at the women’s home, she showed me a vulnerable side to her that no one else ever saw. She treated waiters with kindness and cabbies too and had a keen sense of when others did not. She watched people; observed them like they were some species under a microscope. More importantly, she knew who valued themselves and who did not.

She was right about me. Back then I didn’t know my worth. I settled over and over again for less than what I was worth. I accepted crumbs, disrespect and disregard time and time again. She knew her worth so well, that men who didn’t know theirs, would be willing to do just about anything for a moment with her. It’s how she was able to see this flaw in me; the one who would accept the unacceptable in hopes that it would lead to more.

We’ve all seen people who accept the unacceptable. I saw this recently when I was in Florida. There was a young woman, probably 24, sitting with an older gentleman, probably 50 by the pool. She kept taking selfies and ordering things from the waiter, and entertaining herself as though he was’t even there. She would hand him her drink as she snapped away and then swam to the other side of the pool and threw him a bone, as she spread her legs poolside, taking more photos. She wanted people to notice her and I gather he did too. The pool was quiet and elegant and she had no respect for anyone around her, not even the families with children. It was such a spectacle! I felt sorry for him.

At some point you gotta ask yourself: Is this enough for me? Am I willing to keep making choices that cost me my self esteem? Am I willing to keep spending time with people who only measure my worth by what I am doing for them or what I am giving them? Or do I love myself enough to want more? Do I love myself enough to know I deserve more? That maybe, just maybe, there is somebody out there that will tick all the boxes for me, but maybe in order to have that, I need to tick them myself.

If we are working it; meaning putting on a mask, pretending to be all that, bringing a player vibe, then we will get exactly what we are being; transactional. But if you are working on it; meaning yourself with all your issues, then you won’t require anything from anyone because you can give it all to yourself.

Waiting for someone to save you, to see your worth, validate you, make you feel special, or to fill a void, are sure signs that you’re working it. Because when you’re working on it, you don’t have to pretend anymore. You just get to be you.

So, are you working it or working on it? Because one is a whole lot more empowering than the other.

Leap of Faith

an act of believing in or attempting something whose existence or outcome cannot be proved.

Every now and then life calls for you to take a leap of faith. Some of us will decide to stay on the cliff looking over it, while a few of us will jump at full force without a parachute, hoping it will work out.

Sometimes we wind up with gravel in our face. We are literally spitting tiny rocks out of our mouth and wiping our knees off. But we don’t die! That is the most important thing to remember here.

When you have an opportunity that will change your life come across your path, you either take a leap of faith and embrace it or you don’t. You are either giving it all you’ve got, no holds bar and no regrets or you are choosing to let it pass you by, as you sit on one of those mountains called, “What If” “I Should Have” “I Could Have” and ” I Would Have” if only…

I jump a lot! My middle son literally jumps out of planes. He asked me to go with him when I was in Florida last month. I said yes, but then my brother in-law said something about people relying on him too much and if something were to happen to him he didn’t think it best that he went. So, his words of advice and yadda yadda and I didn’t go. Not then anyway.

I have taken leaps of faith thought…many times. I’ve fallen in the gravel a few. I have no regrets because at least I jumped. Sometimes there is no safety net to catch us, but we understand this when we go all gusto on something we believe in. We are willing to fall because we know that standing on the cliff thinking about a life out there isn’t getting us any closer to it.

We have to be willing to fail. Or at least that is what most people would call it when things don’t work out. But I see failure as an opportunity to do it better next time. It is the trust and faith in ourselves that matters. We can do whatever it is we want to do, and now that we know that one way didn’t work, we can try another one.

When I created my first decks I made many mistakes. I didn’t know this when I was going through the process, but when I got the cards I realized they weren’t what I had envisioned. It didn’t stop me though. I created new cards, better ones. I learned through trial and error what worked and what didn’t. I’m still learning. I will always be learning.

You gotta have faith in your ideas, your visions. It does not matter what anyone else thinks of them. In fact, I would go so far as to tell you not to tell anyone until you have already initiated it.

People who don’t dream, don’t understand dreamers. And people who dream, don’t understand people who don’t.

Dare to dream! Take a leap of faith. If you jump and land in the gravel, dust yourself off, learn from it and create anew. That’s the worst that can happen. You know what the best is? Success! Have faith in yourself. I do!

Tic…Boom!

I have mentioned that my son plays football in previous posts. Friday I took him to a new trainer. Obviously playing football for fun and making it your entire focus are two different things.

This trainer was an hour from our house. It seems as though everything football oriented is over and hour from our house. The traffic can make it more and usually does.

In the past I would have complained about this. I’m not a fan of getting on the highway or driving, which is why I like big cities where I can walk…or the south where I can ride a bike. I will most definitely live in one of these places when he is done with school; the city might come sooner if the commute gets to be too much for him next year. But since I have been focusing less on outcomes and more on the present moment, he is happy here, so this is where we stay.

When I am not focused on me, I am focused on him. What is it he requires? Gain more weight; make more food. Workout more; take him to the gym. Getting more sleep; wake from my slumber to get him off his computer, which happens to be his only form of a social life due to football. Most days are spent trying to help him reach his goal. Which is easy for me to do, because it’s something I do for myself now and we all need someone in our corner.

So when a guy knows a guy who lives out somewhere near us and not in Jersey, I agreed to take him. I didn’t even think twice about driving to the middle of nowhere! We laughed, shared stories and he even confided in me about one of his friends having a problem and how he was trying to help her.

I enjoyed every minute of being with him; even when he played his music, which I struggle to like sometimes. We even got stuck in traffic but I was so focused on listening to him and seeing how insightful he is, I had a great time.

I share this story with you because I heard this song this morning and it reminded me of another key theme to manifesting. When you have complete trust in the Universe and allow it to bring you what you need instead of chasing after it, things just start to happen for the better. Life gets easier instead of harder.

One coach leads to another coach which leads to something else; something better. Everything aligns so seamlessly, without you even having to do anything. It appears to be simply “gifted” to you.

The auditions have been rolling in for me; really fun ones too, more me. I’ve been selling my cards on all platforms without doing any advertising and I know this has nothing to do with me doing anything. It has everything to do with me doing nothing.

This energy of allowing instead of controlling is paramount to manifesting. When you put something into action that you really want, you are showing the powers that be that you are committed to it. No matter how much you are tested, you stay the course. You keep doing the inner work every time you are tested and you learn to discern very quickly. When you get to this place of inner peace, you are rewarded. It is the tic before the boom.

So if you want to see fireworks in your life, embrace all of the moments throughout the day. Focus on what you have instead of what you have lost and do not give your energy (attention) to anything or anyone who tries to take you back there.

Before you know it, you will be amazed at how seamless life can be. Surrender to what is instead of trying to make it something it is not or ever will be.

I insist on being a part of the journey my son is on, because I want to be there when he makes it to his destination. There will be people along your journey that are not meant to be a part of your destination. It’s okay. We all have our own paths. Don’t try to make someone walk yours with you if they don’t want to or simply can’t. This is one of the main reasons you will not manifest what you want. Your energy is scattered and going backwards instead of forwards.

Find inner peace, stay present and don’t allow anyone to mess with your vibe. If you can do this…Boom! You will be a manifesting magnet.

Make Sure They Keep Holding Their Breath!

“There are people out there holding their breath, waiting for you to fail…make sure they suffocate!”

I’m not sure who said that, but it’s awesome! Truly words to live by.

Most of us worry too much about what other people think. And when we do this, people don’t have to hold their breath very long, because we resign to what it is we really want and listen to others instead.

Have you ever been around someone who always makes you feel bad about your choices or ideas? No matter what you say, they somehow find the “what if” to it or they give you the “that will never work.” The worst is the passive-aggressive answer: “Hope that works!” “Best of luck with that!” “Okaaaaay!”You may not even get your idea off the ground if this is done to you enough.

Or, you might try to convince them how awesome it will be and the more you talk, the less they listen. They’ve already tuned you out and shut you down. It might make you mad, so you tell them how you feel. This is called engaging. It’s when we feel the need to explain ourselves, to have someone agree with us, to see our side of things.

Engaging leads to fighting. It keeps you in a cycle of always trying to prove yourself. If you find yourself trying to convince someone of your idea or your way of thinking, you have just engaged in battle. You will become frustrated by the conversation and will still not get them to see your point of view.

It is not our job to convince anyone of anything. If someone isn’t interested in listening to what we have to say, then we should at least hold our tongue. Save your pearls for people who know how to appreciate them.

Be mindful of who you share your news with. This is a very important lesson I have had to learn myself. Learn to discern. Know when someone has your back, and when they have the knife in it.

Remember, there is always someone out there, waiting for you to fail. It’s sad, but true. So make sure you succeed. Never stop! Just keep doing you, stay focused on your goals and dreams and take steps every single day to achieve them.

Follow the Breadcrumbs!

Are you seeing repeating numbers? 1111,111,222,333,444,or 555?

These are signs from the Universe, Angels, whatever you believe, to wake up and start living your life; to essentially be a gypsy.

What is a gypsy anyway? A free-spirited person who roams the land searching for a better place.

If you have received this call, via repeating numbers, you are being asked to answer it. Sure, you can ignore it for awhile, but eventually the numbers show up all the time. I saw 1111 for over a year twice a day. Sometimes I would see 1111 and then 111 all in the same day.

I didn’t know what the numbers meant, I just found it peculiar, so I looked it up. This is what it said, “1111 is a wake-up call that tells us to prepare for something greater to come. It’s a time to manifest our intentions and take action to achieve our visions. Remember: thoughts are energy, and energy creates! Seeing the first¬†1111¬†can help us to know it’s time to take the first step and incite action.”

What action you might ask. Well, anything you feel called to do. Maybe you’re a banker and you really want to be a painter. Take a class! Who knows where it will lead. The point is, you do something that nurtures your soul.

1111 is a call to your soul. Not the person you thought you were supposed to be for others, but the one you authentically are. You are being asked to be the gypsy. To take flight on a journey back to the self; the one you lost as you grew up and grew away from who you truly are.

I did not post yesterday on any of my platforms. I didn’t feel called to. The whole idea of the card reading page is for you to get back to your intuition. We all have it, we just block it out. Some of us don’t even hear the little voice inside us because we have become numb to it and listen to all of the ones around us instead.

Follow your intuition and if you don’t know what that sounds like, follow the numbers instead. They are trying to lead you back to you.

There are many more Angel Numbers, these are just the ones I see frequently.

111-All about you baby! It’s your destiny. It’s time to start manifesting.

222- You are out of balance. Reassess actions and priorities.

333-Acknowledge your higher purpose.

444- Also about balance but positivity and hopefulness. You are on the right track.

555-Change is on the horizon.

Let Your Voice Carry

We can all struggle with finding our voice from time to time, especially if we are around people who do not care about our feelings.

Our wounded selves will take what they say personally. We are conditioned to hearing what upsets us most, just as we are to seeing it. If we have not healed parts of ourselves from the past, then we will attract these people and situations over and over again, until we do.

We will even sit there and be an audience to someone we don’t even like, as they pop off about this or that or say underhanded comments to us. We might even feel as though we don’t have a voice, because we certainly can’t seem to find it in these awful situations.

Occasionally we might. We feel proud of ourselves, but then the whammy comes. We might hear: “You’re so difficult and unreasonable” or “I can’t do anything to please you” in return. People who make us feel like we’re difficult for having an opinion or a separate voice are afraid we will use it and will do anything and say anything to shut us down.

Our wounded kid obliges in these situations because it is conditioned to do so. We might even feel bad for saying anything at all. And might apologize for rocking the boat. But sometimes somebody’s boat needs to be rocked; it doesn’t have to always be ours.

Most of the time when we are dealing with someone who is passive aggressive or just plain aggressive, it’s very empowering to say noting. People who operate at such a childish level unravel at a very rapid pace. They get off on our engagement with them almost as much as our being nice to them. Talk about a wounded child!

We can blame people all we want for our feelings of ill will, sadness and anger, but at some point, if we want to move past all of that, we have to work on ourselves. The fact that someone like that might be in our life, is a clear indicator that we have some work to do. We have to give a nod to the little kid inside us that is dying to be heard, to be healed.

The next time you are around someone who brings out the absolute dread in you, ask yourself this: “Is this a them problem or a me one?” “Are they showing me how much I am not loving myself?” “Are they showing me just how much garbage I accept?” And when you have answered yes to all of those questions, you can answer: “I am worthy of so much more!”

Being in love with yourself and feeling empowered by who you are and unapologetic about it, means you don’t have to be the Queen of Swords who cuts everyone off at the head if someone says something you don’t like. It means you learn to discern between who is worthy of a comment and who is not.

As a matter of fact, if we are fully accepting of who we are, when someone starts saying things that are off the charts inappropriate, we will laugh to ourselves instead of getting upset, get up and leave the room or not even hear them at all. We will have changed our energy, our vibration, and we will no longer attract people like this at all.

Your voice deserves to be heard. Carry on! Even if it sounds like Beaux’s. (My oldest son’s dog)

Nobody is going to tell you how to say what you need to say

As an actor, I work well with a script. Wouldn’t it be nice in life if we all got one? I mean, imagine how great a conversation would go when you knew you needed to talk to someone and they got the script ahead of time. Pauses would be built in the script, along with places that said, Cries, Laughs, Yells. You would even say the location of where it’s happening.

This way when we see someone and we have something to say, we would just look at them and say, “Just so we’re clear, we are meeting in my living room, you are sitting in the green chair and we are reading from the Script for Effective Communication. I’m starting on Page Two, Line 14 and you sit and listen to me until your part, which is on Page 25.”

But we don’t get scripts! We get nada. Except of course the ones in our heads.

Have you ever gone over what you were going to say to someone in your head and it went perfectly fine? It was like a top notch performance. You got things off your chest, you felt great and you imagined the person you were talking to hearing everything you said and agreeing.

But then in the real world, not the script one, when you actually had the conversation or at least tried to, noting came out. Or if anything managed to eek its way out it was something about the weather or shoes. You didn’t even touch base on that Academy Award winning speech you gave in your head! And of course the minute you leave, it all comes back to you.

I like acting for many reasons. One of them is the script. It’s pretty logical. There is no guess work with what they want you to say. The problems is…how do you say it?

Do you have any idea how many ways you can say, “Robert, is that you?” Go ahead, try it!

Casting Directors don’t tell you how to say things, they expect you to know. But am I putting the emphasis on ROBERT or on YOU? Am I sounding like a question after Robert? Or waiting till the end after you? I mean, there are so many ways to say that one stinking line!

You can understand now why I might fudge an audition from time to time. I call it burning the potatoes. You have the recipe, you know how to make them and yet the simplest dish can be ruined if you get caught up with the whole idea of making them.

By the way, I said the line with the emphasis on you and then I had to pretend I was killed. THAT was a whole other thing and I’m sure I probably screwed that up.

Have fun whatever you are doing and don’t think too much about how to say what you have to say or how to say it. We’re all learning. Nobody’s perfect and unless you’re auditioning for a television show, it just doesn’t matter. What matters is that you speak your truth.

Who is Running the show? You, or the committee inside your head?

Ever feel like you’re on a merry go round and you can’t get off? Like you see yourself watching from afar. You know you have been here before and you told yourself you were going to do things differently this time, and yet you are paralyzed from doing anything different.

This is called a cycle. We all go through them. It’s not like we want to, especially if they are toxic, don’t serve us or aren’t getting us any further to our dream life. And yet we jump on the merry go round, even though it’s rusty now and a little scary because we have outgrown the ride and the seatbelt doesn’t fit us anymore.

But we still get in. We tell ourselves things will be different this time. And well, they aren’t!

This cycle we keep ourselves in comes from comfort. We know it, we have lived it and therefore, we keep doing it. This happens all the time. People want to leave their job but they don’t. They convince themselves that staying were they are, even though they hate it, serves a purpose. Besides, so many people are out of work, they feel lucky to have a job.

Really? Is it luck or complacency?

What about relationships. We stay in them way beyond the expiration date! Like bad milk in your fridge or a piece of cheese that got lodged behind a shelf and you can’t quite find where it’s coming from. You know you need to get in there and take out the shelves, douse it with some cleaner or at the very least wipe it down, but you learn to live with the smell. After all, it’s not that bad!

But isn’t it?

We convince ourselves of so many ridiculous things, all because of what’s in our heads. You know whose in there? A little committee that is a culmination of a lot of people and a lot of years of conditioning that made you feel like crap about yourself.

So what do we do about it? Well, you can always do nothing, that is a choice. Or, you can start to focus on things that make you happy and empower you. When you start to focus on what you love instead of what you despise, life has a way of sending you more of that and the things that bother you eventually just slip away.

Relationships crumble when people aren’t on the same page. It might take awhile, but if you stay focused on your amazing life instead of your partner’s problems and how you wish they would change, they or you will eventually head off into the sunset and you’ll both be better for it.

The same thing happens at work. When you finally decide that you have had enough of where you’re at, it’s almost as if by magic someone contacts you about a new job or you get an idea for a new venture. You might stay at your old place for awhile while you start your new gig, but how amazing is it to be taking steps towards your happiness this way, instead of accepting less than the happiness you deserve.

So if you don’t like the ride you’re on, start walking towards the exit. And if you can’t get to the exit just yet, at least unbuckle the strap. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was your shitty job or shitty relationship. Give yourself a break! But do at least one thing today that will make you feel good about you and reaffirm that you do have choices and that you do deserve to be happy.

Now do that one thing or something like it…again and again until your life is transformed. The next time you get on a Merry Go Round, make sure it’s at a big park and you’re with people you love. Cotton Candy optional.

Pillow Talk

Let’s talk pillows!

I have an obsession with them. I recently did two bedrooms in my home and they were both boys rooms. One is twenty and the other is eighteen. Do you really think they care about throw pillows? Let’s get real here! They are both in college and probably rarely see a pillow, let alone a throw one with a cute design on it!

I went upstairs today and counted the pillows on their beds. They both have 9! I feel very much like the commercial where they talk about you becoming your parents. I like that commercial. I actually watch commercials all the time and insist that we don;t fast forward through them when they come on. You have to understand that this is not from a love of the actual bs being sold to you, it is merely from a standpoint of being an actress who auditions for them.

I’m not sure what this obsession with pillows is about or where it came from, but I was in a store today and a woman in line told me she has hundreds of them too. I felt good about that. I certainly don’t have a hundred, but I do have too many, that I am sure.

If you have to move a pillow to sit down, you probably have too many. But they’re so cute! The meaning of a pillow is for resting the head, but what of pillows that just look beautiful and do nothing but make you feel spectacular? Make you like your space? Represent a part of you that you want to express?

Is it wrong to have so many pillows? In my house it seems to be the consensus. But I do live with all men. Men don’t seem to get pillows. Sure, you lie your head on one, but do they really understand the importance of the pillow you are giving 8 hours to?

Pillows represent your style, your passion. So if you look around your abode and notice your pillows, what do they say about you? I mean, if a pillow could really talk, what would it whisper about you?

Guides

When I was learning to cut hair I was told you had to follow your guide. This perplexed me. I took such a simple concept and made it into something so much more complicated than it was and thus, I never learned to cut hair, so I colored it instead.

I never really liked coloring hair. I mean it was fun to paint; it appealed to the little kid in me. But the whole chemistry part did not. People don’t understand how complicated it really is and well, all you have to do is look around and you will see a lot of really bad color! You see a lot of bad hair cuts too!

When you make your first cut in the hair, it serves as the foundation for the entire cut. That’s right! That first snip. The next time you get your haircut you will notice how they go around your head. You’re probably reading a paper or chatting it up and don’t even notice the rhythm they are making.

You can tell when someone doesn’t follow their guide because they get lost in the cut. This is when they give you a cut but it feels off balance the minute you leave the shop. You just know when you get a good cut and when you don’t.

Life and a good haircut are pretty much the same. When we follow the proper guide we get good results. If we follow the wrong guide, we get lost. We might take advice from people who seem well-meaning, but we find ourselves getting further and further away from our vision.

Most of the guides in our life have been there since birth. We might pick up a few new ones along the way, but if we have not done any inner work, they will still resemble our past and what we have grown accustomed to. Pretty much like a stylist who cuts hair the same way, without giving any thought to who is in their chair.

Not all hair is the same. Nor are all people. You can’t give someone with super fine hair a layered cut. And you can’t give someone who is sensitive your usual way of non empathy if you expect to get good results with them.

Like a bad haircut where the stylist loses their guide, sometimes we lose our way in life because we follow the wrong advice and sometimes what we want to hear and what we need to hear are very different. We get used to our old ways of doing things and aren’t too keen to learn new ones.

We can always choose to work on ourselves if we don’t like where we are, just as a stylist can take new classes to enhance their skills. Maybe they learn to use a razor or clippers and learn a traveling guide instead of a stationery one. Maybe they even throw some over-direction in the mix and the next thing you know they’re creating a whole new style for themselves. The same can be done for you.

What guide are you currently following? Is it someone who supports you and your choices? Someone who embraces all of you instead of only part? Is it someone you respect? Is it someone who inspires you? Someone who loves you without conditions? Because if you are following one of those guides, then you should wind up with a terrific style. If not, then you’ll be that person who is always looking for someone else to fix them.

When I worked in salons there was always that one client who had seen everybody. No matter what anybody did, they were never happy. Whether it was a good cut or a bad one, they still complained. I never gave it much thought as to why they did, but now I realize they were just following their guide; someone who had done this way before them.

Junior’s guide was his mama. She told him to take his time and don’t rush to get old. Mine told me to wear a white t-shirt so I wouldn’t get burned and never put anyone down until I put myself in their shoes first.

Some guides give you advice that works and others don’t. If you want a balanced life or a balanced haircut, you gotta follow the right guide. Who is yours?